Bellamy's Pov

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I am your worst nightmare because I know it isn't your own pain you fear. You fear the pain of those you love more, isn't that the essence of love? Did you think I wouldn't know? I can't feel love of course, poison that is, but understanding it makes my art all the greater. The deaths of those you cherish are my award, their screams and death rattles my encore. The joy of ultimate victory is sweet yet transitory and it's the millions of battles in between I live for. Long ago I offered you the chance to join me but you refused like a sulky child, unwilling to learn the power and glory of dark ways. Yet here I lay, wondering if you still think of me as much as I think of you.

I never take out a worthy adversary until they cease to try, their loved ones however are fair game. What is it to take another pawn off the board of life? Is it a crime or a mercy? Frankly, I'd rather it was a crime. The wonderful thing is you'll tell me who you really love with your actions, I won't ever have to guess my next best move. So really, you're playing for me, guiding me right to the juiciest targets. I get to be anonymous, you get fame.

Now, I wish you could see dear brother that as I ease into your sleeping mind, turning your peaceful dream into a demonic nightmare, that everything I'm doing is just the beginning. I will stop at nothing to make you see the power of the Dark Side.

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She walks in my room, and time slows down, pacing with her slowed footsteps. She has always haunted me - in nightmares, hallucinations and even when I've been wide awake. She stops beside my bed, and her hand slowly reaches for my arm. Sometimes, I do everything to move my arm and other times, I just want to embrace her but either way, I cannot move it away.

Her gentle fingers caress over my forearm, while I lay still, paralysed. I want to scream, but I don't find the strength as I'm using all of it just to move my hand away from her. It's not her, or her touch that scares me, but it's what happens next.

After a few more of my attempts go in vain, I finally wake up - still unable to move. I watch her walk away and slowly close the door shut behind her without making a noise. Hallucinations come with sleep paralysis - I tell myself just to asure myself that she isn't real.

I know that if that dream had continued any longer, the ground would suddenly crack in half and I'd be hanging onto her with all my might. She'd smile at me, tell me she loves me and then she would plummet to her death. This same dream has been happening for far too long and I'm growing restless.

I'm glad the I have managed to take him out of that dream occasionally, though his ghostly face as we watched our mother fall to her death still makes a cameo. That dream always ends in the same nightmare but unlike everyone else I know, when I wake I remember that my nightmare was both real and worse than the fragmented reenactment my brain offers.

Instead of relief when waking I get the trauma made fresh and raw. I get to relive Jude screaming at me to hold on as the planet swallowed itself and split into two. How grown up he'd seemed at nine...or was it eight? How truly young that seems now since he is actually an adult, but no matter how many times the nightmare comes, I welcome it the next time again, hope for it even...because the beginning is the only time I will ever be with both my mother and brother and feel his and her touch and bask in the warmth of the smiles I took for granted.

"General Isidore?" Coughed a stormtrooper I had yet to learn the name of.

"Mmph." I replied, still in the middle of pulling myself out of bed. Sweat dripped down my face and my throat was swelling but I couldn't show weakness, especially to a trooper.

"Your father requests your presence immediately." He informed me, unaware that I have every intention not to go.

"Must be important if he wants me immediately." I spoke mainly to myself. "Is that all?"

"Yes ma'am." The trooper replied.

"Very well." I flicked my wrist and within seconds, the door to my room slammed in front of the stormtrooper and to my guess, probably left it speechless.

I stumbled out of the black satin sheets and put my head in between my hands, sighing meekly. I don't know how long I sat like that for but I was in no mood to do or see anything when her helpless image was still in my mind.

Some people are born good and always fight off the bad. Some people are born bad and become good through great effort. Others are born in light and fall to darkness and others are born in darkness and cannot see the light. Try as you might to believe otherwise, but everyone fits into one of those categories.

I know what I am.

When I came of age I realised the life ahead of me was one of anger, pain and hatred...of darkness and did I want that?

Yeah. I did.

I grew up surrounded by fire and ash and darkness and death. I remember only small fragments of true tranquility, of kindness and love. It came mainly from my mother but she is dead because of the beauty she tried to see in everyone. After I met my father, darkness was the only thing I knew, so of course I wanted it.

I was never truly taught what love was, what kindness was. In fact, in my entire childhood I think I saw just one type of smile - a smile full of malice and cruel intent. I suppose that is what happens when the Guardian of the Innocent and Knight of Ren get together.

I was trained to be the perfect killer and perfect commander. Since I was in the hands of my father, I held a great admiration and interest in being just like him. My lightsaber combat skills have made me unstoppable and my knowledge of the force has made me impeccable.

For almost a decade I trained, learning more and more with everyday and I enjoyed it, because I knew of no other life. I was stripped of my mother, the one person I had believed to be pure and the Resistance took my brother, so it's just my notorious father, Kylo Ren and I.