Warning: Graphic scene concerning self harm towards the end of the chapter

"Concentrate, Kendra," Carter said patiently. "You know how to read the inscription...At least you use to."

They were standing in the bridge next to the console, now. For half an hour they had been working, trying to unlock the priestess's memories. He'd tried visual shocks, telling her stories, hoping they would help. But so far, nothing seemed to be working.

"Yeah," Kendra huffed in frustration. "Well, my hieroglyphics is a little rusty."

"Lapidary hieratic, actually," Gideon pipped up, "an ancient language lost to the ages."

Kendra ignored the talking computer. She, instead, looked at her soul mate. "Don't you know how to read it?"

Carter shrugged. "It was a language known only to the clergy."

Gideon spoke again, trying to be helpful. "If we only had a Rosetta Stone, I might be able to --"

"Well," Carter said, cutting the AI off, nodding at Kendra. "You are our Rosetta Stone."
She sighed, frustrated, as he walked closer to her.

"Just close your eyes," he told her. "Think of it as meditation. Relax. Open your mind."

Kendra eyed him suspiciously. "You're getting this from that one life where you were a yoga instructor aren't you?"

"...Maybe," he said.

She smirked, rolling her eyes. But she did close them after a moment, breathing slowly. Carter spoke, hoping this would help even a little. "In order for you to remember how to kill Savage, I need you to let your mind float...back through your hundreds of previous lives."

Slowly, he moved behind her, carefully touching her shoulders so he didn't spook her. "You're name is Chay-Ara," he said quietly. "And you're a priestess in the temple of Horus."

For a moment she stood perfectly still, and he could tell that something must have been happening in her mind. Her breathing started picking up a little. She moved away, turning to face him with a gasp.

"What?" he asked, worried. "What did you see?"

"Us," she breathed. "We were together. Like...together together." The way she said it reminded him the way a grade school kid might tell someone they had a crush on them by saying "I like like you." Though, it occured to him that she wasn't really talking about romance. She was speaking more erotically.

"Oh," he muttered awkwardly. She stared back at him, a small blush forming on her cheeks. He thought she looked absolutely adorable that way...her hair falling over her face as she turned her gaze to the floor, the way her hand gently reached up to brush it back again.

For a moment he just watched her, marveling at her beauty. In each life time she always looked a little different, whether it be something about her hair or the color of her eyes, but each time he found her to be absolutely stunning. In this life he hair was a lighter shade of brown than it had been in previous lives, but it still took his breath away. The curls were enchanting. And the way her body curved was enticing.

Of course, her body wasn't the only thing he cared about. She was also the kindest soul he had ever met. She was generous and loving, even to people she had just met. She hated to see another suffer, hated bullying and bigotry. (Not to mention she was a total bad ass on the battle field, if not just a little clumsy.) In this life time they hadn't met until two months ago, but he could already feel his heart yearning for her, longing to be by her side wherever she was. (But only if she wanted him to be.)

That was the only good thing about reincarnation, Carter guessed. He got to fall in love with her over and over again. So, he never forgot why he loved her so much.

In the heat of the moment, Carter leaned forward to kiss her, forgetting that they hadn't yet done so in this life. She had just regained all of her memories, and he hadn't wanted to rush her into anything. So, they had remained abstinent. He pulled away quickly, as he remembered that fact. "I...uh...sorry," he mumbled.

Kendra shook her head. "No," she said quietly. "It's...fine" She looked at him with those big, beautiful brown eyes of hers, smiling softly.

"Right," he nodded, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Well, uh, let's try this again... You know what to do."

She closed her eyes once more, breathing slowly. He watched, wondering how a person could wear so many faces but be so beautiful in all of them. Quietly, he repeated the phrase from a few moments ago, shoving the thought to the back of his mind.

"And though my soul departs the earth," Kendra muttered, her eyes still closed, "I count my days till my rebirth. I will wait across eternity for my love to come back to me." She opened her eyes again, looking at him. He stared back, vaguely remembering those words from somewhere...

"The knife," Kendra said. "You gave it to me. And the inscription... It's a poem -- a love poem, which promises..." She trailed off.

It was strange. Those words sounded more like a prophecy foreshadowing their never ending lives. "Promises what?" Carter asked, though he was sure he already knew.

"That we'd be together forever," Kendra said softly.

For a second they didn't say anything else. They stood, looking in to each others eyes like one of those cheesy romance movies. (She had always hated them, but he'd always secretly enjoyed them.) She stepped forward, closing the gap between them, before leaning in and gently kissing him.

It was their four thousandth first kiss, but the sparks still flew. He felt like a teenager all over again, his body and mind exploding with hormones and emotions he couldn't quite understand. He kissed her back, but it never went further than that. Partly because he didn't want to rush her into anything else, partly because they were interrupted seconds after their lips touched.

Sara came skipping into the bridge, looking like she was up to no good. "Hey, have you seen my -- Oh." She stopped abruptly, when she spotted the two. The hawks quickly jumped away, blushing like school kids.

