A/n: Since i'm like,,,not trans or LGBTQ+ or anything I did my best with this prompt and did some research. I do NOT intend to offend anybody with this, but if you find that I have written something in this chapter that can be viewed as or IS offensive or incorrect, please bring it to my attention so that I can fix it!

Requested by: little_pupcup thank you so much!!!

ALSO, Trigger Warnings include transphobia, which is implied when Janus is thinking of the past and stuff. There isn't like an actual transphobic conversation or anything.

When Janus met his friends a few years back in high school, he had been sure that they would immediately pick up on the fact that he was trans and do what people usually did. Have their faces twist into disgust or confusion, give him looks of concern and say 'i'm so sorry' as if he was—was disabled, or had a disorder or something.

Often times, if people noticed, or if Janus told them in private, thinking he had a strong friendship, a connection with someone, they would stare at him blankly for a while, yell at him for it, or simply walk away and never speak to him again.

So, he had learned over the years to stop trying to make people understand. He was different, and nobody liked people who were different.

This friendship started off like any other. Janus being tense and worried. His friends trying to 'break him out of his shell.' But Janus wasn't shy. He was scared to death of being treated like he was wrong, or needed to be fixed.

He introduced himself, subtly throwing in his pronouns, surprised when the two people had smiled at him and told them their pronouns as well. Huh. Usually when he did that people would roll their eyes, or tell them it was unnecessary. But in his situation, he felt like it was very necessary.

Neither of the two had commented on his appearance, or questioned him about his gender after he gave them his pronouns. They talked for a while in class, before exchanging numbers right before the bell rung.

He passed extremely well as a male, his mother told him. But he couldn't help but feel like he still looked like a girl. He stared at himself in the mirror for hours on end, trying to convince himself that nobody could tell. But it was hard to do that when his hips took on a distinct feminine shape, and his chest was a little bigger it should have been. He was blessed with small boobs, so wearing a binder made his chest look flat. Still, he wore baggy t-shirts.

Now, from where he was, out shopping years after meeting his two best friends, he felt a little guilty for not telling them the truth. They'd been friends for so long though, and he was worried that they wouldn't be accepting of him if they knew that he used to be a girl and had transitioned.

He had so many friendships in the past that he thought would last forever, only to be ruined when he finally told them that he was transgender.

"I like this one" Remus said, picking up the black dildo, "what do you guys think?"

"I dunno. The green one looks pretty sick" Janus joked.

"Guys!" Patton whisper-yelled, clearly embarrassed as he glanced around to make sure nobody was looking, "that is so gross!"

"Ah, Patton. Ever the hopeless virgin" Remus sighed, putting down the dildo.

"Let's go look at something else!" Patton said quickly, not bothering to defend himself from Remus's comment, "come on, there's a sale going in a few isles away! Forty percent off anything worth more than twenty five dollars, wow!"

"Patton, the only reason they're doing that sale is because all the items are crappy, nobody will buy them at full price because it isn't worth it, and they need to get them off the shelf for newer, better quality items" Remus said blankly.

"Oh, Remus! Ever the pessimist" he teased, "come on, let's get going!"

————————————————————

They shopped for maybe thirty more minutes before Janus felt a dull ache in his bladder. He sighed, hating using public bathrooms. He always felt way too afraid to go into the mens, for the fear that someone would make a comment or tell him that he wasn't a real man.

Then again, going into the women's was equally worse because it reminded him that he was born in the wrong body. That he would never truly be a man because he would never have what they did. He hated when his mind told him these things.

Another problem with going into the women's is that his friends could see him going in there, or the ladies in the bathroom would scream and call him a creep, because he really did pass well.

Usually all he had to do to calm the women down was to quickly pull the collar of his shirt to the side to show them his binder strap, or pull his t-shirt closer to his body to expose the fact that he was covering up his breasts.

And he hated doing that, because it made his throat feel all dry and closed up, and made his eyes water as if he was going to cry. Because when he fid that, he was struck with the crushing realization that all of the women in that bathroom now viewed him as a woman.

And sometimes, when he looked in the mirror, he felt the dysphoria, he heard the comments of others banging around in his brain, and he couldn't help but feel the same.

He shook his head and tried to get rid of the bad thoughts. No. He was not a woman. He did not view himself that way, he hadn't since fifth grade.

