Title: Blood Type V

Author: GiftiFikir

Reviewer: GnomeMercy

Summary: 3.5/5

Overall, you have a pretty good summary. It makes me excited for what's to come next! However, there were a few problems.

Firstly, there was a grammatical error with commas. When it commas, you should have a space after it, like this. (You don't need a space before, though.) It makes it neater and easier to read, so it's important you do it (plus it's grammatically correct).

The first paragraph (describing Myth and Earth) is a little hard to understand. Try to have shorter sentences and less description to make sure you explain what you want to and not too much more, otherwise it gets cluttered and hard to understand. When it comes to summaries you need four components: setting, characters, stakes, and dilemma. You had your characters and dilemma. For setting, try to incorporate that into your main summary more as the paragraph on Myth seemed out of place and didn't tie in with the rest.

Lastly, stakes. That's basically what would happen if Hailey fails her mission and doesn't stop the virus. What would happen then? Or, maybe, she has a time limit to do all of this in. Stuff like that, basically, are stakes.

Other than that, you have a pretty good summary! Well done!

Grammar: 2.5/5

Firstly, I know English isn't your first language, so well done with what you have! You knew some of the basics when it came to English grammar, so great job! There were just a few things that I noticed you did.

Firstly, there were quite a bit of typos in your story. They could me anything from an unnecessary space to incorrect capitalisation. Here is an example of one I found in your story:

"Look at you!you look gorgeous!" Amy exclaimed.

It should be:

"Look at you! You look gorgeous!" Amy exclaimed.

There were some other typos as well, such as a recurring one where you had an unnecessary space before speech mark. Here's an example of that:

" Sojiat ! She knows that our family..."

It should be:

"Sojiat! She knows that our family..."

Another error I noticed was that commas didn't have a space after them (this also happened with semicolons). Here's an example (I mentioned this in the "summary", too):

She held her mouth tightly,chocking back a sob.

Firstly, I think you meant "choking" instead of "chocking". Secondly, it should actually be:

She held her mouth tightly, choking back a sob.

Another comma-related problem I noticed was that sometimes you used them incorrectly. Commas are extremely hard to work with, though, so I can understand. Here's an example and I'll correct it:

"..." a woman with a wavy black hair,dressed in a simple floral dress shouted in rage.

Okay, let's work through this step-by-step. Firstly, "with a wavy black hair" is incorrect. It should be:

"..." a woman with wavy black hair,dressed in a simple floral dress shouted in rage.

Secondly, there must be a space after the comma. There should also be another comma after "dress":

"..." a woman with wavy black hair, dressed in a simple floral dress, shouted in rage.

Often, when you put something in between two commas, it typically means that it is extra information—and kind of works like two brackets, if you will. Since that is extra information, you need to put another comma at the end of it.

Lastly, and this is more of a writing style error (but I'll put it here anyway—more details on similar things like this in the writing style section) this part was redundant:

...dressed in a simple floral dress...

"Redundancy" is basically a repetition of two words/phrases from a sentence to even a paragraph. Here you repeat "dress" in the word "dressed" and "dress". You could either change it by rephrasing it, omitting the part, or using synonyms (though some synonyms aren't wholly interchangeable so be careful). For example, you could write:

...wearing a simple floral dress...

Or even:

...styled in a simple floral dress...

Or something along those lines.

Another thing I noticed were tense slips. There are two tenses used in fictional writing: past and present. In your story, you used past tense mostly. However, there were some times where you wrote in the present. Here's an example of that:

Though her whole family treats her well,she couldn't help but feel empty at some part of her heart.

Firstly, some quick grammar corrections:

Though her whole family treats her well, she couldn't help but feel empty in some part of her heart.

Secondly, here is the corrected version of the word "treat":

Though her whole family treated her well, she couldn't help but feel empty in some part of her heart. ["Treated" = past tense. "Treats" is the present tense version and is not to be used in this case!]

In earlier chapters, when someone stopped talking midway or you wanted to use a dash, you would use this: (__). That isn't a dash, but here are some examples of some you can use (make sure to pick one and stick to it, however!).

(—) (--) (–)

You used (--) after a certain amount of chapters, but make sure you keep it consistent.