The blonde smirked teasingly. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No," Kendra said, awkwardly scratching the back of her head. "We were just, um, working on the inscription...Did you need something?"

Sara snapped her fingers and pointed at her. "Right," she said. "Yes. I was looking for my knives."

Carter nodded to a bag sitting by the chair Sara had been sitting in earlier. "Is that them?"

"Ah, yeah. Thanks." Sara walked over and swung the bag over her shoulders. She started out the door again, before Kendra stopped her.

"What did you need them for?" she asked.

"In the League of Assassins, when we have an uncooperative rookie we resort to deadly measures," Sara said, nodding at the bag.

"You're going to throw them at Dez?" Kendra frowned. "Isn't that dangerous?"

Sara rolled her eyes, scoffing. "Please. Five years on Lian Yu was dangerous. This is child's play."

Kendra stared at her, a little worried. "I don't think assassins and children are exactly the same thing."

Sara shrugged. "Potato, patoto. I'll let you two get back to...working on the inscription." With a suggestive wink, she skipped off down the hall again, looking a bit too happy at the idea of throwing knives at someone.

"Uh, she'll be fine," Carter said, referring to Deserey.

Kendra shook her head, chuckling. Carter followed her movement, laughing, too, after a moment. "Nope..."

"She's gonna die," Kendra said.

{~}

When the knife lodged itself into the wall behind her, Deserey jumped, screaming in surprise. She glared at the doorway, spotting a cheeky blonde woman in white leather, a black army bag hanging off her shoulder.

"What the hell, Sara?" Dez complained.

"Relax," Sara said. "I wasn't aiming at you."

"What if you missed?"

She let out a loud laugh, before staring at Deserey seriously. "I don't miss."

Deserey rolled her eyes, sighing loudly. She rested her head against the wall, not really in the mood for the other woman's antics. All she wanted to do was go to her room and sleep, but Sara wouldn't let her leave this room and there was no comfortable place to lay in here.

Another knife lodged itself into the wall, right next to Dez's head. She jumped again. "Sara!" she yelled.

"I said I was going to train you," Sara said.

"I don't want to train," Dez told her, and her voice sounded a bit whiny, even to herself.

"Why not?" Sara asked.

"Because I want to die!" Deserey shouted without thinking.

Sara paused, staring at her, stunned.

"Well... that's one way to out my depression," Deserey muttered to herself.

Sara nodded slowly. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "I didn't know."

"Why the fuck does everyone act like it's cancer? Yeah, I hate myself. That doesn't mean my brain is eating itself, or whatever happens during cancer!" Deserey shouted. Thankfully, no one was around to hear it except Sara.

"I mean, you're freaking Barbie. You're gorgeous, kind, and you can actually take care of yourself. Me, I'm just a whiny, good for nothing who has somehow survived six suicide attempts in the past year."

Sara snorted. "I am not that kind, Dez. And honestly, I cannot for the life of me figure myself out. You say you want to die? Well, I have died. It's not much better, trust me. It's cold...and dark. It's almost like everyone you love is a million miles away...So, trust me. You don't really want to die."

"It's better than living," Deserey muttered.

Sara shook her head. "Not really..."

"Whatever," Deserey said. It was obvious Sara wouldn't believe her, so why preach to someone who already has their mind made up.

"Why do you even think that?" Sara asked softly.

"What's the point of being alive and wasting so much space?" Dez shrugged. "I've never done anything useful. I never will. You heard Rip. We're all useless. We'll never amount to anything."

"That's why we're changing the future," Sara insisted.

"How can you change something that's already been done?"

"But it hasn't," Sara insisted. "It's not set in stone, Deserey, and I guarantee you will have done something worthwhile. Hell, I'm sure you already have, you just didn't realize it.."

Deserey shrugged, not really believing it. She stood up and pulled one of the knives from the wall. For a second she stared at it, wondering how slow death would come if she were to just stab herself right then.

"Don't you dare," Sara said. "I'll have Gideon save you, and then everyone will know, and I bet you don't want that."

Goddamn heroes.

Dez sighed. She lowered the knife slowly, looking at the assassin helplessly. "You're right..." she muttered. "You're right..."

"Only say it if you believe it," Sara replied coldly.

"...Didn't you say you wanted to train?" Dez asked. "I mean, I still don't want to, but it's better than listening to motivational speeches that don't work."

Sara sighed before nodding.

At the exact same second, she threw a knife that landed right next to Deserey's head on the wall. Deserey couldn't help but hope she missed and hit her, instead.

"Don't dream of it," Sara replied. Deserey swore Sara could read her mind sometimes. Sara had a temporary superpower.

The assassin moved forward, circling Deserey. "We'll start with some basic self defense moves. You'll need to know all the pressure points." She touched a spot on her neck, then a face places on her face...and a couple on her arms and legs. It was to show her where the pressure points were, but Dez couldn't help but to feel like maybe it was a bit more aggressive than needed.

