I'm indescribably sick of listening to myself apologize, so I know you all must be even more sick of hearing it. But the good news is, I actually have two more chapters written after this one. I swear I wasn't holding out on y'all for too long... all of these chapters just kinda ran together. So I'll probably post the next one later this week, then the third a week from either today or tomorrow and try to start up a regular update schedule again. I don't have enough faith in myself to make any promises, but I'm moving across the country by myself next week, so I'm fixing to have a lot more free time than I do now. Also, I just had some terrible writer's block, but I think I'm through that. I hope. Anyway. On to the chapter. These next couple are pretty emotionally-loaded, fair warning now.

 Adira could feel her eye actively beginning to swell as she walked into history twenty minutes late on Monday morning. History was her third class of the day. It was the first one she'd made it to.

Her parents had punished her for Friday night by making her spend every minute that she wasn't at practice that weekend with them. Including bringing Reagan's basinet to the hospital and sleeping there. She hadn't even been able to go to church. She'd actually been forced to text Joel back for the first time ever, just because she didn't want him to worry.

She didn't think it'd worked.

After having all weekend to lecture and control her, she'd hoped Monday morning she'd be free to follow her usual routine. But then, while she was showering, her mother had decided to go through her phone.

She was lucky she hadn't gotten to Joel's thread. She'd actually only gotten to the most recent one. Which was Austin's.

They'd been talking all weekend. As usual. They talked about everything. Including her punishment. And the flirting. It was nothing extreme, certainly nothing inappropriate, nothing they hadn't been doing since they met, but it was there. Flirting with a boy who had some thoughts about her weekend-long confinement. Not a good look if you asked her mother.

Hot stuff was just a name, it was just a joke, they were just friends.

"Liar."

She didn't even know what to say about the other part. She'd complained to him about them punishing her for nothing. He'd said he couldn't believe they were doing that. And so on.

There wasn't an excuse for that.

Then there was the part about her being at his house on Friday night.

Even though their conversation made it clear his family had been there, too. Even though his family had offered to let her stay the night and she'd said no because she knew if her parents found out all hell would break loose. Even though nothing had happened except a little kiss and they didn't mention that once.

None of that mattered to Naomi and Noah.

First period was taken up by screaming and lecturing. Finally, Adira had asked if she could please go to class. Eye. She didn't wanna think about that.

But after, she'd been ordered out, told they would finish this later. So she guessed she'd gotten what she wanted.

She'd taken Reagan to daycare. She'd had a panic attack in her car. She'd used a pair of scissors in the tiny sewing kit she kept in case her uniforms needed fixed last-minute to make her arm bleed because she didn't take lighters to school with her anymore.

She'd looked at the clock, realized third period was starting and she didn't have time to clean herself up, pulled on Austin's hoodie, and walked into class with her head down, prayed Rolys would just not notice or let it go or something.

"Adira! Good to see you!" There was no trace of displeasure at her tardiness... if anything, there was relief... in his voice.

"Sorry I'm late," she mumbled, chancing a glance up at him. She did it just in time to see all of that relief and good nature drain from his face.

"Hey, don't worry about it," he reassured her quietly. "Stuff happens."

He was still looking at her eye. She was so screwed.

"We were just grouping up to work on mock trial prep," he told her. "Your group's left side."

"Thanks," she managed, and slunk over to where the rest of her team was getting settled and pulling out their computers.

"Ah, the Captain has arrived," Andrew joked.

She forced a smile. "You know it."

There wasn't an actual captain, but she was one of two attorneys, and everyone had decided she was in charge because they trusted her more than James.

Macy looked at her expectantly as she dug her laptop out of her backpack. "What's the game plan, Cap?"

"Um..." She needed to get it together and make her mind work. "You guys just start researching and working on your questions if you get there. James and I will talk about how we wanna split up examinations and then start working on our the questions for our crosses. Then we can regroup a few minutes before class is over and update each other on our progress. Yeah?"

A chorus of, "Yes, Ma'am,"s confirmed it, and she nodded in satisfaction before turning to James, expecting a jab or some complaint about the plan.

But his face was uncharacteristically sober as he sat down next to her, his eyes fixed on her.

"What happened to your face?"

"Ran into a door," she sighed. "I don't wanna hear it."

But the quip she was looking for also didn't come. Instead, his frown deepened. "Yeah?"

"Yeah..." She kept her tone uncertain and swallowed the sick feeling in her stomach with an effort.

"Okay." He hesitated before adding, "Just.. if you need help... like if you want me to hit the door back or teach you how to walk better or something... let me know."

