But it's angst

This version is better than the original in my opinion ^^^^

This is also kind of a vent chapter. Long story short my brain is stupid and I wish I could crush my feelings and emotions into a ball and throw them into the sun.

Also don't worry it has a (semi) happy ending

TW: fighting, crying, break up,

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I was growing younger day by day,
There was love and it was all the rage,
And I held you with a wandering eye.

~~~~~~~~~~

There had always been a nice dynamic between Roman and Virgil. They had always had sexual tension before they started dating. But now that they were dating, they weren't as happy as when they were just hopelessly pining over each other. But they keep their heads high and continue to try and feel the same as they used to, but they are slowly falling out of love with each other.

~~~~~~~~~~

Now I know the girl I should've known,
Now I know the love I should've shown,
And I pull you in,
But you push me,
Out.

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There was still so much that they had to work through, but they refused to talk about it. Roman and Virgil push each other out more than they talk to each other. They both knew that's not how relationships were supposed to work, but they didn't care at that point. They just kept pretending.

~~~~~~~~~~

And I know,
You don't love me so,
But please say it,
Once,
Before I go.

~~~~~~~~~~

They both knew that they didn't love each other. But they just wanted so desperately for someone to love them and to have someone to love. So they tried to just fake it. But now, it was all ending. Virgil was about to leave. He stood on the threshold. Turning back to Roman with tears in his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~

I know that you can feel me,
Tell me that you don't love me,
But say it one more time

~~~~~~~~~~

"Just... say you love me. If you can do that, I'll stay."

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm going darling,
I'll step lightly,
Live on as if you still love me,
Just say it one more time,

~~~~~~~~~~

And so Roman did. He faked loving Virgil. He said it so he would stay. He couldn't let someone like Virgil get away. He knew it was selfish to want him and to not love him the way he deserved, but he couldn't help the greed. So he lied. Saying he loved him. And Virgil didn't leave. He rushed back and kissed Roman. And for that moment, everything was perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~

Even if it's a lie.

~~~~~~~~~~

But then the fighting started again. The screaming at each other. The slamming of doors instead of kissing goodnight. The pain and misery that happened often for both of them. The crying on the floor of the kitchen while eating chocolate ice cream and feeling horrible about themselves for hours.

~~~~~~~~~~

Even if it's a lie.

~~~~~~~~~~

The fact that they both knew they were lying to each other and themselves was tearing them apart. They were hurting each other more than pulling each other up. But they didn't leave. They couldn't leave. Not after being so close to a real relationship. Being so close to the thing that both of them wanted more than anything in the whole world.

~~~~~~~~~~

The colors in the dress you used to wear,
The way that you'd put up your golden hair,
But I'll turn the lights down,
And leave.

~~~~~~~~~~

They both remembered the good times. The times when they were young and stupid and just in love. They remember being high school sweethearts. Both being told they would marry each other one day and they had believed it. They had wanted that. They had wanted to start a life together. But once they got out of high school, and the hormones started to even out, they fell out of love. But they wanted what they had.

~~~~~~~~~~

All the ways that I could say it now,
You're the girl to push away my doubt,
But it's too late,
And we're too young to know.

~~~~~~~~~~

They used to be each other's safe space, helping each other through everything. They were the perfect high school couple. But now, they didn't know what they were.

~~~~~~~~~~

And I know,
You don't love me so,
But please say it,
Once,
Before I go.

~~~~~~~~~~

The screaming and fighting and misery had worn on the two. They had become angry with each other and couldn't even look at each other as normal people. They had gone back into high school. But not where they wanted to be. They had gone to before that. Virgil being suicidal and not trusting anyone, and Roman going back to his arrogant and blinded self. They both now hated each other.

~~~~~~~~~~

I know that you can feel me,
Tell me that you still love me,
But say it one more time,

~~~~~~~~~~

But they still wanted someone to love.

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm going darling,
I'll step lightly,
Live on as if you still love me,
But say it one more time

~~~~~~~~~~

But now they lay alone. They sit in apartments across the city from each other. They lay miserable and waiting to feel better about themselves. They won't ever see each other again. They made sure of it. Staying as far away as possible.

~~~~~~~~~~

Oooooh~
Oooooh~

~~~~~~~~~~

And maybe that was a good thing. They could start over their lives without the other haunting their every move. They didn't have to live with the fact that they were faking being in love. And maybe that would be a good change.

~~~~~~~~~~

I know that you can feel me,
Tell me that you don't love me,
But say it one more time.
I'm going darling I'll step lightly,
Live on as if you still love me.
Just say it one more time,
Even if it's a lie

~~~~~~~~~~

But this wouldn't hurt this much if they weren't in love at some point, would it? Were they really lying or were they just really caught up in the moment.

~~~~~~~~~~

Even if it's a lie

~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe they were focused so much on the past to realize just how good their relationship was at some points. And maybe they would have made it if they had just stuck together and been there for each other.

~~~~~~~~~~

Even if it's a lie

~~~~~~~~~~

And now they had made sure they would never see each other again. But now that they were truly apart they couldn't help but want that back. Want that rush of love that they may have had back. And now they knew they were lying about lying to themselves. And maybe they wanted to see each other randomly on the street and confess all they were feeling. And now, unless one of them decided to take action, they would miserably be wondering what wonderful things could have happened.

~~~~~~~~~~

Even if it's a lie.

(1151 words)

I like this chapter actually. I like the angst if you couldn't tell. It's funny because I write stuff like this and I'm just like "eh this is okay and not too angsty I guess" and then I go read something that is the equivalent of this and sob my eyes out.

I don't know why I do this to my characters. Like I can write something like this and be like "yas I have to make you suffer" and then I write something like the last chapter with all the nicknames and fluff and all that jazz that I just love to reread (because yes I reread my chapters) and I love when I can get myself to cry from the angst or the fluff. *hopeless romantic Skye comes out* Also if anyone ever calls me Starlight or Angel eyes or anything like that, I will literally die of happiness and just general love for that person.

Anyways! That's enough of that lol Have a great day/night, lovelies!

-Skye