June, 2019

Regret slammed through me as I realised the mistake I had made.

Quickly, I blubbered, "Of course not... I... Who were you..."

Her hand went to her mouth in shock as the tears spilled over. "It was. I remember it now..."

"You do?" I squeaked, wondering what else she remembered.

Though, of course, that was when our meals arrived.

We were silent for a while. Neither of us lifted our forks. Neither of us made an attempt to start our lunch. We just stared at our full plates as my disclosure hung in the air to ruminate on.

Then finally, Olivia muttered, "It's vague. Like a feeling of deja vu or something I saw on TV once many years ago... Hazy and like I'm seeing it underwater, but the memory is coming back."

"And... anything else?" Did she remember us as well?

She shook her head though, eyes meeting mine apologetically as I realised I was looking at her with misplaced hope. "Not this time."

"This time?" Was she saying this wasn't the first memory she recalled? How was she getting memories back? Did I not do the spell well enough?

A corner of her mouth turned up. "Since I've come back, small snippets have been returning."

"Such as..."

"Such as... I believe the first time we met?"

My heart thudded in my chest, but I didn't say anything. Too scared I'd misconstrue things again. That I'd wish for something that didn't exist.

But she went on. "When I found you by the pool that night... you turned to look at me, and I remembered the same thing happening in a lecture theatre."

"Is... is that it?"

She took a moment, twirling the pasta on her fork before popping it in her mouth and slowly chewing, as if she were relishing in my despair to know more. Then, finally, as I brought my drink to my mouth, she put me out of my agony when she breathed, "I remember thinking you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen... and falling for you at first sight."

Tea tore through my windpipe, and a coughing fit quickly ensued.

"Shit," she said, leaning across the table, hand slamming down on mine as a sense of ease channelled threw me. Then, before I knew it, the burning in my throat was gone. Like it had never happened.

"What did you just—"

"Healing magic."

And that was when the idea struck me. "What if you can heal them?"

"What?" Genuine confusion masked her face.

"The Mades."

I watched as my suggestion swirled through her mind, all the while she retreated back to her side of the table, letting me go.

I kicked myself a little for distracting her from our previous conversation. Then scolded myself further for being upset about that.

Olivia cocked her head to the side before her emerald eyes flickered back to mine. "It could work. It's something we could try." I could tell she was apprehensive—like it seemed too simple of a solution. But the same hope brewed in her that was now consuming me. "But, of course, when I get back."

"Seriously?" I deadpanned.

"What?"

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"I have to try," she insisted.

"Because you think it's your fault he died and thus owe him?" I repeated her earlier admission.

She shook her head. "Even if I asked my memories to be wiped, I know it's not my fault because Ben and I wouldn't have ended up together if... Well, that's not important. Regardless of how things ended up, I owe him because I was his partner. I owe him because I was his friend. I owe him because someone has to care enough and miss him enough to at least see if it's possible."

"Do you miss him that much?" I whispered before I could stop myself.

Her mouth opened to respond. But then she seemed to rethink what she was going to say. "Sometimes I do. Though I wonder, do I miss him because he's Ben, or is it because of the bond?" She sighed. "He didn't deserve to die. He may have made some terrible choices, but he was a good person under all that. That's why I want to bring him back."

After pressing my lips together as I mulled through her words, I then sought, "What if bringing him back brings back your bond?"

Gaze widening, she leaned closer as she asked, "Will it?"

Backtracking, I held my hands up as I said, "I don't know. I never found out what was involved," I reminded her of my earlier lie. "But what if that's part of it?"

"Then... Well, your mum said there's a spell for everything. I guess I will be searching for a spell to break our bond without him having to die."

"Why would you want to break it?"

She looked at me like she couldn't believe I was really asking that. Like I should already know the answer. Then her eyes softened before she replied with, "Because we were never meant to be together."

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

"You were right," I admitted once she answered her call.

"Now those are three words I love to hear. But what about?" Erica replied, the smile so clear in her tone.

"She's... changed."

"Mhmm. Go on..."

So I relayed everything I had learned about Olivia's time in Australia. Even my confusion about our interaction in the hallway. Then of course that led to me telling Erica as much as I could about our time at the facility (leaving out the most important parts, of course, in case there were listening ears). And finally, I divulged, "And now she wants to go on a quest to bring Ben back from the dead."

Of course, Erica demanded to know more about what that meant. So after I caught her up to speed, she reminded me, "She's not the Olivia you used to know."

"Maybe. But she still wants to chase after Ben."

"Not because she's still in love with him."

