July, 2019

When I awoke to the next day, everything felt slightly less bleak, though maybe that was the daylight filtering around the curtains.

I laid in bed for a few moments, staring at the ceiling, until eventually I admitted Ben would not return. Though I knew he never would. Since he faded in front of me, my heart had felt lighter as the remnants of him disappeared with his ghost forever.

Once I threw my legs out of bed, I did the obligatory: had a shower, brushed teeth, threw some breakfast down my throat, did whatever chores needed doing, then lazed in front of the television for the rest of the day. Until the sky outside turned black, all Sirens wandered to bed, and my eyes started to grow heavy, calling me for rest once more.

Though the moment I returned to my room and flickered out the light, the darkness returned.

He's gone.

And Lukas isn't here.

And no one came to check on you.

No one cares about you being here.

This trip was a waste of time.

You're just a waste of space.

If I never came, I would still have Ben. I never would have grown close to Lukas again only to lose him once more.

I'd still have my mum right now.

My hands gripped at my arms, nails digging into my flesh once more as I clawed for reality, for a break, for a distraction.

"Just stop," I pleaded with the thoughts.

Your fault.

No one likes you.

The only person who did is gone now because you came back here.

"Please stop," I whimpered.

I went on like that, warm wet tears drenching my pillow as I shook from the dread. Mind racing with blame.

Until eventually reprieve came, as the darkness finally said, "You're okay. You'll be okay. This will pass."

And once more, the warm arms encircled me, pulling me into the break I needed as sleep quickly overcame me.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

The days repeated in the same fashion, starting and ending similarly, never getting easier as they went on. With no changes on the horizon, on the fourth day I started to deliberate going home.

You promised you wouldn't run away this time, my thoughts argued back.

But he doesn't want me anymore.

As I was in the midst of my mental debate, yanking me from its depths was a familiar face filling my vision as a hand waved for my attention.

"Earth to Ollie," she hooted again.

"What?" I asked with a shake of my head.

"Oh great, you've returned. Welcome. How were the aliens?"

"What are you..." My eyes focussed on her, the dark brown hair, skin the colour of chocolate. "Emma."

"Hi, love. Are you okay?" She blinked at me for a few moments as I stared at her with blankness. Then she said, "Like I know you're not, but... How much are you not okay?"

"Why are you here?" I countered with.

"To check in on you. And to try to drag you along to this meeting with me tonight."

My brows pulled together as I studied her face for dishonesty, though I came out blank. However, rather than leaping up and joining her, I tucked my legs up on the couch and grabbed the pillow, cuddling it into my chest as I continued to watch whatever mind-numbing thing was playing on the television.

"Please?" she tried again, head popping around and blocking my vision.

"Meeting as in about the Mades?"

"The very one."

"No thank you."

"Why not?"

"You were there last time when Lukas held a meeting. He doesn't want me involved."

"Coming to the meetings and coming to the showdown are two very different things."

"I don't want to see anyone."

"You've always got an excuse, don't you. Look, I get you just lost Ben for good, but have you not mourned him enough?"

My eyes finally flickered over to her as I mumbled, "You think it's Ben that's got me like this?"

All joy washed off her face, replaced by a look of pity now. "He's an absolute weenie, isn't he? So glad I cut him off."

"Suggesting I should too?"

"I doubt you can even if you tried."

"What does that mean?"

She sighed. "I don't think you're ready for that right now. Though when you are, come meet me at the school library."

"The one for mutants?"

"Very one. I've found some interesting reads there that might relate to you. But for now, please come with me."

"I don't want to."

"I hear you, I do. But I need you."

"You need me?"

"Yes. I like you, Ollie. I liked you when Lukas told me about you. I liked you even more when we finally met, even though it broke me as I realised what I had to do. And even though you and I have barely hung out since, I still like you. You're the closest thing I have to a friend here with Lukas out of the picture. Aside from Jayce, of course." Though as her eyes flickered away for a moment and she cleared her throat, my eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Yet rather than pressing her, like a friend would, I found myself wanting to retreat again as the voice in my head whispered, Don't get too close to anyone again. That way they can't let you down.

"Plus, I feel outnumbered there. There's all these plans about what us Terra Fairies should and shouldn't do, and I feel so... voiceless."

"And you think if I go, I'll give more voice?"

"I'd feel like I'm not alone at least."

Her words hit a nail in my heart. Which was why, begrudgingly, I climbed off the couch, headed down to the bathroom to shower and change my clothes, and then eventually rejoined Emma in the foyer.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

The meeting was once again held at the school. Dozens of mutants ambled about in small chatter as they killed time before the meeting, and I tagged a few steps behind Emma as we wedged ourselves up the back of the crowd.

Though our entrance didn't go unnoticed. A black-haired witch dropped her conversation immediately and beelined for us.

"Ollie!" she exclaimed before throwing her arms around me, as if my last words to her were ones meant to hurt. As if I hadn't said them at all.

"Hi," I mumbled back, half-heartedly returning the hug. As she pulled back, I started to fashion up an apology in my head, though cutting me short was—

"I'm surprised you've come with Emma."

"Why's that?" I glanced at Emma, suspicious of whether I'd fallen for some prank.

"Oh, I just thought you'd come with Lukas."

His name was like honey-coated barbed wire, sweet to hear at first but packing a torturous prick. "Nope," I replied. "For that, we'd need to be on speaking terms."

"... I thought you two were. Have you fought again?"

"Again? It's still the same fight from when we returned."

"But... You've been together every night since Ben..."

My eyes widened as I finally looked properly at her.

The witch's face was contorted with embarrassment, as she tried to backtrack from whatever hole she had dug all the while she looked around the room for help.

"What do you mean we've been together?" I pressed, heart starting to race in my chest as I wondered... Was it not my mind in a state of delirium just manifesting comfort? Could it possibly have been—

"It's nothing."

"Ri," I begged.

And it was enough. Heaving a sigh, she confessed, "He's been going out every night. When I asked, he said he was off to see you. Considering he never returned until the mornings, I assumed you two had... rekindled. It must have been a lie. Though I don't know why he'd lie to me..." She continued to bumble about, though I was now alert.

The fog had cleared my mind as I tuned into the sensations of the world around me, seeking it, waiting for it. And sure enough, the next time the doors opened, in he strolled.

If it's really been him, perhaps our fight is finally over.

Perhaps Ben is right and the rift has closed.

Perhaps I've been the obstacle this time, losing myself to my demise to not notice who was there beside me this whole time.

It was like he sensed my stare. Stopping mid-conversation with Jayce, his honey eyes sought me out across the room.

I expected a smile.

Or perhaps a nod.

Some form of kind acknowledgement if he had really been spending the nights comforting me.

Yet he greeted me with a scowl before turning back to Jayce.

She was wrong, I concluded. I've imagined it was him... and he's been going elsewhere.

The fog drifted back in as I stepped further back into the room until I was pressed against the wall.

All the while, one of the Professors called the meeting to a start, and everyone started to flesh out the final elements of the Kidnap-a-Made plan, set to take place a week from now.

This time, I knew my place. As they voiced everyone's roles—catchers, bait, lookout, etc.,—I didn't try to ask where I fit in.

Because I knew I fit in nowhere.

____

Aside from Lukas or Ollie, which characters do you enjoy hearing about? Let me know in the comments.