(Trigger warning. S^icide, dark thoughts, sad Patton, depressive thoughts. Slf hrm mentions, this is a pretty heavy angst, slightly unsympatheticlight sides, sympathetic Remus)

Patton's POV

Happy.
I have to be happy, im behind Thomas's happy feelings. I cant be sad right? Im your happy pappy Patton. I will always act like that at least. Though it's just an act. Im really behind all Thomas's feelings. Good and bad. Though lately I've only been feeling the bad. Not because of Thomas, no, because im just..not okay. Everything has been so hard. Impossible, they all hate me and I dont know if I can do it.

Virgil went off because I messed up his jacket washing it, Logan hit me for getting in his way and for always making a mess. Janus called me useless. Roman attacked me for being the one to cause him and Remus to split. It was an accident and ive been trying to find a way to get them back for years, but I cant figure it out. The only one who hasn't hurt or yelled at me was Remus

Its fine though. It'll be okay. Soon enough I'll be gone and they will be able to get back together and be creativity again. Ill make sure someone else can be Thomas's Morality so he won't be hurt by me anymore.

Anyways, I was in my room surrounded by many plushies and my own blood. Shameful that it got on the poor plushies. I should've been more careful. Right now I was looking through a scrapbook, both arms still leaked blood from self-inflicted cuts that I did not long ago. I didnt have the motivation to clean up or bandage my arms.

Looking through the beautiful pictures of all of us sides and Thomas some from a while ago and some from pretty recent. After a few minutes I set the pale blue scrapbook down shoving myself to my feet and forcing myself to my bathroom cleaning myself off with a sigh. I didnt want to just I had to so I could go make lunch.

Cleaning up and bandaging myself I head back to my room slipping on a blue sweater with my normal khaki pants and grey cardigan around my shoulders. It was getting colder so I could get away with the sweater. Cleaning up my tear stained face and fixing my messy honey hair and my gold-rimmed circle lens glasses i head downstairs to the kitchen. Logan and Janus were playing chess Virgil wasnt there probably in his room. Roman was watching Hamilton in the living room. Remus was messing with something. Im not even sure what. I head to the kitchen and make lunch, i just make sandwiches for everyone.

Putting in a smile i call out.
"Lunch time kiddos!!"
I set the plates with everyone's lunch down at their seats. Remus was the first one in perching in his chair. Next was Roman who looked annoyed
"Whats wrong kiddo."

"I was in the middle of Hamilton and you inturupted" he says in an annoyed lower tone

"Im sorry Roman, you.can go back if you want with lunch" I try

"Of course im going to. Thanks for lunch"he takes his plate before walking back out. Soon 'Dear Theodosia' was heard.

Next was Logan and Janus who both took their sears. Last was Virgil who looked upset too.

"Your loud Patton. I was sleeping"

"Sorry Virge, I didn't mean to wake you. You can go back to bed!" I say with a convincing but fake smile.

He just nods sitting and eating. I go and clean up,not worried about eating it wouldn't make a difference soon.

Not since you'll be dead soon

'Not the time' I think keeping up my smile. The others don't seem to care that im not eating as they stay quiet all but Remus who talks to himself about random things like always. I jist walk out after cleaning up.
"Im heading to my room. Goodbye kiddos. Love you all!!"
I say cheerfully only Remus glances up when I leave. A worried look on his face but i ignore it and leave. No one follows. I head to my room grabbing a notebook and baby blue sparkly pen before I head up to the roof of the mind palace. Sitting down about a foot from the roof as I just think looking out over the imagination around up,zoning out.

There has been so much, and I cant keep up the acting. I can only act okay for so long but I have to be happy. I have to be happy. I am happy, or I will be soon, not because ill be away from my kiddos. Thats the only thing thats kept my alive. Though I've been told constantly that the others aren't my kiddos. They don't like that, they aren't little angels. They don't like it when I treat them like my children. So I dont really have much to keep me going. They all hate me anyways so its not like what im goingnto do will matter.

I wish that I could fly

Such a pretty sight all around. So high up. I could see the whole world from up here

Way up in the sky

Beautiful birds fly above head. Without a care in the world. They looked so happy, careless, free.

Like a bird so high

Maybe if I jumped id fly too. Just like a bird. I'd be free. Happy. Careless. Weightless.

I start to write to the others. I felt like I had to.

Dear kiddos,
Sorry I know you hate when I call you that but I just wanted to one more time. Im sorry I wasn't your happy pappy Patton and im sorry to leave. I cant keep pretending though. Its so hard to keep going when I know you all hate me. Thats okay though I don't blame you. I could never blame you. I'd hate me too. Im childish and annoying, too much. Im nothing good and im useless. Im sorry for everything. By the time you see this I will have already flown. Ill be free and happy. Weightless and care-free. Ill be a beautiful bird. Sorry I had to leave though and don't worry, nothing will happen to Thomas. Someone else will either take Morality or there will be a new Morality soon. Ill miss you all so, so much. I love you all so much.

