One last, deep breath. She was fine. Everything was fine.

She slid her key into the lock and pushed the door open.

She wasn't used to the light being on. She didn't like that she didn't like it.

The silence she walked into seemed to scream. It took every ounce of courage inside of her to briefly glance up at where her parents were sitting on the couch, most likely waiting for her, and whisper, "Hey."

"Put your brother to bed."

Her mother's voice was cold. Quietly angry.

She felt like she was going to throw up.

But she just nodded and made herself walk up the stairs, Reagan's carseat in hand, instead of sprinting.

She took her time with his bedtime routine. It wasn't as if she had anything good waiting for her at the end of it.

As she rocked him towards sleep, she managed a smile down at his tired eyes. "If you wanted to pick today to just... refuse to go to sleep..." she murmured. "I'd really owe ya one."

But ten minutes later, he was out. She didn't usually take him all the way in the rocker, but once again, she was going everything she could to doddle.

Adira carefully laid him down in his crib, staring down at him for a long moment.

She would do anything to just not have to go downstairs.

Good thing she didn't have anything she could quickly and effectively off herself with up here.

Then again, a nose-dive out the window was always an option.

She shoved the thought away and turned around, quietly making her way out of the room. In the hall, she got the baby monitor feed pulled up on her phone, then she forced herself to take step by painful step back to the living room.

"Finally," her mother sighed as she entered the room. "That took longer than I thought it would, Adira."

The girl shrugged a little. "Yeah, Reagan said to tell you sorry." She forced the hint of a nervous smile to make the sass seem like a joke.

Neither of them returned it.

"Why were you out so late, anyway?" her dad asked.

It was the same time she always got to the hospital, and he knew why that was, but she humored him anyway. "Wrestling match. Didn't start until eight."

There was a long moment of silence. She looked at the bags she'd left by the door when she came in. She had homework, and if they weren't going to...

"That was quite the stunt you pulled the other day," Naomi stated at last.

She swallowed hard. "I didn't mean to."

"You didn't mean to show up at the door with a police officer?" the woman snapped. "Or get us investigated by CPS? That's comforting, Adira. Truly."

Adira wanted to say it wouldn't have been a problem if she hadn't left her face looking like a street fighter's, so she didn't say anything except, "I'm sorry."

Noah scoffed a little. "It's gonna take a lot more than sorry to make up for this, Adira."

She bit down on her cheek hard and didn't answer.

"I don't even know where to start," her mom continued after a moment. "There's the boy, and the lying to your teachers, and the police, or my personal favorites, the hurting yourself and threatening to kill yourself."

She knew they would be told. She'd known it ever since the panic attack in Officer Stephens' office. She'd had all this time to prepare. And it had done her absolutely zero good.

"I was having a panic attack," she said softly, her eyes fixed on the floor. "I said things I didn't mean. Including the part about killing myself."

"And what about the part about being afraid of us?" Noah asked sharply.

"Yes. That part too."

"A panic attack," Naomi repeated. "That's what they're calling meltdowns now, is it?"

Adira bit back a million heated replies.

"The only reason we're not getting you a psych bed is because it would mean neglecting your commitments."

Messed up as the reason might be, a large load of fear and dread still slowly released itself from her chest.

"So instead, you're going to therapy."

Her relief had lasted all of half a second.

"We've already called Pastor Andy. You start tomorrow."

Her head jerked up like the ground was lava for her eyes. "You what?" And just like that, her mind was back to blaring alarms and Inside Out's Fear pulling every lever within reach. "Pastor... no! No, Mom, I don't go there anymore!"

"Right, because our church isn't good enough for you anymore?" the woman snapped. Nothing we do is good enough for you anymore!"

"No, because... because Pastor Andy was awful!" If honesty was what it took for her to not do this, honesty was what was going to happen. "Okay? I didn't tell you because you had enough on your plate! But he... he made me pretend that Reagan was my son and paraded me in front of the middle schoolers as an abstinence incentive! It was one of the worst experiences of my life!"

Her mother let out a sharp laugh. "You really expect me to believe that, Adira? How convenient that it didn't come up until now! Andy told us that you ran out of youth group having some kind of an episode and then stopped returning his calls. You can't lie to us anymore!"

"I'm not lying, Mom!" she gasped desperately. "Please! I... I'll go to therapy. I've been meeting with Ellis! Just don't make me do it with him, please!"

"We don't trust a secular high school that's already explaining behavioral breakdowns with mental health excuses," her father cut in. "You need to be in a Christian environment that will snap you back onto the right path."

"Do you even hear yourselves?" She knew she needed to shut up, but she just couldn't. "I end up in my SRO's office because I can't breathe or think with all the stuff in my head, and you're just gonna write it off as me being rebellious? Do you think I burned my own freaking arm just to make you mad? And you're mad at me about CPS, but CPS never would have happened if you hadn't hit me, Mom! I didn't paint that bruise on my face! In fact, I covered it up as soon as I could, but I couldn't the first time because I was already late. Because of you! And you were already gonna yell at me about it later! There is no pleasing you guys! I genuinely don't know what you want from me! And I can't go to therapy with Andy! I... I can't, okay?"

Tears were streaming down her face by the time she finished, her breath coming in ragged gasped as she desperately held herself back from the edge she was about to fall off.

"We want you to start acting like the girl we raised instead of a little self-righteous heathen!" Naomi was on her feet and yelling. "And I was not giving you an option! Clearly, there's no reasoning with you now, so hopefully he can get through to you. Your appointment is tomorrow morning, before school, and you will be there if we have drag you! Now go to your room!"

Adira only obeyed because she couldn't breathe and she knew she didn't have much time until she wouldn't be able to think either. The last thing she needed was to fully break down in front of them. So she snatched her backpack from where she'd left it and sprinted up the stairs two at a time.

She got her door closed the second before all of the strength left her legs and she found herself sobbing and gasping like there was no oxygen around her.

Get it together. She had to get it together. This was just reinforcing what they already thought.

Everything she did reinforced what they already thought... and that was that there daughter was a broken, rebellious freak.

If there was any other word for someone who hurt herself for fun, she'd love to hear it.

She heard a whimper through the feed on her phone. No. No, no, please, no.

Reagan started to cry.

She couldn't go to him like this.

If she didn't go soon, she'd just get in more trouble.

She grappled for her backpack, blind panic driving her as her hand found the razor she'd finally taken from Joel's counter that morning. She'd told herself it was just so they didn't have to deal with it. She'd known she didn't really mean that.

She pulled it across her wrist harder than she ever had before. Blood immediately began sliding down her arm as she gasped at the intense pain she'd just caused herself.

But with that came a clear mind. Air that seemed breathable again. She yanked the hoodie sleeve down again, allowing the black fabric to soak up the dark liquid flowing out of her.

She'd deal with that later.

For now, she took a deep breath, stood up, and went to her brother.

As suggested by MalefM, I think I'm just going to officially move my publishing day to Tuesday. I don't know what it's so much easier for me to get the chapters out Tuesdays than Mondays, but it is, so I guess that's what we're doing. As always, thanks for sticking around, and please let me know what you think. Love ya.

- Line