He really didn't want to have to deal with using the bathroom, but he knew that if he didn't go, it would just cause him to become grumpy and snappy, and he didn't want to upset his friends.

  He spent probably fifteen more minutes trying to ignore his growing urge to pee as they walked around the store. He thought he could just hold it until they got home, where he could pee in the nice, private space of his own bathroom where he didn't have to worry about anybody judging him.

  But, he knew he wouldn't be able to. He knew he shouldn't have gotten that large slushy at the gas station. So, he decided to just get it over with, "hey guys, i'm going to use the bathroom" Janus said.

"Okay" Remus said, waving his hand.

"Cya" Patton joked, "wouldn't wanna be ya."

Janus thought for a moment that he wouldn't want that either, but didn't voice his thoughts because he didn't want Patton to physically fight him. Usually he thought the threat was empty when he said it to one of their other friends, Virgil, but just last week they learned that the threat was not empty.

  He walked off, and his eyes lit up when he saw a gender neutral, family restroom, but he sighed when he got closer and saw that it was closed. He looked over to the girl's and saw that one was shut down as well.

So, he entered into the mens and wanted to scream when he saw that there were only urinals. What kind of public bathroom only had urinals?!

He closed his eyes for a moment. It wasn't a single person at a time bathroom, and there wasn't a lock on the door, so anyone could walk in at any moment.

His urge to go only intensified when he realized he wouldn't be able to. If he could have locked the door, he probably would have done that and figured out a way to go in the urinals. Hell, at this point, he didn't think it was out of the realm of possibility that he would have climbed onto the counter and pissed in the sink.

He was actually debating that for a few minutes, when the door to the bathroom began to open and he jumped into action, washing his hands as if he had peed.

The man walking in looked suspicious at first, probably thinking Janus was a girl, but then, he looked and saw that there were only urinals, so closed his mouth and walked over to one to relieve himself.

Janus let out a sigh of relief as he exited the bathroom, deciding to just ignore his need for a little while and find his friends.

He was by no means shy about having to pee, so usually, he would have probably tried to find another bathroom. But if his friends figured out that the mens bathroom had perfectly good urinals, they would immediately sus him out.

So he kept quiet and continued to shop with his friends.

But, the need to go only increased with time, and eventually he knew if he didn't get home soon he wasn't going to make it. His body was at its limit.

So, he did what any other person in his situation would do. He told his friends he had to go home.

But he knew they would question him, so he had to come up with something. He couldn't just say, "I'm going hoke because I have to pee" instead, he told them he felt sick.

"Oh no" Patton frowned, placing a gentle hand on Janus's shoulder, "what kind of sickness is it?" He kept his voice low, probably being considerate that he may have a headache.

"I just...don't feel well. My stomach really hurts" he cringed, which wasn't a complete lie.

"Like, puke or poop?" Remus asked.

'Like piss' Janus thought, but knew he couldn't say that, "neither, I just feel like it's cramping..." and that wasn't a lie either. Strangely, he did feel some cramping. He had felt it all day, and it had only gotten worse, but shrugged it off, thinking that it just had to do with his need to pee.

"We should get you home then. Come on, let's go to check out" Patton said worriedly, but handed Janus the keys, "you go and turn on the car, okay? Get the air on I don't want you overheating. Just sit in the back and try to relax, alright?"

Janus was pretty sure if he untensed a single muscle he would make a huge mess, so just nodded and thanked Patton, taking the keys and going to the car. He cringed when he felt something seep out of him. It coated his underwear, and he thought it was the piss trying to humiliate him, so he started going faster to the car.

When he unlocked it and hopped inside, he turned the car on, sat in the back, and pressed his hand into his vagina. It only took. A few minutes before he had to stop, because he saw his friends approaching the car.

To his surprise and horror, Patton was climbing into the backseat with him instead of getting in the passenger seat, "I just want to make sure you're going to be okay" Patton told him after noticing his apprehension.

Janus didn't trust himself to speak then, so he just nodded and looked out his window and Remus put the car in reverse and began to back out of the parking spot.

The drive was silent, as Janus's heart began to beat a mile a minute. He knew, as soon as Remus began to drive, that he wasn't going to make it home.

He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath when his body began to betray him. He felt the audible hiss of urine spraying against his jeans, and felt—felt something thick gushing out of him as well?

