A week passed. Somehow, the burn on her wrist, the one-time mistake that she would forget about by morning, multiplied.

She put a bandaid on that one and told anyone who asked that she'd burned herself while cooking. The next night, something she wrote off as curiosity once again got the best of her, and a burn appeared closer to her elbow. She took Reagan for a run early the next morning, got to somewhere no one would see, parked the stroller, and ran a few steps to purposely trip and throw herself on that arm. It got scraped up, the burn was covered with another bandaid, and she once again swore it would never happen again.

On Sunday, she went back to church. Joel was watching for her in the gallery. She met his wife, Moriah, who was one of the sweetest people ever. Joel accompanied her to check Reagan into the nursery, being sure to include the words younger brother as early in the conversation there as he could. Then, reassuring her a million times that everything would be fine, he and Moriah ushered her into the sanctuary to sit with them and the rest of their extended family. Last week's whispers turned to scattered, hushed murmurs and stares that were more directed at Joel and Moriah than Adira. They owned them like they were proud.

Then Monday rolled around, and she played and won another volleyball match. In the process, however, Willa dove into the middle of her court space and lost them a volley. Their coach benched her, and Adira found herself pinned against a locker after the game. Coach's voice as she walked and talked with Sandra, who had left her bag in her locker, was probably the only thing that had saved her from being hit again. At the hospital afterwards, she was lectured again, and when she got home, a burn found its way onto her ankle, where her matching anklet with Ray, something she always wore, would make another coverup unnecessary.

At cheer practice on Tuesday, she was chosen to fly in the upcoming routine, and then a senior and another junior who both sometimes flew argued with the coach about it in front of everyone. Adira immediately made it clear she didn't care, but the coach still did and still wanted her to do it. Estrogen took over and people took sides. Few took Adira's. The routine remained as originally choreographed, and they were kept an extra hour and a half to make up for lost time... and condition for punishment. She had to call Reagan's daycare and let them know she'd be later than usual, and then she got in trouble when she went to the hospital afterwards. A burn on her stomach... she'd just refrain from crop tops and change in stalls rather than the open locker room for a while.

And the week went on, somehow every day bringing with it another burn and another excuse or way to hide it. Everytime, she knew it had to be the last. Everytime, she swore it would be. And yet, it never was. Her coach thought she was sick when she wasn't changing in the main locker room after volleyball practice. Rolys noted by Wednesday that she'd hurt herself a lot over the past week. She gave him each excuse and laughed about how stupid she was. He only seemed slightly suspicious. On Thursday, that process was repeated with Ray. Friday brought a casual question from Austin, but he was at the very least easier to distract after she lied.

Her parents didn't even notice.

Another Sunday arrived, and she faced the prospect of church with a sick feeling in her stomach. More burns than she wanted to count were throbbing from their different hiding places, and she felt like she could break down crying at the prospect of life. She knew instinctively that it wasn't a good idea to be around Joel like that.

And yet, she didn't want to skip either. She liked it there. She liked the feeling of having people around her who embraced her that much more in response to any judgment thrown her way. It made her feel secure. It made her feel safe.

So she woke up, went to the hospital to work out, showered, and pulled on an oversized grey sweater and a pair of black legging. It had been sunny and warm that past few days, and now she thanked God for the drizzle outside that made long sleeves completely normal and an explanation of the week's new bandaids unnecessary.

Then, she set her shoulders, practiced her smile, and walked to church.

Joel and Moriah were talking to a man she'd seen him with the week before as well when she walked in. Moriah spotted her before she could decide what to do and waved her over with a smile.

Adira forced herself to return it, and hesitantly obeyed the gesture. Joel looked up as she got closer, and a grin lit his face.

"Adira! Good to see you, Darling."

She froze the small smile that was all she could manage on her face. "Hi."

The man he'd been talking to turned around, and his expression quickly matched his friend's. It didn't so much as falter when he saw the stroller in front of her.

"Adira? I don't think we've met before. I'm Isaac."

She timidly shook his offered hand as Moriah explained, "Isaac is the youth pastor here."

