Somehow, she stuggled through one more horrible day of school and a basketball game to cheer in the evening, then she could pretend it hadn't happened for the weekend. She'd deleted Instagram from her phone for the time being, and they had the weekend off from practice and games. On Saturday, she took Reagan on a long run through Franklin, then she went over to Austin's house and they once again watched the new Walker episode and then several installations of Supernatural.

On Sunday, she went to church with Joel and Moriah, then she did homework for the rest of the evening. She didn't touch the razor still sitting in the kitchen, and she didn't get out the lighter either.

Monday morning, before school, she had to face real life again with another CPS meeting at the police station. This time, both Joel and Moriah came along.

Along with Alyssa and Xavier, Officer Stephens was there in the office when they all came in. After exchaning greetings and taking their respective seats, Alyssa started the real conversation.

"Alright, Adira, we've completed the investigation with your parents. They're not looking at fines or jailtime, and we're not stripping their custody."

She let out the breath she'd been holding in relief, but inside, guilty fear rose in her chest.

"However," the CPS worker continued, "you're seventeen. So you get some say in where you live. Joel and Moriah have already told us you're welcome in their home for as long as you want or need. So, if you'd rather stay with them, you can. You'd probably have to do some visitation with your parents, but that's all."

Adira opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She knew what she should say. She knew what she had to say.

But she thought about the past several days... the indepedence and privacy she'd been given and yet at the same time the gentle, relentless support, the movies and the holding her while she cried and the cleaning up her arm with no judgment and so much love... and she compared it to the suffocating pressure that had run rampent in that hospital room, to the inspections and homework checks and lectures and all the different ways of saying, You're not good enough, and she wanted to break down in a puddle on the floor.

The officers hadn't brought it up yet, but she was pretty sure over the course of the investigation, her parents had been told about the burning herself and the panic attacks and the suicidalness, and just thinking about it made her sick. What if they really did lock her in a psyche ward?

Maybe she could...

Then, the realization hit her.

"What about Reagan?"

Alyssa and Xavier exchanged an unhappy look. It was Xavier who answered the question, exhaling slowly as he did.

"Since we're not opening charges against your parents and he'd under sixteen and you're not yet old enough to petition for custody... he'd have to stay with them unless you made a personal agreement otherwise."

The sliver of hope that had dared to rise in her chest came crashing down in a way that hurt much more than she was expecting it to. She swallowed hard, took a deep, shaky breath, and nodded. It was taking everything in her to keep her eyes from filling.

"Then I'll go with them too."

Every adult in the room had a look on their face that said they'd known the answer was coming, and they didn't know how to argue with it, but they didn't like it at all.

"You know, Adira," Xavier ventured. "we understand if at first, it was hard to be fully honest about your parents. If you'd like to tell us anything you didn't before... or change any of what you already said... we could reopen the investigation. If you don't think Reagan would be safe with them..."

"It's not that," she said quickly. "It's just that he'd be miserable. He doesn't even really know them very well. He doesn't do well when he's seperated from me."

Another deep breath. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

"I'll be fine. Like I... like I told you before. They um... they're good parents. I just... all of this has been my fault."

Joel opened his mouth to argue that point, but she pressed ahead before he could. "Joel and Moriah have been incredibly kind. But I don't need to get away from my parents."

Alyssa nodded slowly. "If at any time in the future, you change your mind, you can call in or talk to Officer Stephens, and we'll arrange something else, or reopen the investigation if needed."

"Thank you," she said quickly, "but we'll be fine."

"Alright." A sigh from the woman she was speaking to. "If that's your choice, that's all we need from you. You can go home today after school."

Adira quickly thanked them again before gathering up Reagan's carseat and hurrying with him out of the office and out of the station.

She couldn't break down. Not here, not now. Not until no one could see.

The ride back to Joel and Moriah's house was quiet for the most part. She knew they wanted to argue with her, but again, she also knew they knew that if it meant abandoning her brother, it wasn't going to happen.

She quickly repacked their things and loaded them into the car to take home after school. Joel helped her while Moriah entertained Reagan, until she recollected him to, thanked and hugged Moriah, and headed back outside, Joel carrying her backpack and Reagan's diaper bag while she carried his carseat.

After she'd gotten it settled in the car, he handed the bags to her and waited until she'd loaded them as well to ask say quietly, "You know, you don't have to protect them."

She didn't look at him. "I know. I'm not. There's... there's nothing to protect them from."

He exhaled slowly. She knew he could hear the barely-supressed tears in her voice.

She forced her eyes up to his just so she could more convincingly reassure him. "It's okay." She swallowed another wave of tears, nodding to back up her words. "We'll be okay."

He returned the nod, but as her eyes finally began to fill despite her every effort, he opened his arms, and she hugged him, pulling in a deep breath with tightly closed eyes and he held her tightly for a long moment.

