Bellamy's Pov

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I clench my fists tightly, until my nails dig into the palms of my hands, but I hardly notices. The only thing I am really aware of is that today is the day I've been dreading and I can't think straight. My heart is throbbing and my breathing is rapid and shallow. I can feel my pulse pounding in my temples.

The thousands of people looking at me, shock radiating from their faces would of brought me joy a year ago, but now I only fear that someone will pull a stunt and I will have to defend myself.

I feel Elwood's fingertips graze over my skin and I look up at him, his beautiful eyes meeting mine with such a kindness, I still find myself questioning how he has a kill count almost higher than mine. I realize I haven't said a word since I told Sebastian to run and my mouth is filled with irony blood because I've been chewing my lip.

Astonished, a man walks up the runway towards us. "My name is General Statura, I'll be taking you into containment just for safety precautions."

"Understandable," Elwood nods. "Cedar Elwood, I'm sure you know who I am though."

"The only breathing relative of General Hux, you're known almost anywhere nowadays son." Statura doesn't meet his eyes and begins to put restraints on Elwood's wrists.

I voluntarily stretch my arms out so he can wrap the restraints around my wrists without asking. Statura glances at me for a brief moment before turning on his heel. "Follow me please."

We enter the actual base building and I hold my breath. I walk down the concrete track, towards the old prison units and my heart both sinks and rises all at once. I sink because I used to know every rise and dip of this place. I haven't forgotten, it is still the path that Poe Dameron chased me down and the one I walked after punching a sexist pilot in the face. I rise to imagine what awaits me at the end. A cold room? Imprisonment? Torture? Then my mind races to what Jude promised. A place of more love and warmth than I've had these countless days of being someone the prophecy told me to be.

One of the silver doors opens with a swoosh and Statura removes Elwood's restraints. "We've modified a few things over the years," He explains but I feel as if he's directing it to me. "There's a bed and a shower, you'll be able to make yourself comfortable while we settle things."

My face remains grim as I watch the door shut behind Elwood, and I can't see his vibrant face any longer. We walk a few more steps before he removes my restraints. The door opens and he takes a few steps backwards, afraid that I'll hurt him. I find myself in a dull room with no windows. The shower is hidden behind a wall and the actual bed is a bunkbed, made of scrap metal. The door shuts behind me before I can say anything, not like I was going to anyways.

The back of my knees hit the bottom bunk and I fall backwards. I stay like that for what seems like hours. The only thing that seems to be working is my heart, continuing to pump blood into my veins. I find myself drifting in and out of consciousness, listening to the rustle of the vents.

I know why he did it. I know why my father blocked out my good memories and only allowed me to remember the bad. He loved me with all he had, I was his daughter. When the memories came flooding back, I didn't believe them at first but now I do.

I remember being terrified to kill my first victim, quaking in fear and crying hysterically after, but my father took away the memory of my first burden.

I remember during the first few days after my mother's death, he wouldn't leave my side until I fell asleep, but he gave me the memory of isolation instead.

I remember wanting to see my brother everyday since the destruction of Starkiller Base, but he made it seem like Jude was only a dream.

He did it to make me stronger, in the worst of way I suppose. Make me the unbreakable Sith Lord that would terrorize the galaxy. I have my memories back now, I had everything before I convinced myself I had nothing.

I'm startled when the door opens without warning and I find myself in a fighting stance by instinct. I lower my fists but keep my guard up when Luke Skywalker enters the room.

We've never actually formally met. We have fought each other and yelled harsh things back and forth, but he never knew me as Bellamy Solo. I remain quiet, not wanting to say anything. I could rip his throat out and still feel no regret, but I was working on becoming someone other than the brainwashed Isidore Ren.

"Hello Bellamy," He smiles softly, his beard moving with his lips. "I'm Luke."

I still say nothing but give him the idea that I am listening.

"We've never actually met, have we?"

"I could kill you," I find myself saying. "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

"Because I know you won't."

"You don't know that," I snap. "I am literally a killing machine."

"Isidore was a killing machine, Bellamy was not. The question is, who would you rather be? The one controlled by missing memories or the one in control by remembering those memories?"

I'm silent again, thinking of something genius to say. "I don't need a lecture Skywalker, I know why I'm here and I know what I've done."

"I'm not here to lecture you," He hobbled towards me. "I'm here to give you constructive criticism."

I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. "You aren't funny."

"Neither is this situation Bellamy, you have multiple personality disorder. You are sick in the head and confused," He explains, sighing deeply. "I'm not here to yell at you for all the lives you took and ruined, I'm here as someone to support you on your road to recovery."

Regret washed over me like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down my spine. I longed to go back and take a different path, but now that was impossible. There was no way back. There was no way to make it right. The remorse would eat at me everyday of her life. I had to take the painful path to recovery and it wouldn't be easy.

"I'm here to help you. I can feel it within you, I know you want to return to the girl you once happened to be. I know you are afraid of the grief and the guilt but you'll never be able to get back if you don't let it consume you. One day it will all be gone but look at you now, you're here. You need to start from the very beginning and I promise that you can trust me."

I look up at him with glassy eyes. If I blink, they will flow down my cheeks like a raft does a river.

Fear is a part of being human Bellamy, it's the precursor to bravery. We need it, it wakes us up and allows us to do what needs to be done. So feel it, own it, let it ignite your thoughts.

I nod my head, taking a few gasping breaths. "I'm-" I hiccup, holding onto every last bit of sanity I have last. "I am-" The words are stuck in my throat, trying to stay within me instead of coming out. "I'm Bellamy Solo, it's nice to meet you Luke."

"It's nice to meet you too." He carefully places a hand on my shoulder. "Do you need a second or can we jump right into what needs to be done?"

Still slightly untrusting, I rub my eyes and allow myself to feel cold again. This time, I know that I can control myself and just feel cold, not act like a winter storm. "I'm ready."

"I'll be visiting you everyday for as long as it takes. I don't think the containment and isolation is needed but some people feel safer that way. We'll start with writing down every memory you remember and then everyday, before I leave, I will read them to you until they become a clear picture. I will be asking you therapeutic questions that you don't always have to answer, I want you to feel comfortable. When you are comfortable, people from your old life will start to visit."

Everything sounds completely traumatizing but I agree. "What about the boy I came with, the one beside my cell?"

"Cedar?" Luke questions and I nod. "His circumstances are different than yours. I'm afraid he will be doing a public trial but his surrender and attempt to save Queen Nalani will help his case. He will be going through therapy the same as you but things may be a little different."

My heart breaks and I feel myself become uneasy. "Will I be able to see him?"

"Eventually," Luke confirms. "I'll even try to pull a few strings to really show you that I'm on your side. Rest easy Bellamy, you've got a tiring week ahead of you."

I find myself believing him.