R18. Please read at your own discretion.

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"Bakit parang broken-hearted kayong lahat?"

Nakangiwi ko silang tiningnan na tatlo. Naglasing kasi sila kagabi. Okin ended everything with Dolly kaya ayon, magdamag silang kumanta na parang mga tanga.

"Gaga, hindi ako broken-hearted. May hangover lang," mura ni Vien saka napairap.

I glanced at Dolly who looked like a zombie sitting in our chair, tapos nakatingin sa kawalan.

"Ikaw din naman ah, ilang araw ka nang tahimik," puna ni Kala saka uminom ng tubig. "Si Gahala 'no?" she added with a grin that made Vien snort bitterly.

"Pinagsasabi mo?" taas-kilay kong tanong.

"Huwag mo nang i-deny! Siya lang naman ang nakakapagpaganiyan sa 'yo," irap ni Vien.

"Balikan mo Amara. Diba marupok ka?" Dolly teased.

I rolled my eyes at them. "Tantanan niyo ako."

Ilang linggo ko na din iniiwasan yung lalaki. I ghosted him even though I'm the one who suggested na mag-closure kami. Natakot lang ako sa sarili ko... na baka kapag magkita kami ulit, my feelings will take control over me and my decisions.

Gaya ng halos mangyari sa condo niya. Dapat hindi na ako pumunta doon e, pero anong nangyari? Pinayagan ko ang sarili kong pamunuan ng nararamdaman ko.

He tried sending me messages and calling me but I never answered those. He kept making reasons to see me and I kept making excuses to stay away. Gano'n 'yon lagi.

Hindi ko lang inaasahang pupunta siya sa graduation ko kasi wala siyang sinabi. Siguro kaya hindi niya din pinaalam kasi alam niyang itataboy ko lang siya. Mukha lang kaming tangang nagtitigan sa gitna ng parking lot.

"Congratulations," kinakabahang bati niya dahil kanina pa ako tahimik. Napatingin ako sa bulaklak na hawak niya kaya binigay niya 'yon sa akin.

"Thank you," mahinang sagot ko saka tinanggap iyon.

Natahimik ulit kami. Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya hindi makagalaw ng maayos sa kaniyang kinatatayuan because he's so wary and conscious of me.

He sighed deeply at dinadaan ng kamay niya ang kaniyang buhok, looking so nervous and confused. "May problema ba tayo, Amara?" lakas-loob na tanong niya.

"Are we okay in the first place?" I asked him back and met his eyes bravely.

"Pakiramdam ko naman...oo," bulong niya.

It made me laugh sarcastically, "Who told you that?"

His brows furrowed in frustration. Hindi niya ako mabasa and it's driving him nuts.

"What's our problem? The last time I checked we were okay tapos...bigla mo na lang akong iniwasan. Did I do something wrong?" he asked worriedly.

Nairita ako kasi apektadong-apektado ako sa kaniya na dapat hindi!

"Wala naman," I shrugged. "Ayoko lang na makita ka," I told him honestly and suggested, "Should we stop this?"

I could see the disbelief on his face because of my reasons. "The what?"

"Closure," mabilis kong sagot.

Napatigil siya saka tinitigan ako ng matagal na para bang binabasa. He laughed painfully after, "So...you moved on now? That's why...iiwasan mo ako? Dahil wala ka nang nararamdaman sa akin?"

Natahimik ako at hindi sinagot iyon. Hindi naman ako tanga para aminin 'yon sa kaniya!

He looked hurt because of my silence. He took it the other way but I didn't want to correct it. It's better that way. "You're going to end this because you're already fine? Paano naman ako?" Pagmamakaawang tanong niya. " Ganti mo ba 'to sa akin? Pinaparusahan mo ba ako?"

I bit my lower lip, "Sorry." Hindi ko kasi alam ang sasabihin e.

Iniling niya ang ulo. "No. The closure's still not done yet," he said with finality. "I'm still in love with you." He honestly added while looking intently at my eyes. It made me gulp. "We will only stop this if we're both already done with this feeling."

My lips parted a little at his boldness. I hate the fact that my heart reacted again. He looked away and I saw how he closed his fist. He hid those in his pocket. "I'm so sorry for being selfish. But I can't give up on you yet."

"Congratulations again. My graduation's tommorow as well. I'm not hoping for you to come but a simple greeting from you will change everything," dugtong niya pa na parang ayaw akong pasalitain.

Tinitigan niya ako before nodding, as if telling me na aalis na siya. Tumalikod na siya pagkatapos saka pumasok sa sasakyan niya. I just watched him drive away.

I sighed and looked at the flowers he gave me. They're not real. He knows I'm not into it. They're made of brown paper that makes them look antique.

"Ganda! Kanino galing?" tanong ni Dolly matapos makita ang bitbit ko.

"Gahala," maikling sagot ko.

Her eyes squinted at me pero hindi ko na siya pinansin. I was thinking the whole night of what I should do pero wala akong naisip. Nagpuyat lang ako sa wala.

