I have Maths next and once the bell rang, I moved out of my seat andblookdd at the Harry guy. "See you tomorrow," I said and he shrugged. "I guess," He said before he walked out of the classroom. I guess that nightmare of his really got to him. I mean, I get where he is coming from. I always have those nightmares.

I wasn't actually sleeping when Mrs. Teasdale 'woke me up'. I just didn't want to be there, you know? Like who really likes to be here? I mean besides the nerds and the ones who have friends here. I guess that kind of answers my question. I don't lik you school and I don't have any friends, so school is not in my top 5 most favorited places to be.

I stepped out of the classroom and like normal, everyone who saw me moved out of my way and started to talk about me like how they always so. 'He is so gay.' 'Who would ever take an interest in him?' 'I heard his family hates him too. Kind of relates to that Harry guy.' 'He looks so freaky and creepy.' 'He is going to be alone forever, I bet on that already.' They were speaking and I rolled my eyes and made a 'tsk' sound. They are all so fucking annoying.

'Yo, how would it be like if I were to talk to him?' One of those big and cocky jocks asked his friend and I just prayed with whatever hip I have left that he doesn't actually go along with it. However, what kind of luck do I even have? I saw the jock trying to catch up to me by jogging. "Hey, Tomlinson right?" He asked, but I just continued on walking and kept my mouth shut. "I'm Braden, it's nice to meet you?" He said and I saw his hand. I stopped and looked at him. I glared and he froze. I saw him go a bit pale as all of these people are afraid of me.

"Hey man, I'm not trying to be any trouble," he said with his hands in surrender. "Then back the fuck off," I spoke with gritted teeth. He nodded and stepped out of my way. I looked ahead and walked to my Maths class. I saw him standing in the hallway, talking with the other teachers around him. I walked in and walked to his desk to her the assignment for the day.

I walked to my desk that was in the back of the class if course and I placed my bag down. I sat in my seat and looked around to see that I was one of those kids that would arrive to class a bit early. I then opened my bag to get my sketchbooks out. I was drawing last night when my family was sleeping. I don't draw when they are wide awake.

Wanna know why? Because whenever they see me drawing...it's another book thrown into the fireplace. They have burned a total of 5 books of mine and there were 10 total times where I had a mental breakdown because of those books being burned. Art is the only thing that makes me calm and kind of at peace. However, I never bring my book to my house anymore. Yesterday was just one of those days where I forget to put the sketchbook back into my locker.

The drawing was nearly done, but there were still a few touches that needed to be made. There are times where I draw how I feel, but there will be other times where I just draw random things, but as other people would describe it, they would call any of my drawings as 'creepy' or 'too dark'. Do I really care about what they think about my art? No. Wanna know why? Because they can get over themselves and this is something that I love doing. Express my true self, do something that makes me happy, and do something unique, you know?

Anyways, I had my tongue sticking out as I was doing my drawing. I always tend to do this when I'm deep in focus. I was looking closely at the drawing and made modifications to the drawings that were needed. Then I wrote my name in cursive when I was finished and grinned at the finished product. I am goin got show Mrs. Malik what I did. Hopefully she likes it as much as I already do. I will work on another piece when advisory starts.

When the bell rang, I immediately put my sketchbook away since my Maths teacher was beyond annoyed with me sketching in his class. He's the one to always take shit even though it's not even disrupting his teaching or other students. I thought that he would be glad to see me do this, since he was a therapist before he was a teacher.

He always gives us advice b Ed fore he started class and he always listens to other students problems and tell them how they should handle the issues. He should know that me drawing was a therapeutic thing and can help the person stay happy and stay away from dark and depressive thoughts.

He walked into the class and greeted everyone. I saw him look at me and I knew th as t he was just seeing if I was still drawing or not. He would always takes my sketchbook automatically if he sees for one second. I don't know if he has a strong hatred for art or not, but I add still think that it is so unfair for him to do that. I know that he doesn't like me, it's not hard to figure that out. He always talk about me with other teachers and he always threatens me that he would call my parents. Just me. No other student.

He told us the instructions that we need to follow in order to get the answers on the worksheet right. He then said that this was the only thing that we were doing today, so if we finish the worksheet early, then we con do what we please. I just held back a scoff, because he says that now, but god forbid if I take out my sketchbook, it's one long call to my parents. That is such a pain to think about. I just sighed and worked on the paper in front of me. I finished the paper in 15 minutes.

