Warnings: Panic attacks described in detail. There is some somewhat dubious consent to a relationship. Very brief mentions of hookups/sex(all consensual there).

AU. Very loosely based on a prompt. This is also written for -Satan_- - 's 3k follower competition! Congrats to him on reaching so many followers, he deserves every last one of them! Go check out his stuff if you've been living under a rock and haven't yet somehow. Hope you enjoy the story! Also thanks to my friend Jayden jaydendno for giving me a name for one of the characters that appears in this! Also want to apologize: this entry is so incredibly late. It's fine if it doesn't get judged with me rest lmao, just wanted to show support for my good friend! I'm just absolutely god awful with deadlines, sorry Lo

Virgil's heart thrummed loud and fast in his throat, gulping in an attempt to swallow it back down. His hands were sweaty and shaking, and his eyes wide as he stared ahead at his best friend Patton. All this because Patton's hand had brushed his own as he walked past, excitedly approaching a cat that sat ahead of them. He watched as Patton cooed at the black cat that sat tall, tail swishing from side to side as it eyed Patton who had crouched a few feet away, hand outstretched.

It couldn't be for the reason Virgil initially thought, of course not. It must have just surprised him was all, he hadn't been expecting the sudden touch and the fast paced movement of Patton heading towards the cat. He knew that wasn't the case; he knew Patton was going to try to pet the cat the moment he had spotted it, moments before Patton had seen it himself. Virgil took a few shaky steps closer to where he was attempting to draw the creature over, slowly crouching down beside of him, keeping still so he wouldn't startle the cat away. The loud beating had not gone away.

He watched quietly as Patton spoke to the cat in a soft voice, encouraging it to come near. The cat rose slowly, tail flicking in the air as it took a few slow steps in their direction.

"That's it, come on," Patton's smile was brighter than the sun, eyes crinkling as though even he could hardly handle the brightness. The thrumming only got louder, sending Virgil spiraling. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't go through this again.

****

A year ago, Virgil stood before his good friend Vincent, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"You... You like me?" Vincent's gruff voice asked, sounding unusually soft. Virgil stood silently for a few moment's, not sure what he should say. He settled for the truth, nodding his head hesitantly. He couldn't trust his voice in that moment. "Oh."

For a while that was all Vincent said. He stared down at the ground, eyes fixed on a crack in the sidewalk. Virgil's gaze stayed on him, the thunderous sound of his heartbeat drowning out all other sounds around him. He almost jumped when Vincent turned his gaze back up towards him, breath hitching.

"So," Vincent's voice broke through all of the noise, his soft stare settling the thunderstorm happening around Virgil. "How about coffee, this weekend?"

Virgil swallowed again, and this time the lump went down too. "That... That sounds nice. Really nice."

****

The flashing of the television screen cast an odd lighting in the dark room where Virgil and Patton sat, watching a movie about a dog Patton had been wanting to watch. Virgil always tried to warn him it would end with Patton crying at least once, but Patton continued to watch them anyways. The least Virgil could do was watch them with his best friend, to comfort him when the movie ended up being sad, like they always did. Seriously, couldn't anyone make a movie about a dog that ended happy?

He kept a close eye on Patton throughout the film, telling himself it was just to make sure he was okay. He tried not to pay attention to the fact that he was staring at Patton now even as nothing sad was happening on screen. In fact, it was a very happy scene playing out on the TV, if Patton's expression was anything to go by. His lips were pulled back into one of his amazing smiles, head tilting back as he laughed loudly. Virgil could stare at his smile for the rest of his life.

Virgil sucked in a breath of air, silently scolding himself for having those thoughts as his eyes returned to the screen. He kept reminding himself of Vincent, of what happened when they were together, of what happened when he fell in love with others before. This wasn't that kind of love. Patton was just his best friend. That was it.

