May, 2019

The malty, frothy liquid swirled in my glass as I pondered getting something even harder. But before I followed that thought through, I brought the beverage to my lips and downed the rest of my drink.

Hand raised to call the bartender over, this time I requested something that would work faster. And he merely nodded, even though this would be my fifteen drink tonight.

While he was surprised to see me when I stumbled back in here a few hours on from leaving Emma's place, he clearly hadn't forgotten me as he poured me a pint of ale.

I had barely gotten halfway through my drink when a figure took the seat to my right, her familiar midnight hair filling my peripherals.

"Go away," I slurred before emptying my drink and calling for another.

As the bartender mixed me another, he paused to ask Erica if she required anything. I expected her to turn him down. But she asked for whatever I was having.

"You won't like it," I told her.

"Why?"

"Because it's a gin and coke."

"I'll live," she said with narrowed eyes, but I could see the slight discontent clouding her gaze.

"How did you find me?"

"Emma told me what happened. So I searched all the places you could be."

"She told you?"

"Mhmm."

"How much?"

"Nothing detailed. Just... the gist of it. So... do you want to tell me the full details?"

"What does it matter?" I sighed as I swirled the ice in my glass, staring at the bubbling brown liquid as I wondered how I had ended up here again.

"Because I'm your closest friend who will drag you through any heartache. And you don't push me away anymore, remember?"

I gave her a shrug. "Look where talking got me."

"Tell me the details, Lukas. How did you two end up like this?"

I was quiet for an immeasurable amount of time, watching the bubbles pop in my drink as though it would tell me my fortune. As though it had explanations as for how we did end up like this. But I came out blank. All I knew was, "She asked me to kiss her."

"As in—"

"Yup. On the mouth."

"So? Did you?"

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

A Couple of Hours Ago

While a part of me had a sinking feeling she meant something else, I didn't hesitate to press my lips to her forehead.

"No," she whispered as I pulled away, tired, watery eyes meeting mine. "On the mouth."

I took one deep breath before I asked her, "You want to cement the bond?"

She didn't respond with anything other than a more determined look, her brows pulling together, her gaze begging me to do what she asked.

You'll lose her if you don't, my mind whispered. This is what she needs... This will assure her of what she means to you. And this... this will help you finally let go of her.

So, without asking again, I leaned in, taking my time to reach her lips in case she wanted to tell me to stop.

Her body shook under my hold as my breath met her mouth. The tears were streaming down her face now as she clamped her eyes shut.

She hates herself for asking me to do this, I thought. But the worry has pushed her this far... and I caused it. Somehow... for reasons she won't explain... I put her in this state.

Not wanting another week of distance like that again due to my stupidity, I closed the remaining distance, mouth pressing against hers as I relished in the feeling of her soft lips against mine for the first time in a while.

But as I brushed my mouth over hers, feeling the bond string around my heart glowing bright, she continued to shake in my hold, her head rigid in place, the tears still coming down.

Though I didn't pull away. I continued kissing, waiting for her to accept the bond.

A sound of movement caused one of my eyes to flicker open just in time to see her hands lifting from their spot in her lap, not stopping until they were on my chest.

She's just trying to ease herself into this, I told myself. It's a lot of feelings at once for someone who's never had a bond invitation, let alone had to accept one.

But then she pushed at my chest.

My eyes flew open again, meeting her bronze ones.

Her gaze was still clouded with water. Her brows were turned down in despair. And she shoved at my chest again.

I gripped tighter, trying to send more of my feelings through to her. Trying to get her to feel my desperation of how much I wanted her.

Did she sense any hesitancy?

I didn't think I felt any... was it underlying it all?

I mean... if she can feel I'm hesitating, it's mostly because I'm worried about the fact I made her feel like this... and that she's felt this all week.

Another push at my chest.

I responded by tightening my hold on her and opening my mouth slightly, tongue dipping into her mouth as I tried to show her that I wanted her and I needed her.

But she pushed at my chest again.

Why is she so desperate to push away? Can't she feel that I don't want to lose her? That I love her and need her?

I closed my eyes and tried with all my might to channel these feelings through the invitation.

But rather than kissing me back.

Rather than pushing against my chest again.

Suddenly my hold of Emma became empty.

My eyes flung open.

I stared at the empty spot on the bed where she once was.

The searing pain began to spread through my chest as the bond invitation began to break, and my head whipped around desperately, as if there were any chance to mend this now.

My eyes searched the room for her, fixing on her growing figure by the window as she transformed back into full height and curled her wings back in.

"Why would... why..." I tried to get out, but my own voice was caving as the pain in my chest caught up.

She clutched her own heart as she bent over the desk, gripping the edge for support. "You need to go," was all she said back.

I leapt to my feet and ran to her side, hands grabbing her.

