Karan Patel and his real wife Ankita, recently announced their first pregnancy with a beautiful photoshoot. Their joy however was short lived. As of a few hours ago the news of their miscarriage broke which has unfortunately been confirmed by their immediate family so the news isn't fake.

The fandom and well wishes have shown unanimous support, compassion, strength, good wishes and prayers to the couple as they now navigate through the unthinkable reality.

Many on social media are suggesting not to tag them in posts showing their support and compassion in light of this unfortunate news saying that it will not help them come out of it and be a constant reminder of the unfortunate incident that happened.

While I get and respect their opinion, take it from someone who has gone through something similar that one does not come out of this ever. Nothing can compare to the pain of losing a child- whether you lose the child in the womb or seconds/minutes/hours/days/weeks/months/years after the child is born. Life moves on and so do people with time but the loss of a child is something parents will carry with them for the rest of their life.

With time Ankita and Karan will probably look back at this phase with sadness for it ended too soon, that too so abruptly and tragically and also with happiness that even for a short time there was a little baby growing in the mothers womb and the parents heart. They became parents to this baby the very second Ankita conceived and whether they have a child in their arms at the end of 9 months to show for it or not does not change the fact that this is their baby and that they are the baby's parents.

When I heard of this news, I burst into tears. My tears were not just out of sadness of hearing the news but also because I really know what this experience is like. I know what it is to go through something like this and what the aftermath is as you try to pull yourselves and your life together. You change as a person and as a couple, your relationship changes and your life too changes completely. I would not wish this upon my worst enemy. The only blessing that can come out of such a tragic but very common reality is that if the couple is able to withstand this phase in their life together, the chances that any adversity will break them in the future becomes pretty nonexistent for nothing can bind two people more strongly than the pain of losing the life they together created.

For Karan and Ankita too my only hope is that this phase will be that milestone in their relationship which will strengthen them tenfold as individuals and as a couple. I am sure they are blessed with a tremendous support system but in reality the truest and biggest support they have is only each other. At the end of the day no one can understand their pain, loss, anger, guilt, regret, sadness, anguish better than each other and only together will they be able to navigate through all the emotions mentioned above and more before they find their own version of peace as they start living life afresh with this new reality that will change them forever.

When such tragedy strikes to people who are noticed and have a voice in society it also creates the opportunity to talk of the larger picture which is the harsh reality of life:

On an average one in four pregnancies ends in a miscarriage. Also one in 8 couples struggle with infertility. 1 in 160 pregnancies ends in stillbirth. There are 7 infant deaths per 1000 births in all developed countries while 25 infant deaths per 1000 births in third world countries where basic healthcare is a privilege. Add to that female foeticide esp in countries such as India and the picture gets all the more grim.

The stigma surrounding miscarriages, still birth and infertility is so high across all sections of society that people hardly talk about it. Very few of you might be aware that June is marked as 'Still Birth Awareness Month'. October is 'Pregnancy Loss and Awareness Month'. October 15 is known as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day every year.

I myself went through a still birth in June,2017. We lost our baby daughter at 32 weeks. Until very recently I myself did not talk about it publically but then my husband made me realise that if by sharing my story I could perhaps help even one person then that is one more life our little girl would have impacted. So for the first time I opened up on my Still Birth Story one year after it happened and shared it on my Instagram account a few days ago. Accompanying this post was a short minute long audio clip of me singing the song I used to sing to our daughter when she was in my womb and the following text:

This is something many don't talk about but I feel we should so I am sharing my stillbirth story. I was 28 when I got pregnant with our baby girl. The pregnancy progressed: I had normal symptoms, my weight gain was in range, the baby was growing right on track as per the weeks basically zero complications. I went in for a routine checkup at 32 weeks. We had an ultrasound- everything looked good, heartbeat was strong. 2 days later I woke up in the morning and was surprised to not feel her. The entire day went by and I felt no movement. I was in constant contact with my Doctor who kept saying its normal. When I hadn't felt her move for close to 10 hours I went to my doctor's  without an appointment. They checked my vitals all was good. They tried finding the heartbeat with the Doppler, after ten minutes of no luck they finally brought in the ultra sound machine. My husband thankfully arrived by then. I don't remember much of what happened after that but they told us our girl has no heartbeat. 2 days later on June 13th 2017 I was induced. After 13 hours of labour I delivered our baby daughter naturally. I refused pain meds. It took us 7 months to get answers but it was finally concluded that I had a spontaneous fetal- maternal haemorrhage which means there was a haemorrhage which caused her blood to leak out & mix with mine which ultimately made her anaemic and took her life. It was basically a freak incident and they do not anticipate it occurring in any future pregnancies and they said they couldn't have caught it. Now a year later I think people should know that this is also a reality of life. I don't know if sharing this will help anyone but if it does then that's one more life our little girl would have impacted. This video is me standing in my balcony at night singing to her on her one year birthday earlier this week #mystillbirthexperience #stillborn #stillbirth #stillbirthawareness #stillbornstillloved #32weekspregnant #stillbirthsupport #stillbirthsurvivor #stillbirthbreakthesilence #stillbirthprevention #stillbirthresearch #stillbornawareness #stillbirthday #stillbirthfamily #lifeafterstillbirth

While the text above is just a factual description of what happened it is just the start. The physical recovery, emotional grieving, acceptance of what had actually happened and moving on with life in light of our new reality is something I'm yet to talk about publically but if there is a single person out there who might benefit from this- in terms of gaining awareness, finding support or any other positive way then I am willing to put it out there- do let me know if there's anyone interested- it wont be a full blown story or anything but just a couple posts addressing the main issues I feel sharing and talking about might benefit others.

My point of this ramble is this: pregnancy loss at any stage is way more common than you could've imagined. Yet the stigma surround it is such that very few people talk about it publically. Even someone like Ankita who I an certain is a perfectly heathy woman who has access to the best healthcare facilities and also was taking good care of herself during her pregnancy supported by Karan, their families and loved ones is not immune to this tragic reality.

Many will talk about her miscarriage for months- its not a nice thing to happen to the worst of people and here it has happened to a genuinely nice couple. While nothing can bring back what has been taken away from them, if their misfortune can create a positive conversation regarding the stigma of pregnancy loss then that is a more meaningful outcome that might even make the couple feel of more value in light of this experience.

So I wanted to be the first to take this opportunity in hope that it creates a positive and constructive conversation.

I don't know if Ankita or Karan will ever talk publically of this experience, and that is entirely their choice and prerogative. But this is me talking about it in the hope that they shall maybe somehow come to know that I in my own small way tried to bring about a positive change in light of this unthinkable tragedy which is what I have wanted people to take from my own still birth experience.

Like I said if sharing my own experience in greater detail can help even one person out there then I am willing to put it out. Do let me know for I think we need more people talking about such issues raising awareness and support about this.

Lastly, if I have not said it enough then let me say it once again: Karan and Ankita will be in my thoughts and prayers as they tide through this difficult phase. With the constant support of their families, loved ones and well wishers worldwide I hope they are able to brave through this difficult time and come out stronger than they were ever before. Also hoping that their "Rainbow Baby" is right around the corner and one day in the not so distant future in their arms.

Love and Hugs,
A.S.

P.S.: REGULAR UPDATES TO THIS STORY WILL RESUME IN THE NEXT 2-3 DAYS.