Virgil sighed quietly, sinking down into the couch. He watched the dog on screen, although his mind wasn't really focusing on what was happening in the film. He reached a hand beside of him on the couch, going for some popcorn. Instead his hand touched another, jumping a little in his seat and looking over to where Patton was also blindly reaching for some popcorn. Patton turned to him as well, smiling over the situation. Virgil was about to pull his hand away when Patton's warm hand grabbed a hold of his, squeezing gently.

Virgil felt the warmth from Patton's touch spread from his fingertips up his arms and to his cheeks, leaving them stained a dark red that he was thankful no one could see in the dim lighting of the room. He very hesitantly squeezed Patton's own hand back, not knowing what else to do in this situation. Luckily for him(unluckily?), Patton let go a moment later, going back to grabbing some popcorn and eyes going back to the movie on screen. The loud thrumming of his heart was back again, louder than ever before. He was sure his head might explode like a ticking time bomb with all of the loud beating heard.

Virgil knew he was doomed.

****

Things with Vincent were nice. They went out on a few dates together, and Virgil couldn't be happier. He was excited at being able to call him his boyfriend.

Their first kiss happened after their fourth date together.

Vincent had walked Virgil home that night after the two of them had dinner, hands linked together and swinging between the two of them. It wasn't long before they arrived at Virgil's apartment building, coming to a stop outside. Virgil turned to look at Vincent, smiling a bit sadly. "I guess... I'll see you soon?"

Vincent nodded, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. He hadn't let go of Virgil's hand yet, giving it a small squeeze as he smiled back at Virgil. "Yeah, soon," He said, stepping just a little bit closer. "Could I, uh... Would you mind if I kissed you?"

Virgil froze, mouth opening and closing for a few moments, trying to get any words to leave his lips. It didn't work so he finally settled for a minuscule nod of his head, making Vincent smile. A warm, calloused hand settled on Virgil's cheek and soon after followed the chapped lips of Vincent's landing on his own. Virgil's hands shook as he reached up to grab the collar of Vincent's jacket, melting into the kiss and slowly relaxing. The kiss started slowly, soft and sweet as they leaned close to each other, before Vincent moved his hand from his cheek to wrap around his back, pulling him in even closer so their chests pressed against each other.

"I love you," Vincent breathed as he pulled away, still holding tightly onto Virgil. "I... wow, I really love you."

"I-I love you too," Virgil said, eyes wide as he rested his chin on Vincent's shoulder. He felt lips press against the crown of his head, reveling in the affection. After nights of worrying that things weren't going to work out, of wondering if Vincent was only with him out of pity, feeling scared Virgil had just ruined a good friendship, it finally felt like things were okay. Vincent loved him, and he loved Vincent.

"Damn," Vincent chuckled, releasing Virgil from his hold and stepping back a bit. "I'm... After this, I don't want tonight to end."

"I mean," Virgil swallowed, glancing towards his door. "You could, come in for a little bit? If you wanted."

Vincent leaned in to kiss Virgil again, sighing into it. He pulled back with a dopey grin, looking almost intoxicated just from the small peck. "As long as you don't mind, I'd love to come in."

****

Soft hands held Virgil's own, swinging back and forth between his and Patton's sides as they walked around the park. Birds chirped in the trees, and the sun beamed down warm and bright. It was dulled in comparison to Patton's melodic voice and glowing smile. Virgil nearly tripped every few moments, too distracted by the shine in Patton's honey eyes and the way his freckles darkened in the glow of the sun.

"You should be more careful!" Patton said as he tripped once more, hand letting go of Virgil's to steady him with two hands on his shoulders. Virgil nodded dumbly, staring up at Patton. He had moved so quickly to catch him, leaving him a little stunned. Patton just smiled down at him, one hand leaving his shoulder to go back to holding his hand, squeezing it gently. He peered down at the ground for a moment, Virgil's gaze staying locked on him. His smile was slightly smaller when he met Virgil's eyes again. "I love you, Virgil."

"I... I love you too," Virgil said, smiling awkwardly. "What brought this on?"

