"i don't know why i am the way i am."
- boygenius

answers were wanted, needed for what happened at the armani estate. everyone couldn't stop talking about it. circus was sadly the best way to describe it

the doctors said that piper was luckily going to make a recovery, that she would totally be fine. but she needed to take it easy the next few weeks. even the doctors couldn't explain what the hell happened to the poor girl

piper has never had seizures, not a day in her life. emily made that clear to the doctors, nothing showed up on her records which took everyone for a loop. nothing in her system. it felt like an episode of law and order: svu.

alexandra didn't hear anything the doctor said. even when at the hospital, she still was disassociated from the reality of things. she had everyone worried for her sake because it wasn't like her to be this way. oliver has been keeping a close eye on her within the past three days.

she had been in bed, barley even eating. only getting up to take showers for long periods of time. oliver opened up the velvet curtains allowing sunlight to hit the room immediately hitting alex in her face. she opened her eyes then squinted before sitting up to see oliver heading over to her sitting by the edge of the bed, "goodmorning."

alex could barley keep her eyes open, "goodmorning." she groggily forced out of her mouth. alex stumbled to the bathroom quietly closing the door. she didn't hesitate to brush her pearly whites and take a long cold shower which woke her up. alex brush her wet hair then threw on a clean tank top along with some fresh underwear and some spandex shorts

she walked out of the bathroom seeing oliver hadn't moved from his spot he was sitting in earlier. alex was in the shower for awhile, "you didn't have to wait up on me." she stated going to sit beside him not leaving any space between them

oliver looked at her, "i wanted too." he placed his hand onto her bare thigh. she smiled looking him

"are you feeling any better today?" he asked wanting to know, he has been so worried about her. it can't be good to be stuck in your thoughts the way she was but he didn't want to force alex to get out of bed. sometimes you need to be alone and think

alex gave him an honest response, "a little bit."

"something happened to you in your past that made you immediately disassociate from the other night." oliver carefully brought up

alex looked at oliver with disapproval not because she was angry but because she couldn't understand how he knew that. but then she forgot she is dating someone who is majoring in psychology. she was caught red handed not even trying to make up some bull shit excuse. she just groaned laying her forehead onto him arm

"do you want to talk about it? if not i completely understand." oliver looked down at her, alex at this point had her face sunken into his toned chest. she eventually removed her head from his chest and exhaled deeply

she began nervously rubbing her legs, "when i was fourteen, i was traveling a ton with my aunt. she wasn't going to let me out of her sight and i always had to be up under her..."

alexandra turned her body to fully face oliver, she wanted to look him in the eye while telling this particular story. she began nervously rubbing her hands together. oliver could tell that she was about to reveal something that she has possibly been holding onto forever

"my aunt and i were walking down the streets of dublin one day and she ran into this beautiful girl working in a coffee shop. such a rare beauty that you don't find that much these days. dark hair, the prettiest grey eyes, she was tall like a stallion." alex beamed up talking about her

"christen caught me and my aunt's eyes. my aunt rarely did stuff like this but she handed christen her card telling her to call her whenever she had the time. that same day, my aunt got a call back. a week later, she flew christen out to italy and began coaching and managing her. within a month, christen took on the runway for the first time opening up for versace." alex vividly explained to oliver

"she was a fucking natural. the minute she stepped on the runway, her walk. her energy captivated everyone. she truly was one of the best models i had ever seen walk that stage." alex revealed. oliver could sense that christen clearly meant a lot to alexandra. she talked about the girl like she was a role model to her growing up

"she was eighteen, only four years older than me. we began to grow close to one another, had a big sister little sister relationship forming. she protected me no matter what just like my aunt donatella. i felt safe around them both. she even moved in with us, that is how much my aunt and i loved christen." alex paused for a moment exhaling quite deeply, "one day, everything changed. my aunt was having a rehearsal. it was such a stressful day for everyone. pat and her team were running around frantically trying to perfect everyone's makeup while i sat in my private dressing room playing on my game boy."

her eyes shut remembering that day perfectly, "one of the designers that my aunt was collaborating with came into the room. he was so nice to me and always had been so nothing seemed off to me. but then he suddenly came and sat down beside me beginning to caress my thighs...." alex looked down in shame, "i should have known something was off." she called out

"you were young alex, what happened to you wasn't your fault." oliver immediately stated but alex contained herself from crying quickly shuddering, "i was wearing a short denim skirt around a bunch of grown men, i should have known better than that." she shamefully shook her head

oliver asserted instantly, "still not your fault at all, alex. no matter what you were wearing, grown men like that should be able to control themselves." he reminded her calming her down

"he started discussing how what began to happen could be our little 'secret' which alerted me but i was terrified. he began to put his hand down my panties then christen came in luckily interrupting. she saw it and there was no way she was imagining what she witnessed. she was angry, she came over and started yelling at him, beginning to slap and hit him. she was outraged."