But not only did it hurt to touch her as the bond continued to burn around my heart as it broke itself into pieces, a slight shock was also permeating her body... a sensation I hadn't felt in so long.

This can't be happening, I thought. "Why would you do this?"

Her head whipped up, despair, anger, and regret filling her gaze as she forced through clenched teeth, "Please just go. It's over now."

"Not until you tell me why you did this!" I shouted back.

"Because..."

Her gaze dropped back to the desk as her other hand flew out to brace herself, her body shaking from the pain, her tears quickly coming to a stop at the same time as mine did as any ounce of affection for each other began to fade in the seconds that passed.

"Because... I loved you, Lukas," she started.

It was hard to not wince at the past tense already being used.

"But you're not worth dying for."

"What the fuck does that mean?" I countered. Because when had I ever asked her to do that? What made her think she'd have to?

Her head slowly tilted up, the last remnants of love for me fading in her eyes as she said, "I won't make the same mistakes as Ben."

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

Now

"What does that mean?" Erica asked.

"Beats me," I mumbled back before downing the rest of my drink.

"Surely you asked her?"

I raised my hand for another, feeling the clouding begin to come. Relief at last... Fogginess at last. "She pushed me out of her house before I could. Full shocks on."

"But... this seems so unlike her."

"What can I say," I breathed as my hand wrapped around my new beverage, the bond already seeming like a distant memory, the string now only a slight burn and almost gone, "Eventually everyone wants to get away from me."

"Stop, Lukas. That's not true and you know it."

My hand clenched around the glass as I bit back the words I wanted to snarl at her... at myself.

Though this didn't go unnoticed by Ri. Hand coming down on mine, I could feel her magic permeating into the glass, keeping it from shattering in my hold. "Anja died for reasons out of your control. I pushed you too far. And Olivia... the one who left wasn't the one you fell in love with."

"You don't know that," I breathed.

"I do. She had no resemblance to the girl you knew."

"She's still the same person. Whether she was with me or Ben."

"I highly doubt it."

"Stop already," I snapped at her, slamming the glass onto the table as I turned to face her.

Others in the bar stopped their chatter, gazes fixated on us as I snarled so low only we could hear, "You weren't there when I was with her. You don't know the Olivia I knew. But I can guarantee she's still the same person. And she left all the same."

"Alright, that's it," a deeper voice said, cutting off Erica's retort.

Head whipping his way, I couldn't stop the venom in my glare as my gaze met the bartender's.

He took a hesitant step back, but shook his fear away just as quickly. Squaring his shoulders, he said, "You've had too much. It's time you leave and take your business elsewhere." Then he turned to Ri. "You're welcome to stay, love, if you must."

"I'll be fine, sir. Thanks though," she said back sweetly, and the man's sternness wavered again—though this time as he fell into her entrance. "Come on, Lukas," she then said as she turned to me. Hooking her arm around mine, she tugged me off the stool. "Let's go home."

"Where's home?" I complained as I left my unfinished drink on the counter, letting her drag me out of the bar.

"Where your nice, warm bed is."

"Warmth doesn't sound great to me in this increasing heat," I mumbled back as she hailed a cab, hand never leaving my arm.

"Fine. Your cold bed with lovely air conditioning." She pushed me into the taxi, barely hesitating to run her magic through the vehicle to contain our conversation after she gave directions of where we were heading. "A good sleep though will help you recover."

"I don't think it will," I muttered back, though my eyelids betrayed me as they heavily batted closed.

"I'm willing to make a bet on it."

"Ten bucks it is," I whispered before resting my head on her shoulder. I didn't know where we were, but the gentle hum of the car reminded me we weren't home yet. And the light thud of Erica's heart kept me grounded and slightly awake enough so that she didn't have to drag me to my room later. "Hey Ri?" I asked after who knows how long passed.

"Yeah?"

"What do you think she meant?"

"Who and which part?"

"Emma... when she said she won't make the same mistakes as Ben."

She didn't respond. The endless moments of silence continued to tick on, making me wonder if I had grown too tired to hear her answer. So I lifted my head and forced my eyes open, taking her in.

Her brows were pulled together, gaze turned out the window, and she was lost in deep thought.

"Ri?" I pressed, hand coming down atop hers to bring her back to the car.

Her head whipped my way, onyx eyes searching my face. "I don't know," she replied, but something else was lurking behind her eyes. Something that said she might actually know the truth to Emma's words.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

One Week Later

I didn't go back to the bar after I got kicked out. Instead I went to the nearest off-licence every evening and bought myself as many packs of beer as I could carry. Then I'd spend my days and evenings in the media room, the Xbox set up, and always some form of fighter game running.

Everyone took turns sitting with me, picking up a controller and playing whatever game I had picked for the day, never demanding any sort of conversation from me.

Which made me glad. Because the last thing I wanted to do was explain to anyone why Emma left me considering I didn't know myself.