"Well, I... I meant, a little more than platonic." Patton said sheepishly, skin under his freckles turning pink. Virgil's own cheeks quickly became scarlet red, eyes and mouth wide.

"Wha-you, uh... Me?" Virgil sputtered.

"No, the other guy named Virgil so conveniently standing behind you right now," Patton giggled, a little less joyously than usual. His eyes were soft as he looked at Virgil, squeezing his hand one more time before letting go. "Yes, you. You don't have to say anything about it, we can ignore it! I don't want to make you uncomfy-Just, wanted to tell you. I love you."

Virgil's heart was thrumming in his chest again, a mixture of joy and love and pain-Patton loved him, really loved him, and Virgil knew right then he couldn't just ignore the fact that he returned Patton's feelings. No matter how much he had tried to suppress them, tried to remind himself of Vincent, he couldn't stop the reactions he had around Patton. He couldn't stop the beating of his heart, the way a lump formed in his throat and his hands shook, all because he was in love with him. He was in love with him, and Patton loved him back, but Virgil-he couldn't be with someone romantically again. He couldn't go through that-wouldn't put someone else through that.

"Patton, I," Virgil said, voice breaking. His eyes stung. He blinked a few times, willing away the feeling, willing away the tears. What could he do now? How could he handle this? Things would be better if Virgil never fell in love, or at the very least, if Virgil had to love him(really, how could he not?), if Patton hadn't somehow fallen for him too. What was he supposed to do?

"I love you too, Pat." He caught the gleam of hope in Patton's eyes, the corners of his mouth lifting into a smile more like his usual one. "But..."

Virgil felt a stabbing pain shoot through his chest, shattering his heart into pieces. Patton's face had fallen completely, no smile on his lips, shoulders hunching the slightest bit, eyes dull. It was only a moment before Patton quickly hid it, just as he always did with his bad feelings, going back to his bright and happy self. Virgil knew it wasn't his true happiness. He couldn't do this to Patton-he couldn't break his heart.

"But," Virgil breathed, squeezing his eyes closed. He needed to save this, to fix the sadness he had caused in the man he loved. "Can we... take things slow?"

Patton froze for a moment, expression blank, an unusual sight for him. A moment later he was smiling hesitantly, eyes brightening up again. "Does that mean... you want to be together? The two of us?"

"No, me and that other guy behind you." Virgil muttered, smiling softly. Patton giggled again, this time finally the right one, loud and pleased. Virgil had two arms thrown around him, squeezing him tight. Virgil hugged back quickly, face buried in Patton's shoulder, hiding his worry. How was he going to manage this?

****

Vincent frowned as he pulled open the door to Virgil's apartment, stepping inside and finding his boyfriend at the kitchen counter, scrolling on his phone. He walked over towards Virgil, intent on having a serious conversation with him.

"Hey, Virgil." Vincent said, stepping up beside of him. "I'd like to talk with you about something, if you're not busy."

"Oh," Virgil said, turning towards him and nodding slowly, carefully. His stomach was already slowly beginning to twist itself in knots, wondering what was wrong. They hadn't seen each other in a few days. Virgil was expecting a happier hello, maybe a greeting kiss. He didn't expect... this. "Uh, yeah I'm, I'm able to talk."

Vincent paused, hands picking at the bottom of his shirt nervously. He didn't quite know where to begin with this. To stall, he leaned down and pressed a small peck to Virgil's lips.

Almost immediately all the tension slipped away from his body, loosening up and feeling brand new. He forgot what was on his mind entirely, focusing solely on his boyfriend. A small peck turned into a long, passionate kiss, Vincent crowding Virgil in against the counter.

"God, I love you," Vincent muttered against his lips, arms wrapped tightly around him.

