June, 2019

In the end, I managed to convince her to follow me back to the car. With its body acting as a buffer to the outside world and creating our cocoon, I told her about the night I regret even to this day. Back when she asked me to dinner, and I said no.

I told her about the static that alerted me something was wrong, about running to find her, about how I found her...

She sat in silence the whole time as I recovered her lost memories through my words, listening as I explained how we went to the hospital after. That she moved in with me after. That I hunted the guy down and had my first instance of practising mind magic after I resolved to not kill him.

Then, as the world outside had grown dark as the sun slipped behind the buildings, all she said was, "That static... what did it feel like?"

I tried to swallow, though my throat felt too tight. Like the same static permeating this car right now, I thought. But instead I said, "Like a thickness to the air. Like a buzzing. It was this sensation that always told me where you were."

"I never had that with Ben," she mumbled.

"I've never had it with anyone else either," I admitted. Once I had learned she was a Terra Fairy, I had wondered for a while if it was linked to that—like my vampire senses were alerting me that someone who could kill me was nearby.

But it never rose with Emma.

And, despite our severed bond, it still clung to the air, thick and thundering, demanding something from me. Though I still refused to figure out what.

"Is... Is that all you're curious about?" I asked after several moments of stillness.

She forced a smile at me that was full of anything but joy before she said, "Of course not. But that's all I can handle right now."

I nodded and placed my hands on the steering wheel, staring ahead instead as I gave her time. Until I couldn't handle it any longer and found myself probing her with, "Do you remember it?"

Meeting my gaze, her eyes flickered around my face for several beats of my heart, her rhythm much steadier than mine. Then finally she whispered back, "The actual... no. But the parts around it that you told me about, yes. As you said it, it came flooding back. Though only the parts you told me. I can't remember anything in between, like leaving the library, or heading to the shops..."

"I see," I breathed back, feeling a touch of relief. Then I had to know, "Don't you want the rest back? I can give it to you."

Her lips pressed together as she broke our eye contact, looking out at the street ahead where the lights started to light up the path. "Can you give them to me without giving me that night?"

"I don't know."

So she sighed. "Then it will have to wait. Until I'm ready... For now, I'm satisfied with your recounts and the memories that come with them."

My hands gripped the steering wheel before I said, "How can you trust me to tell you the truth about it all though? What if I'm keeping something from you? What if—"

"You'd never do that."

I turned to meet her gaze that was already staring at me with warmth. Despite all I had just overwhelmed her with.

"I trust you, Lukas. I always will."

My mouth opened and closed several times, wanting to tell her she shouldn't. Wanting to push her away, like I did back when we first met.

Yet before I could bring myself to say anything, she inhaled a deep breath then hit me with, "So why are you so against me bringing Ben back? Or even finding out if it's possible or how to do it?"

This time, I looked away first as I shrugged.

"I can take it," she pressed.

"It's... nothing."

"It's not nothing. Every time I think we're making progress in becoming closer, you erect that wall again the moment he comes up."

Once again, I shrugged, hoping she'd drop it. Yet I still kicked myself for not masking it better. Nonetheless, I turned on the car and punched in the hotel's address that I booked for us earlier.

"And again... The Wall," she said, in an accent that I think was supposed to be an impersonation of Game of Thrones's Jon Snow, though it was so bad it was hard to be sure.

"What wall?" I grumbled, pretending ignorance as I forced all my energy into concentrating on the road.

"That wall. The one you hide behind when you don't want anyone getting close. When you pretend everything is okay, but you become so hostile and bitter."

"I don't know what you're—"

"Are you never going to trust me again with your honest feelings?"

That stopped me.

The car grew loud with silence as we took a few turns. And it wasn't until we pulled up at our destination that I finally admitted, "You've left me twice already. And I'm not a fan of the three-act structure."

"The third act though is normally when things change. So if the past two I've hurt you... this time know I'm here to stay."

"You've said that before." Then I got out of the car before she could say anything further.

Well, that was what I hoped.

Despite the fact we were walking by people, despite that the concierges at the check-in desk were eavesdropping on our conversation, Olivia still persisted. "I know I've been a dick before. I know I've run away the moment I was hurt or scared. I don't know much about what led me to wanting you to wipe my memories yet, but I'm sure I never meant to hurt you then. And I know I hurt you when I left last time, but I was in so much pain, Lukas. I'm so sorry for what I—"

"Olivia," I cut her off as the concierge handed us the two passes to our separate rooms. "It's fine. Forget it. It's in the past."

"But you can't seem to forget it, so how can I?"

I opened my mouth once again to reply, but thought better of it and started walking.

She was quick behind me though, still rambling. "I know it's going to take time for you to fully trust me again, but we have to start somewhere. And I really think if you just explain to me what it is that upsets you so much about Ben—"

I paused just before the elevator, snapping at her, "You say I'm holding onto the past, Olivia, but here you are, unable to let go of a guy who has been dead for almost a year. He got between us before, he's getting between us now even in death, and if you bring him back..." Yet I couldn't bring myself to finish my sentence, already regretting how much I let slip. Fully expecting her to be hurt that I threw in her face that her boyfriend had died.

Yet she didn't react. She simply went emotionless as we shuffled onto the elevator in silence, the floors dinging away with not a word shared.

