First Published: June 11th 2017

Pairing: none

Genre: angst

Word Count: 1100

Warnings: self-hate, anger, violent outbursts (to property, not people)

Summary: Anxiety wishes he could be seen as more than the villain, but he knows it isn't possible. So he does the one thing he knows best - bottle up his feelings until he's alone.

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He sunk down and made his way to his room, allowing frustration to fill him with every step. Anxiety knew he should be used to being the villain, as everyone always referred to him as such. And he could understand it – he loved causing chaos, sure, and earlier on in the year he had taken great delight in shooting down the ideas of others, especially Prince's. But now, he was just tired of it.

Anxiety tried to deflect the comments that made him out to be the antagonist – he had actually tried defending himself for once. It didn't work. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how much he helped, he would always be the bad guy in their eyes. Those were just the facts, and there was no way he could get around it.

He knew he was probably magnifying things again, but it hurt. Was this really all believed him to be? Was this all there was to him? Probably. They didn't think he had a good bone in his body – and that made him so, so mad. Did Patton not notice how he had taken his side in that dumb change video? Did Logan not realise that Anxiety appreciated his opinion? Did Roman not see his efforts to be better so he could stop harming Thomas so much? Did their host like him at all?

And, despite everything Anxiety had done recently, he knew the answer to all those questions was a solid no. He felt himself begin shaking and he let rage flood his mind and control him. It was better than panic. He had learnt that recently – him being angry and destructive to his belongings was better than him panicking and effecting Thomas. The others weren't aware that he was doing the former more, but Anxiety could tell from the way they commented over Thomas' calm that they preferred it.

So, the infuriated trait slammed his bedroom door and whirled around to face his many posters that he had collected over the years. A lot were band-related. Not anymore, he thought as he yanked one down and tore it in half and then in half again. He did this until it was nothing more than useless, tiny pieces that didn't resemble anything. For some reason, he felt good. He felt satisfied, despite destroying something he loved. Whatever works.

He reached for another, repeating the same process, until the only ones that were left were too high to get to without putting effort into it. Anxiety was still mad, so he wrenched his drawer open that he was usually careful with. Inside were the numerous things he had collected over the years that meant a lot to him, especially stupid things like the exchanged note with Logan's handwriting, the movie ticket to a Disney movie he and Roman had attended or a small plush bear from Patton.

He pulled out the note first. The side read over the scrawled, curved blue words. 'I agree, Morality and Prince are being a tad too unrealistic today. However, their energy is mostly focussed on creating a video. If they get out of hand, can you help me control them? You're basically the only one who can stop them when they're like this.'

Logan had given him this in silence, not wanting to interrupt the other two. Anxiety remembered nodding at him, then tucking the note into his pocket for future reference. At the time, all he could think about was the way Logic was on his side and had specifically asked for his help. He was needed for something. But now, Anxiety read deeper into the words.

'You're basically the only one who can stop them when they're like this.'

"When they're like this" was referring to Morality and Prince being enthusiastic and particularly exuberant. "Stop them" meant bringing them down, ruining their day and cutting down their ideas with scathing insults. God, he was an idiot if he ever thought this note was nice. So, he ripped it up into shreds and let the paper fall to the ground. Now for the movie ticket.

Moana, Cinema Three. They had gone sometime after the Disney debacle to a theatre in the mindscape and had actually... enjoyed themselves. Because of this, Anxiety thought they might have something akin to a friendship. Obviously not. Things may change, but there was no way Roman could ever stop viewing him as a bad guy and therefore an enemy. It was pointless. This ticket only served to prove that nothing he did would ever convince them of his innocence. Anxiety looked around for a sharp object and saw scissors sitting in the crafts basket that had somehow made its way into his room. Taking these, he proceeded to hack apart that waste of tree.

Next, he turned to the teddy bear. It was black with button eyes that made it look like it belonged in Coraline. However, that was part of the reason he loved it, as Patton knew he enjoyed the somewhat dark movie and had gotten this specifically for him. Anxiety had taken it without a word of thanks, as he was put on the spot and didn't want to mess up or be made fun of for his childish delight. He scrutinised it more properly now, and he saw that written on the bear's tag was 'I want you to know that we're all here for you and appreciate you!' Snarling, Anxiety snipped the tag off without a second thought. Liar. They're all liars. He was a little more hesitant to ruin the rest of the bear, as it had comforted him through trying days, but then he remembered the way how Patton had condescendingly replied "Of course you're not, big guy" when he had protested to being the villain the first time. Morality was just as bad as the rest of them – and so was this bear.

So he tore that apart too. The anger had faded a little, and in its wake was a hollow ache. Anxiety glanced at the mess that was his room, and suddenly, he realised in horror what he had done.

Everything that had a shred of importance to him was destroyed. The proof of the others' good intentions would have to be scraped into a bin, all because he couldn't control himself.

Seems like something the villain of any movie would do.

The realisation hit him like a train. Maybe the others had a point. Maybe there wasn't anything good about him.

Maybe he was the bad guy.