"Vincent," Virgil said, gently pushing him away. Vincent didn't want to pull back, kissing him deeply, but Virgil pressed harder and Vincent got the hint. He leaned away slightly, although still holding onto him. "Vincent, you're kind of giving me mixed signals here. What did you want to talk about? You were so serious a second ago, I... I thought for sure you were about to break up with me."

Virgil laughed a little awkwardly, smile not at all genuine.

"I would never break up with you," Vincent breathed, shaking his head. "You make me so happy, Virgil. I-to be honest, I don't even remember what I wanted to say. Right now, I just want you. All I can think of is you."

"O-oh," Virgil said, cheeks bright red. He let Vincent pull him back in for another kiss, and another.

"You're so intoxicating," Vincent said, kissing Virgil's cheek, his jaw. "I love you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'm not going anywhere," Virgil said, holding Vincent close. "I don't know what I'd do without you either."

****

Patton was the absolute best friend and partner Virgil could ever have asked for. Of course, this just had to make things worse for Virgil. He was the kindest soul on the planet and Virgil fell for him deeper and deeper every moment they were together.

Patton had completely agreed to taking things slowly. Not a whole lot had changed between them-though now they did happen to say they loved each other more often, and there were even more small touches between them. More hand holding, sitting close together, even cuddling more often.

They even went on a date together. It was the best date Virgil had ever been taken on-Patton was so kind and considerate of his feelings, the things he most enjoyed. They had gone to watch a horror film Virgil had been wanting to watch, despite the fact that Patton hated scary movies. He clung to Virgil the entire movie, which neither of them minded much at all. Then after the movies, they had gone back to Patton's apartment where they made a nice dinner(Virgil wasn't fond of environments with lots of people, like restaurants, and Patton remembered this). The food was amazing, and the time spent with Patton was even nicer.

Things were... perfect. Patton was perfect, and Virgil adored every moment they spent together. But beneath the joy was the lingering, nagging feeling of anxiety that plagued him. He was going to ruin this. Just like every other relationship previously, just like with Vincent, he was going to ruin it. It was only a matter of time.

He didn't want to lose Patton like he'd lost everyone else.

A few weeks passed by, and Virgil had almost forgotten all of his anxieties. Patton was so sweet to him, and he was so in love, it was hard to focus on why this could never work out. On why they were doomed to fail, and he would lose Patton forever. He was on top of the world, and nothing could bring him down.

At least, that's what he thought.

Virgil found himself that night being held in the arms of the man he loved more than anyone he had ever loved before. The television was on, quietly playing cartoons that they were hardly paying any attention to. The pair were too wrapped up in each other, figuratively and literally. Virgil rested atop Patton's chest, face hidden in his neck, his arms curled around his waist. Patton had one arm curled around his back, the other behind his neck, playing with the hair there gently. Their legs were tangled together in a way that it was hard to tell where one of them ended and the other began. It was warm, safe, relaxing. Virgil had no worries at all in that moment, surrounded by the one he adored. Patton made him feel like he had nothing but positive things to think and feel.

Patton shifted a small bit, encouraging Virgil to lift his head from its hiding place and look at his face. Patton's warm eyes, like melted chocolate, gazed softly and intently into Virgil's own. He ran a hand through Virgil's hair again, smoothing it back so his bangs were out of his face, giving him an even better view of his eyes. His voice was soft as a cloud, drifting through the air to Virgil.

"Virge?" Patton mumbled, pulling his hand from Virgil's hair and watching as it all pooled back in front of his eyes again, smiling as he pushed it back once more. Virgil watched him carefully, tilting his head the slightest bit in a nod. His heart stopped as he thought he saw Patton's eyes dart down to his lips, hoping, praying he was wrong.

"Can I kiss you?"

Even with Patton's voice always being so soft and soothing the words felt like a slap in the face. With a brick. Virgil's eyes went wide and panicked, suddenly recoiling from Patton's hold entirely. Patton gripped tighter for a moment automatically, causing Virgil to panic the slightest bit more as Patton finally let go to let him move away. Virgil collapsed backwards onto the floor beside of the couch, his hands coming up to grip at his hair as he tried to draw in a breath, finding it almost impossible to get any air to his lungs.