"Why do you care?"

"Because you're my friend," Sara said harshly. She stalked back, likely to grab more knives, but Deserey was done with this shit.

"Why, Sara? Why the fuck do you care at all? Because, I'm sorry, but being my 'friend' isn't enough."

"Well, maybe this is," Sara said. She walked up to her, the knives forgotten in her haste. She was so close they were touching, lips merely inches apart.

"...I don't like having friends," Deserey admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "Friends get tired..."

Sara shrugged. "I don't tire easy."

"But you will. They all do."

"Not me. I can go for miles...if you know what I mean." She winked at her.

Dez thought the blonde would make a move...But it was Deserey who closed the distance. Sara froze, surprised by the sudden action. Dez pulled away, embarrassed.

"I..sorry...I thought you were...suggesting something. I...I'm an idiot. I'm sorry." Before Sara could say anything she ran off, disappearing down the hall.

She ran to the bathroom, but before doing so, she grabbed a knife from Sara's pile.

She ran into the bathroom, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm such an idiot," she muttered, pulling her sleeves up. She stared at the many scars there, tears falling into them.

She took a deep breath, wiping at her eyes before making a straight line. She could see, more than feel the blood slowly coming up, but before it could overflow, she made another. Soon, blood was dripping on the floor, neat cuts across her forearms.

"Deserey? Dez? Open up!" Sara shouted from outside the door, but Deserey was so focused she couldn't hear her.

"Dez? You alright?"

Suddenly, the door was being opened and Sara was busting in, only stopping when she saw the knife in the other woman's hand.

"Dez...?"

Deserey froze, knowing she was going to get another lecture from her.

So, before Sara could take it away, Deserey made another cut, closing her eyes in both pain and relief. It just... calmed her. It sounded weird, but the pain could help her focus. It helped her forget her other feelings, her weird stray thoughts. Sara wouldn't understand, and Deserey knew that.

"Dez... why? Why would you do this?"

"You wouldn't get it..." Dez mumbled. "No one ever does...My parents didn't. Friends didn't...Darryl didn't..."

"I don't know who Darryl is, but you can't do this to yourself. This... it's wrong. You don't deserve... this."

"He's my husband," Deserey said. "I mean...he was...But." She shrugged, not knowing what else to say about him. "And I don't do it because I think I deserve pain, Sara. I do it because...it's release. But you won't ever understand. No one ever does..."

But she did deserve it, didn't she? She was just a waste of space, and she couldn't do anything. She deserved this.

"Hey," Sara said softly. "Look at me." She gently placed her hand under Deserey's chin, forcing her to look her in the eyes. "It's okay. I'm not judging you. But I mean it. You don't deserve this pain. You deserve so much more."

"Sure doesn't seem like it," Deserey muttered.

"I don't say anything that I don't mean." Sara stared at her seriously, almost glaring. Like she was daring her to try to say something bad about herself again. "So, when I say you don't deserve to suffer, I mean it. When I say you're my friend, I mean it. It doesn't matter that we haven't known each other long. We're a team. We stick together." She didn't say anything about the kiss, Deserey noticed. She wondered if it had been so terrible...

"Hands, put your empty hands in mine," Sara sung, reaching out for Deserey's hands. "And scars, show me all the scars you hide," Sara whispered, flipping them over to show her wrists. "Please take mine so yours can open too."

"'Cause I'm gonna stand by you," Sara whispered.

"Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes. And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I. And love, if your wings are broken. Borrow mine so yours can open too. 'Cause I'm gonna stand by you," Sara said gripping her hands tightly.

"Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through. Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you. Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you," Sara told her, pulling her out of the bathroom. Deserey wanted to ask where they were going, but she didn't want to ruin the moment.

"Even if we can't find heaven, I'm gonna stand by you. Even if we can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you. Love, you're not alone, 'cause I'm gonna stand by you," Sara sang quietly as they raced through the Waverider's halls toward the Medbay.

That made sense, Deserey decided after a moment of looking at her wrists, which was still bleeding profusely.

"Yeah, you're all I never knew I needed. And the heart, sometimes it's unclear why it's beating. And love, if your wings are broken. We can brave through those emotions too.'Cause I'm gonna stand by you."

Deserey found herself on the table, staring at the ceiling as Sara held her hand and sang to her.

"Oh, truth, I guess truth is what you believe in. And faith, I think faith is helping to reason," Sara said, and when Deserey turned to face her, there were tears in her eyes.

"No, no, no, love, if your wings are broken. Borrow mine so yours can open too. 'Cause I'm gonna stand by you," Sara whispered.

Deserey didn't remember much of what happened next because blood loss started to take effect, but Sara told some things to Gideon, and restraints were being clicked in, but Deserey was too tired to protest.

Soon, she was unconscious.

flarrow444 helped me write the Dez and Sara thing, cause I'm too lazy to do crap on my own. But it's more fun working with others any ways so 🤷🏻

Kay well short AN cause I'm tired. Hope you enjoyed!