Important Authors Note at the bottom of this chapter. Please, please read.

"They say don't try this at home, so I'm doing it at your place."

-Anonymous

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Warning: Transition chapter.

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With care I sprinkled in a bit of my dried cilantro into the pot. The broth let out a happy bubble-burp at that, and I took my scoop and stirred it around. The dinner was coming along nicely. It was filled with venison, wild mushrooms, dried herbs, and a touch of honey. The broth was a pretty light gold and the meat was at that perfect medium-rare.

Behind me I heard the resounding smack of earth being cracked open along with Hinata's shout of surprise.

The fight against Kimimaro was going rather well. Naruto was able to run on without us to pursue Sasuke while the rest of us—minus me, and now Chōji who was being a sweetie and helping me grill the fish we caught—dealt with the poor boy. Kimimaro wasn't making it easy by any means, but the sheer number he faced (along with top-notch strategy and teamwork) spelled disaster for the kiddo.

Chōji flipped over the fish skewers over the crackling fire. "I think it's about ready."

"Okay, thank you, honey," I told him. Raising my voice I called, "Dinner's ready!"

There were some sounds of relief and Kimimaro's frustrated shout, but it seemed it was too late for him. Shikamaru had him bound by his shadows and Hinata and Neji worked flawlessly together to render him unconscious and disable his Curse Mark chakra. With a merry skip I wandered over to my future harem member and thanked Hinata for being so gentle with him.

Hinata smiled at me. "Of course. I'm sure Hokage-sama will be happy we were able to take at least one of them alive for questioning."

"Mm-hmm. Why don't you all get some food while I tend to him? He has a debilitating illness that requires near-constant treatment."

The group said their thanks and went over to Chōji while I slapped on a heart-pumping seal over Kimimaro's chest (courtesy of one Jiraiya after I promised to take him out on the town next time he came to visit). The seal would last 12 hours and keep his heart pumping, which should be plenty of time to get him to Tsunade.

I went ahead and tied him up and carried him over to our merry group. Kiba and Chōji were happily slurping away at the soup while tearing off bits from the fish. Hinata, Neji, and Tenten ate at more lazy pace. I sipped on my own soup and struck up a delightful conversation about the joys of what having a future harem will be like.

"I'll never be lonely," I listed on, "and every day will be a new adventure."

"Yeah, I mean, what's the point of monogamy anyway?" Tenten muttered.

"Monogamy is fine for some," I told her, "but I love too many people to be happy with only dedicating myself to one. And I want everyone I love to be happy and share their love, too. I think everyone would be happy if we all were one big harem."

"You've never felt jealous before have you?" Tenten asked me.

"I have," I told her. "But not when it comes to love. Love is love."

"That's certainly a progressive viewpoint," Shikamaru commented.

Lee slurped down the rest of his soup. "What a delicious meal! You'll make someone a happy wife one day."

"Aw, thank you. I do enjoy cooking," I hummed. "All of my good childhood memories come from a kitchen."

'Or padded room on fire. Ahh, Daddy. You could set a pot of water on fire and make it taste like it came from a unicorn.'

Our group chatted for another half an hour, easily finishing the food, and then we headed out in search of Naruto. In comparison to the canonical storyline, we were a few hours ahead than normal, so I honestly wasn't sure what to expect. While we as a group moved faster, Naruto probably still got an equal amount of time with Sasuke. The real question would be if we arrived there before or after the princess left.

Three hours of sprinting and we broke through into the Valley of the End. I immediately sensed Naruto, but I couldn't find Sasuke's familiar static. Feeling surprisingly unsurprised, I headed down to my ball of sunshine.

I scratched my cheek, leaning over my unconscious friend and poking his cheek. When he didn't stir at my probing, I squatted down and placed a glowing green hand over his forehead. I could feel Hinata stirring beside me with obvious worry. "I-Is Naruto-kun okay?"

"He's dinged up, but he'll be fine," I reassured her.

