Despair. What is the meaning of despair to you?

"Despair to me is the feeling of being lost... like... you don't know what to do. Despair is the absence of hope. It feels like something bad is going to happen and you're absolutely powerless against it. Sometimes something has already happened and... you know that you could have done something about it, but... you turned a blind eye, and so you did nothing."

That's regret.

"No, it's... much more than regret or guilt, I just... Sorry, I'm bad at explaining these things."

No worries, it's perfectly understandable in your situation. That was a pretty traumatizing experience that you went through, after all.

"Yes, but... I'm thankful to be out. Though... I just wish that some others would come through as well..."

What instance did you feel the most despair in?

"Well... Whenever I lost Kaede, my first friend, I thought that there couldn't be anything worse than that... but not. There was this... one boy... K-Kokichi. Kokichi was like a common enemy for the rest of us. He always lied and messed around with us... Everyone was annoyed by him, at the very least, even me... but I think that he did that on purpose. He acted like the enemy so we would all join together to hate him. In multiple ways, he helped our group without us even realizing it.

"I decided to reach out to Kokichi once to get some answers from him. However, he always managed to sway the conversation, so I never found out much from him. Every time that we hung out together, he said that he was going to kill me, and that I better entertain him until then. I had no idea what he was talking about, and I kept coming back to him. At the end, he said that he... he stole my heart... In the end, Kokichi was, and will always still be a mystery to me, but... I think that in his own way, that helps me to understand him a little."

So what exactly was despairing?

"R-Right, sorry, I'll get to that... Well, when the fifth murder happened, and we all found out the truth... that Kokichi tricked Gonta into killing Miu for him... we were all outraged. I lost hold of myself and I told him that he was always alone, and that he would always be alone... I think that was one of the biggest mistakes that I've ever made in that game...

"You see... right after that, he devised a plan to end the killing game. He sacrificed his own life for it! And I... I..." ... "S-Sorry."

It's fine. Cry as much as you want, continue whenever you're ready.

"Th-Thank you..." ...... "Alright, I've calmed down a b-bit...

"I just... can't help but to think that I pushed him over the edge. That I caused him to do some of the things he did, and then Maki intervened, and... At the very least, I wish that I could have apologized to him before he left..."

It isn't healthy to hold onto the past like this.

"But...! I don't mean to be cocky... it seems to me that Kokichi may have favored me... He even said so himself that I was his 'favorite,' I just never really understood what he meant by that... So... if that was truly the case--"

You don't need to continue with that sentence.

"R-Right... Sorry..."

Mhm... Mhm... Alright, I see... And what would you do if you had the chance to see Kokichi again?

"Well, I've seen him ever since I woke up. After a lot of self reflection... I decided that I would wait by his side until he woke up, so that he wouldn't be alone. Not even Kaede or Gonta are visiting him... but then I was told that I needed therapy, so... here I am."

I see. What would you say to him if you had the chance?

"I would apologize. I would apologize for saying he's alone, I would acknowledge that he was one of the most helpful people in there... and I would probably cry in front of him, heh... But I probably won't get that chance. It's been a month and he still hasn't woken up... yet everyone else has. They keep telling me to just give up on him, but what if he wakes up and I'm not there for him? I don't think that I could bare it..."

Well... Can you tell me what the meaning of hope is for you?

"Well, it's a bit harder for me to describe than despair... but, I guess it's looking forward to something. Maybe like a longing? Ah, I'm starting to sound ridiculous now, aren't I...?"

Of course not. Here, you're able to say whatever you want without judgement. I am only here to help you sort through your thoughts.

"Right, right..." ... "What's that?"

Don't worry about it..... So tell me, what would bring you hope?

"Well, I'm still hoping that someday... Kokichi will wake up, but... I'm slowly loosing that hope."

Hm... Mr. Saihara.

"Y-Yes?"

You know the letter that was just brought in? The one that you asked about? Well, I've been informed that Kokichi has started to twitch. If you want to be there for him when he wakes up--

"I-I see! Thank you! Thank you so much! Now if you excuse me, I-I've gotta go!"

Good luck, and fair well.