Well, if she didn't just walk straight into that trap.

"Nice to meet you," she said softly.

"You as well," he replied, that easy smile still in place. "So, how'd you meet Joel and Moriah? for KING & COUNTRY fan?"

At last, that stupid fake smile could give way to genuine confusion. "What?"

Joel chuckled. "No, that wasn't it. We met when she first came here a few weeks ago. She and her brother were getting some nasty looks and I wanted to try to make up for it."

Isaac's smile was a little sad this time. "Ah, makes sense. Well, I'm glad you decided to come back anyway."

She nodded, swallowing hard as she looked around for a way out of the conversation.

Her last youth group experience hadn't ended especially well, and she wasn't particularly keen on trying again anytime soon. "I should get Reagan checked in..."

"I'll come," Moriah offered quickly. "Just in case they decide to give you the looks they coined last week."

Adira nodded again, and the two headed across the gallery together. As they walked, she glanced up at Moriah curiously. "What was he talking about thinking I was a fan of..."

"for KING & COUNTRY." The woman laughed. "I can't believe Joel hasn't mentioned it, but he gets all bashful about it sometimes. He and Luke are in a band called for KING & COUNTRY. They're really big in the world of Christian music."

"So that's why he mentioned not being in town?" Adira asked, trying to process the fact that she'd become friends with a mini-celebrity without even knowing it.

"That's it," Moriah confirmed. "I'm in one as well... TRALA. That's why I was gone the first week you were here."

"Oh." Adira looked at the ground and tried to laugh. "Some Christian I am if I haven't heard of either."

Moriah did laugh at that. "No. You're sweet, but no. We are in no way any kind of big deal."

"I thought you said he and Luke were big."

"Well-known in the world of Christian music, sure. But he's still just Joely."

Adira nodded, but that didn't make her feel any less stupid. Yeah, it was becoming clear what kind of music she listened to. Not that she saw anything wrong with Imagine Dragons or most of the other artists and songs that ruled her Spotify, but that didn't mean they wouldn't.

They got Reagan checked in and met up with Joel to head into the sanctuary, where they joined Luke and Courtney and their older two children, surrounded by people who were obviously related as well. Confirmation of the fact came when Joel introduced her to his parents, Helen and David, and told her the others they were with were his other siblings and their families.

"That's Mary, who's married to my cousin Matt," he said, pointing to a woman with two middle-school boys and an elementary-age girl. "Matt is around here somewhere, but he's a pastor here and is speaking this morning, so you never know where to catch him." He pointed out two more couples. "Those are my brothers, Ben and Daniel and their wives, Paige and Brooke. And that's my littlest sister, Libby. Her boyfriend's around somewhere. We're just missing my brother Josh and sister Rebecca and their families... they're the only ones who don't live around Nashville."

Adira shook her head slowly. "I can't imagine having that big of a family."

"It's just you and Reagan, then?" he asked, and she nodded. "What about extended family?"

She shrugged. "They all live in Michigan... both sets of grandparents and my mom's sister and her family. My dad's an only-child."

"What brought your parents here?"

"My dad manages venues, and there's just more work here. They moved before I was born."

Interest peaked on Joel's face. "What's your dad's name? I may have met him."

"Noah Rhodes?"

He smiled and nodded a little. "I know who he is. I've met him at several venues around town."

"With the band your wife had to tell me about?"

He chuckled a little. "Yes, that one." She didn't say anything, so he spoke again after a short pause. "So, do you grandparents help out at all with your mom being sick and everything?"

Adira looked away, shaking her head. "No. Mom's parents haven't even met Reagan. They just don't wanna deal with us, I guess. Never call, never send anything, never come to see us. Dad's are a little more involved, but not by much."

"You don't know why?"

She shrugged. "Probably because they don't like me."

She felt the compassion in his gaze without seeing it. "Darling, I don't think that's it. Why wouldn't they like you?"

"I don't know, but they just don't," she sighed. "They're both first generation Americans who grew up in strict Egytian households. I think they just think I'm too modern or worldly or something."

