June, 2019

Everything the next day went too smoothly for my liking.

I awoke to the sound of Olivia's chatter on the balcony, and when my eyes flew open, dread consumed me to see the card hovering in the air.

We packed our things not much later and began the trek to Rome. There was next to no traffic. Finding a parking spot took only minutes. And I could see the witch in the building they had directed us to as we walked down the road towards it.

I wanted to beg her again to not go. But the part in me that expected disappointment from her stopped me from pleading. Instead, I mumbled, "I'll wait out here for you," as we stood at the lights, waiting for them to flicker green to cross.

Ollie hesitated, glancing at me with a touch of knowingness in her gaze. "You're not coming?" she responded.

I shook my head. "It's probably best I don't interfere. But I'll be right here if you need me." When you need me, my pained heart that was digging deep into despair corrected. Because as much as I wanted to believe she wouldn't go through with it, that the old Ollie was back—or maybe the new Ollie who didn't need Ben like she used to—the Olivia who walked away from me was burned into my mind. How could I trust that she'd ever put me first again? That she'd pick me if the choice between us arose again?

She had lingered for too long, the light blinking green and signalling she could no longer cross.

We stood there, waiting for it to turn green again, my eyes locked ahead at the building as the witch walked over to the door, seeming to know we were here, all the while Olivia's gaze searched me. What for, I wasn't sure.

But when the lights flickered green once more, she left, promising she'd be back soon.

As I watched her reach the shop front and push the door open, my mind went racing back thirty-seven years ago when I followed a similar path.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

December, 1982

White wisps fluttered down through the air, though the ground was too warm for them to settle. Nonetheless, as everyone around me huddled into their jackets as if the cold was consuming them, my heart pounded in anticipation, warming my body as I hurriedly paced along the cobbled street.

I only had vague directions from my mother: "Somewhere near the Vltava river." But I managed to run into a mutant in my wonderings on my third day in Prague, and now I was marching with motive.

Sure enough, the dangling cauldron on the flag-mounted sign caught my eye in the distance.

So I hurried even faster.

This is happening.

This is really happening.

Soon she will be with me again. And this time I will protect her at all costs.

I was a little breathless by the time I reached the store. Its exterior was unbecoming. Barely three metres wide, the shop only had space for a door, window, and sign on its front. A part of me began to doubt if I was at the right place... and if I was, would whoever owns this place be capable of helping me. But I barely hesitated before shoving the door open.

A gentle ding announced my presence.

At once, my earlier worries diminished. As my eyes took in the limitless store that had at least doubled in diameter, my gaze also looked on, searching for a back wall that brought this place to an end. And I could barely make it out.

This is definitely an expansion spell... Clever. Limited shop costs to the human owners, but maximum rewards through a relatively simple charm... provided you had the crystals to cast it.

Hope once again sparked in me before a head popped out of a nearby shelf. "Ah, I thought I heard someone enter," he said to me in English, as though he knew I wouldn't speak Czech. Or perhaps he too didn't.

He was a curious person, clad in long purple robes that shimmered in the light. His long, blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail, and a light dusting of purple and pink makeup accentuated his sharp, masculine features. He hadn't made any attempt to feminise himself despite sporting women's garb. He certainly didn't appear to belong to this Soviet city, whereby almost everyone outside were sporting beiges, greys, and blacks.

I shook the curiosity away though, deciding it didn't matter. Because what did matter was, "I heard you can bring people back to life."

"You don't beat around the apple tree, do you?" he replied.

Apple tree? I shook the desire to correct him, deciding English mustn't be his first language given the misuse of the idiom. Instead, I redirected us to my question. "Can you?"

His eyes, blacker than obsidian, swirled as he stared at me, as he dissected me.

All the while, I squirmed. I twitched. I wanted to run away and grab his cloak in my fist at the same time, desiring and fearing the answers he had.

Then, after an immeasurable amount of time, he sighed and waved his hand.

The door behind me clicked to a lock. The curtains drew shut. And a series of candles rose to the air, lighting the room.