Worse... I didn't know what I would say if someone asked me how I felt. Because I was fine. I felt nothing. After the twenty-four hours passed of our broken bond invitation, my heart felt like it was back to normal. I didn't think of her. When I forced myself to remember our times together, I felt no twinges or pangs. It was as though we never happened.

I had never been one capable of picking myself up on my own, so I didn't know how long I'd need. Perhaps I felt I had an obligatory period where I had to mope and miss Emma in the way she always wanted me to do the day we started dating.

Though Erica seemed to have a time period regarding how long I could sit at home. And that period was exactly one week.

It was Saturday evening, the first time I was alone in the media room for a long time. There was much scuffling upstairs as everyone got ready to go out—Ivan complaining he couldn't find his good shirt, Jayce asking if anyone needed a magic ironing to their clothes, and the increased clopping of heels and dress shoes on the wooden floors.

When the front door closed, I assumed I was safe to keep playing, to keep sitting in my state of feeling numb to the world as I exploded zombies on the screen in front of me.

That is until footsteps sounded on the stairs down to the basement level.

I didn't pause my game when the girl with midnight hair walked into the room sporting a cocktail dress and strappy heels.

"You look nice," I mumbled, barely looking at her as another zombie's brains exploded on my screen.

"Thanks," she sighed before slouching down on the couch next to me and picking up a controller. It didn't take long for the screen to split and her character to spawn.

"Shouldn't you be going with the rest of them? Or is this a new thing, dressing up and playing video games?"

"I was going to leave, but..."

"But?" I pressed, finally glancing her way.

Ri's hands went still as her eyes glazed over, a zombie launching at her and munching on her until she died. Then she breathed, "I'm not ready to see her again."

Heaving a sigh, I paused the game, put my controller on the table, then held out an arm for her. She was quick to snuggle into me, head resting on my shoulder as we both stared at the save screen ahead. "I get that. But... You have to eventually rip off the bandaid."

I could feel her head moving against my shoulder as though she were slowly nodding. Then she mumbled, "You know, I don't think we have an equivalent of that saying in the UK."

"Huh?"

"Considering we call it a plaster."

For the first time in a while, a laugh escaped my mouth. And Ri noticed it too, pulling back to give me a tender smile as we relished in my first bit of joy.

Though breaking the mood was her next question. "Can't you come with me?"

"Ri... I'm not really in a party mood."

"Please. I don't want to face Faye alone. And I'd feel much better if I had my bestie there."

With a roll of the eyes, I retracted my arm from around her and picked up my controller again. "I didn't even RSVP."

She scoffed. "As if family has to RSVP. C'mon. I need you as support. And... there will be free beer."

It was tempting, but, "What if Emma is there?"

"Jade said she pulled out."

Glancing at her before I resumed my game, I countered, "Seems you've been planning this for a while."

"Not exactly. Jade merely asked the other day if you'd be coming considering you didn't tell her you would. And I said you weren't ready to run into your ex and that's when she told me."

I killed a couple of more zombies as I thought through her words. But then I said, "Still a no."

"Lukas! Please."

"How about you just stay then if you don't want to see Faye?"

"You literally just said I need to get this over with sometime."

"Maybe tonight isn't the night."

I watched her cross her arms over her chest and frown, glaring at me for a moment. But then she picked up the controller. "How about a bet then?"

"Another bet?"

"Mhmm. If I beat you in Tekken X Street Fighter—best out of three—then you have to come."

"And if I win?"

"I'll fetch your alcohol for the next week so that you never have to leave this house."

Heaving a sigh, I paused my game, saved it, and exited back to the main menu. Once I clicked on Tekken, I then responded with, "Okay. But don't complain when I win."

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

I tugged at my collar as we walked down the cobblestone street, dodging Black Cabs and fancy cars as we crossed roads.

"It's too hot to wear this getup," I whined as we reached the halfway point between our house and the Sirens'. Unable to withstand the heat any longer, I rolled up the sleeves of my button-down and unclasped a couple of buttons.

"Just as you said I don't get to complain if you won, you don't get to complain either," Ri responded, a smug smile on her face as she tugged at her dress and pushed up her breasts for the millionth time.

"Firstly, if that was part of the deal then you should have said so before. Secondly, stop fidgeting with your dress. You look fine, and she's going to regret that you two broke up."

"I'm not fidgeting nor am I intending to make her—"

"Thirdly," I cut off her comeback laced in lies, "That was not a fair win."

"How exactly was it not fair?"

"You cheated."

"How did I cheat?"

"I don't know. You put some spell on the game."

"Oh, so there's magic tricks for games now? It goes into coding? That's so interesting. Tell me more about them so I can use them in future to beat you in more games."

"No need to teach you them when you obviously already know them. In fact, I'd rather you teach me because I didn't know they exist."