Goodbye,
Patton Sanders <3

Oh I might just try

I finish writing, as I walk to the edge letting my legs dangle over the edge. I magic my notebook to my room. I doubt anyone will see it but I make sure its on my bed before looking out over the imagination again. I let tears freely fall down my ivory cheeks as I silently pray someone, anyone, came to stop me. Someone came and told me they loved me and it would be okay. Anyone.

Oh I might just try

I just wanted it all to stop and this was the only way I could think of at this point. I wanted a reason to keep going. I wanted someone. I wanted something. Anything at all. I prayed someone would come up and stop me even though I knew they wouldnt. Taking off my pale grey cardigan, I pull myself up to my feet looking at the light turquoise sky snowy clouds scattered about as the golden sun shone through the clouds. I smile softly listening to the distant singing of the birds. The beautiful birds. Shivering at the cold breeze around me. It was mid-fall and getting cold. I look at the pretty reds and oranges around me as I try to silently talk myself out if what im going to do but I cant. I hope someone will come stop me but they don't. I think its about time for me to go. For me to fly. For me to be free and happy. For it all to end. Slowly I move one leg off the edge, heart beat picking up anxiously as tears blur my vision.

"Its time for me to fly. Goodbye kiddos. I love you" I say aquamarine eyes fluttering shut.

I take a deep, shaky breath before leaning forward letting my weight go off the edge. Everything around me slowed down as I fell,as I flew. It would all soon be over. Tears slipped from my closed eyes flying up around me. The next thing I know, I hear a scream of my name. Then I hit the ground, or at least I thought it was. I blacked out.

Remus's POV

I went to check on Patton. He didnt seem okay at lunch and when I get to his room there was no one there. I was aboutnto leave when a notebook poofed in and landed with a soft 'plop' on the bed. I go over and read it.

'Dear kiddos
Sorry I know you hate when I call you that but I just wanted to one more time. Im sorry I wasn't your happy pappy Patton and im sorry to leave. I cant keep pretending though. Its so hard to keep going when I know you all hate me. Thats okay though I don't blame you. I could never blame you. I'd hate me too. Im childish and annoying, too much. Im nothing good and im useless. Im sorry for everything. By the time you see this I will have already flown. Ill be free and happy. Weightless and care-free. Ill be a beautiful bird. Sorry I had to leave though and don't worry, nothing will happen to Thomas. Someone else will either take Morality or there will be a new Morality soon. Ill miss you all so, so much. I love you all so much.
Goodbye,'

I read it. Slowly going from confused to worried to running out of the room when I finished reading. Throwing the notebook quickly back on to the bed. Damnit where is he?! I search the mind palace quickly throwing open doors and running quickly. I couldn't find him and begin to actually think. Where could he be. Not in the palace. He couldn't have gotten to far. He said he wanted to fly. Fly. THE ROOF! I quickly run up to the roof sprinting through the labyrinth that was the halls of the palace. Soon I find the stairs running so fast I nearly fall. I throw open the door just to see Patton go over the edge.

"PATTON!"

I scream running over quickly trying to use my powers.

Come on. Come on. Stop him from falling. Turn the ground into something soft. I dont fucking know just keep him alive. Come on one time. Save someone instead of hurting them please. Come on!

I mentally scream focusing all my energy on saving Patton. I cant loose him i cant loose him. I cant loose him.
I look down to see him falling slower and landing gentler. Still not perfect but I think he's alive. I quickly hurry down to where he was checking for any sort of sign of life.

..

..

..

There was a heartbeat. Oh thank gods. He was alive. I quickly run him inside trying to hope he wakes up. I needed him to wake up.

-Time Skip about an hour-
Patton's POV

Soon enough I feel myself wake up. What? I jumped, why was I waking up? Was this the afterlife or something? What happened.

"What?" I barely whisper out the bright light blinding even though the rooms lighting was pretty dull

"Oh your awake. Thank gods"
I hear next to me jumping and turning to Remus who was per hed in a chair next to where I was, I was in a bed I assumed was Remus', he looked worried which was strange coming from Remus but I didn't think about it

"I am. What happened"

"You tried to kill yourself and i saved you to put it simply of course. I went to check on you and saw your notebook land. Read it. Ran around to find you before figuring you were at the roof. I run up just to see you jump and used my powers to stop you from hitting the ground and turning into a pancake."
The other said and I nod before when continues
"Why'd you try to off yourself? People here love you yknow. If anything I really care about you. So, let's talk about it if you want to. Ill help if I can. I might be an annoying bitch sometimes but ill listen."
Remus says taking one of my hands and I nod. I finally let myself break and I talk. I explain everything. What the others say, how I felt, how everything seemed wrong. How I just wanted it all to stop. Everything. He listened to every word and at some point I ended up crying against his chest with him hugging me close. We talked for hours, and hours. And soon enough I had cried myself to sleep on his chest. It felt so mice to have someone care for you. It made me feel better to know i was loved and cared about and I was okay.

I had a point go live now. It was Remus.

__________________________________
Okay, im ending it here. Sorry if this sucked it was kinda a bit if a vent post(im okay I promise) so sorry if its shitty. I hope you enjoyed anyways. Ill see you a in the next chapter. Have an amazing day/night/morning/evening/afternoon etc
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