"Come," was all he said, before pivoting on his foot and walking through the store.

I stayed a few steps behind him, head flickering this way and that as I tried to read the situation. Though my ability to act on instinct was far gone since grief had grabbed me. Besides, if something happened to me, what would it matter? I had nothing left to live for anyway.

Once we reached the end of the endless shop, he placed a hand on the wall. I sensed his magic at once running through the structures. And not long later, the wall started to groan in protest.

Brick by brick, the wall moved out of the way, folding in on itself until it had created an archway that we could enter.

Before the wall had stopped moving, he was strolling forward again. Though I lingered, glancing at the structure above before I followed him through.

The moment I had stepped to the other side though, the wall was quick to start piecing itself back together, the archway disappearing just as quickly as it had appeared.

So I looked around the room.

We had reached a small living space. Two mustard yellow sofas sat around a worn, round, oak coffee table. A geometric rug splayed itself underneath the furniture. And a kettle started pouring two cups of tea as the witch took a seat on one of the sofas, his hand gesturing to the other.

I shuffled closer, taking my time to perch myself on the couch, not feeling comfortable enough in front of this stranger to make myself at home.

"What's your name?" the witch asked after the tea was made, bringing his cup to his mouth to sip on the still-steaming liquid.

"Lukas," I replied compliantly.

"Lukas... My name is Circe. Yes, like the goddess. No, I do not possess her level of magic, but I do worship her. And I do think that's why I've been able to cast the spells I've casted, successfully brew the potions I've brewed, and craft the charms I've attempted to craft. I feel she at times lends me her power to do her bidding."

As he went on in his ramble, I couldn't help thinking, Did I ask any of this? But I didn't dare say it in fear of offending him.

"Oh and what else... Yes, I was born in the body of a man, but I do not let the constraints of gender dictate me. I consider myself more fluid. I dress how I want to express myself. I don't feel I'm a he or a she, yet a being or an instrument of Circe."

Oh my gosh, does this person shut up? I couldn't help but wonder, hoping I looked more interested in his... their ramblings than I felt.

But when the tirade seemed to be going on forever, eventually I felt compelled to intrude. "Sorry... Mister Circe—"

"Mx," they responded.

"Excuse me?"

"I am not a Mister or Miss, but Mx."

"I see... Mx Circe... you see I've—"

"You can just call me Circe, though. Titles are so unbecoming."

I paused, waiting to see if they were done before I continued. And when I thought I was in the clear... "Your life story is really interesting, but—and I hope this doesn't sound rude—I don't really care how you live your life. Worship who you want to worship. Wear what you want to wear. You do you. What I do care about is whether or not you can bring someone back from the dead, as I've been told."

"Who told you this?"

I hesitated. Because was this top secret? My mother never said I had to keep quiet about it. Then again, I never had anyone to share secrets with... "Someone close to me said they heard a rumour."

"Mhm. Lukas, my dear, you say you don't care for my life story, but I believe our stories are some of the most important things."

"I didn't mean to offend—"

"I'm sure you didn't. You're just in a rush to get your answer. But when we rush, we miss a lot."

I started to think back on their ramblings, wondering if they were giving me a clue that they had already answered me. Yet I came out blank. "I'm not sure I get—"

"I'm just saying slow down or you will miss your life. I don't know why someone as young as you already wants to challenge death. How old are you?"

"Physically? Sixteen."

Their gaze narrowed slightly. "I thought I only sensed magic, but given your response you are also...?"

"Vampire."

"I see."

"Is that a deal breaker for the spell?"

Circe shook their head. "You see, I must know the little things, Lukas, to be able to perform such a spell. And yes, there is a spell. But performing it requires a series of strict conditions and quite a significant price."

"I'm willing to pay whatever it is."

"I'm sure you are. Who is the person?"

"She was my girlfriend."

"And what happened?"

"She was murdered."