Overall, you had a few typos and errors, but they're easy to fix and easy to spot. I recommend you do a quick reread and edit of your story so you can find them all and fix it!

Characters: [no score -- will not be added to final score]

There were thirteen (technically fourteen as chapter twelve was split into two parts) chapters currently posted, and they were quite short in length (which some people prefer and is completely fine) so it was hard for me to judge your characters personalities. The plot was also a little too fast-paced to really understand characters and what was going on, but more on that in "plot" section of this review.

I will advise to stay away from typical character stereotypes. I know this is pretty subjective, and I apologise, but I did notice elements of things I have seen numerous times before in other stories. Give your characters deeper personalities, so they can be much more realistic. What are their likes and dislikes? Their dreams, their goals, and ambitions? What do they like to do in their free time? What are their relationships to other characters, and how does that make them act towards them? If you can come up with some answers to questions like these, it's easier to get a sense of your characters and make them act more 3D.

Writing Style: 2.5/5

Firstly, you had nice, vast vocabulary—and you used it very well! In that sense, it was quite easy to see where things were going, but there were some things that made it hard to understand. I'll show some examples and how to fix the problem.

First problem I noticed was that you told things instead of showing them. That's basically exactly as it sounds. Now, here's an example from your story, and I'll explain in further detail:

Alex looked helpless and sad.

Here's why it's a problem:

Telling is basically when you tell things to your audience. Like above, you simple tell them that he looked helpless and sad, without providing any further description or evidence. This makes it hard to believe some things you may say. For example, if you say one of your characters was funny, I wouldn't believe it until you showed me they were funny by making them say a good joke or do something stupid. In that case, I'll be able to understand and feel it better than if you outright told me that. This also applies to descriptions. There weren't too many descriptions in your story—which I think it needed, as there weren't many character or setting descriptions.

So, let's show you how to fix it!

Here is the sentence:

Alex looked helpless and sad.

I find it hard to believe he looks helpless and sad because it's all told to me. Now, here's an example of how to show it to the audience:

Alex frowned, his eyebrows furrowed and he ran a hand over his hair.

(Very rough example, sorry!) I've shown his feelings through the actions he does. For example, he's frowning not because he's angry, but because he doesn't want to do what he does next. Readers can figure that out thanks to context clues. The last can be used to show worry or helplessness.

I also noticed some similar sentence structure in the beginning of some of your sentences. Here's an example of what I mean:

She licked her...

She looked at...

She entered and...

I saw this happen a handful of times throughout the chapters. It can become a bit noticeable—especially if done three times or more. It makes your writing sound a bit robotic and stilted, and when used in descriptions, make it come off as things are being listed instead of described. It's a simple fix, though: all you need to do is rephrase the beginnings of some sentences.

Lastly, redundancy. That is basically when you repeat a word/phrase in anything from a sentence to a paragraph. Below, I'll have an example I saw in your story. To fix this problem, all you have to do is rephrase the sentence or find a synonym (though some synonyms aren't interchangeable with one another).

Here's an example I took from your story:

Looking at the angle,he knew it was safe to kill the man before he got any closer. The man was big and bulky with a height of tree unlike his mother who was very short compared to the man.

Here, you repeat "the man" numerous times—and it sounds a little stilted. Try using either a synonym or rephrasing it!

Overall, you had a vast vocabulary and knew some of your basics, but there are some errors. Don't worry, though, these are common mistakes that people who are fluent in English also make!

Plot: 3/5

When it comes to plot, I think you had some super-cool ideas and the premise of the story seemed really interesting! However, as mentioned in characters, I did have a small issue.

I found that everything was really fast-paced—the plot progressed very fast, going from one scene to the next without much transition—and it was hard to understand what was really going on. There wasn't enough time to let characters develop and grow, and fully show their personalities. Maybe try slowing things down and letting things develop and flesh out more. This makes it easier for your readers to really get to know your characters well and see how they react to situations. It also makes what's going on a little easier to understand as I found things were going very fast, so it took me a little time to place my bearings.

OVERALL SCORE: 11/20

You know some of your basics, and for someone who isn't fluent in English, you did a fantastic job! Well done! There are a few things to work on. I hope this helped!