"No, no, no," Virgil muttered, body shaking as he sat there, a terrified Patton standing by wondering what had just happened. "No I can't, I can't do this, I can't, I-I-"

"Virgil," Patton said a moment later, finally getting his bearings. He had been with Virgil through many panic attacks, knew what they were like. He sat himself down in front of Virgil, a good distance between them to give Virgil room to breathe. "Hey, listen to me. I need you to breathe, okay? Can you do that for me?"

Virgil tried his best to breathe, to try and calm himself, to do anything other than sit there and sob. When had tears started falling? He wasn't sure.

"Virgil, can I touch you?" Patton asked, hands reaching out and pausing a good distance away from Virgil's arms.

"No!" Virgil said immediately, jerking backwards, trying to get away. "No, no, don't, I can't, please-"

"I won't then," Patton said quickly, trying to assure him. "I won't do anything you don't want Virgil. I'll stay right here, okay? I just want to help. Try and breathe again, please?"

Virgil nodded slowly, seeming to calm a little knowing Patton wasn't going to touch him. Wasn't going to kiss him. He tried his best to follow along with Patton, breathing in deeply, holding, them releasing. Breathing in, holding, releasing. In. Hold. Release.

****

"Vincent!" Virgil said, eyes wide as he opened the door to see his boyfriend. He rushed forward to give him a hug. "I-oh! You're, you're back! I... missed you."

Vincent didn't return the hug for a moment. When he did his movements were stiff, very briefly touching Virgil's back before retreating away, putting space between them. Virgil recoiled, feeling nervous. It had been a week since they had last seen each other, and this was the response he was getting when they finally got to see each other again?

"We... should talk, Virgil." Vincent said, tongue darting out to wet his frowning lips.

"O-okay," Virgil nodded, stepping aside so Vincent could come inside, heart hammering loudly in his chest. He let Vincent lead the way, settling down on an arm chair, leaving Virgil to sit on the couch across from him. "What's up..?"

"Virgil... I don't really know how to explain this." Vincent said, gaze on the floor. Virgil already knew what was coming here, he knew he was being broken up with. He just nodded his head, waiting for Vincent to continue on. He couldn't speak up himself.

Silence dragged on for a few minutes, the room heavy with anxiety. It seemed if anything else were to happen the tension might just drop through the floor, too heavy to be held up any longer. When Vincent finally spoke Virgil could almost feel exactly that happening right beneath his feet.

"Virgil. I don't know if I have ever really been in love with you."

Virgil had expected a lot of things to leave Vincent's mouth. "I'm breaking up with you," or "we just aren't right for each other!" Maybe even "it's not you, it's me." Any of that would have been better than the admission coming from Vincent now.

"What... What does that mean?" Virgil asked, tongue sharp. "Why... why would you even agree to go out with me then?"

"Virgil," Vincent said, frowning. He met Virgil's eyes, looking nervous, scared, awkward. "You're my friend. I didn't... I'd never want to hurt you and I thought... well, I hoped maybe you'd lose interest or, or I'd start to like you. And... well, I thought that happened."

"You thought what happened?"

"I thought I loved you." Vincent said. "I kissed you for the first time and I just... felt this rush of emotion. It felt... amazing. Addicting. At first... it felt like love."

It was silent again for a few minutes, neither saying anything. After some time Vincent sighed, and started to explain more.

"It happened again, every time I kissed you. I couldn't get enough of it. It just... felt amazing. It made me want to be around you, want to kiss you more. It made me love you. But... I didn't. Not really." Virgil noticed him pause to wring his hands in his lap, eyes gazing at his hands rather than Virgil. "Then I went to work. And it... faded. I started thinking of you the same as I always did. As a friend. I didn't want to kiss you. But I'd get back to you, and I did it anyways and... then it just got worse."

