First Published: October 4th 2017

Pairing: none

Genre: fluff, comedy, coming out, dad!pat au, human au

Word Count: 2141

Warnings: mentions/jokes about murder&death

Summary: Patton knows something's up, and so he forces his kiddos out on a camping trip to find out what's going on.

*I've always struggled with description and this one is actually good for oNCE.

-

Patton noticed that something was... off about his children. And not in the usual way. They were jumpy and secretive. Often, he found himself walking into Roman and Virgil's shared room to find the three of them whispering on the floor. The conversation slammed to a halt when he entered and Logan would loudly announce that his math problem was now solved thanks to the two younger brothers before leaving.

...Logan's lack of subtly was far more concerning than Virgil's wide, guilty eyes and Roman's creative but unbelievable excuses.

If his kids were this worried over a secret, then Patton was determined to at least let them know that he would understand and try not to be too harsh on the punishment, as long as the murder victim wasn't someone he knew too well. (While the thought of his anxious Virgil, kind Roman and sensible Logan being murderers was funny, it wasn't a thought he wished to dwell on, so he swept it aside with planning.)

-

The fire crackled and popped. Miniscule sparks of ember flew up and disappeared into the darkened sky, and the glow illuminated each of his sons. The warmth encased them, and despite the noise from surrounding families, it appeared as if they were the only ones there. Patton's heart normally would be swelling at such a sense of togetherness, however he was brought back into reality when Virgil sighed yet again.

He had decided on a camping trip as a bonding experience. He thought it would be fun, but...

Virgil was scowling at the fire in such a way that if Patton were it, he'd be shrinking away in fear. Roman appeared particularly glum, which was unusual for his most adventurous son. Patton was under the impression that he would've been the most stoked – but apparently not. Logan was sitting beside him, allowing his brother to lean into him, but he looked no happier. Instead, a frown was etched across his face and he kept glancing down at Roman in worry.

In a last ditch effort, Patton clapped his hands together and exclaimed, "Right, then! Who wants marshmallows?"

Virgil, at least, brightened up immediately. Roman groaned and sat upright, before shifting forward to plonk his head on Logan's lap.

"I would rather die than touch those gooey monstrosities right now," he grumbled.

Patton was taken aback. That was entirely unlike Roman! Especially with how much he enthused over it with Virgil beforehand. In fact, Patton remembered them arguing over the best roasting techniques until Logan had stepped in with what he had coined "beat poetry" and dispersed the quarrel.

"Dad," Virge whined, already holding a handful of marshmallows, "we don't have any pokers."

The father beamed. "Of course we do! There's a tree right next to you!" He giggled as Virgil's jaw dropped in horror.

Logan jumped to Virgil's defence. "That is highly unsanitary. Besides, I don't want Roman's ailment- Hey!" The teenager jumped and rubbed the spot where Roman had pinched him.

Patton's eyes flicked between the two as he studied them. "What do you mean by ailment?"

"He means," Roman took over with a glare, "that all this muck is killing my vibe! Now hand me a marshmallow and one of those tiny branches-"

"A stick," Logan supplied.

"- yeah, okay, nerd." He dug his palm into Logan's thigh (Patton wasn't sure if that was intentional or not), pushed himself up, and accepted the stick his father handed to him.

Patton pulled out the bag of marshmallows and his sons – even Logan – reached for one.

Virgil pointed the end of his stick into the flames. Patton expected him to pull it out after a few seconds, but no. The youngest held it there, watching it change colour and –

"Virgil Sanders, you put that marshmallow out right now!" Patton cried as the flames sprung up and gobbled the treat up in a fire-y coating.

Virgil sighed and grumbled something under his breath, but did as he was told. He brought the marshmallow – or the charcoal resemblance of it – to his face and blew it out. "Happy?" He muttered, then proceeded to stick the burnt mess into his mouth. "What?" He asked the horrified faces of the other four when he finished it.

Logan shook his head and turned back to his own creation. Despite not being a fan of many sweets, he had a soft spot for marshmallows; as long as they were cooked right. In the time it took him to slowly roast a single marshmallow, delicately turning it around near the coals to a lovely brown colour, Roman and Virgil had gone through about four each.

"That's what you get for wasting time," Roman claimed as he reached for another.

"It's not time wasting, it's ensuring that the perfect texture and viscosity is achieved through a practised technique-"

"Where the fuck did all the marshmallows go?!"

Logan looked up and saw the previously full bag devoid of anything but air. Next to it, Patton sat, avoiding everyone's eyes.

"Dad, seriously?!" Roman whined. "You didn't even put any in the fire!"

Patton shrugged, beaming. "They were just so good, Ro! I couldn't help myself; I wasn't thinking straight!"

"I'm never thinking straight and yet you don't see me shoving half a bag of-" Roman froze.

Logan forgot about his marshmallow entirely, and didn't pay any mind to it, not even when his stick went a little too close to the flames and was set alight. Instead, he moved closer to Roman and put a hand on his shoulder. Virgil watched, terrified.

"Son? Do you have something to tell me?" Patton questioned.

Roman squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. "I- um- I..."

"He meant that- that, uh- he means that he's distracted!" Logan burst out. "Because- because he's sick!"

Virgil winced. Logan's voice was unnaturally high-pitched when he lied. It was a dead giveaway.

"Logan," Roman murmured. "It's okay. I'll deal with this." He steeled himself. "Dad, I'm... I'm gay." He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, head hanging lowly. "Please don't- don't think less of me. And if you do, then please, treat me however you want, but not- not Logan and Virgil."