Though when we stepped off and meandered towards our rooms—which were side-by-side on the same floor—she finally breathed, "I'm sorry he got between us... that I let him. Even though I don't know how I could have stopped it when I didn't remember you... Perhaps I never should have convinced you to take my memories. Then we never would have been in this predicament... But I swear to you, I won't let him come between us this time. Even if I bring him—"

"But he already has, Olivia." I stopped in front of her door and handed her the card. "And some point soon you're going to have to make a decision to let one of us go."

She was shaking her head as I spoke. "I don't get why I'd have to do that... but don't you miss him? As a friend? I do. And that's the only way I miss him, mind you. As I said, I want to bring him back, but if he comes back with our bond then I'll—"

"I do miss him. More than I ever thought I would. But not enough to pay whatever price bringing him back would entail."

"You don't even know what it is."

"It can't be anything good. Which is why I know to let him go. Can't you?"

She pressed her lips together in a way that told me what I needed to know.

So I turned to leave.

"Lukas." Her hand grabbed my arm. "I will follow this through and learn what is involved to bring him back. And if it's too twisted, I promise I'll never mention him ag—"

"You don't need to promise me that."

She stepped closer. "I feel like I do, though."

I stared at her forehead instead of her eyes as I felt her gaze caressing my face.

Her heart was pounding in her chest.

My mouth watered at its sound, at her smell that wafted my way with her this close.

"And if you think the cost to bring him back is fair?" I asked.

"Then I'll let him go after I bring him back. I'll sever my bond with him if need be, and I'll never chase him again."

I shook my head at her. "Why are you telling me this?" Better yet, why are you making it sound like a bargaining promise? Like a lover trying to compromise?

"Because I need you back in my life, Lukas. I hate admitting it because I sound like some weak female lead in a romance novel, but I don't know who I am when you're not in my life. I felt numb when Ben died because who wouldn't after seeing someone murdered? Though when I lost you... when you refused to even speak to me after I came back... Nothing compares to that pain, and I don't want to feel it again."

"Then why can't you do as I ask and just leave Ben in the past?" I all but pleaded, hating that I was asking this of her. That I was somehow still jealous of a dead person.

Her brows knotted together. "Now you sound like him... The Lukas I know always waited for me to figure things out on my own."

Shame spread through me at her accusation. Though I knew she was right. My emotions were getting the better of me.

Yet she didn't wait for me to respond. Instead, she went on with an explanation. "I know Ben and I were never meant to be together, but we were. And because we were, it... feels like he will always be a ghost hanging over me, I guess, unless I see this through. Unless I make my peace with him by seeing if I can restore things to how they were before everything got so messy. Before he and I got together."

I finally met her gaze, the emerald yearning and desperate for me to see her reason. "Some things can't go back to how they were." I hated how sad I sounded saying that, but she told me to be honest.

"Some things can't," she agreed. "But you and I... our friendship might. And I want my best friend back. Though my best friend requires I let go of my past and... well..."

To let go of her past, she needs to see if she can put Ben back where he belonged, my mind finished for her. So I sighed. "I'll drive you to Venice tomorrow."

Her gaze widened. "You don't have to come with me. If it hurts too much—"

"I can't just let you run over Italy searching for some witch who delves in dark magic on your own."

"But—"

"Besides... what if more of your memories come back? Or you walk past more alleyways? You might need someone."

My gaze flickered to her face, noticing the slight upwards turn of her lips as I mumbled excuse after excuse about why I needed to stay by her side.

"I've also never been to Italy, so... two birds one stone, I guess."

"Isn't your mum from Italy?"

"Yeah. She moved to Germany when she was a kid."

"And you haven't been?"

I shook my head. "I haven't done much travelling."

"Well, then... Lukas, will you please accompany me?"

"I said that's what I was going to do, didn't I?" I tried to grumble, but it was hard to not catch her infectious smile, even though I still desperately tried to stifle it.

"Will you start calling me Ollie again too?"

I scoffed. "You're still going to have to earn that one back."

"You've called me it a few times now already though."

"Slip of the tongue."

"Uh-huh. You're going to be calling me Ollie again by the time this trip ends."

"I thought you didn't like that nickname anyway?"

Her grin faltered for a moment, eyes clouding over a second before she shook her head. "Only my closest friends are allowed to call me that."

The world slowed as the memory came back with her words. Though the smile on her face told me she knew she was quoting herself.

And before I had to ask, she grinned, "Besides... you still have to get me back for calling you Rich Bitch, right?"

This time I couldn't stop the smile stealing my face. Yet I still looked away, wishing I didn't look this vulnerable in front of her.

Thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump-thump-thump.

I turned back to her as the rapidly increasing sound of her heart filled my ears. And when our gazes met, her cheeks were quick to flush crimson, which instigated an acceleration in my own chest.

What is this?

What is going on here?

"I still think your eyes are the prettiest," she breathed.

I cleared my throat in response and took a step back as I looked anywhere but at her. "I'll see you in the morning," I muttered before walking over to my door and all but running into the room.

But I didn't venture any further once safely behind the closed door.

Instead I waited.

I listened.

Long enough to hear her whisper, "Goodnight, Lukas," and then forward into her own room.

Leaning against the door for support, I slid down to the ground as I placed my hand on my chest.

I'm getting jealous...

I'm enthralled by her company...

My body is having all sorts of symptoms...

How is this happening?

This shouldn't be possible.

What do I do?