"What do you mean, 'got worse?'" Virgil said, voice cracking. It was then he noticed how blurry the world had become, blinking and feeling something cool run down his cheek.

"I felt it for longer. What I mistook as love... But there were always those times when it would wear off, when I'd think... do I actually love him? And so, I needed to go on a break, a vacation. I had to get away."

"You planned your whole trip just to get away from me?" Virgil asked.

"Don't put it like that, Virgil," Vincent said softly, meeting his gaze with pleading eyes. "I... I don't want to hurt you, I just. Being away... it cleared my head. It made me feel better, normal... and I realized that I just... don't see you that way. I never really have. I don't know what it is, what I feel when we kiss but... it isn't real love. I know that now."

Virgil squeezed his eyes shut, feeling tears leak through and pour down his face. He wiped them away with balled fists, hands shaky.

"Are you okay..?" Vincent asked, standing to step closer to Virgil, to check on him. Virgil stood up quickly as well, holding a hand up to stop him from getting closer.

"Don't. Please. Just... leave." He pointed in the general direction of the door, eyes too blurred to even tell where anything was. He closed his eyes again, quiet sob shaking him, and heard the door being closed a few moments later. After he waited a moment and was sure that Vincent was gone Virgil collapsed onto his couch, face down in the cushions he sobbed into.

****

The heavy, but finally calm breathing from Virgil filled Patton's living room, accompanied only by the sound of the tv still softly playing, the both of them far too distracted to shut it off. Virgil's hands had gone from clutching at his hair to resting gently in his lap, palms up as he stared down at them. He still followed the breathing technique Patton had guided him through, breathing slow and deliberate, bringing him back to a sense of calmness.

"Better?" Patton asked, voice quiet as he could make it. Virgil still flinched away the slightest bit, looking up at Patton quickly. It took a moment for his question to register but once it did he nodded, keeping his gaze up on Patton. Patton watched as his palms curled more naturally in his lap, shoulders lowering and becoming less stiff.

"Okay. Good. Feel up to talking? About what happened?" Patton kept his voice just as soft, glad when Virgil didn't flinch this time. Virgil stared back at him, considering.

"I don't know... how to explain." Virgil said, swallowing around the lump forming in his throat again. "You... won't believe me."

"Virgil, I will always trust and believe in you." Patton assured, reaching out to take Virgil's hand only to pause halfway. He started to pull back but Virgil reached out and held it, squeezing gently. Patton squeezed back. "Talk to me. I'll listen. Why... Why didn't you want to kiss me?"

"I do." Virgil mumbled. Patton looked at him, confused. Waiting for more. "I do want to kiss you. I... I can't."

"Can you tell me why not?" Patton asked, careful. His thumb carefully traced lines on the back of Virgil's hand, gentle and soothing. He added on, as an afterthought. "You don't have to. It's okay if you don't want to explain."

Virgil's eyes met Patton's, holding his gaze intently. His eyes were watery, brows furrowed and he sniffled quietly. He hesitated for a long while, just watching, thinking.

"I... there is something wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you," Patton said quickly, frowning. "Whatever this is, it isn't your fault. It's okay. You can't help it, Virge."

Virgil didn't say anything to that, squeezing his eyes closed as a few tears slipped from his eyes. It was a while before he met Patton's eyes again, looking even more dejected than before.

"There is. I don't know why, I don't know how, but just... I know, I know that it sounds crazy, but I need you to believe me, okay?" He stared at Patton, desperate, pleading. His voice came out slightly strangled. "Please."

"Of course, Virgil." Patton nodded, hand that wasn't holding Virgil's going to wrap around his shoulders, pulling him in close. Virgil let him, collapsing against him, melting at the fingers that ran through his hair soothingly. "You can tell me anything. I'll believe you. I promise."

"Thank you," Virgil uttered, almost inaudible. Patton caught it still, Virgil's head was resting in his shoulder, right by his ear. He just shook his head slightly, continuing to play with Virgil's hair.