Tears shimmered down his face, the fire putting a spotlight on them as they splashed onto his folded hands. Roman couldn't bring himself to look at Patton. He didn't know if he could take it if his father was disgusted or angry or-

"Roman, look at me."

The boy did, unable to resist the command. He was shocked to see Patton looking concerned instead of- instead of-

"I would never think any less of you for your sexuality. That would be hypocritical of me." Patton continued, ignoring the questioning glances Logan and Virgil were exchanging for now. "I'm sorry for anything I've ever said or done to make you feel like I would react harshly."

"No, you didn't say or do anything, I just thought-"

"Well, I'm telling you that you thought wrong. Now, why not give your dad a hug, hey?" Patton held out his arms and Roman gratefully shuffled over to relax into them. Patton rocked them back and forth slightly, rubbing his son's back. An awkward cough broke them apart.

"Well, while we're at it," Logan began. "I suppose I should get a few things straight – or, well, not straight." He shot a wry smile at his father who beamed back, proud of his son for making a joke. "For starters, Roman is sick, I wasn't lying about that. I confronted him but he insisted on coming and I, foolishly, gave in to his puppy-dog eyes. Secondly, I'm..."

"Logan, you don't have to," Virgil murmured, who had been oddly silent for a while. Roman and Patton nodded.

"It's fine, Virge. While I appreciate your concern, I think we've been wrapped up in worries." He turned to Patton. "Look, Pat- Dad, I'm sorry that we doubted you. If we had been assessing the situation logically, we would've realised that you'd be okay with it – or at least support us in any case." Logan took a deep breath. "The way you handled Roman's revelation leads me to believe that you wouldn't mind if I- if I told you I'm asexual and aromantic."

Patton bit his lip. "I'm not as hip as I thought," he chuckled. "Is it alright if you explained the second to me? I mean, I totally get it if you don't want to, and I'm sorry for not knowing what exactly it means but-"

"Dad, it's fine. For you to know what asexuality is surpasses my expectations – no offence, I just mean not many people do. Uh, I suppose I should stop drawing this out. Being aromantic means I don't experience romantic attraction. To anyone. I can still love people in the way you'd love a friend or a family member, much like how I love Roman, Virgil and, uh, you, but I don't fall in love." Logan's cheeks were dusted with a faint pink.

"Aww, I love you too, Lo!" Patton squealed as he tackled his eldest son into a massive bear hug. Logan was stock-still, unsure how to react. Eventually he broke out of stunned state and smiled into it.

When they pulled apart, eyes turned to Virgil, who seemed insistent on avoiding everyone.

"Virge, honey? What's up?" Patton asked, furrowing his eyebrows. Did he do something wrong..?

"I don't know!" The teenager blurted out, then kicked at the dirt in frustration. "I'm not- I don't think I'm straight but I'm not- I don't-"

"Virgil, we talked about this, it's okay to be unsure of your sexual and romantic orientation-"

"I know, Logan, but it might be- it might not-" Virgil let out a garbled cry and dug his hands in his hair.

Logan and Roman immediately rushed over. Patton sat back, trying his damnedest not to blame himself for expecting the kid to tell him. Right now, he had to be a dad. And a good dad would- would- a good dad would be there for his kid.

"Virge," he whispered softly. "Why don't you let go of your hair for me? Yeah, that's it, good job! I'm proud of you, kiddo," he admitted as Virgil allowed Logan to gently ease his hands away from his head. "If this conversation is too much pressure, that's okay. And Logan is right – you don't have to have everything figured out. I didn't until a few years back, so you really shouldn't expect yourself to be able to work this all out. And you know what? It's okay to not want a label either. Whatever makes you comfortable is fine by me."

Virgil glanced up. "You said that- said that you didn't work it out until a while ago. Are you-"

"Not straight? You betcha!" Patton beamed. "I'm pan – I can fall for anyone. Guys, gals and non-binary pals."

"About the non-binary thing... I might not have been completely honest when the three of us were talking about identities. I- I don't think it's just my sexuality I need to work out," Virgil mumbled.

Roman reacted first. "Oh. Ohh."

"Yeah," Virgil said miserably. "I don't know, it's dumb-"

"Of course it's not!" Patton protested, beating Virgil's brothers to it. "Do you have any idea what you'd like to try out?"

"Um, well, I kind of think I just want to go by non-binary. For now, at least. And, uh..." Virgil ducked his head again.

"Pronouns?" Logan suggested.

"Yeah, that, um, they and them. For now. Although you can still refer to me with he/him when talking to other people," he added hastily.

"What do you prefer, little sibling?" Roman queried, and smirked when Virgil whacked him.

"I'm not that much shorter than you and, well, he/him in public. Safety and all that." Virge shrugged and Roman, who was closest, slung an arm around them.

"If anyone tries to hurt you, I will kill them," he swore.

"Don't you dare!" Patton yelped.

"Fine, I won't kill. I'll only mean to maim, or seriously injure!"

"...And I thought Logan was the dork," Virgil giggled.

Logan frowned. "Easy."

"He is the dork, I just have an appreciation for the universe of Harry Potter! In fact, I'm offended, Virgil – wait, is the name okay still?"

"Yeah... dork."

"I'm not-" Roman sneezed and Virgil leapt back. The brother then started coughing, and while Virge despised sick people, he was still their sibling, unfortunately.

"Patton, can we please end this nightmare camping trip – no offence – and get back to civilisation before Roman dies?" Virge poked his brother twice on the back in what Patton believed to be Virgil's attempt at a pat on the back without having to contact him unnecessarily.

"Fine," the dad sighed. "But you lot have to help me pack everything up!"

"Gladly," the trio said in unison.