Sam finished drinking and was now drunk. He pushed the chair back and stumbled around the bunker. He made his way to Dean's room. He stood outside his brother's room for a few minutes. Sam was plainning on leaving. He couldn't do what he was going to do and have Dean come across him, no he was going to leave, disappear. He knew for sure that Dean would search for him forever until he found him but giving Dean the time to search for him gave Dean a small piece of hope rather than giving him more guilt and pain of his death and having him find him and having the thought of what he could have done to stop this from happening. As long as Sam disappeared and was out of sight, Dean wouldn't be the one to come across him and see what come of him. Sam thought over and over what to write down, he didn't want to give too many details but, he wanted to leave it off on a good note, a last piece of closer. Sam loved Dean soo much and couldn't give his death as his last gift. Fear and worry would be it, it would keep some part of him alive and Dean would continue to fight and would be alive just full of sadness rather than grief.

Sam opened the door slowly and easy not to wake his brother up. Dean layed still in his bed. His light was still on, Sam moved to the table and stared at his brother. Pictures of their mother, of him and Dean where on the table. Sam held a piece of paper in his hand and gave it one last look over and then layed it down on the table with his gun on top of it, then clicked the light off.

Sam- "See ya Dean and be careful."

Sam turned and walked out of the room and rocked back and worth down the hall cause he was still drunk but he mind was clear and he had a tunnel view of what he wanted, what he needed.

Sam made his way outside and took one last look at the bunker and the impala. He gently and slowly reached out and touched the impala. This was like their home for many times and he knew it was a piece of Dean. He moved his hand down the side of the car and began to walk away.

Sam made it far enough he thought. He picked a location where he thought Dean wouldn't search for him. He pulled the knife out and twisted it in his hands. The street light glisten over the silver blade. Sam inhaile and looked around. His eyes rested on the night's sky, soo many stars where out this night, it was a peaceful night. Sam felt so calm, in his mind this was the right decision to make for himself and for his big brother Dean.
Sam closed his eyes and remembered just him and Dean sitting on the hood of the impala drinking a few beers and looking up at the stars in the nights sky. They were both calm and happy, they were together and they knew that each one of them had each other's back and would do anything for the other one. Dean's face kept flashing in his mind, Dean has done everything for him and this would be saving Dean from future suffering that he would cause.

Sam opened his eyes and looked down at the blade. He touched the smooth surface of it with his figure tip, then pulled up his sleeves. He inhaled and held his breath for a second. He took the blade and he easily pressed the blade on his skin and slide in down his wrist. Slowly dark red blood began to flow out and followed the blade's path. A single tear descended down from his face. Sam exhailed. He felt so calm and relaxed. It hurt but he sucked in the pain. Despite all the pain he was feeling, he was pushing himself to washing away all his sins. Then he switched the blade into his other hand. He brought the sliver blade to his other wrist. He started to press down, causing a small amount of blood to come up when he heard a familiar voice.

Dean- "Sam? Sam, what are you doing?!"

Dean saw Sam sitting down on the ground and at first he didn't see the blade or the massive cut on his other arm. Then he suddently saw the glisten of the blade and the location of the blade.

Dean- "Sammy! Noo!"

Dean rushed to his brother's side.
Dean- "Wow wow, wow! Hold on!"
Dean pulled a bandana and rapped it around his brother's wrist. He looked up at his brother's face. Sam had slowly began to cry and his breath was uneven. Dean lost it for one second. He was drowning in many different emotions.
Dean- "What the Hell Sam!?!?! Answer Me!!"

Sam swallowed and looked at his brother's eyes. He was causing his brother more pain and he was doing this to prevent pain from reaching his brother. He failed his brother once again.
Sam-"It's better this way."

Dean-"What the hell are you talking about!?! How is this better for anyone? Sam!?!"

Dean was confuessed but he then saw more tears in Sammy's eyes and realized that he was pressing too hard and that this wasn't the time to get into this. Sam's arm was still bleeding pretty. bad. A tear ran down Sam's face and his eyes met Dean's.

Dean- "Sammy."
He tried to keep his voice steady and calm as possible so he didn't panic Sam anymore than he had by yeliing at him and freaking out at the scene infront of him.

Sam- "I'm so so sorry Dean."

Sam said in a low tone and his eyes began to roll back into his head and his head slowly began to fall over. His body was becoming weak due to the amount of blood he was losing.