Kiba approached us, a frown on his face. "I can't make out Sasuke's scent. All I smell is Naruto."

"That's odd," I murmured, looking around. "I suppose it's possible someone else came to get him and masked his scent—or—hmm."

'Zetsu? He watched the battle. He definitely doesn't want a lot of Uchiha around since they could pose a threat to his precious Kaguya's return. He might be actively helping Sasuke get to Orochimaru in hopes the Sannin will kill him.'

It's possible, but seems like a stretch.

'I don't think we'll find the answer any time soon; not enough information to draw a conclusion. What I do know is that I delayed Sasuke's return enough that he should be safe with Orochimaru for at least three years.'

Sort of a mission success.

'Sort of indeed. We won't be able to catch him at this rate, not if Kiba can't find his scent—which is really weird.'

"Okay," I said out loud, drawing the team's attention towards me. "We're going home."

"What!?" Kiba demanded. "We can't—"

"We've lost our lead, we're all tired, and I'm nearing chakra exhaustion," I explained. "Frankly I won't even be able to tree-hop all the way home. We're in no shape to go across countries which is what we'll have to do to pursue Duck-Butt. Naruto needs medical attention, too, the kind that I can't provide with my chakra level. And we have a live hostage."

Shikamaru sighed. "She's right. It'd be too risky to try and continue. Let's regroup and take care of our allies."

I nodded. "Thank you for your support. In case I happen to pass out on the way home: Shikamaru's in charge in my absence."

Kiba still looked ready to protest, but Hinata placed a calming hand on his shoulder. Hinata nodded towards me. "Sa-chan is right. W-We have to think about this carefully."

"Then let's head out, dearies. I'm 100% ready for a shower and some sweet, sweet, Kakashi-sensei Booty."

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The return back to Konoha went by quickly.

Probably because I passed out about a quarter away from the village and Hinata ended up carrying me the rest of the way. Chakra exhaustion was annoying. In all of my lives I had never felt so exhausted; the drain of having practically no chakra was debilitating and incredibly unpleasant to feel.

When I woke up I was at the hospital, and I went ahead and discharged myself so I could give my verbal report to Tsunade. Shikamaru had already given the brief report, but since I was the original leader of the mission I was obligated to give my own verbal report.

Once I was done Tsunade made a hm sound and commented, "Jiraiya will be coming back to Konoha in a couple weeks."

I reflected my previous conversation with her. "Ah, good. There's a lovely BBQ over on Shata Street."

Tsunade nodded. "I heard about it."

"Would you do me the honor of joining me for lunch there? I think Jiraiya would enjoy it, too."

"Yes. That sounds like a good idea."

We smiled pleasantly at one another and I said my goodbyes.

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How Kakashi Found Out About the Partnership:

Kakashi was tired. He was covered in dried blood, bits of gore, and exhaustion weighed heavily upon him. The mission he had been on for the past week and a half had turned sideways by sheer dumb luck. All he wanted to do was go home, shower, and take a much needed nap before reporting to the Hokage.

Unfortunately his sour luck persisted because he smelled two familiar people in his apartment the moment he reached the door.

Sakura and Naruto.

Under better circumstances Kakashi would have hogtied them and tossed them into the Forest of Death with orders along the lines of wanna break into someone's home? Spend the week here.

As it was, though, Kakashi was honestly too tired. A part of him was strongly irritated by the intrusion, but the other part of him was beyond caring. He knew Sakura visited his apartment nearly every day to leave endearing notes, so he wasn't surprised she went ahead and let herself in. There had even been an occasion where Kakashi returned home to find a hot meal waiting for him with a note saying: Eat well, love.

It was the best meal he had ever eaten, but he told Sakura he fed it to Pakkun. Her devastated look was pretty funny.

Kakashi hesitated at his front door, wondering what sort of surprise they had in store for him. He really only wanted to take a shower and nap, but something told him that wouldn't be happening any time soon. He debated on going to a hotel and renting a room, but then recalled that Sakura was a sensor and she probably already sensed him. If he left suddenly, she was bound to follow.

