Ava

My mind is in turmoil as I continue to stare, my head says run, pack your stuff and get out. After Mark and finding out about Charlotte I feel stupid that I went full throttle and laid all my emotion and trust into Sebastian. How silly am I? I turn but not before seeing Sebastian move away from the woman, in doing so he raises and turns his head in my direction. Does he have a sixth sense? Only I am standing behind one of the marble pillars a bit like a stalker. He releases the girls hand as he says something to her. I watch as the woman turns in my direction. She smiles. Bitch!

I'm not hanging around for this, he kissed her or rather she kissed him but I didn't see him pull away, I didn't see him try to stop her from leaning in and allowing her lips to touch his. That's it I am never going to release my heart to any man again. I knew this was too good to be true. Something that felt so damn perfect had to have a flaw. The tears begin to well up in my eyes then start to slide down my face. Quickly I turn to run to the lift to our private suite only I knock into a man. "Sorry." I mumble as I flee past him towards the elevator. 

I am packing my bag and I am out of here. I'm not hanging around to listen to a load of excuses. I've heard them all before. My heart is searing with pain, my stomach is in knots as it twists and causes me physical pain. My chest feels like it will explode and I am trying desperately not to break down in the foyer as I dash to the lift. I press the buttons. "Ava. Ava. Wait." I can hear Sebastian calling after me. Well that isn't going to look too good is it in front of his staff and guests. I don't care. I. Really. Don't. Care. 

With blinded eyes I press the lift button several times. Like that's going to make it any quicker but it feels like I'm trying to get to the suite quicker than if I press it once and wait. God, why are lifts so damn slow when you want one in a hurry? Have you ever noticed that? I am so blind to the beauty of the interior of the foyer that I focus on looking straight at the lift. It finally arrives.

"Ava, will you please wait. It's not what it looks like." Oh my word, did he really come out with that line? He's obviously been watching to many romantic movies where the male lead always says that. No, I am not prepared to wait for him to explain a load of rubbish to me. I'm out of here. I have money, I have my passport and I can damn well get myself a flight home from the airport here. It's an international one so I can easily book a flight and wait at the airport. It won't be the first time, no doubt it won't be the last time either.

Once I had to wait for over six hours for a flight from the Manila to Chicago and that isn't including the lay over in Taiwan. Add on another five hours for that. Was the trip worth it? Yes of course, it was a cultural experience and my loyal followers loved it. The reason I had to wait for six hours, you guessed it. Mark. I had travelled alone as he was doing some company presentation in New York. He called me out of the blue to say he was done early and was going back home to Chicago and was I coming back anytime soon. I'd been gone a week, which was supposed to have been a three week trip. You don't travel for nearly twenty-one hours just for a week. Well I don't. Ordinarily. I had explained that I wasn't due back but he laid it on so thick how he missed me, how much he wanted to be with me, how he couldn't get away to meet me in Manila and well yes there you have it. My heart surrendered and I flew back home. We'd only been living together a couple of years so everything was still blooming in our garden. Thinking back I realise it was his way of manipulating me to come back home. 

As I step inside the lift I see Sebastian just arriving at the door, thankfully it closes right in his face. I suppose he will use his private elevator and that'll get him to the top a lot quicker. I am alone in the lift which is a good thing since I can't help from crying. Everything was so perfect, so beautiful. I was so happy and content. There was me thinking life can't get any better, I felt loved, protected and secure. Now all I feel is this mental pain and heart ache. I am sobbing. Ugly crying. The whole lot. Tears are running fast down my face and my nose is snotty. Great. 

I don't notice the fine rosewood paneling in the lift, the gold buttons, the beautiful art deco lights on the sides opposite the lift doors which are mirrored glass. Nor do I notice any of the art deco pictures that probably cost a fortune, hanging in the lift. I guess if I was in a happier place, I'd say it was like a mini nook where you could easily have a comfy chair and read a book. But I'm not in a happy place. I'm in a hurt and emotional place right now. God won't this damn lift hurry up. My need to be in the suite before he gets there is so great that I feel like screaming out of frustration. I. Do. Not. Want. To. See. Sebastian. Not now, not tomorrow not ever. Full Stop. Period. End of. 

Finally I hear the door whoosh open, now I wish I'd taken the personal lift as people are standing waiting to swap places with me. Two couples, laughing, giggling and holding hands. I am intensely angry at them, I know I have no right to be and just a few minutes ago, even though it feels like hours ago. I was happy for the couple taking a selfie by the outside fountain. How things can change just like that in a bat of an eyelid. Patiently they wait for me to get out, I hear them saying how excited they are to be here, how they can't wait to get sightseeing. It's all making me sick to my stomach. This was me only just this morning. Dashing out of bed after our morning sex, fondling my camera knowing I had the whole day to myself and my pictures. 