I stood up and turned the paper in to him. He looked at me and I saw the menacing and disgusted look in his eyes as he took the paper from me. I can get why he looked at me like that. When the students in the hall assumed me being gah...they were right to assume it. I am attracted to men, and only men.

I walked back to my desk, but not without hearing him mutter, "faggot." I held the tears back automatically. No one should go through the pain that I go through. No one should automatically hold back tears. There are people who do and I know one of them as Harry Styles. I know a little about this guy and I oddly want to know more about him. I say that it's weird because I never want to get close or no more about someone if that makes any sense.

One thing that I would never lie about is his appearance. The guy is pretty damn attractive, and that's nowhere near a lie. Anyways...let's move on from the guy and come back to this shitty place that I call the real world. I mean...who would find an interest into a guy like me? Those people where right about that too. Everyone looks away from me. Everyone thinks that I am disgusting. Everyone thinks of me of some piece of trash that deserves to burn.

Feeling a drop of some type of liquid on my hand, I looked down and I saw a single tear on my pale hand. I immediately wiped my face clean of the remaining tears that was possibly remaining on my face. I put my head down before anyone could notice and I just silently cried. Maybe my family right. Maybe the whole world is right...

🎨WARNING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS🎨
I am such a fucking mistake. I am such a burden and I know it. If I wasn't such a thing then people would actually like me. If I wasn't such a thing, then I wouldn't just be liked by my fucking art teacher. I shouldn't have two friends. I shouldn't only be friends with a teacher who is pregnant and married...living the life. I shouldn't be friends with a dog that doesn't really understand me...

If such things weren't true, them I would be like these other people, happy and in love. I could have a boyfriend for fuck sake. I could actually make my family proud and happy to have me as their son. I could make my sisters so happy to have me as their brother. However, that is just something that can happen to me.

I can't have a family that doesn't look at me like as if I'm some monster or creep. I can't have a mother who always opens her arms and let's me hug her let alone talk to her. I can't have a father that doesn't come home drunk or beats me until I'm bloody. I can't have parents who smile at me and tell me that um doing a good job. I can't have sisters who don't try to set my room into flames because they thing that I was inside.

I can't have sisters that talks to me about anything and everything. I can't have sisters who come to me for advice. No...I can't have any of that. I can't have a fucking family to love me and support me and treats me like a gift fromt he gods above.

I can never have friends. They will just be scared of me and think that they are doing a good deed. Shit I'm a waste of space. I'm so fucking useless...I need help. I need my happy place...I really need it. Maybe Mrs. Malikcan help me feel at peace... the mere fact that I always rely on a pregnant woman who is not with me 24/7 is really pathetic.

I heard a slam on my desk and I jumped. I wiped my eyes fast before looking up to see my teacher looking at me with a scolding look. "Mr. Tomlinson, when said that you are free to do what you please, sleeping is definitely not one of them. You can do your fucking sketches, I don't care. Just don't ever sleep in my class," he told me.

The entire class was shocked that he cursed at me. "Sir...that language was not necessary," one girl said. "Yeah, he may be a freak, but you're still a teacher and a teacher should never talk to a student like that," that jock from the hallway said and I winced.

"I...I want to go..." I said quietly. "Well you can't, so suck it up and do something productive," he told me and I winced again. He walked to his desk and I quickly texted Mrs. Malik's number, hoping that she could help me. I didn't get an immediate response of course. She was teaching her class. What teacher would stop teaching, reply to a text from a pathetic student, and help the student out.

A part of me thinks that she is only kind to me because she feels sorry for me. Like she only let's me do what I want to do because she thinks of me as some bomb that is always set to go off at any moment. She probably thinks that I'm as sad and pathetic like how everyone else thinks about me. I can never blame her if she does think that way.

Hell, I wouldn't blame me either if I was in her place. I would've gotten so fed up by my shit by now actually. Look at me...I'm just a gay emo boy with no friends or no source of love that isn't from my dog that only barks and chases his own tail and pants while walking.

I really need to be in my happy place right now...
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Love you all!

-Daysia♡