Santaplier trudged through the deep snow with a scowl frozen upon his face.
"Curse this weather," he mumbled angrily to himself.
His kiddies laid miles behind him, frozen from the cold temperatures. Not long ago, Santaplier was riding in his magical sleigh. Now, here he was, alone in the strong blizzard.
A friking unicorn appeared.
"What the hell?!" Santaplier pointed a suspicious finger at the supernatural equine.
"Hello! I'm a unicorn! I've come to help save Christmas- I mean you!" It bowed its head and lifted a hoof.
"I don't believe this for one second. How many bottles of eggnog did I have last night? Mrs. Claus? Nurse? Someone?"
"It'sa meeeeeeeeeeeeeee," a pubescent female voice hissed through the swirling wind.
"Criminey Christmas!" Santaplier jumped twenty feet off the ground and landed back on the ice with a THUD.
"Hello? Is it dank memes you're looking for?" The teenager handed him a phone with Plague Inc. already opened. "I can see it in your eyes..."
The unicorn lunged forward like a crazed lunatic. "HE'S MINE!" he whinnied while bucking and thrusting his horn forward.
The girl, now assumed to be myself, dodged and slapped it. "Nu!" Then, in her normal way, she smacked it again, sending it down a steep slope about two miles long. "Whoops...."
Santaplier lifted himself up, knees knocking together and his entire body shaking. "Where'd the unicorn go?"
"It...jumped off the cliff to show you that it loved you that much...totally legit..." I blushed with my cheeks that NEVER EVER BLUSH HA JK
They were red from heating themselves up, ya douches.
Santaplier pulled a magical talking orange outta his pocket. (More liek 😉 ykw) "You thought I was going to pull something else out, didn't yeh, naughty madam?"
I just about kicked him in his crotch for that. I thought better of it though....I guess. "I like an orange better." I went to the fruit and waved.
"OYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" it shrieked in my ears. "I BE A TALKING ORNGE. THE ANNOYING ORANGE. FROM YO NIGHTMAREZZZZZZZ!"
"NU!" I snatched him up and peeled off his skin.
Santaplier was terrified, yet interested in the dark, sadistic action.
The orange cried tears of orange juice into a cup which I had brought along just in case I would need some of Mark, Ryan and Matt's Simply Orange in their fridge. ewe
Once I got a nice glass for both Santa and myself, we drank. Probably froze on the way down.
"So, how are you?" I asked, knowing who the Santa-like figure actually was.
He coughed and prepared his raspy angry elder voice. "I am quite fine, kiddie. What would you like for Christmas?"
"I'd really like some Youtuber shirts and skinny jeans, maybe along with a laptop to play some awesome PC games that I've watched Let's Plays of. I'd also like money to give to charity live streams with Markiplier. You happen to know him?" I wiggled my toes in my black goth boots.
"What a naughty, naughty man. Yes, I do know him. Don't know why you'd ever want to help such a scrub out. He has enough recognition as is, you know!"
"Yeah, I know, Mar- I mean, Santa. But I'd really like just a small conversation. Talk about gaming and play some Mario Kart...like actually play Mario Kart, unlike Nikki. Ech!" I'd take gaming over intimacy any day, fellow Markiplites I MEANS LARRY.
GAMING FIRST NIKKI DANG
Alright. So then I passed out.
While she passed out, a bear with chainsaws for hands busted thru the wall with a bottle of liquor in its jaws.
Santaplier took the bear out for a date and later got married.
Sadly, his fish wife found out, and they got a divorce. But, when Santaplier went to have 'fun'with the bear, he found out it was a territorial male. Mark being the hetero that he is COUGH married his chair COUGH.
Then I became the daughter! Not really. Ew.
{Beastiality achievement unlocked!}
GIVE OR TAKE A FEW YEARS DOWN THE ROAD----
Eggs. Eggs were everywhere.
I was the emo egg. Yes. I was so emo. Not really, yet again.
I think Mark broke his chair wife during "fun time".......
He started crying on camera while playing Amnesia again.
Wait, where's Santaplier? Where's the blacksmith?
Where are the Cheezits? Why is there a light in the hallway?
Anyway, Mark fan girls were distraught and dropping like flies. I think one just left. Not me though.
I will stay, Mark.
I wil love you until you don't love me, which is now. HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TROLL LOLOLOLOL. When Scott said he doesn't ever troll his fans.
Play "Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga and that's kind of how my imagination is for Mark.
Reality kicks my butt twelve times. Or 4, 380 times.
My mission was to let all of the possible girls near his age and available to die off. They're all sad that he'd rather be with his broken chair than them. Ha.
The chair died just now.
So now he's crying with his plushies, Chica, and Cheezits.
Perfect time. Let's go make friends, Kevin.
I walk to the house, and Matt is already there wearing a Joy Division shirt. Gosh, is that guy cool.
"'Ello." I curtsey.
"Hi?"
"Mark seems really distresed, and all of his fans are failing at living. I think one hundred just died."
"Let me check...yep. Come on in."
Matt led me to Ryan, which I waved to. Cool guys, ya know?
"With all the other fan girls gone, can Daniel come back?" I whispered.
"If the impossible quiz makes that right," said a choky voice from a corner.
"Mark? Santa? King of the squirrels and Five Nights at Freddy's?" I patted his shoulder as he sobbed on his keyboard. Yikes.
"Matt? Am I hearing voices of fans again? Make them stop, Matt!!"
"I'm real. And I mean it, Mark." I ran my fingers through his damp blue hair.
"NU YOU'RE NOT" His face distorted to Photo booth Fun 2. Eheh.
But, out of no where, THE BEAR RETURNED. BUT WAT'S THIS? IT...it... IS INFECTED WITH BOOFBUTT!
I sprang toward it with a sharpened pencil. I popped the boofy butt cheeks and turned the bear back to normal.
My butt became BITCH I'M FABULOUS! OW!
MY B TO BOUNCE SKILLS SEEM ALRIGHT
like bounce on a trampoline cheezus kris
Mark was happy again and hugged the bear before throwing it out the window with his super strength of optimism???
Chica licked my hand and whined for me to play with her. What a cute little pupperschnup! I pet her ears and throw a Frisbee outside.
Mark comes out and plays, too. He brings nerf bows out for another bow and arrow challenge thing, and I try not to shoot at him in the balls. Great job, guys. -,-
So he nails me in the chest, which hurt. I got the right to shoot at his balls, but I'm too nice. Haha.
I just shook it off. Whatever.
Mark and I sat down on his couch to watch SpongeBob for the rest of the day. I think Matt and Ryan ship us. No. Why would they ship us?
DAN AND PHIL COME IN ALONG WITH PEWDS AND JACK AND MATTPAT AND THEY ALL SHIP US WHAT
take that Larry
But Obama just patted me on the shoulder and made me queen of Five Nights at Freddy's.
The End?
Mark and I stayed friends until I bought him another chair wife. Again, take that, Larry. Imagination.
But then Kevin woke up from a strangely less disturbing dream than ones she's had before. Yes. I'm so evul. )=3