"Nor did I. Though you seem to have many theories about it."

"Well... you at least slowed my fingers down."

"Uh-huh. Can't accept the fact that I beat you for once."

"Considering you never have won before, yeah, I can't."

"Maybe I've been practising."

"I highly doubt you've sat in front of the TV in your free time playing Tekken."

"In fact... I have."

"Oh yeah? When?"

Though she fell quiet for a moment, causing me to glance at her again.

"Ri?" I pressed, not liking the solemn expression that had overcome her face.

"Faye really liked the game," she whispered, not meeting my eyes.

We walked in silence for a few steps, the only noises being her heels and my dress shoes on the stone, mixed with the unending surrounding sounds of traffic in the area. "I'm sorry," I mumbled back after a while.

She shrugged in response. "I just... I wish we had a bond invitation. So when she rejected me, I wouldn't have to feel anything for her afterwards."

"It does make it easier," I sighed.

Though as we rounded the corner to their street, Erica tensed up again. The melancholy drained from her posture as she began to fidget again.

"You look beautiful," I reassured her.

"You sure?" she asked, coming to a halt as we reached the front of their house. The lights illuminated the street, some familiar faces lingered by the windows, and the gentle doof of the music was able to be heard even from here and even through the thick walls.

"Certain. She's going to rue the day she ever let Erica Choi leave her life. As any sane person would."

Ri responded with a roll of her eyes. "Yeah, because you totally did."

Raising my hands, I said, "I regretted it as much as I could with a broken bond. So she's only going to feel it tenfold."

She responded by taking a deep breath and walking up the steps to the house, leading us in.

Though the moment we entered the front door, something felt... off.

We both headed straight to the kitchen, Ri pouring herself a glass of vodka and whatever soft drink variety her hand first encountered.

Feeling a little out of place, I, too, put together a glass of half vodka, half coke, to get myself started. But after downing that in a few seconds, I was quick to open a beer and start sipping at that. 

Something about this house wasn't feeling right, making my insides twist and turn as the atmosphere hummed with an ominous glow.

As Ri lingered by my side near the familiar faces, it didn't take long for the one she had been avoiding to stroll into the kitchen.

The dark-haired siren paused in the doorway as their gazes met across the way, and the room  felt like it had gone silent in the awkward moments that ticked on, almost feeling like hours.

Until Faye pulled out a warm smile and crossed the room. "It's great to see you, Ri," she said, hand twitching by her side as though she wanted to touch her, but stopping herself before she did.

"Yeah," was all the witch got out in return.

As the tension continued to grow between them, Faye turned to me next. "It's also... great to see you, Lukas. We didn't know you were coming." For some reason, it seemed like she was talking through clenched teeth as she forced me a smile.

My eyebrows furrowed as I started to look over her, picking her apart. Was Emma here in the end anyway? Is that why she's acting like this? "I lost a bet to Ri, so she's forced me out of the house and away from my games."

"I see," she said, that awkwardness returning again as she continued to smile at the both of us. "I see you've both found a drink."

"Mhmm," I replied for the both of us.

"Very good. I... uh... I'm just going to make myself one and then... I have to go see someone about a thing." Then she leapt into action, grabbing herself a glass as she hurriedly poured a drink before racing out of the room.

"That was... very odd," Ri said a few moments after we both stared at the spot she just disappeared.

"I concur... but at least it's over."

"You're right," she beamed at me. "I'm going to go find my brother and challenge him to a drinking game. Make yourself at home with the alcohol Lukas." Then she, too, rushed off out of my sight.

With narrowed eyes, I grumbled to myself about Erica dragging me along to this as though she needed me of all people here all the while I finished my beer. I was starting to see the truth to her plan though. She didn't really need me, as awkward as it was with Faye. She had enough of a support system here. She just wanted me out of the house.

After my bottle was drained dry, I loaded up my arms with more drinks and made my way through the house on the hunt for somewhere I could sit. But every single spot was full of people.

And the further I went into the house, the more that strange sensation from before grew stronger. 

Something just did not feel right.

In fact... it almost feels like the time I left the library back when she was around... and then I found her in an alley and—

Feeling like the walls were closing in on me or that the air had turned so thick with static, I beelined for the back door, bursting through and gasping for air.

The fresh breeze of the night calmed me down, that feeling evading my body as I took steps away from the house and towards the pool. Coming to the decision that this was where I'd hang for the night until I had gotten my fill of free alcohol, I placed my bottles down in a line by the edge of the pool, rolled up my trousers, kicked off my shoes and socks, and dipped my feet in the water.

After uncapping another beer, I threw my head back and stared at the night sky, wishing I had my games as a distraction. But now alone with nothing but my thoughts, I couldn't help but go back to Emma's last comment she made: I won't make the same mistakes as Ben.