"Like the sun at dawn
So briefly meeting the moon
For hours and years."
 
  
            My relationship with Haiku, despite never knowing her real name, has been my heart's happiest memories. And it's been more than a few months since we've been dating, all has been well.

For the two of us only.

Not for her and her family.

She seemed to become unhinged, there were times she really struggled to continue being the happy-go-lucky person she usually is. At times she cried to me, and all I could do was hold her and be a pillow for her tears.

I constantly wished I could do more for her. The last time I saw her she was the most unusual, far from her normal. Not too happy, nor too sad.

The day after, Haiku deleted her Discord; and the next day, I picked up her small notebook where she told me she'd write her favorite haikus.

After her account has gone into the digital world of non-existence, I sincerely wished she'd be there then.

The day after that, she still didn't show up.

And a week passed. To months.

The narra tree is no longer the place I came to be alone in peace, but the place I come to look for her, waiting for her.

Maybe I should've realized it was her way of saying goodbye. But even if she isn't around, I don't accept that her presence isn't here.

Her fingers held my face, she stared into my soul as if she was engraving my image into her memory. With her one hand she took off my glasses, placing it down beside us and she leaned in to kiss me. I remember it too vividly, almost like a trauma.

Yeah, she wasn't showing much of how she felt that day, but after we kissed, she smiled, and blushed. But soon after, she appeared sad.

Maybe I knew, that after she softly said "I love you, Lilena." That she was going to disappear.

Now as the weeks passed, into years, would I call myself single? We never properly broke up. I never started dating anyone else.

At some point my parents thought I had the "gift of celibacy." My brother thought I was just hiding a relationship. He isn't right, but he was right.

There were even some times I'd feel upset because I couldn't even get her name, a name!

And me, this stubborn romantic has figured out the hidden code within these haikus after years of trying to figure it out.

I started by analyzing the themes in each haiku, but it didn't make sense to me, or it was just all too vague. But the actual message? Was right there the whole time. I never noticed.

Perhaps it isn't too late for me, for us. But would I be made a fool for not moving on? Would I be the only one stuck to the adolescent love we had? My friend constantly called me an idiot for dwelling on those feelings. I too, would not advise people to hold on to the past but yet I do.

Whether I've been a fool or not, I'll know soon enough.