June, 2019

Ring! Ring! Ring!

A shrill noise filling the room pulled me out of my slumber. Fumbling for my phone, I brought it to my ear without even checking who it was.

Before I could even greet the caller, they demanded, "Where the hell are you?"

Recognising her crisp voice immediately, I replied, "Hello to you, too, Erica."

"Where are you?" she repeated, as if I hadn't heard her earlier question. Though she barely waited for me to respond before she went on with, "You didn't come home all day yesterday or last night. Did you forget what today is? I swear, if you've been drinking in some dingy pub again, I will—"

"I'm in Windeck," I sighed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes before I pushed myself into a seated position.

The line went silent for a few moments. Then, "Sorry, where did you—"

"Windeck."

"But... why?" Honest confusion clouded her tone.

"Because I'm trying and failing to stop Olivia from doing something stupid."

"You're... you're with Ollie?" It was like I was hitting her with one shocking discovery after the next.

"Mhmm."

"Why the heck are you—"

"She wants to get her memories back."

More silence ensued as Erica processed my words. And when she failed to do so, "But you took her memories."

"My mum took one too."

"Yeah, but—"

"She's here for that memory back. Not the ones I took." I hoped she could hear the 'and there's more that I can't say' lingering in my tone.

If the quiet line was anything to go by, then she got the hint. Especially when she shifted to, "So when are you coming back then?"

"I was hoping to get the visit with my mum out of the way first thing this morning. So with any luck we will be back tomorrow. Though Olivia's return tickets are for late Monday."

"I see... Then I guess you won't be making my birthday party tonight?"

"Oh, shit," I muttered. "I'm sorry, Ri. I totally spaced when I took off after—"

"No, no, don't sweat it." Though her tone was too cheerful and forgiving for my liking.

My eyes narrowed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course. It's just another birthday. And you know Jayce won't mind either."

While Jayce truly wouldn't care—in fact, he hated having to acknowledge his birthday, though Erica always forced him to attend—it was never just a birthday to Ri. The witch always relished in the one day a year that people had to give her their undivided attention. Which was why I ended up saying anyway, "I'll make it up to you when I get back."

"You don't have to do that."

"Uh-huh."

"However..."

Here we go.

"You could make it up to me now."

"... how?"

"You can make amends with Ollie while you're there."

Heaving a sigh, I said, "Olivia and I will make up in our own time." She didn't need to know we started making those steps yesterday... until I erected that wall between us once again after the thought of her leaving again freaked me out.

"At least try. As my birthday present."

"Ri—" I tried to protest.

Though she pleaded, "Make some small talk. If you refuse to try, then I'm not talking to you for the next month."

"So I just have to talk to her about the weather then?"

"Not that small of small talk."

"That is the definition of small talk."

"Okay, Mr Literal. Then not small talk, but catch up."

"On what?"

"Get to know her again."

"Why?"

"Because I've asked you to."

"And I told you we will do that in our own—"

"Five things," she gave in. "Learn five things about her or what she's been doing while she's been gone. That's all I ask. And when I call you tonight, you can tell me."

"You're going to call me in the middle of your birthday party?"

"You bet. I need my birthday present today."

I pressed my lips together as I thought it through. Five things... I knew Olivia better than anyone. I could easily fashion up five things about her and Erica would be none the wiser. This should be easy. "Okay. I'll learn five things about her."

"Awesome. It's a great opportunity for you two to catch up again. Though stay safe of course."

"Uh-huh." I dismissed, checking the time on the wall as I wondered if Olivia was up already. The sooner we got this day started, the sooner we'd be on our way back to London and putting some distance between us again. With just us two here—well, and Stephen I suppose, though he wouldn't be in the car with us to the facility, nor would he be on the train back to London—the opportunities to reignite our friendship was going too fast for my liking. Last night I was almost flirting with her again—something I shouldn't even want to do.

I needed more time to be alone with my thoughts. Without her so close. To process her apology and gather my feelings on how I really wanted to proceed with this new connection we were trying to form.

"Well, I'll talk to you tonight then," I finally said to Ri, finger moving to the end call button so that I could get my day started.

But stopping me in my tracks was her hurried, "Oh, and, Lukas?"