"You've got nothing to thank me for." He muttered, squeezing Virgil's hand. A few moments of silence passed between them, Virgil gathering his thoughts and courage. Finally, his lips were moving next to Patton's ear, voice just loud enough to be heard.

"I don't know how this happened. I don't know why. All I know is... no one can kiss me." He started, voice shaking. He knew he had to explain himself though, so he kept going. "When they do, it's like... it's like they've been drugged."

"Drugged?" Patton asked, frown forming on his lips.

"They fall in love with me," Virgil said finally, letting out a breath. "It's immediate... someone I don't even know, they'll kiss me, and then it's like... they become obsessed. I know, this is crazy. I know it makes me sound like some crazy narcissistic asshole but I-I swear it's true, and it's happened to me so many times, and I don't want it to happen to you because I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to make you think you love me when you don't, I-"

"Virgil," Patton cut him off, voice soft and gentle. "Breathe, okay? I believe you. I do. I trust everything you say."

"You do?" Virgil asked, almost choking on the words. Patton could feel hot tears falling to his shoulder, holding Virgil tighter in his arms.

"I do. I promise, I do." He said, trying to soothe Virgil. He truly did believe him-he couldn't possibly believe Virgil would make this up, and he knew for sure that he wasn't crazy. "I believe you, Virgil. It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

The two sat that way for some time, still in the floor, holding each other like a lifeline. Virgil still cried hot tears into Patton's shoulder, apologizing briefly only to be told not to apologize, that it was fine. Patton whispered soft reassurances to Virgil, helping him to calm until no more tears were falling.

"Virge?" Patton whispered, pulling back the slightest bit. Virgil's head was moved from his shoulder, leaving him seeming slightly disappointed as he looked up at Patton. "Why don't we get up from here? Sit back on the couch? It's comfier."

Virgil slowly nodded his head, pushing away from Patton to slowly rise onto wobbly feet. He almost fell before Patton caught him, hands on his waist as he rose up, keeping him steady.

"Careful," he said softly, helping Virgil lower himself back down on the couch, following soon after. He sat right next to Virgil, shoulders and knees pressed together. As soon as he was fully sat down Virgil was wrapping his way around Patton, curling into him fully, clearly not wanting to be apart from him. Patton held him back, only using one arm to reach for the remote so he could finally shut off the still playing television in the background before going back to holding Virgil with both arms.

"So," Patton began, finger twirling a strand of Virgil's hair gently. "You're scared that you'll kiss me, and I'll falsely fall in love with you?"

Virgil stayed silent for a moment before slowly nodding his head.

"Virgil," Patton sighed, pushing Virgil's head back gently, brushing his hair out of his eyes to see his face clearly. "That's impossible."

Virgil tensed immediately, frown forming on his lips and his cheeks burning red. "You don't believe me."

"No, no, I do!" Patton rushed to explain himself, eyes wide in a panic. "That's not what I meant, let me explain, okay?"

Virgil settled a little, still watching tensely. "What do you mean, then?"

"Kissing you won't make me love you. I'm already in love with you, Virgil." Patton explained, smiling softly and nervously. "Whatever this is, it isn't going to make me falsely love you. Not when I already know I do."

"Y-you... how do you know-I mean... you're in love with me?" Virgil asked, eyes wide.

"I tell you I love you all the time, Virge." Patton chuckled a little, eyes crinkling. Virgil really wished he could kiss him now, seeing his wide, perfect smile.

"That's different," Virgil muttered, disbelief obvious. "Loving someone... and being in love... Very different."

"I guess so," Patton agreed, watching Virgil carefully. "You know, Virgil. I will never ever do anything in my life to make you uncomfortable. But... if you want to kiss me, then I'm right here. I already love you. It won't change a thing."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I can't be positive unless we try," Patton said, hand finding Virgil's again to squeeze it comfortingly. "But I know my feelings, Virgil. I know I love you, for real. I would know if it changed. If you want to try... I'm right here for you."