Their face softened into pity—one I wasn't ready to see from people, which was why I had shut myself away. And it certainly wasn't one I felt ready for now that I saw it. My heart started to ache in pained throbs as the memory of her head separating from her neck screamed through my mind. "Sometimes," Circe said after a moment of pause, "The dead are better left dead."

"I did not come all this way to hear that."

"I know... but it's worth a try."

"I don't care what I have to do to bring her back. Even if it means sacrificing myself."

"Oh, no. It's nothing that extreme."

Thank heavens, I then thought, thinking I could relax. Because even though I said I was prepared to do whatever, the thought of having another life on my hands was—

"Though you'd have to sacrifice someone else."

Well shit. "So I just... offer someone else up in place of her life?"

"I'm afraid it's not that simple. It has to be more specific. And even then, your tie with the person you're bringing back needs to be really strong. At your age, I'm afraid—"

"We were bonded," I quickly cut them off in desperation, not wanting to be turned away already. Even if I wasn't sure yet if I really could go with a life for a life, I wanted to hear them out. I wanted to know exactly what I'd have to do to bring her back.

"That definitely makes this possible then."

"Why still only 'possible'?"

"As I said, it can't just be anyone. For example, I've had parents come in wanting to bring back a child. So one parent joins me in casting the spell, acting as the connection to the deceased, then the other is sacrificed."

I paused, not liking where this was going. "And for a bonded partner?"

"For a lover to bring back a lover, you of course must sacrifice a previous lover."

"What if we were each other's firsts?" I felt the first shoe drop.

"The woes of young love," Circe sighed. "It can work if they've loved someone else just as deeply before."

"And if she hasn't?"

"Then I'm afraid we don't have a viable sacrifice."

Then the other shoe dropped. "There's got to be something else I can do. Can I really not sacrifice myself?"

They shook their head grimly. "I need a connection."

"What if I brought her parents and they sacrificed me?"

"It has to be a similar connection. Now if both her parents were to come and one—"

"She'd never forgive me for that."

Circe went quiet for a moment, giving me time to process the news and deal with my crashing hopes of ever seeing Anja's smile again. But then eventually they broke the silence with, "While it's not possible, do you think she'd forgive you for sacrificing yourself? Or anyone else for that matter?"

Thinking back over our months together, the words stung even harder. While I was ready to forgive myself for whatever I had to do to bring her back to make up for her dying simply because I loved her, I knew she'd resent me if I let anyone else die.

Sometimes the dead are better left dead, I finally admitted.

"I haven't been able to help you with what you wanted me to do," Circe stated the obvious, "But let me help you in another way."

"How?" I demanded.

"Let me read your future."

I was shaking my head instantly. "I don't need that hocus pocus non—"

"So resurrection isn't nonsense but future reading is?"

"I don't care about my future. I just want to fix the past."

"Well, I'm afraid it's not an option. Maybe one day the humans will invent time machines, but there's no spell to go back."

We were silent again. Circe seemed to be waiting for me this time to speak. So eventually I muttered, "What good is a future without her?"

"Let me have a look and I can tell you."

Heaving a sigh, I caved and nodded my head. Then I recessed back into my thoughts, letting the doom and gloom throw me about.

"Okay," Circe said, finally pulling me out of my stupor. The round table was now dressed in a black blanket, and atop it sat a glowing crystal ball. "Place one hand on the side."

Mind full of doubt that this would even work, I extended my fingers and reluctantly let my palm caress the cool crystal. Shortly after, Circe placed their hand on the other side.

At once the ball began to glow, and so did Circe's eyes.

A myriad of images flickered in the sphere, nothing distinct enough for me to make out.

But Circe began to talk. "Your close future will take you away from the past. You will leave your hometown, you will learn a lot more about yourself, you will make friends, you will experience love again."

This is as vague as those damn horoscopes.

"Though that love won't work out if you don't forgive yourself."

"Is this future reading or a romance column in some trashy magazine?" I muttered.

