chapter one, the side effect of liya safin

𝕯arkling

THE DARKLING WAS PRETTY SURE Liya has done something to his heart. His gaze lingered on that armchair in the corner almost every minute, remembering the way she sat there – posture straight, hands between her thighs, cheeks flustered. It seemed like the scent of lavenders, the scent of her lingered in that corner and surrounded the whole office, putting daggers into his heart.

He had too much time to think, seven hundred and fifty-five hours if he was precise. The sleepless nights of his were worse, it seemed like whenever he would put his head down on a pillow, the images of getting her to Zlatan kept on coming back. He wasn't a wicked man enough to not admit when he was wrong. Four centuries did wrap his head around the fact that he was better than anyone else because he has been through it all, but the gnawing guilt at the bottom of his chest only showed him that he made a huge mistake.

It made him realise that in those four centuries, he slowly lost his human side in order to get adapted to the horrors of the world. He knew he wasn't as sensitive and understanding as he should be and he never dreaded the fact, but it made him wonder if it would've been different if he has taken an opportunity to think his plan through before involving Liya. Clearly, the need to prevent the Civil War and get rid of Zlatan blinded him enough to not see that he was hurting a person that didn't deserve to go through hell again.

He was irrational and impulsive and he has never loathed those two traits of himself as passionately as now.

At first, he did blame Liya for the plan that wasn't successful. But he soon understand that searching for a scapegoat in this situation wasn't right. He was the one who snapped the neck of that man and she had nothing to do about it. Just like that, he involved a woman that brought something out of him to act irrationally and it was all his fault.

The situation between West and East Ravka was a little bit better since the General's family was far too busy searching for the guilty ones. They were blaming him and the red-haired Grisha who disappeared, but he managed to put the attention on the assassins of the Shu Han royal family. He kept telling herself that he needs to find Liya before some horrible people get to her first, but that was just another excuse to hide the fact that he was a total mess without her.

Getting to Genya was impossible and he was smart enough not to bother her. There was no place for his cruelty there – she was a servant of the Queen and torturing her wouldn't get him the answer. It bothered him that she was so intelligent not leaving the Grand Palace, not sending any letters – nothing. She knew well how to hide her sister.

Both Fedyor and Igor searched the nearest towns and villages around the Little Palace and she was nowhere to be found. By this time, she could've already been dead or out of the country even, but the two Heartrenders kept on searching all around the Ravka. She will be found eventually.

The Darkling wondered if she was alright. Perhaps, she worked as a herbalist – it seemed that it brought a smile to her face when she could recognise the surrounding herbs. Many jobs would suit her, but she wasn't able to do most of them, but he always imagines her between tons of books. As a matter of fact, he has heard about a Shu Han duchess, who is sightless as well and they invented books for her to read – something to do with bumps as if it was a new alphabet to learn.

The King wasn't content with the departure of Liya Safin, especially after she refused to meet him and disappeared. Genya experienced the wrath of the Royal Family, but she didn't squeak a word about the whereabouts of her sister, much to the General's disapproval. It also didn't seem well that he has vouched for her, but he promised the King that he has been searching for her and he has been.

Turning his head to the side, averting his gaze from the starry sky, he sighed – another sleepless night. Zoya, who slept beside him, seemed to have become his only solace of escape from the thoughts of Liya. He seemed to have devoured her body far more often than before, but it still didn't help him sleep and he was forced to watch the beautiful Squaller sleep soundly.

Pushing the raven strands off her face, she soon took a deep breath in, her eyelids slightly fluttering before she opened her eyes. She offered him a sleepy smile, slightly nudging her head into his touch before looking out of the window.

"Another sleepless night?" She whispered as he retracted his arm from her.

"Yeah," he mumbled, turning his head to look out of the window, his gaze stopping at the corner, where the armchair was standing, for a little bit too long. It made him realise that he would gladly drink the tea Liya has once made for him, but he doesn't recall what she has put in it, in order to recreate it.

"What's on your mind?" she scooted up, sitting up beside him.

"Too many things," he simply answered, turning his head to look at Zoya, who just looked at him with those starry eyes of hers.

"I could help you think about nothing," she offered, her fingers moving onto his bare shoulder as she leaned closer, quickly straddling him with her delicate thighs.

Saints, he wanted to think about nothing. He wanted to forget everything.

Their lips collided, gently, a feeling that has been shared with them all of this month. He craved her desperately, in order to forget, to think about nothing, to be in the moment. Their lips felt the rhythm, bodies pressing, skin against skin.

Stroking the curve between her ribs and her hips, he leaned into her touch, into the heat her body was producing and it seemed perfect. Only then, his mind wondered if her lips would feel the same—perhaps, they would be softer, gentler as if they were ice against his fire, burning for her, desiring her. His mind wondered about the curve of hers—she always seemed to be so petite sitting in that armchair, the kefta always wrapped around her waist. The skin of hers, was scarred, but it was beautiful, it always glowed so nicely underneath the sun and the red hair would shine bright red, coming alive.

Would her lips taste the same? Or would it be like a vivid dream, dripping in honey, dripping in sweetness and passion?

His lips moved on her neck, noting the little dip behind her collarbones—would she tremble when he would kiss it? Would her body reach out to his, grasp the ends of the blanket, and give in to the pleasure? He knew he would get lost in her touch, in her presence, in her voice, in her scent, in her, her, her...

"Oh, Saints," the woman breathed out, sensually.