"she then yelled out, 'you can continue to rape me, but don't touch alexandra'...." oliver widened his eyes not expecting the story to take a dark turn like this

he could see that alexandra was trying her best to fight back tears at this point, "i was shocked. i never would have guessed that was happening. after that, he left out of the room leaving us alone. christen immediately came over and comforted me. i cried in her arms but sadly not for long. she had to get back to rehearsals. she planned on telling my aunt the minute it happened but i begged her not too considering who the designer was and how powerful he is."

"i told her i was going to tell my aunt about her being raped by him but she did the same thing i did, begged me not to say anything. she was terrified that she would be blacklisted, and i was stupid enough to keep my promise with her and not utter a word to anyone. it ate the both of us alive having to go on acting like everything was okay. soon after that, her career began to take off until i found out she started doing heavy drugs to cope with what happened to her. she was at the top of the world then suddenly just sunk so fast. after a few months, nobody would book her. my aunt did everything to fight for her and made sure she had jobs to walk for her company but other than that, nobody wanted her in their shows."

"then she just suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth. we came home one day going up to her room to see all her stuff was gone. she left my aunt and i a letter. we never heard from her ever again after that." alexandra sadly ended with tears. oliver stayed silent trying to take in everything she had said. he felt so bad for both christen and alexandra.

"do you know where she is today?" he asked curiously, alex quickly wiped the tears away

alex sniffled, "she died a few years ago from a drug overdose. i found out she turned to prostitution, never got any therapy for what she endured." she stayed completely quiet after saying that. christen has never left her mind and probably never will.

she was so full of life, such a happy girl. it broke alex's heart knowing that she was so excited about modeling and then she stepped foot into the industry and all her dreams were crushed over one horrible man. oliver found himself becoming angry thinking about the bastard who tried to hurt alexandra

"i'm sorry you both endured all of that." oliver carefully stated wiping away her tears with his thumbs. alex shook her head not wanting any sympathy, "feel sorry for christen. i didn't go through anything as bad as her." she claimed with dryness

"you have got to stop putting your triumphs in the back of your head like you always do. you still went through something traumatic like her." oliver pressed softly trying his best to not anger alex who knew he was right, she decided to stay quiet

oliver had to ask because he was wondering, "what happened to the designer who did this to you both?" alex bit her lip nervously, "he died from cancer."

"good." oliver mentally said in his head. he imagined whoever did this probably didn't suffer any consequences. there was no doubt in his mind that many other models were victims too. it pissed him off to the max but he made sure to calm down in front of his girlfriend

"i'm really sorry you went through that. you didn't deserve it neither did christen." oliver showed sympathy to alex. it seemed like she has been through more than she tells but oliver was grateful she even felt comfortable enough to tell him about the dark times of her life

this is the first time alexandra is telling anyone about any of this. she never told felix, not even grant about it. being comfortable around oliver made it better to reveal things about her past

alex wiped her wet eyes then looked at oliver, "thank you for listening. it helps me out a lot."

oliver wasn't about to push her to discuss anything furthermore. it was apparent that she wanted to move on from the tough subject.

"you're welcome. i'm always here if you want to talk about anything." he assured her with a warm smile without showing his teeth

she was able to smile, "i hope you know the same goes this way." oliver faintly nodded leaning in to kiss her on her soft pink lips

alexandra's phone began to ring making her sigh. she crawled over to the nightstand to grab it taking it off the charger. looking at the caller id, she sighed then answered, "hey, is everything okay?"

"get dressed, i'm outside." emily stated. alex frowned quickly running over to the window to see emily's car parked in the front of the building. emily honked her horn loudly, she let out a groan

then alex realized something, "wait. why the hell are you up this early on a weekday?" she asked in all seriousness. the latest emily normally will wake up is at least eleven in the morning

"just get your white ass down here please." with that being said emily hung the phone up. alex took her phone away from her ear looking at it with a frown. she rolled her eyes violently before throwing her phone onto the bed

she stormed into the walk in closet throwing on a pair of oliver's jeans. he crept into the doorway leaning his body against one side watching alexandra. "going out?" he asked while she threw on a brown jacket of his

"not for long. i'll be right back." she promised throwing a pair of converse shoes on. she ran up to oliver getting on her tippy toes to plant a fast kiss onto his cheek. she ran past him grabbing her purse and phone running out of the flat

oliver walked to his window watching alexandra quickly get into the car. "where are we going?" she asked throwing her purse down beside her feet. emily titled her head giving alex a blank look, "you'll see."

"oh goodness..." she mumbled as emily put her expensive car into drive riding off into the quiet streets. oliver watched them up until they disappeared down the road

alexandra could feel emily had something up her sleeve, she glared over at her friend, "seriously em. where are we going?" she asked in seriousness

emily quickly looked at her before looking back at the road, "we aren't going far." she simply answered which irritated alexandra

but emily wasn't lying, within twenty minutes they arrived at their destination which was a fancy looking cafe that was huge. brick consisted of the entire building and it looked expensive from the outside. both girls got out with alex standing there not understanding what was going on. emily came over to her side grabbing her arm dragging her alongside her

they walked into the cafe which made a bell loudly ding. no one was there since the cafe just open and it was early hours in the morning. the workers happily greeted them both with alexandra happily waving at them and emily speaking to them.

