Sap: I'm a reverse necromancer.

Colerc: isn't that just killing people?

Sap: ah, technically.

Sap: *kicks (read: scrambled, scrabbled and somehow forced) door open, panicked*

Colerc: what did you do?

Sap: NOBODY DIED!

Colerc: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!?

Colerc: sometimes I don't realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

Sap: I'm not a morning person, I'm barely even a person.

Sap: the risk I took was calculated but, man, am I bad at math.

Colerc: wakey wakey eggs and bakey!

Random person: but I'm a vegan.

Sap: wakey wakey vegetables and sadness.

Sap: good morning. As you begin your day, remember that violence is always an option and often the answer.

Colerc (concerned):

Sap (not sensing a problem):

Colerc: please, go back to bed.

Sap: arson? I think you mean crime brûlée.

Sap, sitting on a modified rubber-bullet-shooting firearm: go to bed. This is no longer a request, this is now a Threat.

Colerc: fight me!

Sap, standing behind him with a gun: *signalling* do not.

Colerc: I can't imagine what Sap is planning, but I can tell you two things. I won't like it and it won't be legal.

Sap: those are bold words for someone in stabbing range.

Sap: if I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need.

Still Sap: not all this "how did you get into my house" business.

Sap: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me and I want to be set loose.