"What if it does change?" Virgil asked, and Patton almost didn't hear him.

"Then we stop. I won't kiss you again. We'll talk, figure out boundaries, but regardless of what happens, Virgil..." Patton smiled softly, hand coming up to rest on his cheek. His touch was gentle, his hand soft. "I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to. I'm here for you, always. However you need me to be."

"Have I told you enough that you're the best?" Virgil asked, voice breaking.

"You deserve only the best, Virge." Patton responded, thumb swiping across Virgil's cheek. "It's up to you, Virgil. What do you want to do?"

"Kiss me?" Virgil almost begged, eyes staring into Patton's, filled to the brim with love and adoration. "Please?"

Patton smiled his wide and perfect smile, hand still on Virgil's cheek, and he leaned forwards.

Smooth, perfect lips, still smiling that perfect, beautiful smile met Virgil's own. Virgil couldn't believe this was real, that the same smile he often found himself staring at, dreaming of, the smile that he loved so much was pressed against his own lips now, moving soft and slow, almost barely there. It lasted only a few moments that felt like forever and not enough time at all for Virgil, finding himself whining as Patton pulled his smiling lips back so he could look at Virgil's face.

The reality of the situation came crashing back down for Virgil, remembering what he had been so worried about. He watched Patton's eyes flutter opened, the smile still on his lips, his touch still so soft and light and unbelievable. Virgil had just kissed the love of his life and he may have just ruined everything.

"How... do you feel?" Virgil asked, finding his voice. Patton's smile twitched, even larger now somehow.

"Warm." He said. "Warm, happy. In love. The same as I always feel when I'm around you."

A rush of emotions overwhelmed Virgil's senses, relief, happiness, and yet still some apprehension. Tears were spilling over yet again as he opened his mouth. "S-so, nothing different?"

"Nothing different." Patton confirmed, pulling Virgil in for a long, long hug. He didn't plan to let go for the rest of the night. "I love you so much, Virgil. Just like I always have."

"I love you too," Virgil choked out between sobs, clutching at Patton, at his love, at the man who loved him for real. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

****

A knock sounded off at Virgil's door.

"Coming!" He called, trudging slowly towards the door to answer it. He peered through the peephole first, excitement and nervousness rushing through him as he saw that it was his boyfriend, Patton. He unlocked the door quickly, pulling it open and being wrapped in a hug immediately.

"Virgil!" Patton said excitedly, holding him close. It had been a few days since the two had seen each other-one last test to make sure that it was real. For Virgil's peace of mine. "I missed you so much."

"How do you feel?" Virgil questioned, holding Patton tightly. He didn't want to pull back yet, didn't want Patton to see his face. "How have you been feeling?"

"I missed you while I was gone. It didn't go away. I just... couldn't wait to get here and spend time with the one I love most." Patton said. "Now that I'm here, I'm happy. I can't wait to cuddle on the couch all day while we watch cartoons together. I love you."

Virgil felt himself almost shaking from the joy and relief he felt flooding through him at Patton's words, knowing now for sure that this was real. Patton loved him, and it wasn't because of whatever crazy thing that caused people to obsess over him after he kissed them. He truly, honestly loved him for him.

"I love you too," Virgil said, finally pulling back and letting Patton see the wide grin that had broken out across his face. "It's real. It's all real."

"It is," Patton nodded, brushing Virgil's hair out of his face. "Does this mean I'm allowed to kiss you? We can wait some more, if you need time. I'd wait forever for you."

"Fuck waiting," Virgil said, pulling Patton in by his shirt before he could comment on Virgil's swearing, lips covering his in a fiery, long awaited kiss. Patton had no opposition to this, arms wrapping quickly around Virgil to bring him in closer, kicking the door shut behind him.

They both knew that what they had was absolutely, without a doubt real, and nothing could possibly change their love.