He got lost in the image in his head, exploring the soft body, drowning in the image of her without even realising it. Pressing his lips lower, leaving soft marks, he whispered against her skin, "Oh, Liya."

It was as sort of awakening as if a cold shower ran through his body. So desperate to forget, yet he was thinking about her, imagining as if this was her body, only to be hit with the reality.

The horror on Zoya's face was not hidden and she moved back, extending her hands to create distance, "You—you just said her name."

Seeing the pain on her face didn't make him feel remorseful – he didn't feel anything passionate for her even if he could see that he has hurt her. Severely. He wanted to forget, but it seemed like every day was working against him even more and now, even the raven-haired Squaller's presence was not working. He felt horrible for ruining a moment like this but denying it wasn't worth it.

"I need to find her," he admitted, voice hoarse.

The hurt on her face was making her lips slightly quiver, "It has always been her, right?" she shook her head, moving out of the bed and grasping her silk kefta, wrapping it around her naked body. "I have been a fool to believe that everything changed after she left and yet, you have been thinking about her—Saints!" she moved her shoulders in frustration, shaking her head.

"It'll be best for us to never meet like this again," he said and by the look on her face, he could see, that she expected at least an ounce of remorse.

Biting on her lip, she looked at him, shaking her head repeatedly as if she was blaming herself for her foolishness, before answering: "I think so as well." And with those words, she left his room, leaving nothing but darkness.

The Darkling knew that Zoya always wanted something more than to share the bed, something more that would show that he cared about her in a different way, but he couldn't provide her that before and now. Before, he just didn't know if that sort of caring was possible for anyone, but now, when his thoughts lingered on Liya, he understood that he was capable of feeling something more.

And what hurt the most, was the knowledge that he ruined the chances to see her again.

· · ─────── ·♔· ─────── · ·

"HOW'S THE SEARCH GOING?" The King asked, one of his hands placed comfortable on his round belly.

"Is it really necessary? The results of Grisha's performances have never been more productive," the Queen, Tatiana, disagreed.

The Darkling had to force himself not to chuckle as he knew well that Tatiana didn't care about Grisha. She was a Fjerdan, promised to marry that old idiot, who had more mistresses than anyone could count. All she cared about was looking young, about her priced possession - Genya, who she saw as a child of her own until she grew into a beautiful woman and then, got jealous of her.

The General despised this monthly supper meeting with the Royal Family. It was a ritual for them to get close and talk about everything, but if it was up to him, he wouldn't see them at all, it was a duty he must attend to because of the Queen. It was her wish, after all.

"I assure you that Liya Safin is a very wonderful Grisha, with marvellous abilities that I have witnessed myself. She already proved it to us that we should change the testing orders," he replied, sitting across from the married couple.

"I haven't had the chance to meet her myself, on my own... I must say I am disappointed," the King admitted and they all knew what he meant. As if he didn't have enough mistresses...

Those words angered the Darkling and he had to force himself to stay calm even if a storm was bubbling in his chest. Knowing that the King will be eager to see Liya again once they will find her, worries him, but he will not let her out of her sight. He won't do the same mistake of putting her into horrifying situations.

The Queen eyed her husband in an odd way, refusing to roll her eyes since she fully believed it can cause wrinkles, so instead, she took a very polite sip from the teacup she was holding, giving a soft smile to the Darkling.

"I have heard you chose a new General for the First Army," the Darkling changed the topic.

The round man gave him a satisfied smile nodding, "Indeed. General Pavel, a distant cousin of Zlatan's, who is one of the Commanders."

"A trustworthy man?"

"Recommended by Zlatan's family."

A scum, then.

"We are aware of what business his family is involved in. We should expect General Pavel could be involved too," the Darkling pointed out as the Royal Family was aware of the Grisha trafficking in East Ravka.

"That's why I decided to organise a celebration for General Pavel and I hope that you will see to the matters that concern the trafficking," the King ordered.

As always, he had to do all of the dirty jobs. But he nodded, accepting it as there was no way of disagreeing with that old child.

"Shouldn't we be worried that they might do something wicked in the celebration? The family is still grieving and seeking revenge," Tatiana pointed out.

"Absurd," her husband moved his hand in a careless manner, scoffing.

"I must agree with Moya Tsaritsa," the General said, receiving a soft smile from the woman. "Even if the attention is on Shu Han, we must be wary."

"Then, I am sure you will deal with that as well," the old man mumbled, reaching for a pastry.

The Darkling nodded, "Of course."

Just as he wished that the time would pass sooner, the quick footsteps against the gravel alerted him, making him stand up and turn around to see that Fedyor was coming to him. No one dared to interrupt this supper unless something important has happened.

Bowing for the Royal Family, the Heartrender apologised for the interruption and the Darkling pulled him aside. Fedyor took a sharp breath in, before speaking up: "We found her."

Instant relief run through his body as he almost smiled, catching himself in the act and leaning closer to Fedyor, "Where is she?"

"She was noticed in Tsemna, a little city near the Fold, living with one lady, who is a medik," he informed and the Darkling nodded.

"Prepare the carriages, get Ivan and do not alert anyone else – we are leaving in five," he ordered and the Heartrender nodded, leaving.

"I apologise for this interruption," the Darkling softly smiled to the Royal Couple and bowed his head softly, "I must go now."

He must go and find his woman.

author's note:

please tell me what you think about this book? Is it enjoyable to read? Do you think the Darkling's character is well written or lacking?