But they either didn't hear me—still lost in the trance—or ignored me. "You will experience loss again, but you will find solace in someone once more. Everything will make sense once you meet that person. Every past action will be forgotten and forgiven. They will be your beacon of hope and your greatest weakness. You two will be like magnets, pulled together without any will of your own, causing chaos around you if you don't comply with fate's plans."

A chill went through me at their final words as I started to almost believe the fortune myself. And just as Circe seemed to be finished, the crystal ball flashed a vibrant green before all lights in the room went out.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

June, 2019

Almost an hour had passed since Olivia had walked into the building, and I was starting to worry. Even though I remembered the spiel taking hours of my time, I half expected this to be over with faster, given how fleeting Circe's commitment to any location had been during our adventure to find them. For someone who once lectured me on how much of a rush I was in, they certainly weren't taking their time to enjoy their holiday.

I started to consider storming in after Olivia after another ten minutes had passed without a sign with her. Holding me back though was the reluctance to look Circe in the eyes and admit their fortune was correct. And prohibiting me further was seeing Ollie's reaction when she realised she'd have to sacrifice me.

Because I was the only person Ben had loved as much as he had her.

Eventually though the door opened, and the red-haired fairy emerged. Her eyes blinked at the brightness as she glanced around, seeking me.

Her face lit up when our gazes locked across the crossing, and she quickly hurried over.

"Should we get lunch?" she asked the moment she joined my side.

I paused, not expecting that to be the first thing she'd say.

Does she want to break it to me gently? Ask what I think about it?

I shook my head at my thoughts.

Though she mistook my meaning. "Are you not hungry? How about we go sightseeing then." She started to walk off, not waiting for my response this time.

Though I reluctantly reached out, yanking her to a stop. "We don't have time for all that," I admitted.

"What do you mean?" she responded with, seeming genuinely confused.

So I faltered. Did she not go through with it? She was in there for so long... If she didn't ask about bring him back... No. She definitely asked. This has to be an act. This— "Don't we... need to go bring Ben back? While we know where Circe is? You yourself said you could feel him disappearing. There might be an expiration date on how long a bond is good for when it comes to the spell, so—"

"Stop," Ollie cut off my ramble, holding a hand up. "Ben can't come back."

"What do you mean?" I asked after a moment of pause, unable to decipher what she was saying myself.

"I mean... it's not possible."

"That's not true."

"Is it not?" She crossed her arms over her chest, gaze narrowing. "And how would you know? Did you eavesdrop that whole—"

"Because I've enquired about the spell before myself! When Anja died," I finally admitted to her.

But rather than seeming shocked by my admission, her eyes narrowed impossibly further. Then her finger struck me in the chest before she exclaimed, "I knew it! I knew you were hiding that from me. Circe seemed too familiar with you. And you were jumpy about this spell as if you knew what the cost was! Why didn't you tell me before we went on this—"

"If I had told you the truth, you either wouldn't have believed me—"

"What makes you think I wouldn't—"

"You would have thought I was making it up or exaggerating to stop you."

"I beg to differ," she hissed, glaring up at me, as though she were mad at me.

"Even if you did believe me... you wouldn't have properly considered it. But being here, with the witch who can perform the spell in reach... Even if my reluctancy for this trip has made you think I've been behaving like Ben, my decision to not tell you what was involved and instead letting you hear it from the source was me not wanting to take away your options. Because I knew you'd struggle to look me in the eyes if I told you that you'd have to sacrifice me to bring Ben back. That you'd toss it away without any consideration. But being here with the spell possible right now... You have your options."

The anger had depleted from her, now only remaining was remorse. Guilt. A deep sorrowful stare that begged for forgiveness.

She doesn't want to ask me... she can't bring herself to ask me. Even though she has decided.

So I said it for the both of us. "I'll do it, Ollie. If you want him back, I'll let you sacrifice me for the spell."

__

Sorry this took so long! It's been a hectic time for me. My little one has had health issues and I've returned to work.

I'm on holidays now, so hoping to finish writing this part.

Tell me in the comments what you think Ollie will respond with!