  He looked down and gasped when he saw blood in his urine, which immediately alerted Patton to the fact that Janus was pissing himself.

Patton began to panic to, but his body froze when he noticed the pee was red and there was a huge blood stain around Janus's groin, "Remus—Remus, pull over, Jan is bleeding, like—like a lot!"

Remus's eyes widened as he flicked his eyes in the rear view mirror, to see Patton on the verge of tears, and Janus actually crying. He was quick to pull to the side of the road and put the car in park. When he turned around and saw that Janus was bleeding, and that he had wet himself, he was shocked into silence, unable to even ask what had happened.

"S—somethings wrong, i'm calling an ambulance—"

"Patton, No!" Janus boomed, sobbing heavily as the other got his phone out, "d-don't! Nothing's wrong, i'm just on my period!"

When he realized, in his panic, what he had said he clapped a hand over his mouth. His eyes widened as another thick layer of tears ran down his face.

"Your...your what?" Patton asked slowly.

"Aren't you. Aren't you a boy?" Remus asked cautiously.

And at that, Janus's heart crumpled. If he told Remus the truth, then he would view him as a girl. He knew he never should have thought he could make friends, it was hopeless, it—

"Of course he's a boy!" Patton exclaimed, glaring at Remus, "just as much of a man as you and I" he softened his voice and gave Janus the kindest eyes.

Janus bit his lip, "I—I'm trans. Female to male."

Remus widened his eyes in shock, "oh—Janus, i'm so sorry I didn't mean anything by that, i'm so stupid!"

Janus was shocked, "no, Remus you're not stupid, just confused" and Janus almost laughed. He just said what most people often told him. He thought it was funny that he was saying it instead of Remus.

  They sat in silence for a few seconds, before Remus grinned, "dude, that is so cool!"

"Wha—"

"Right?!" Patton cried, "you like, hid that from us for five years! I had no clue!"

Janus was overwhelmed as his friends continued to talk about it. They expressed their shock in ways he's never experienced before. They were...kind. And that felt weird. Nobody was ever kind to him when they found out.

He sniffled a little bit, and let out another sob, "shut up! You guys are too nice!"

Both of them were stunned into silence. Janus...well, Janus never acted like this, so vulnerable, "Jan. It's okay" Patton said gently.

"Yeah" Remus said, entirely serious for once, "nothing is going to change because of this. We don't see you any different than we did before."

"Ewe, this is so sappy, quick say something weird" Janus said, half joking.

"Can I see it?" Remus asked, tilting his head to the side.

"If you're talking about what I think you're talking about, i'm going to slap you!" Janus laughed, wiping his tears away.

"Okay, okay! I'll be good" Remus chuckled, turning back to put his seat belt on, "we need to get you home, you're like. Sitting in piss and blood and I know you probably feel really gross right now."

Janus's heart nearly stopped when he remembered he had wet himself, "oh my gosh, I am so sorry I literally just peed all over your car, I—"

"Janus" Remus said as he began to drive, "don't worry about it. Really, the seats are leather and the carpet can be cleaned. Nobody has to know about this except us."

"Yeah! Now we have an inside joke" Patton chirped, "we can call that spit the piss seat."

Janus snorted in surprise that Patton had actually said the word piss, "I like that."

When they got to Janus's house, they were quick to get him inside before the neighbors saw. Patton ran to run Janus a nice, hot bath, and Remus ran to get a towel. Janus undressed and wrapped the towel around himself, and Remus went to put the clothes in the washing machine.

By the time Janus finished his bath, he was shocked to see that his friends were still there, on the couch with a heating pad, snacks, a huge fluffy blanket, and the tv all set up for a movie.

"What are you guys doing?" Janus asked.

"Movie night!" Patton exclaimed, "come on, sit between us and we can have cuddles" he said as he turned on the heating pad.

"Oh my gosh you guys are literally the best" Janus sighed as they gave him the heating pad, wrapped him in the blanket, and cuddled on either side of him.

"We know" Remus joked, wrapping an arm around Janus and pulling him close.

If they noticed that Janus shed a few happy tears, neither of them commented. They were content to let Janus sit there and think about how for the first time in years he felt like he coils be himself, like he was accepted for who he truly was.

Words: 2850