"Yeah?" I warily asked as I brought the speaker back to my ear.

"Don't think I won't know if you didn't actually talk to her."

Glancing around, I wondered if she had cameras in my room. But it's not like even cameras could read my thoughts... How did she—

"The Olivia who has come back is a very different person than the one who left. We've already spoken about what she's been up to in Australia, and... well, don't think you can blindside me on this one. The things she's been up to are very... un-Olivia."

What the hell does that mean? I thought.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

A gentle hum filled the air as the green foliage flew by, dew drops still clinging to the leaves as the sun warmed up the earth. I had knocked on Olivia's door the moment I had gotten off the phone with Erica, demanding she got ready so that we could go.

But alas, we didn't escape until an hour later; Stephen wouldn't let us leave without having breakfast together, and breakfast led to catching up, which then led to Stephen taking Olivia up to the attic to go through some of Ben's old things, 'in case he didn't see us before we left.'

I stayed downstairs as I tuned into their conversation, tapping my foot impatiently at the time we were wasting. Though I also couldn't help the curiosity seeping in as Olivia did her best to feign interest in Ben's belongings.

Why did she not care for them? It's not like a broken bond from death made the heart disinterested. I would know... Anja's death haunted me even to this day.

Of course, I never asked her. Yet it dwelled in my mind long after as we made the journey to the facility. Is that what Erica meant by her being a different Olivia? Had she found a way to let go of Ben in that time? To fully recover? If so... how?

"It was nice of Stephen to let us borrow his car," Olivia said after a while, desperately trying to fill the awkward silence that consumed the vehicle.

"Hmm?" I asked, taking a few moments to digest what she had said as I exited my thoughts. "Oh, yeah. It was."

"Are... you okay?" she then followed up with. Though before I could respond, she went on. "Sorry. That's a stupid question. Of course you're not... We're in Windeck."

My brows pinched together in confusion, firstly at the fact she remembered how much I loathed and feared this town, but also because, "How are you okay?"

"What do you—"

"Ben died here," I blurted before I could think that statement through.

I expected a 180 in her mood. Or at least a wince.

But when I warily glanced her way, all she sported were pressed lips.

And then, "He did." Though the way she uttered those two words was as if she was agreeing that the sky was blue.

Now that doesn't sound like someone in mourning anymore... "And that doesn't... bother you?" I asked.

"I mean... it was a long time ago now."

It hasn't even been a year.

"And I guess I'm trying to not think about it."

It doesn't look like you need to try at all. But instead I said, "That makes sense."

"Can we... not talk about Ben?"

I nodded, but rather than not talking about Ben, I resorted back to our earlier conversation topic: nothing at all.

Which she seemed to hate more, judging by the glances, continued fidgeting, and opened and closed mouths as she tried and failed to say something. I should have asked her about her life the past few months, as Erica suggested. But now that we were here, I couldn't bring myself to build the bridge.

But then she finally managed, "So what's your plan when we get there?"

"My plan?" I repeated. "Are you forgetting we're here because you—"

"You said I was to follow your lead when we are here. This is me following your lead."

She had me there. "Well, when we get there, we will go find my mum. And then I will do the talking, okay?"

"Sure." Though her tone was anything but.

"What?" I pressed.

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing. You sound—"

"Sceptical?"

"Yeah."

"It's just... not much of a plan."

"And what was yours then?"

"Oh, I didn't really have much of one. I was going to think it through on the train, but got distracted by... well, you showing up. But I was hoping to wing it."

"Then why are you judging me?"

"Because your plan sounds just like mine, only you are doing the talking. What talking, who knows. But I don't see how this whole thing is better off just because you are in charge."

"Sounds to me like you're just against anything I do," I mumbled back.

"I could say the same to you."

Once again, we were back to the silence. The awkwardness. The bitterness. And the remorseful Olivia from yesterday who seemed determined to make amends was long gone.

How am I supposed to make up with her, Erica, when we can't even make it through one conversation politely?

But I could already hear Ri's retort in my head, You're the one who keeps jumping at her, Lukas.

Heaving a sigh, I then plucked from the air, "So... What have you been up to since you left?"

