July, 2019

Eventually the time for tales came to an end as the candle burned low. Ben was the one who cut everyone off with, "Thank you all for sharing such wonderful stories and thinking of me so fondly. I hope I get to meet you all again in an afterlife or my next life, if such things exist... But I don't have much time left, so I'll have to stop you all here as I have a few things I'd like to say to some people before I go."

Some grumbled their disappointment, but most understood.

Ben rose to his feet again and approached Ivan first. The pair chatted quietly for a few moments before Ivan—eyes watering—placed a hand on Ben's ghostly arm.

Afterwards, he moved on to Erica.

Then Jayce... working through his close circle of friends.

When he finished speaking with everyone who were his former housemates, I thought he'd approach me next. Yet, instead, he strolled past me, out of the casting circle and up the stairs.

Once he'd disappeared from our sights, everyone began to question, "Is that it? Is he gone now? What about Ollie?"

I took a seat as I began to wonder the same. But another part of me knew that wasn't how we'd end. He'd surely come back.

My head spent the next moments flicking between the stairway and the candle as it burned lower and lower, the wax forming a puddle on the ground.

Surely he will say a proper goodbye to me.

Surely this isn't how we will end.

It was the uptake of whispers that had me perking up and glancing back at the stairs again. Though, to my surprise, as Ben descended, Lukas was in tow.

The vampire halted on the first step, looking anywhere and everywhere but me. Though the ghost's sights were fixed on only me.

The last stop.

He walked straight up to me, stopping within a breath as he gave me a smile while his eyes brimmed with tears. "I don't even know what to say..."

"It's okay," my voice cracked. "You've said a lot over the past few months."

He shook his head. "No... I won't leave without saying something..." His head turned away for a moment, and he took a few deep breaths. Despite his efforts though, some tears eventually cascaded down his face. When he looked back at me, I never thought he'd hit me with, "You and I should have never happened. It caused so much pain for you, for Lukas, for me... I hate how miserable I made us all with my greed."

"Ben..." I replied, voice dry as the knot started to unravel, unleashing the despair I'd been holding onto all this time. On the one hand, it was like a branding iron to the heart to hear him admit those words. Yet, on the other, I completely agreed with him. How much happier would Lukas and I be if our love was never disturbed?

"However, even though I know that we shouldn't have, even though I know how horrible what I did was... is it bad I still don't have regrets? That, if given the chance, I'd probably do it all again just to have you and lose you... Fuck. I'm sorry, Olivia. I... You made me so happy. Even if your heart was never fully mine. Even if it was falsely mine. Your presence and misguided love was something I was always craving. I know I made the right choice in the end by removing myself from the picture. I know we couldn't have gone on as we were. But... I still wish things went how I wanted them to go. I wish I got my happily ever after with you, with a wedding, with kids, growing old..."

The tears were unashamedly streaming down his face now. And, while I felt his pain alongside him, I couldn't agree with the words coming out of his mouth. While I wished, too, we had that future, I couldn't fully commit to that. Because the thought of that future with Ben instead of him... Scared me. So instead of agreeing, instead of saying sweet nothings back to Ben, I just placed a hand on his face, feeling no substance to my touch, yet still relishing in the relief that came with him leaning into it.

"I never called you by your nickname like everyone else did."

"I figured that was just your thing."

He shook his head. "I know it doesn't make much sense, but I felt as though I didn't deserve to be that close to you."

"That really doesn't make any sense."

"Do you think... do you think you've forgiven me yet? Now that I've confessed it all?"

"I..." I glanced at Lukas whose gaze was now fixated on me in anticipation of my response, making me more reluctant to give it. Nonetheless, I told Ben what he needed to hear, putting him, this time, above Lukas. "Yes. I do forgive you. While I dislike that you say you'd do it again knowing the pain you caused, we can't change the past anyway. I think you paid the ultimate price for your sins in the end. How can I continue to condemn you?"

A smile pulled at his mouth before he said, "Thank you... Ollie."

A laugh escaped me before I replied, "That sounds a little odd coming from you."

"It feels strange."

We stood quietly for a moment, him staring at me, me gazing back into the mystical blue for what I knew would be the last time. Relief and regret whirled within me once more as I deliberated between begging him to stay and encouraging him to go.

"I love you."

My eyes stung with his statement's finality as he reached the conclusion for us.

"You were the love of my life, and while our time was short, it was so tragically beautiful for me."

The lump was quick to rise in my throat, and I tried to shake my head as if the feelings would go with it.

"I hope you have a long, happy, wonderful life. And that you find that happiness once again with the love of yours."

I kept my eyes fixated on Ben as he threw a glance back at Lukas.

When the ghost of Ben turned back to me, he whispered ever so quietly, "Be happy."

The sob finally tore through me as he faded before my eyes.

Then the candle blew out.

My head drooped towards the ground as I felt my body start to shake.

I could feel all the watchful eyes on me, staring. Judging. Assuming they knew everything about us or how I must be feeling.

My skin started to crawl the longer I stood there with no one saying anything. With no one approaching me.

And when I couldn't stand being a spectacle anymore, I fled.

Marching through the crowd with my head turned to the ground, I avoided the reaching hands around me that felt as though they were only trying to restrain me with their afterthought of affection and condolence.

The balance beam of relief and regret had fully tilted to regret the longer a specific someone didn't come to me.

Ben was gone, and what for?

He was the only one there for me these days. The only one who understood me anymore.

How will him being gone ever close the rift?

The distance between us was as endless as the ocean, and I was a ship lost at sea, pleading for my salvage or reckoning to come already and end this stranded torture.

Just before I reached the door, a hand grasped my arm and a familiar voice said, "You should stay here tonight."

For the first time in what felt like eternity, I braved a glance up into her midnight eyes. "I need to get out of here."

"You shouldn't be alone right now," Erica replied.

"I won't be. Faye, Serena, and Theodora will be right next door if I need them."

"Ollie—"

"I can't stay here. Just leave me be and stop pretending you care." I yanked my arm out of hers and exited the house.

The sky was starless that night as I ran with haste down those dark Hammersmith streets, desperate to get away before anyone else could stare at me some more and offer pity.

With each step that thudded on the asphalt road, I couldn't help but let the demons creep in, whispering their dread.

Everyone knows you broke those friends apart.

Everyone knows you and Lukas have a bond again... and he doesn't want you.

Everyone knows you kept Ben from them all this time.

Everyone knows you are the reason he died.

Everyone knows...

It's all your fault.

I barely noticed the world flying by as I ran home. Time felt like it stretched and collapsed simultaneously.

Though eventually I was in my room once more.

Door closed and locked behind me, I slid down against the wall as the darkness around me haunted me.

He's not here anymore.

No one is here.

You're alone now.

It's just you again.

You've ruined everything.

The look of betrayal on his face flashed through my mind. Honey eyes distant from me once more after our small brief moment of closure.

He didn't comfort you after.

He let you leave.

He doesn't care about you.

He doesn't want you.

My breaths were short and sharp.

The tears had run dry already.

Nails dug into my arms as I tried to steady myself.

But it was no use.

The world was whirling, collapsing, stretching.

Bright then dark.

There then not.

I felt present, then I recessed into my mind where the demons laughed at me for ever hoping.

"I feel so alone," I whimpered my confession to the darkness.

"It's okay," the darkness whispered back, arms winding around me, pulling me into a warm embrace. "I've got you."