I went quiet. I knew that was the truth, but the thought of it still niggled at my heart.

Then Erica hit me with, "What are you scared of?"

"Who says I'm—"

"Lukas... if you can't be honest with me, who are you going to be honest with?"

With a sigh, I confessed, "What if she brings him back and realises she does still love him?"

"And they keep their bond?"

"Mmm," was all I managed.

"Then that's her choice."

Once again, I had nothing to say.

"Lukas," Ri probed.

"I don't want that to be her choice," I breathed ever so quietly, wondering if she could even hear me.

"You can't still have feelings for her," Erica said, as if it was supposed to be an unquestionable fact. But shock leaked into her tone.

"Of course. It's impossible. But I can't stop thinking about..." I fumbled for my words, "Wishing that... resenting that she's putting in so much effort for him."

"But let you go so easily?"

"Yeah," I breathed.

"I'm not sure if you're supposed to feel like that though either."

"It's probably because we were such good friends."

Though Erica tutted like she wasn't quite sure. Even though both of us were questioning the veracity of my statement, we pretended that it was the truth. "Maybe you should tell her that it hurts you."

I scoffed. "Then she will read into it."

"I think you should trust her. Trust her to know how you're feeling."

"Why? So she can let me down again?"

"People make mistakes. Especially when they're grieving and don't know the full story..."

I sighed once again. "But how many mistakes do you forgive before they become warning signs?"

"Well, that depends on how much they mean to you, I suppose. Though, keep in mind, in the past you forgave her for hurting you as a lover. From hereon, it's just your friendship at stake. And Ollie has never really hurt you as a friend, has she?"

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

The next morning, after we had thanked Stephen for his hospitality and climbed into the car, an unease clung to the air once again, which had me wondering if things would ever be normal between us, or if we were always going to act like awkward exes... even though that really shouldn't be the case.

So I heaved a sigh and punched our next destination into the vehicle's navigation system.

From the corner of my eye, I watched Olivia's gaze widen before her head whipped my way. But I kept my focus fixed to the road as I pulled out of Stephen's driveway and started the trek towards the autobahn.

"Shouldn't we be returning this car to Cologne?" Olivia asked after a few minutes of stunned silence.

"Why?" I asked back.

"Because that's where the drop off point—"

"I still have it until Monday."

"Yeah, but, aren't you going back to London?"

"Mhmm."

"Then—"

"On Monday. After we've gone on this stupid side quest."

She didn't say anything back for an immeasurable amount of time, but that didn't mean she wasn't watching me like a hawk from her place in the passenger seat.

I tried to feign ignorance. Tried to pretend my heart wasn't pounding in my chest the longer I remained the object of her fixation. But the more time went on, the more my fingers gripped into the steering wheel—so much so, I was worried I'd break it; the more I struggled to swallow the spit in my mouth as my throat dried up due to the tension; and the more the car filled with that palpable static that was so unavoidable, I felt like I was drowning in it.

Then it all ended when she muttered, "It's not stupid," and turned to face the road ahead.

At once, I felt a relief swarm through me, grateful she didn't ask why this time. Which was why I couldn't stop the grin spreading on my face.

One glance at her, and even Olivia was sporting a small smirk.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

One of the best things about travelling in Germany was that many stretches of the autobahn were limitless. So whenever I could, I slammed my foot on the accelerator and drove as fast as the car would let us.

Which meant the navigation system's supposed seven-hour, no stops journey turned into six (including the hour we stopped for lunch, of course).

We didn't say much to each other the whole way. And, at first, it almost started to get awkward, until Olivia switched on the radio and sang along to any English songs that came on. She even ended up roping me into a few she knew that I knew.

"Don't even give me that," she said when she asked me to join her as the xylophone melody filled the car when Gotye's 'Somebody that I Used to Know' came on.

After much nagging as she sang Gotye's lines, eventually I tagged in when Kimbra started to sing.

Then, when the song trailed out with its instrumental outro, Olivia whispered, "I'm glad that can't be our song anymore."

Though I didn't say anything back, even if my heart whispered, Me too.

After our stop for lunch, Olivia was silent for a while, watching the scenery pass us by as we neared the edge of Germany.

Eventually, I glanced at her, wondering if she was okay given her ongoing silence.

Her eyes had closed, and she had drifted off with the hum of the car. So I turned down the music and finished the drive with her slowing heartbeat and gentle breaths becoming the new music to my ears.

___

And a Happy Birthday to me! 

Hope you're still enjoying this story and thanks for those who have stuck around despite my breaks.