I glanced at her straight after I asked the question, curious as to what expression she'd hold. She did seem surprised, though not full of sorrow like I expected. As if she hadn't left because her boyfriend died, but she merely went back to visit family.

And that irked me more. All the words she spat at me when she left, all the silence between her and us, and she was over her grief that quickly? Already?

If I was already a little ticked off with her current state, making it worse was her reply. "Oh, you know... this and that. Finished my degree. Learned a little more about Terra Fairies."

When she didn't go on, "That's all? Seven months of just that?"

"Oh... I got up to other things. Nothing important though."

My hands gripped the steering wheel at her nonspecific answers and my mind fumed. Erica... what mission have you put me on here? How is this un-Olivia? She followed her routines? Unable to stop myself, I scoffed.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Doesn't seem like nothing."

I shrugged. "It's just... you wanted us to resume our friendship, but you also seem to not want to talk to me about yourself, as if I'm still a stranger. You're saying one thing and doing—"

"It's just... I'm not proud of it."

"Proud of what?" I glanced at her, noticing her head turning to her lap and shoulders hunching as she shrunk into herself.

"As you could recall... I didn't take Ben's death really well and putting it all on you wasn't the only unhealthy way I dealt with it."

Brows pinching together as I tried, and failed, to fill the gaps in her story, I finally asked, "What did you do?"

She sighed.

"Can't be worse than how you found me, drunk and believing I was hallucinating you."

Her head whipped up. "I thought you were like that because of Emma—"

Shit. But because it was already out of the bag, I admitted, "It was partly her. But when Emma broke up with me, the hole she had temporarily filled returned, and I found myself feeling terribly lonely and still missing my best friend more than the girl who I had spent the past few months with."

I could feel her eyes burning into my face, but I refused to meet her gaze. I didn't want to know how she took my honest answer. Though it at least had done the trick, loosening the knots that had her lips tied shut about the past. Which was why she finally said, "Losing Ben... hurt. Though what surprised me more was the pain that accrued the longer I went without seeing you as the bond started to snap. And when it did... it created a chasm in me. I couldn't handle feeling so empty, so... I didn't just drink myself silly, like you did. I also had... a lot of one-night-stands."

My head whipped her way in shock as I exclaimed, "What?" Because that was not something I ever expected her to say. Not Olivia who had only dated three people before (and subsequently forgot one of said relationships thanks to me). Not Olivia who always believed the next relationship was forever. "You? One-night—"

"Yup," she responded, popping the p, like she couldn't believe her own actions.

"When you say a lot—"

"The first was the night our bond broke... then that first week I think I had at least someone new every night. After that, I spent a couple of months going out almost every week to find someone."

"Wow."

"I know."

"I didn't... think you had it in you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I glanced at her to find she had narrowed eyes. "Well, you've always struggled to approach strangers, so—"

"You underestimate the power of a broken heart tied with liquid courage."

Ah... yes. Alcohol does make people braver. "Well... I hope it was fun?"

She sighed. "In ways. Definitely confirmed that I also like women, which felt freeing to explore that part of myself. But... the temporary connections were never enough."

"Then why didn't you—"

"Just let one of them in?"

"Yeah." I was at odds. A part of me hated that she could predict the end of my sentences... though another part missed it.

"A few tried to turn the one night into something more. They slipped their number in my bag, or asked to get breakfast, what have you. But I couldn't help thinking they weren't..."

I waited for her to finish her sentence. We had almost pulled up at the facility with the silence stretching on for what seemed like hours. Then finally, when I realised she wasn't going to say anything more, I answered, "Ben?"

She breathed a laugh as I cut the engine. "I felt so guilty every time. There I was, lost a lover because of my careless planning, and even in death, even after running away, even with a broken bond, every time someone tried asking me to see them again, I couldn't help but think 'they're not you'." She glanced at me, emerald burning with despair.

My mind raced with questions. You? As in... Ben? Or when she says 'you', does she mean...

But whatever fragility she was letting me see in that moment, she shoved it away with a smile before she said, "Shall we get this fun adventure over with?"

And before I could respond or press her further on the matter we were previously discussing, she climbed out of the car and started trekking towards the forest edge.