WARNING: Suicidal & Drug themes!!!!

**Soda's POV**

My head was pounding and my eyes felt like they were being poked. I didn't want to move let alone open my eyes the slightest bit because I knew the harsh morning sunlight streaming in through my window would hurt my eyes even more. Although I wasn't sure where I was and was curious to find out it was always a surprise as to where I would end up the next morning. I guess that was the perk of taking drugs each and every night. But I knew now I was sober...well a lot more than I was. It had been hours since my last hit and the pain of loss was slowly creeping in again like the sun drifted away at night and arrived in the morning. Slowly but once it's there it is there until my next hit when I am too high to focus or think about the pain and memories of all those I had lost.

The death of Rosalie accompanied by Dallas sent me over the edge but Johnny running away just sent me further into a place where I could never come out of. I would kill myself but I don't have the courage I tried a few times but could never do it. LSD and weed were my saviours my source of happiness.

However those who smoked weed were mostly war protestors so that's what they talked about mostly. With the exception of the Shepard gang who just took drugs for the hell of it. I began thinking of Rosalie and our times we had together the night just before she got shot. I was interrupted from my thoughts when I overhead Ponyboy talking to Darry in the kitchen.

"Darry do you think Soda will ever get better?" it took a while for Darry to reply and silence seemed to echo throughout the house. "I don't know kid. I hope for his and our sake he does soon." "Why did he become like this?" I chuckle lightly at Pony's curiosity he was always full of questions it used to annoy the hell out of me sometime by how many questions he used to ask but I always tried to answer them. "Well he lost a lot of people he cared about Ponyboy Mom and Dad, Sandy, Rosalie, Dallas and Johnny. I just don't think he could handle it anymore and so he turned to drugs." "But you didn't and you lost a lot of people to... we all have. So why didn't we turn out like Sodapop?" again Darry took a while to answer. "Because Ponyboy I had responsibilities like looking after you to make sure you use that head of yours. But I can't speak for the others guess you'd have to ask them." "Look I gotta go to work now keep an eye on him for me." I then heard Ponyboy mumble something but I couldn't quite understand what he said. I heard Darry trudge pass me as he walked out the door and let it slam shut behind him.

I smelt bacon and sat up slowly holding my pounding head. It was as if someone was hammering into my head and wouldn't quit it. I slowly opened my eyes and it finally clicked I was at home maybe I stumbled home last night even though Darry didn't want me really coming home anymore for Pony's sake and I suppose I couldn't blame him but I would never try to hurt Ponyboy except for that one time when I was off my tree on LSD.

I stood there for a few moments gathering my balance and trying to figure out how I was going to walk to the kitchen. I couldn't figure it out, I had hangovers before but never this bad. I was freezing, and not just my head but my entire body was feeling immense pain.

I stumbled towards the kitchen where the aroma of bacon and toast was stronger I could hear the sizzling of the bacon in the pan. I was starving and the smell made me crave the taste of it to feel the crunch of it snapping in my mouth. Ponyboy was standing above the pan looking fixated on the bacon. "You know staring at it won't make it cook faster." I smile and say lightly. Trying to lift the mood and show him I can still be the Soda he knows and loves.

He looked at me surprised I seemed so happy well that's what I guessed he was surprised about. "You look terrible Sodapop." I was taken aback by what he said I knew I had lost some weight but he didn't have to be so rude. "That's not nice kid." "No I mean your face it's banged up. Don't you remember last night?" I thought hard trying to remember last night but the last thing I remember is my first hit from yesterday but that was in the morning. You think I'd be surprised that I had lost an entire day but I was used to it now.

"No tell me what happened." He shrugged and took the bacon off the heat placing it on to two plates. He assembled our breakfast while he explained it "Well I don't know...Cathy came to find me last night telling me she found you. I followed her and you were covered in blood barely able to form a sentence or walk. I had to hold you down while Darry stitched you up." his voice was shaky and sounded upset. "Ponyboy I...I'm sorry." Pony didn't even look at me but just handed me my plate and mumbled "sure."

"Are you ok?" I sure as hell wasn't ok with the amount of pain I was in and the fact he didn't believe I was sorry. Though I wasn't going to let him know that so I lied "Sure am." I force a smile he rolls his eyes drops his plate on the coffee table letting it wobble slightly. He puts on his shoes and grabs his jacket. "Where you going?" "I told Cathy once I knew you were okay I would go and take her out somewhere." Before I could answer he was out the door.

**Ponyboy's POV**

I couldn't figure out why I was so mad at Sodapop all of sudden when all last night and majority of this morning I was worried sick about him. I had never been mad at Soda before and I didn't like the feeling of being mad at him but I just couldn't help it. It's as if any anger I have is directed to him. I just can't wait to see Cathy and maybe take my mind of it all.

Maybe I was angry with him because I was so sick of him taking drugs and ending up in these situations. Maybe I was angry because I was sick of him just saying sorry and going right back to taking drugs again. Maybe I was angry because I had lost people to but I don't get that choice of just acting out like he did. Or maybe I was angry because he was my big brother and I used to look up to him.

I walked past the TV store I normally stop here and just stare at the newest models jealous of those who could buy them. Today was no different but there was something different on the screen. A news report on a young wealthy man who had been shot. It wasn't from here though it was from a few states over. Seeing as it was nobody I knew I kept walking no longer interested in the program.