Dean-"NOO!!" Come on come on Sam! Sam?!? You can't do this Sam! Sammy?"

Dean placed one hand on his brother's face and held his body up and his other hand was placed on Sam's wound. A single tear rushed down Dean's face. No, he thought, I can't be losing my brother, not like this, noo!

Dean- "Sammy! Cas! Castiel!!"
Tears raced down Dean's face. Dean moved his hand to Sam's neck looking for a pulse. At first he found nothing then a very slow beat was detected. Dean sighed in relief, his brother was still alive. If Cas didn't show up soon he was going have to take him to the hospital. Castiel finally arrived and using his little bit of angel juice he had left he heal Sam.

Cas- "Dean, How did this happen?"

Dean- "I don't know really. I woke up to see Sammy leaving my room and I then saw his gun and and note on my bedside table."

Cas- "What did the note say?"

Dean looked back down at his brother. He was all fixed up, well all his phsyical wounds were, but Dean couldn't say about his little brother's state of mind. A tear rushed out of Dean's eye and he quickly whipped it away.

Cas- "Dean?"

Dean watched Sammy' chest rise and fall. His focuss was on Sam until Cas layed his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean turned to face his best friend. Dean's eyes were red from crying and his throat hurt a lot.

Dean- "Yeah umm... it was short ya know. Saying he was sorry for everything... and that he didn't want me to find him and that even though he said that, that I still would try to find him and that he is so greatful that I was always there for him and for me always having his back. And then..."

Cas- "Then what Dean?"

Dean- " Then it said that everything was going to be fine and he knew what he was doing and it was better this way and, and that..."
Dean was having a hard time saying the last part. He remembers sitting up out of his sleep and then reaching over to this piece of paper and his mind raceing when he went out of his room searching for Sam then leaving the bunker and trying to track him and seeing a glimps of him turning a corner then walking onto this mess before him, his baby brother cutting his own wrist cause he was in soo much pain and believed everything would be better this way.

Cas- "Dean."

Dean- "Yeah, sorry man. Umm.."

Cas- ''You don't need to apologize to me. I completely understand how stressful and how painful all this is. Sam is your little brother and my friend and for either of us to not notice anything off with him and for him to see this as his only way out is devastaing at the least. But Dean, Sam will get through this with our help. We will help him and Sam will be okay. Dean?"

Dean had left the spot where he was standing nexts to Cas and walked away, not going towards Sam but the opposite direction. Dean rubbed his hand over his mouth. How could he be soo stupid. Sam was hurting soo much and He couldn't see it. He thought that their conversation that afternoon about him not feel alright was cause Zeke hadn't fully healed him but no Dean was fearing that it was more than that, that Sammy was reaching out in more than one way and he was giving Dean clues to how he was really and Dean just brushed it off and told him to have a little faith, that everything would work out and be fine. How could he not see the pain that was in his brother's voice, the lost of hope and light within his eyes and how defeted he looked. Damn it, if only he realized sooner, all of this could have been advoided.

Dean- "Son of a Bitch!"

Cas- "Dean?"

Dean- " How could I not know Cas?!"

Cas- :Dean, it cause Sam hid it so well, neiter of us saw the signs. Sam he was just.."

Dean- "Just in pain and lost and I didn't see it! Damnit!"

Cas- "Dean this isn't your fault!"

Dean- "Really Cas?! Cause it seems like it is, hell it feels like it! I let him down! I should have known something was off about him."

Cas- "Dean we both should have."

Dean- "Yeah, but I'm his brother!! I'm such an idiot!"

Cas- "Dean, feeling guilty and hateing yourself right now isn't going to help Sam. We need to take him back to the bunker and keep an close eye on him. Dean?"

Dean- "Yeah your right. Okay lets do it."

Cas helped Dean get Sam into the impala and they drove off with Sammy sleeping silently in the back seat. Cas sat nexts to Dean and kept looking over at his best friend. Cas could see all the worry and hate that Dean was feeling. Dean couldn't look Cas in the eyes right now, his mind kept going back to seeing that knife at his brother's wrist and the conversation they had eariler in the motel, trying to find any signs, clues that he missed, blaming himself farther.

"This is all my fault," thought Dean. "I did this to him. I should have been watching out for him more closely, he's my brother. It's my job to keep him safe. I failed once again. I let Sammy down. Sammy I'm sorry."