they both looked around at the fresh pastries as coffee hit their nose. both girls ordered, grabbed their food then headed upstairs to the fancy sitting area. the minute they sat down alexandra called emily out as the bell downstairs rang throughout the building but she ignored it, "emily i know you didn't get up this damn early to come to a cute breakfast cafe to grab food. just tell me what is going on." alexandra begged

emily was about to speak but she stood up walking up to somebody. alex turned to see emily introducing herself to a woman who looked to be in her mid-fourties. she was gorgeous, no doubt about it. the both of them walked over to alex who stood up

"alex, this is mrs. kate. kate this is my friend alexandra." emily smiled as they both shook each others hands

"emily has said nothing but nice things about you. it is nice to meet you. you're even more gorgeous than emily described."

alex looked over at emily with a smile before turning her attention back to the lady, "it's nice to meet you too and thank you so much. you are beautiful as well." the two women exchanged smiled before emily had them sit across from each other. she placed her hands on their shoulders squeezing them

"okay, you two chat. and i'm going to go downstairs and look through the library." emily announced before running off

alexandra normally is all for patience but she couldn't help but wonder who this pretty woman in front of her was, "so who are you if you don't mind me asking? emily didn't let me know a thing so i'm lost." she said in a nice tone

kate answered her question not leaving her empty handed, "i'm a camp counselor and psychiatrist. emily reached out to about oliver and she informed me that you are dating him?"

confusion appeared onto alex's face, "y-yes ma'am i am dating him." alex scoffed not understanding what the hell was going on and why she was here, "um, i'm sorry? psychiatrist?"

kate stayed silent but nodded her head. alex couldn't help but to let out an awkward laugh, "wait, a minute? do you know oliver?"

"i do. he came to one of our summer camps when he was a child." she replied. alexandra was taken for a loop because she couldn't see why emily had her talking to this woman

alex shrugged, "okay. that sounds like a normal kid thing to me." she stated with laughter

"that's the thing, alex. it was not a regular summer camp." she squinted showing uncertainty, kate intertwined her hands together, "it was a camp for trouble kids."

alex shrugged again then laughed, "i'm not following. i mean kids get into mischief all the time and there is nothing wrong with that."

kate admired how much alexandra wasn't being judgmental about any of this. it made her respect the girl. "oliver may have gotten into mischief but that isn't the reason his parents sent him there..."

kate exhaled before revealing a dark truth, "he was sent there because he broke his little sisters arm. for burning her with cigarette butts." it took alexandra a second to indulge the information she heard

"no." she chuckled, "no. olivia loves her brother. it is clear as day she absolutely adores him." alex insisted as kate grabbed a clasp envelop from her tote bag sliding it carefully over to alex who gave her a mean glare before quickly opening it. there were pictures of it all.

alex breathed heavily seeing the burns on a young olivia. burns scattered all upon her neck and chest area. she looked at the next photo which was a gruesome photo of her broken arm with the bone sticking out. alex aggressively pushed the photos over to kate.

"look, people can change. he was just a young boy." alex finalized. "for your sake, i really do hope so." alex dryly spoke, "what do you mean?"

"oliver was a very disturbed child growing up. he had burn marks on his body after leaving the camp." alex scoffed angrily crossing her arms, "kids did that to him and you guys just let them get away with it?"

"we talked to all of the kids including his bunk mate who said oliver inflicted the burns amongst himself." kate revealed making alex go silent

"kate why are you here? telling me this information. i-it doesn't change how i feel about this man. this all is from when he was a kid, his mindset is completely different now. i'm sure of it!" she raised her voice

"when he left the camp, his parents begged me to do a psychiatrist check on him." alexandra got sidetracked, "how did you juggle being a psychiatrist and camp counselor?"

"i care about kids. their early years are the most important years of their lives. i was able to juggle it quiet nicely." alex took a sip of her drink before talking again, "okay and what.. what happened when you did this check on oliver? where are you getting at with all of this?" alex began to grow impatient

"i have done psychiatric checks with hundreds of young kids. none of them ever scared me. but oliver did. he is a master manipulator and is a quiet sniper who attacks suddenly but is silent. i just want you to be careful, your friend emily wants you to be careful. she told me she has tried to warn you about him but you wouldn't listen to her."

"that's because she literally dislikes him for no reason. so many people give him a hard time and have since the first time i met him. pretty much everyone treats him like he isn't even a human being." kate spoke, "alex—-"

"i appreciate you trying to 'look out for me' but i don't need you to try to change my mind about my boyfriend. he is a great person and could be far from a psychopath or whatever you are trying to call him." alex quickly stood up aggressively leaving out of the cafe

she was so mad that she didn't even ride back with emily. so she walked back to oliver's

shit is hitting the FAN!!! i know this chapter is long and boring but i want to go into alexandra and oliver's past just a little bit so you guys can understand them a little bit more. thank you all for over 95K reads basically 100K. you guys are the best. i genuinely can say this has been my favorite book to write being on this app since i was a young teenager. your comments never seize to make me smile. i absolutely love interacting with you all. i can't say thank you enough. i really do love you all to then moon and back. just thank you, you all are amazing and blessings to my little life 🤍😭