A/n: I literally don't remember writing any of these one shots xD

Well, i'm just gonna write this because I feel like it and i'm bored. So this'll be short, but okay I guess.

Janus yawned, waking up from a good night's rest, and tried to get up, feeling that familiar need to pee everybody has and hates in the morning.

Remus however, had different plans.

Remus squeezed Janus tightly and whined, "noooooo I wanna snuggle with you!" He buried his face in Janus' stomach.

Janus chuckled in response and laid back down. "Remus, i'm going to pee on you if you don't let me get up"

Remus groaned, "noooooooo...you-you can waaaaaiiii-aiiiit" he stirred, being drunk on sleep.

"Jesus christ, you're such a child" Janus sighed, spooning Remus, who calmed down and fell completely asleep.

Janus somehow managed to fall asleep as well, but woke up not five minutes later because Remus B slapped him with his stuffed octopus in his sleep.

"Ow, Remus what the he-"

"I'm sorrrrrryyyyyy!" He screeched like a banchi.

"Okay okay I forgive you, christ"

"Actually, I prefer Remus"

Janus looked at him in disgust, "leave the jokes to Patton, you're horrible at this."

A few minutes passed, and Janus got up, making his way to the bathroom, and Remus followed.

"Let's cross streams!" He smiled.

"...No" Janus sighed in amusement.

"Fine" Remus pouted, hopping up onto the counter, peeing in the sink.

"REMUS WHAT THE ACTUAL-"

Remus giggled and watched Janus pull his cock out of his pants.

"Hey, Jan, wanna measure our dongs?" Remus asked.

"...Why?"

"Because I wanna see if mine's bigger!" Remus whined.

"No, that's weird."

"I did it with Roman!" Remus smiled proudly, grabbing some deodorant and smothering it on his armpits.

"Is the reason that people put this on their armpits because sweat it a good dipping sauce? I mean, it gives it a salty taste, I like it! I should start dipping my toenails in it too-"

"ALRIGHT!" Janus yelled, grabbing Remus by the hand, and pulling him back to bed, "we are not having this conversation again"

"Remus pouted, laying down on Janus' chest.

They snuggled for a while, before Remus said out of the blue, "if you like roasted chicken more than raw chicken then you actually love the heat from your oven more than the chicken-"

"Remus, for the love of god, go to sleep" Janus groaned.

Virgil, from the next room over, having heard the entirety of the conversation, thought, 'maybe I should join the light sides'