The sentiment behind the words was clear. The fact that he'd taken the time to mask it behind the lie she'd just told him only made it that much stronger.

She was desperately blinking back tears as she struggled to keep it light. "Yeah, I'll remember that. Now let's get to work, please."

time-skip sponsored by casper the friendly ghost

She faked a phonecall to get her out of class without talking to Rolys. She did her best to cover the black eye with makeup, then donned sunglasses for as long as they were outside, before meeting Austin for lunch.

When she received a note asking her to go to Rolys's office during Law & Justice, she hid in the bathroom for fifteen minutes so Adler would think she'd gone, but didn't actually go.

She told Austin it was just about their mock trial.

Then she went to cheer, went to volleyball, lied and avoided her coaches like the devil. Told Ray she'd hit her face on the corner of a cabinet. He didn't believe her. Told Austin the same story. He didn't believe her either. She said she had homework and had to go to get out of either of them pushing.

They both texted her. She left them both on delivered.

She ignored a call from Joel and a text from Moriah.

Reagan to bed, homework til one.

Burned her wrist.

Sliced it with a razor this time.

Nothing helped.

Her mother had hit her. A knuckle strike across her face. Her dad was standing right there when it happened. He'd done nothing. Her eye was swollen and purple and hurt to touch. It was worse than anything Willa had done.

It was just... just once. This wasn't that abnormal. It wasn't... it didn't mean... she didn't know why it had her so freaked out.

But it did.

So she drank that stupid cold medicine that she knew she was addicted to but didn't know how to stop, and she stared at the medicine cabinet and thought that if she didn't have a baby, she'd just swallow several bottles of pills and be over with it.

The silence of her room was too much. The static of the baby monitor wasn't helping.

She picked up her phone. Joel's missed call and voicemail and the short list of ignored texts were still yelling for her attention from her notifications.

She tapped the voicemail. She didn't know why.

"Adira..." His voice was undeniably worried. "The school called. They said your face was... was freshly bruised in history today. And that you weren't there for the first two periods. And that you left before your teacher could ask you about it and didn't come later when he asked you to his office. And I know you said you were with your family, but you weren't at church yesterday, and I'm just... I'm worried, Darling. So, please give me a call back. Or Moriah... or something. Just let us know you're alright... or that you're not, and let us help. Yeah? Alright. We're praying for you. Call me back, please."

She couldn't keep doing this... going off-grid. It made everyone worry even worse.

But she couldn't keep it together right now. They'd worry more if she broke down in front of them.

Or they'd just leave her.

She needed to make her mind shut up now.

Just for a moment, she stared at the card Officer Stephens had given her.

There were helplines on there. Maybe if she just... maybe talking about it would help.

And what if her mother saw that call on her phone?

Hello mental hospital.

Instead, she navigated to Spotify. She meant to go to her own playlists, but instead she found herself on the search bar.

for king and country

And there were Joel and Luke. She clicked on their artist page. The top song was titled "God Only Knows". She tapped on it. The intro carried with it a distinct musical comfort.

Wide awake while the world is sound alseepin'.

Too afraid of what might show up while you're dreamin'.

This was... not happening.

Nobody, nobody, nobody sees you.

Nobody, nobody would believe you.

Not happening. She should just shut it off.

Everyday you try to pick up all the pieces.

All the memories, they somehow never leave ya.

Nobody, nobody, nobody sees you.

Nobody, nobody would believe you.

God only knows what you've been through.

God only knows what they say about you.

God only knows how it's killing you.

But there's a kind of love that God only knows.

God only knows what you've been through.

God only knows what they say about you.

But God only knows the real you.

There's a kind of love that God only knows.

She was crying, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

You keep a cover over every single secret,

So afraid if someone saw them, they would leave.

But Somebody, Somebody, Somebody sees you.

Somebody, Somebody will never leave you.

It... how was this even... this could not be happening.

God only knows what you've been through.

God only knows what they say about you.

God only knows how it's killing you.

But there's a kind of love that God only knows.

God only knows what you've been through.

God only knows what they say about you.

But God only knows the real you.

There's a kind of love that God only knows.

For the lonely, and for the ashamed,

The misunderstood, and the ones to blame,

What if we could start over, we could start over, we could start over?

For the...

She shut it off.

She couldn't do this.

Maybe the lighter would work this time.

This CCM fandom is the best about leaving comments, so I know I don't even really need to ask, but please let me know what you thought, what you think is gonna happen, and anything else on your mind. I'll see you all soon.

Love ya.

- Line <3