I walked past Ed's diner; it had a lot of red in the interior and the exterior. I think red was the theme of the diner but I never asked and maybe one day if I had nothing better to do I might ask but today was not that day. I saw Cathy sitting in there alone, I looked at her for a moment; she was gorgeous and I don't she knew just how much.

"Hey Cat." I kiss her on the cheek taking her by surprise before I sit in the seat next to her. Sure I could have sat across from her but why would I want to be further away from her? "Oh hey Ponyboy how's Sodapop?" "Fine." I snap at her and she looks at me with disbelief I never snapped or yelled or was even one bit bitter towards her. "What's the matter Pone?" I look at her unsure of what to tell her I had no real answer as to why I was upset or angry. Besides I'm meant to be tough I'm not meant to go running off to my girlfriend and winge.

"Nothing Cathy I don't want to talk about it." I grumble "If you're gonna be like that then I ain't goin' out with ya today. Come find me when you get over whatever it is that you're mad about. You dig?" she stands up and storms away. I sigh and realise I had stuffed up I ran out after her but she was lost in the sea of people that were swarming the foot paths.

I start walking home deciding I should make sure that Sodapop isn't downing all the pills in the house.

I shoved my fists in my pocket and kick the surface of the cement every so often. Cars whizzed past and every so often one would be a tuff mustang but full of Socs and of course they would yell out greaser. It was pretty obvious by my slicked back hair full of grease, leather jacket and worn out shoes. Occasionally I would flip them off but mostly just kept my head down not wanting to get a beating.

I enter our rundown neighbourhood and see Two-bit stumbling down the middle of the road. I groan and rub my temples irritated with how drunk he was but more so with why he was so drunk this early in the morning. Why did everything have to turn to shit? Why did we get all the bad breaks? I felt as if slowly my life was just crumbling around me.

"Two-Bit!" I call out he turns in my direction and falls on his face. He has no sense of balance at all, he starts laughing and I suppose to him it is probably hilarious but to me it just shows me, how like the rest of us, broken he is.

I haul him up by one of his arms and lead him towards his house which is just a few broken homes down. He starts rambling and bragging on about some blonde he did the last night I tried to tune out by he spoke so loud it was real hard. We got to his house and I knocked on the door; his mother answered she was a lot like Two-Bit or Two-Bit was a lot like her.

She had darkening blonde that showed slivers of grey, she had kind grey eyes like Two and she had the same sort of happy go lucky personality that Two-Bit had.

She looked at Two-Bit with sadness in her eyes then back at me. He waltzed in and then up the stairs to I presume his bedroom.

"Would you like to come in Ponyboy?" she sounds tired and weary I don't want to be an inconvenience so I politely decline and go to walk away. "He misses you ya know. A-After everything that happened...h-he just can't handle reality anymore so he drinks. It's what his daddy used to do whenever he was upset or stressed. So he thinks people don't want to be around him because he's mopin' around or he's too drunk. But he says he misses you a lot...you were one or maybe his best friend." I thought about that for a moment "I'm never far away...make sure he knows that and that I miss his laughin'" she smiles and nods I feel as if she is so rundown by her sons despair that might be her first genuine smile in months.

I walk away somewhat happy just from seeing her smile...she was so kind...they both were and neither of them deserved to be this sad.

I got home and walked in to see Sodapop asleep on the couch; he looked dead to the world. I smiled because when he was asleep, apart from the bruising and cuts, he looked just like the old Soda.

I closed the door behind me and saw a white card on the worn-out carpet. I crouched down to pick it up curious as to what it might be. It had curly writing on it that read:

Sodapop,
Meet me at the creek at 12.

I worried by who sent this...was it maybe his drug dealer? A new friend? I wasn't sure I had a lot of possibilities running around in my head making me dizzy. I grabbed the door frame to steady myself. I looked over at my ruined brother and I needed to find answers or stop whoever was giving him what he needed to ruin himself even further.

I waited behind some bushes at the creek trying to stay out of few in fear that if the person saw me they would do a runner. I kept checking my watch every 30 seconds whoever they were they were 5 minutes late.

I was about to leave when I saw a body emerge from the shrubbery surrounding the creek bank. They were covered up and mixed with the poor lighting it was difficult to get a good look at who it was. They were also about to leave but I couldn't let that happen I ran after them as quietly as I could manage and tackled them to the ground. Pain radiated through my body with the hard sudden impact.

The person started trashing around but I pinned their arms to the ground with one arm and took there hood off with the other revealing those Icy blue eyes. I froze too shocked to do or say anything they looked just as shocked as I was. "Ponyboy?" she whispered I didn't react just kept staring at her. "It's not possible! Y-your dead." She didn't reply she just stared at me confused and angry but also upset. Tears rolled down her rosy cheeks.

"Pony...please can you get off me now." Her voice was hoarse and I had forgotten I was still on top of her. "R-Right." I stutter and roll of her on to the damp grass. "W-where's Sodapop?" I don't answer but look away when I look back she has more tears in her eyes making her mascara run in streaks down her cheeks. "How are you alive Rosalie?" "I can't answer that Ponyboy." I shake my head and then glare at her. "You don't get to see Sodapop until you tell me what the hell happened!" I hadn't realised I had started shouting I guess all the pent up emotion was starting to come out. "Please just trust me!" "How can I? Tell me or never see my brother again and I will turn you into the police for fraud." She took a few moments to consider my offer. "Fine." She sighed. "I'll tell you."