November, 2018

I woke to my curtains being wrenched open, sunlight streaming in in all its blinding glory.

"Do you know what time it is?" my mother bellowed as her figure moved away from the window, her silhouette coming into detail.

Squinting at its vague shape, I eventually dragged the blanket over my head to block out the light. "Let me sleep," I groaned back in response.

"You're sleeping your life away," she retorted.

"That's the plan," I mumbled as I rolled away from her, hoping that talking to my back might deter her plot. Though I should have known my mother better than that.

"You need to get up and get ready. You've already missed one of your classes today," she prattled.

"Yeah, yeah... wait. You know my schedule?" My head peeked out from under the covers, my eyes finding her shape in the brightness.

"Of course I do."

"How?" I hadn't told her.

"I asked Marli to get me a copy of it."

At her words, vague memories of Marli taking a picture of my timetable with my consent flashed through my mind. "Ugh! You're insufferable sometimes." Then I retreated back to the darkness.

"Get up," she insisted again, tugging at the end of my blanket.

"Five more minutes, woman!"

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

The scorching water caressed my back and the length of my body before pooling at my feet. My fingers were beyond pruned, and mum had just rapped on the door, yapping at me yet again about how late I was.

But what was the point?

What was the point in anything?

Every single step forward saw me taking multiple massive leaps backwards.

Getting close to Marli, unleashing the burdens of my past on her, only saw my hope brewing at the chance of seeing Ben again... with it immediately becoming crushed at the fact he was most likely forever gone. Forever stuck in the inbetween, not living, not moving on. Or perhaps even haunting me as a reminder of how much I ruined his life. The reality was, I'd never know.

Another three knocks sounded on the door. "For God's sake, Olivia, get out of the shower and stop running up my electricity and water bill."

Heaving a sigh, I shuffled around under the stream and turned the taps until the water stopped flowing. Body still in its spot, hands paused on the cool metal, I stared at the grout as I pondered whether I really should get out and get dressed, or if I should just pretend I was getting ready until mum left for the day... then hide back under my covers.

Reluctantly, I stepped out onto the cold tile, acknowledging that, either way, I had to get out of the bathroom for either of my plans to work.

Slowly towelling off my body, eventually I faced the clouded mirror, ready to see how terrible I looked today as though it would determine my decision as to whether I'd go out or stay in.

I reached over the sink and swiped my hand across the glass. Clearing the fog, I tried to make enough of my reflection visible to apply makeup when suddenly two blue eyes over my shoulder caught my attention.

A small yelp escaped my mouth as I jumped away from the mirror—far enough I could no longer look in.

Heart pounding in my chest, I clutched the towel against me as I took deep breaths.

You were seeing things... You're hallucinating again, I told myself.

With shaky knees though, ever so slowly I shuffled around on the tiles, eyes lowered as I turned to the spot where I saw him.

Then, gaze slowly trailing upwards, at first I saw his shoes—the same black Adidas joggers he sported the day he died.

Glancing up even faster, skinny jeans filled my vision—the exact same tears in the knees that I remembered.

The very same black shirt he wore on the day he passed... last with a large slice through the middle and blood saturating the fabric. Though now it was perfectly blemish-free and pressed neatly.

Then, finally, I let my eyes flicker up to his face, taking in the same strong jawline I fell in love with. The same luscious locks of dark brown hair that framed his face, falling just past his chin. The same piercing blue eyes that swirled and whirled like a stormy sea.

My bottom lip was fully quivering now as his brows furrowed in confusion, head cocking to the side.

"I'm fucking losing it," I eventually choked out, feeling my knees begin to crumble.

He took a few hesitant steps towards me, hand slowly reaching out as though he wanted to touch me. "Please don't cry, Olivia," his beautiful, British voice caressed me, the hand that was extending for me touching my arm—though no actual feeling of touch making its way to me.

"How can I not cry when—"

His eyes blew wide, hand suddenly yanking back from me. "Wait... you can see me?"

I took a couple of steps back, still clutching at my towel in confusion. "What do you... You're... Are you really here?"

"You can actually see me?" His face blew bright as he hurried closer, hands once again making contact with my arms, but no warmth or feeling coming with it.

Ever so slowly, I moved my free hand upwards, hand reaching for his face to check.

Yet as my fingers just about collided with his cheek, another three loud raps sounded on the door.

"Olivia Mary Byrne! Get your butt out here now before I break down this door!" mum shouted, causing me to jump back from him again.

But when I turned to look at him, he was edging himself away. "You better do what she says... You haven't told her about your tattoo yet."

I'm definitely hallucinating, I concluded as I shook my head while looking at him. I'm that far gone in the denial of losing him that I'm now seeing him... Because if Ben had been dead, how would he know about the fact I hadn't told her about my fairy self yet?

Deciding I was going to try my best to bring myself back to reality, I made a promise to not acknowledge the vision of him as I slowly turned around away, slipping my shirt awkwardly over my towel, trying my best to hide my naked body.

"I've seen it all before, you know," he laughed, a tenderness to his tone, warming me from within as I remembered the joyful person he used to be... before my fickle heart started falling for his best friend.

It's just a hallucination... I started chanting to myself as I slowly lowered the towel, trying to convince myself to get ready as per normal. But I just couldn't shake the feeling I was being watched... by my own mind, of course, but... still...

Bent over to keep the towel hanging over my behind as I shimmied my underwear on, I cautiously and fumbly tugged my clothes on, only letting the fabric fall to the ground once my body was fully covered.

"That was way more difficult than it needed to be," he mused. "I hope this isn't a habit. I do miss being able to watch you." And while he was trying to say it in jest, I could hear the notes of sorrow clouding his tone.

He's not there, I chanted again as I wiped the mirror once more to apply my makeup. His blue eyes burned back at me from across the room as he perched himself on the toilet lid, studying me. You're losing it, Ollie... That's all. Just merely, simply losing it. Good job.

And that's what I continued to tell myself as I forced my shoes on and headed out the door to my car, desperate for that sense of 'normalcy' everyone wanted me to partake in... Pleading that it would make the illusion disappear.

How are we feeling about the story so far? Still enjoying it?