I'd woken up in the crook of Sebastian's arm, his other arm tucked behind his head. His hair tousled, his eyes closed and his long, dark eyelashes gracing his cheeks. His chest rising and falling gently. Watching him filled me with something so deep and it hit me this morning that I knew I'd fallen in love with him. Everything I had told myself not to do, everything I'd warned myself against. Why did I take Zoe's words to heart and throw all caution to the wind? If I had of just ignored them, had of ignored my feelings then I wouldn't be feeling so damn hurt and in physical pain right now. 

He'd stirred, "good morning beautiful." His smile made butterflies float in my stomach. I rolled myself on top of him and kissed his full lips enjoying the warmth of his tongue as it slid into my mouth. I'm not usually a morning, before brushing your teeth kind of girl but he always tastes fresh. It's like he has a permanent mint mouth going on. I could feel him growing against my stomach, it turned me on more. Easily I positioned myself and the next thing I was on him, riding him until the sweat trickled between my breasts. His groans and murmurings calling my name intensified me until I climaxed and fell against him. Sebastian kissed my head, "you are so beautiful mi querida. I want to spend all my days with you." And now. This. 

I fumble with the key in the magnificent white paneled door and finally fling it open. I hear the private lift. It stops. I dash to the bedroom where my bag is on top of the case stand and wildly begin to throw clothes into it. "Ava. Stop." He says. I ignore him. "Ava." His voice is commanding. How dare he speak to me like that? I'm not the one who was kissing another man. 

My clothes are flung inside my rucksack. Sebastian places a hand on my left arm. I shrug him off. "Don't touch me. You're a two timing shit. I suppose that was your wife you have had hidden away." I am so angry that I'm crying. Those shitty ugly tears again. I wipe them away with my hands. I make sure I have my passport and purse in the little bag I've been carrying around with me all morning. The case for my camera, since I doubt I'm going to be happily snapping away is laying on the dressing table. 

Sebastian blocks me from reaching it. "What are you doing?" His voice is stern. "You have to listen to me." He says as he runs his hands through his hair. Right now I want to slap him. This hurts more than finding out Mark was clearly seeing Charlotte behind my back. This runs deeper, it feels as if it is cutting me like sharp razors from the inside out. My stomach churns. "Ava stop it now. Let me explain." I push past him and manage to get hold of my camera case. Carefully like the prized possession that it is, I close the camera in the secure holding and sling it over my shoulder. 

"I don't want to listen to you, Sebastian. I saw you allowing that woman to kiss you. Not on the cheeks, that I could understand. Oh no. On. The. Lips." I swallow the lump back that is filling my throat. "Not once but twice. She had her hands on your lapel. It looked intimate. So fuck off and leave me alone. I'm leaving. Now get out of my way." I am so hurt and angry that I'm almost spitting the words at him.

"You have to listen to me, Ava. Let me explain. It isn't what you think it is. I promise. Please give me a minute." 

"No. Get out of my way. I'm leaving whether you like it or not. I've just stumbled out of one relationship that turns out he was cheating on me. I gave you my heart, Sebastian. Openly. You have destroyed it. I don't want to hear what you have to say." I'm crying now, the tears are in full force, I can feel my nose getting snottier. Great. Now he gets to see me looking wrecked. That's how I feel.

Wrecked.

Dying inside.

Hurting so bad.

Sebastian runs his hands through his thick hair, the same hair I played with this morning. His face is anguished, his eyes have tears. I don't care. Or, I care too much otherwise I wouldn't be hurting so damn bad. "Please, Ava." His voice is now a whisper. "Don't leave me. Not like this. I've only just found you. Please." He is begging but I can't trust him now. How many other women does he kiss on the lips? It's an intimate gesture that should be between one man and one woman only. Well at least in my book. And to think I was considering how we could work this transatlantic relationship out.

Without uttering another word I leave him standing in the middle of the suite, his hands now clasped behind his head as if he is hugging himself. I don't want to glance back but I do, his eyes are red, he's crying. I can't stand to listen to anything he has to say. Not right now. I'm too raw and too emotional. 

"I need space, Sebastian and distance." Crying my eyes out I leave him there crying too. Our hearts are breaking but I just can't do it. Who knows what will happen but for now, I'm heading to the international airport and going to the arms of my mother.