"Thank you," she choked out as she stepped back. "For everything. I... I don't know how to make it up to you..."

"There's nothing to make up for, Darling," he replied softly. "And you know I'm always just a call away?"

She nodded, looking away again.

Once again returning the gesture, he opened the driver's door for her, holding up a finger to pause her as she went to climb inside.

"You're priceless." His voice was thick with moisture as well. "Remember that."

Her head fully dropped, but she nodded yet again, her hand coming up to touch the penny hanging around her neck.

Then, she slid into the car, took a deep breath, and closed the door behind her. She could do this. They'd be okay. They had to be okay.

time-skip sponsored by sketch-ville, a sub-city of colby, kansas (where the real ones live for real)

Ray had flown back in that morning, so he met up with her as usual prior to the wrestling match she had to cheer that night. He opened the car door to transfer Reagan to his vehicle instead of hers and froze.

"What's with the duffle bags?"

She's lasted the whole weekend giving him minimal details about the past few days which completely excluded the panic attack and the saying she was gonna kill herself and the staying with Joel and Moriah. He'd been upset enough about the social media posts, which she hadn't showed him, only told him about. Minus the part about the self-harming.

And she had to go and screw it up now.

"Nothing," she tried, even if she knew it was hopeless. "Just... um... I..."

His concerned face was having none of it.

She exhaled and looked away. "Don't worry about it."

He pulled Reagan's carseat out and slowly stepped over to his car, but his serious gaze was still locked on Adira. "Kiddo, if I find out you've been sleeping in your car somewhere for whatever reason and you didn't show up at my door..."

"Ray, no, that's not it, I... I'd never do that to Reagan."

"Okay?" He obviously expected her to explain.

She bit down hard on her cheek, staring at the ground behind him. "It's a long story."

"It's just gonna keep getting longer if you keep not telling it."

"My mom got released from the hospital. Last week. While you were gone."

He was situating the carseat in his backseat, but his attention was clearly on her.

"That's good..."

"Yeah," she agreed quickly. "It's really good. But just... the way they've been lately... always mad at me over something... I thought about them being home because I got there, and I kind of... freaked out. Okay." She sighed. "I really freaked out."

Leaving the car door open but turning back around to face her, he crossed his arms over his chest, his brow knit. "You... because your parents were coming home? Addi... what happened?"

He knew her too well. He knew something would have had to push her over the edge. And as she laid out the map of what to tell him in her head, she realized her bruised face would lay a perfect road to avoid other things she wanted him to know even less.

"Mom hit me." It came out suddenly, hurriedly, so she didn't have to dwell on it and and maybe he wouldn't have time to freak out.

The second part did not work. "She what?" Anger and worry flared in the older friend's eyes as he took a protective step towards her and she held up her hands to placate him.

"It's not as bad as it sounds, Ray," she added quickly. "She just lost her temper. I... I know she didn't mean to. I just... I just freaked out. And then the next day they texted saying they were coming home, and I freaked out again. And between the bruised eye and the... the panic attack and everything, I ended up in the SRO's office. And then he called CPS and they went to my house and opened an investigation and while it was open I couldn't stay there."

Now that she'd started, everything was coming out in a rush.

"And you met Joel and Moriah... well, the school had put them on-call with me since they knew my parents were... preoccupied or whatever. I swear you were my first choice, but they said it had to be someone I had a like... semi-parental or mentoral relationship with, not my best friend who happens to be an adult. So they sent me to stay with them while the investigation was on-going. But now it's over and they're clear and I'm going back, so everything's fine."

Ray stayed as he was for a long moment, his face making it clear he was struggling to comprehend everything she'd just blurted out. But he was still stuck on the first thing she had.

"Your mom hit you."

"Ray..."

"No, no, I've put up with a lot from them," he cut her off, protective anger rich in his voice. "I've stood by while they expect way too much out of you and are so ungrateful to you and put a ridiculous amount of pressure on you... but I won't stand by while they abuse you."

"They're not going to abuse me!" she argued desperately. "It... it was one time. She'll never do it again. I swear. I'm fine, Ray. You don't... you don't have to worry about me. They were cleared by CPS!"

She closed the distance between them and laid a hand on his arm, forcing her voice steady.

"Seriously. I'm okay."

He looked at her for a long moment before wrapping her in a fierce hug. "You would tell me," he ventured after a moment. "if there was something really wrong. RIght?"

She nodded desperately. "I would. There's not."

He stepped back, but kept his hands on her shoulders as he looked down at her, shaking his head a little with a little moisture in his eyes. "I leave for a few days and all hell breaks loose on my little sister. I'm so sorry, Kiddo."

She forced a smile and swallowed her own rush of tears. "Can't leave me unsupervised for a minute, huh?"

She had a feeling when she got home, that joke was going to become a reality.