"Accept me or not
Since this is my life to hold
No, it is not yours."

        I didn't want to move forward any longer hiding my sexuality from my parents. Or family for that matter. It's incredibly annoying when they tell people I'm celibate. No mom, I'm not.

And dad, am I supposed to say you're welcome when you tell people with glee that you didn't have to go through the trouble of driving away men in my teenage years?

Meanwhile, from saying I was hiding a relationship, my brother moved to saying that I was a man's mistress.

Now I've made the risky decision to come out at a family reunion. Where aside from my close cousins, some distant relatives will be there too. That's just the way it goes in my culture.

My mom's cousin's niece's aunt? Oh she's family!

I take one last look at myself in the mirror, dressed in a tucked in peach colored crew neck top and high waisted checkered shorts.

The old Dora hairstyle of mine was long gone, my hair grown out and curled into waves. I'd say I'm quite femme, no wonder people wouldn't easily assume I'm into girls.

After reaching to the table and snatching my matching checkered purse, I head to my cabinet of shoes, picking a continental heel pair with a similar color to my top, slipping it on and fixing the strap above my ankle.

"Off I go to make a fool out of myself to my family." I grumble while locking the door of my apartment.

Carefully making my way down the stairs, trying to avoid the somewhat annoying sound of clicking heels I wave to signal a passing taxi that I'd like to ride.

         "Lilena sweetheart you're finally here!" My mom greets. The reunion is taking place at the house of one of my aunts, but my mom is here early helping to prepare the food. Along with my dad, my brother who still lives with our parents, and my aunt's kids. They're a couple years younger than me, tired-of-life college students.

"Yeah you definitely look like someone's mistress." My brother comments. Will he ever stop acting like this? I'm losing hope. I simply shrug him off and greet my dad.

"Hey dad! It's good you got time off from work to be here today."

Knowing my dad is probably going to be upset later, fuming even, these are my feeble attempts to lessen the impact.

"I could say the same to you too now!" He chuckles. "My lil girl is a workaholic now too, busy writing day and night."

I think I spend more time procrastinating and quitting in frustration than actually getting writing done but thanks dad.

Being the good relative I am, no I honestly avoid a lot of these reunions and use work as an excuse, I help with my aunt and mom prepare the food.

"You should come help us too." I tell my brother.

"Why? I'm a guy." He rolls his eyes. "And I'm busy playing Call of Duty with my girlfriend, leave me alone."

He got a girlfriend and he still acts like that? There were a lot of his statements I wanted to argue with but so many I just end up at a loss of words. What led my brother to end up like this?

"Since when was helping out at home exclusive to women? You see your father help me sometimes when he's home." My mom said.

Thanks mom. Your words weigh more than him than mine. I think.

A small 'tssk' is heard from my brother, he continues focusing on the game he is playing.

      About two hours comes to pass, the house is unbearably noisy after a bunch of my other relatives arrive. Just the sight of them is enough to leave me drained.

Before me stands two aunties. One arguing that I gained weight, the other arguing that I lost weight. But it's always been like that since I was about 12, I've gotten used to ignoring what they have to say since I'm not the lady who spends all day gossiping with neighbors about others lives.

Other relatives that approached me came to talk about my stories or success as an author, others just gave me 'the look' from afar, not actually speaking to me.

Formalities passed and everyone was just eating, I take this as my opportunity to out myself.

I clear my throat.

"Hello, everyone, may I have your attention for a moment?"

"Go ahead Lena." My aunty who owned the house replied.

"A lot of you continue to ask me if I have a boyfriend, and my mother here continues to tell people I'm a celibate. Even though I haven't said that, nor agreed to her statement."

Faint chuckling comes from the few of them.

"Oops, sorry sweetheart."

"It's ok mom. Back to what I was saying, I don't have a boyfriend, I am not celibate. Now first let me make this clear, I'm not seeing anyone at the moment. But there is someone I've been in love with since I was in high school and that person in a girl."

I take in a deep breath. The silence after my sudden announcement to the family chills me to the bone. When I look over to my dad, he is looking away in disappointment.

My mother is frowning, and my brother is still playing on his phone. I couldn't care less about the rest of my relatives. I want to be the one my other relatives in the LGBTQIA+ community will feel safe around, safe to come out to.

"It's fine if you don't accept that. Mom, dad, other family members. But it's only because of her I was able to become a writer. I live independently, and whatever I do is my decision."

"Yes, you are right." My mom puts her hand on top of dad's. "It is your life."

A weight is lifted off my chest. Although some, possibly many of them may not be happy at least I am. And I don't have to continue dodging questions that denies my sexuality.

After it seemed my mom made small attempts at consoling my dad who thankfully didn't make a scene, she came up to me and hugged me.

"I can remember, there are things I have said in the past that were very hurtful to you. I'm sorry Lilena."

"Mom, it's ok." I hug back. It's been a while since I've had a long hug with my mother. It makes me feel sad, somehow. Nostalgic because the smell of the perfume my mom has used ever since was always the same, vanilla scented.