'Then it'd be best to get it over with.'

So, with great trepidation, Kakashi entered his apartment.

Rose petals were scattered everywhere. There were rose scented candles lit up and placed on nearly every surface he could see. There was a large concentration of rose petals on the floor, leading to his bedroom.

Naruto was also dressed in all black and holding a video camera. Kakashi could see the little red dot that meant it was recording.

'Those things are expensive. Where'd he get it?' Kakashi immediately wondered.

"Where'd you get the camera, Naruto?"

"Requisitioned. Pretend I'm not here."

The temptation to leave and rent a hotel room was getting stronger, but Kakashi knew if he did that then Sakura would retaliate in some manner.

Reluctantly, Kakashi started to make his way to his bedroom. Naruto moved a pace a head of him, camera directly on his face.

'So they want a reaction? I'm pretty well adapted to insanity that is Sakura by this point, though. What could she possibly do to make me react in such a funny way that they have to record it?'

Kakashi entered his bedroom, unsurprised to find Sakura lounging on his bed in a nightdress meant for women much older than herself. She had a rose in her mouth and upon seeing him she started to wiggled her eyebrows up and down.

Kakashi resisted the urge to snort at the display. "Hello, Sakura."

"Dearest," Sakura returned, plucking the rose out of her mouth and holding it out to him. "I have the best news."

"Oh, really?"

"Oh, yes. You see, everyone on team 7 was promoted to Chuunin," Sakura said, a wicked smile on her face and a devious gleam in her eyes.

Kakashi wasn't surprised in the least about that. He recommended each of them for the promotion, and they all did exceptionally well in the exams. "Is that it?"

"Oh, no. You see, since everyone on team 7 is now a Chuunin, the team is officially dissolved."

Kakashi knew that would be the case, too. They would still go on missions together, but he was officially done being a Genin instructor. Record time, too.

"So Tsunade-sama, in her infinite wisdom, decided to assign me to a Jōnin... for life."

Okay. Made sense. Sakura was a budding iryo-nin, so it would make sense Tsunade wanted her to stick with a Jōnin. All of that was good news, so he could understand why his team wanted to celebrate, but he didn't see why the camera—

Oh.

No.

Kakashi felt a cold sweat on the back of his neck. He didn't want to ask her, because he was terrified of the answer.

"Who's the lucky Jōnin?"

Sakura's smile split across her face. "You, of course."

That was the last thing Kakashi remembered before his mind blanked out and he stood catatonically in his bedroom for five hours straight. Sakura and Naruto, he later learned, taped him for another half hour while giggling before they took their leave.

His thousand-yard stare was apparently "priceless."

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Short chapter because the next one will be another movie. Either Stones of whatever or moony island. Plus I've been doing a lot of big chapters these last updates and sometimes it's nice to have a little breathing room.

Hahaha. I like your guys' guesses about the Goggle Gods, but so far no one's guessed the whole truth! Boy you guys are in for a good ol fashion plot twist.

Answer: Pokemon, Harry Potter if I get to go to Hogwarts same year group as Harry, Overlord if I get to be a Supreme One.

Question: Dream house from a movie / show / anime / book that you would want to live in for all of eternity.

Reviews are love!

Important Note: As some of you may or may not know I have been working on publishing my own original story (title Dawn of the Rose). I've gotten to 150 pages so far, with a little more than half the plot left to write. I hope to have the original first draft done before winter this year.

I've published the prologue and the first chapter of the story on Wattpad. Link here:  www dot wattpad dot com / story / 140846002-dawn-of-the-rose 

I would really appreciate any and all comments / reviews / feedback / interest on it. The whole reason I started fanfiction is hopefully become a published author, and I've finally reached the first big milestone, so any support given would be truly, truly appreciated.

Thank you for your time.