Joel hummed thoughtfully, the compassion turning to a little sadness in his eyes when she chanced a glance up to them. "That's too bad. They're missing out."

As worship started and flowed into the message, Adira tried to focus on his words, but her mind refused to cooperate. Every throbbing little burn on her body acted as another microphone for a voice in her head that was already screaming at the top of its lungs.

What did she think she was doing here? In what universe could she purposefully hurt herself all week and then walk into church like she belonged there? She had no right to resent the judgment in everyone's gazes, because while she might not be guilty of the sin they were judging her for, she was stained by so many others she could keep hidden that she deserved it all in the end.

How had it happened? How had it continued to happen? How did everything spiral out of her control like this?

First the cold medicine, and now this.

Except this was getting increasingly hard to hide.

After all, she wasn't a normal person who could get away with wearing long sleeves, even if people thought it was weird. Volleyball and cheerleading took those options away from her, and even her stomach was dangerous territory as if she changed in a stall one more time, her teams were going to get suspicious.

So she had to stop. It was as simple as that.

But why did it feel so incredibly hard?

She could say as much as she wanted that she would never do it again, but then it happened anyway, without her meaning for it to, without her noticing that it was.

It seemed to control her, even after such a short amount of time.

Between it and the medicine, what control did she even have left?

And people were starting to ask questions, starting to give her that look because they knew there was something her answers weren't telling them.

She could not let anyone find out about this.

She could not let her parents find out about this.

She felt sick to her stomach at the thought.

In most areas, her parents were predictable... she knew exactly what they were going to do, good or bad. But with something like that? She had no idea.

That was terrifying.

Joel checked on her with little glances throughout the service. That was a normal enough thing to do, but the concern she felt increasing in his gaze every time he did was not. That was bad.

As soon as the last song ended, she turned towards the doors out of the sanctuary, mumbling about Reagan without meeting his gaze. He leaned over, murmuring to Moriah where he was going, and then half-ran a few steps to catch up with her.

As they reached the line for check out from the nursery, he glanced down at her once more. There was a slight pause before he finally spoke, his voice soft and concerned.

"Are you alright, Darling?"

She'd never been looking at him, but her eyes snapped even further away from his. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him nod with sadness in his gaze. "Okay." The word was quiet, barely audible, but it still made it clear he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was lying to him.

He let the silence stretch for another few seconds before speaking again. "I wanted to ask... we eat as a family after church whenever we can. My mum and dad are hosting this week, and I know they'd be thrilled to have you. Would you care to join us?"

Being away from the house and the hospital that afternoon sounded like an absolute dream, but she shook her head quickly. "No, no... I'm not gonna intrude on your family thing like that. Thank you, though."

"Love, we all bring along friends all the time. You wouldn't be intruding."

"I'm more of a lost puppy than a friend," she responded softly. "So still no."

Joel smiled a little as he shook his head. "You are not a lost puppy, Adira. You are my friend, and my family would be thrilled to have you along."

"I have a baby."

He laughed a little. "Libby and I are the only ones who don't have children. He'll be in good company."

"My car's at the hospital."

"I was planning on giving you a ride."

"I..." She hesitated, desperately groping for a new excuse. Instead, she just shook her head with her eyes locked on the carpet. "You don't have to do this. I... I'm really fine... we are..."

"Darling," he said, his voice serious. "I know you and Reagan are alright. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met, and I would never be so foolish as to think you need me to save you, because I know you've got this. However, I'm just asking you to let me love on you... to let my family do the same. I know I don't have to do it. I want to, genuinely, because I genuinely care about you a lot. Okay? I know you don't need me, but everyone needs to feel loved and accepted. I know you don't get a lot of that at home, so I'd like to give you somewhere that you do."

Tears stung at the back of her eyes, but she fought them back with an effort, blinking a few times before whispering the only thing she could think to say. "Okay."

He smiled, though the expression was a little sad. "Thank you. I know this isn't easy for you."

But why was feeling loved so hard?

Gah that sucked. But honestly I've been working on this chapter for so long that I'm just happy I got it done. Please let me know all of your thoughts/suggestions and I'll see you soon. Love y'all.