Logan : why are you like this ?
Roman , sitting on the counter wearing a long halter red dress and twinkle toes while eating Cheerios our a wine glass : like what ?
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Roman : this next song is dedicated to the love of my life , Virgil .
The audience: * waiting *
Roman : * starts singing the entire shrek soundtrack, completely serious *
Deceit: wow, you two nerds are made for each other .
Virgil : * touched to tears *
Deceit: what the fuck .
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Patton : hey , everyone, which part of your chocolate bunny do you eat first ?
Remus : oh, I don't eat those things anymore . All the fur really leaves a bad taste in your mouth .
Everyone else: ...
Everyone else: THE WHAT?!
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Deceit : * crying and hugging his plushie snake close *
Remus : * hands deceit angel milk in a sippy cup *
Deceit: I love you and you're my favorite person ever .
Remus : I know . Now, how's my baby snek today ?
Deceit, smiling and giggling as he snuggles up to Remus' side : I'm good .
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Roman : I've got a plan .
Virgil : what ?
Roman : the plan is you come up with a plan , because I haven't got one .
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Remus : HEY DECEIT COULD YOU MAKE BREAKFAST?!
Deceit: Yeah .
Remus : DECEIT CAN YOU GRAB SOMETHING FOR ME ?!
Deceit: sure....
Remus : DECEIT COULD YOU DO SOMETHING SOMETHING FOR ME ?
Deceit: fine .
Remus : DECEIT COULD YOU TURN OFF THE LIGHT?
Deceit: I swear I have to do everything around here -
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Remus : ok, picture this : the ceremony begins , everyone is crying then all of a sudden sugar we're all going down starts playing , then it turns to cotton - eyed joe , the cha-cha slide and then all star. This mix goes on loop for 4 hours . The Oompa Loompas come in an carry my casket out whilst singing about my poorest qualities ( which is all of them ) and as I'm lowered into the ground cannons filled with confetti goes off then I'm buried .
Deceit: I should really have gotten you a real therapist.
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[ Patton & Logan texting ]
Patton : I was thinking of making PB sandwiches.
Logan : why would you want to make lead sandwiches ? Lead is highly toxic ,
Patton : ...
Patton : peanut butter .
Logan : are you doing that thing where you simulate swearing by using the names of food ?
Patton : Lo, please , I'm dying .
Logan : then why are you texting me ?? Call a hospital?!?!
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Roman : what do you mean , you want your corpse to be " left in a Field "?
Virgil : it's called a sky burial , and I want the vultures to consume my remains in order to continue this sick cycle we call " life " so that others may suffer as I have .
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Roman : hey , Virgil , you know Patton loves you , right ?
Virgil : wait , what ? Really ? Why do you think that ?
Roman : dude , he always let you have the last cookie ! You know how much he loves cookies . He would never ever give us the last cookie .
Virgil , blushing : huh, I guess e really does love me .
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