Morning came at ang graduation niya kaagad ang pumasok sa isip ko. Hindi ako pumunta kasi anong gagawin ko do'n?

Supporting and wishing him happiness is a given, pero may rights ba akong pumunta? I mean, I'm an ex. Magmumukha akong tanga. Andoon naman si Yacey for moral support.

I don't really want to overthink this but what if...hinihintay niya ako doon? I imagined his sad face tuloy kung sakaling hindi ako sisipot. I groaned irritatedly at pinagmumura ko ang sarili ko. Ako lang din ang gumagawa ng ikakaguilty ko e.

"Mukha kang tanga, Amara, kanina ka pa nakatitig diyan." Iritang bato sa akin ng unan ni Vien. Napasol ako sa ulo kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at binato pabalik ang unan sa sofa. "May hinihintay ka bang text?"

Bumusangot ako saka umiling. It's the other way around nga e. I was debating kasi if I should send him a greeting.

I mean, he deserves it! Pero kanina pa ako dito nagu-guilty sa pinaggagawa ko since last week. Should I put in a little effort para makabawi ng kaunti?

Pero bakit kasi ako mage-effort?! Hindi naman ako girlfriend! Hindi ko alam sa sarili ko kung bakit binibig deal ko 'to!

After organizing my thoughts, I sighed and stood up. Nagbihis ako saka lumabas ng condo while trying to call him. He picked up on the second call tapos sakto namang bumukas ang elevator kaya pumasok ako.

"Hello, Amara!"

Napakunot ang noo ko nang ibang boses ang sumagot.

"Si Yule 'to! Kilala mo ba ako, Amara?! Naaalala mo pa ba ako?! Kaibigan ako ni Gahala! Nagkakilala kami noong--"

"Yeah I know you," putol ko kasi mukhang isasalaysay niya pa ang buong buhay niya.

"Sorry pala kasi pumasok kami kung kailan na kayo magkikiss!" biglang sulpot niya ng nangyari saka natawa.

I sigh heavily and calmed myself, "Nasaan si Gahala?"

"Nasa CR pa si Gahala! He peed! Gusto mo proof? I can take a picture of him pero kung gusto mo ng video, why not!" He laughed so hard. Mukhang ginagago ako!

"No." I hissed and my brows furrowed. Lasing ba siya? "Exact loc?" tanong ko kahit pakiramdam ko nasa bar sila kasi may tugtog. Maybe for their grad celebration or something.

Sinabi niya yung location saka inend ang call. Lumabas ako ng elevator at pumunta sa parking lot. Nag-drive ako papunta doon.

Kaagad akong sinalubong ng maingay na tunog nang makarating ako. Sobrang daming tao at ang iba ay nabubunggo pa ako pagpasok ko. Yung iba mukhang lasing na nga. Some are even making out at the side.

I tried spotting Gahala or his friends pero hindi ko na alam kung saan sila nagpunta. Ang laki ng bar para mahanap ko sila. I tried calling pero hindi sumasagot.

"Sorry,"

Napatingala ako sa lalaking nabunggo ako sa balikat. I  pursed my lips when I recognized him. Mukhang gano'n din siya.

"Si Gahala hinahanap mo?" nakangising tanong no'ng Herold na kaklase nila. Hindi ko siya makalimutan dahil ang pangit ng ugali niya.

Bumuntong-hininga ako kasi ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagkulo ng dugo ko sa kaniya. Tinalikuran ko siya at aalis na sana pero binigyan niya ako ng sagot.

"Nakita ko kanina, umalis na may kasamang isang babae."

Napatigil ako saka nilingon siya ulit. There's a playful smirk playing on his lips and I can't help but show how much I dislike him. Hindi ko alam kung nagsisinungaling siya o hindi.

"And you expect me to believe that? Especially coming from you?" I asked in a sarcastic tone.

He chuckles, "Bakit? Hindi ka ba naniniwala? Kayang-kaya 'yong gawin ni Gahala. Pagkatapos ka niyang lokohin. "

I gritted my teeth. Tinalikuran ko siya bago ko pa mamura. Mabuti na lang at nakita ko si Theros. Napatingin ako kay Yule na bagsak sa tabi niya, wondering if nasabihan niya ba si Gahala na pupunta ako.

"Si Gahala?" iritang tanong ko sa kaniya. Mas nainis ang mata ko nang naging malikot ang mata niya. "Where?" pikong sambit ko.

His face paled at my pissed-off expression. He raised his hands like he's surrendering. "Umalis kanina... may kasamang babae! Pero mukhang kaibigan naman niya!" he defended.

Fuck. So it's true? Hindi ko mapigilang matawa ng sarkastiko.

Inis ko siyang nilampasan at binunggo pa sa balikat. Pumunta ako dito para sa wala!

Kinakabahan ako sa maaaring datnan ko, pero mas nanaig ang kagustuhan kong makita siya sa akto. That way, alam ko na kung ano ang gagawin ko para matapos na ang lahat. Nakakapagod umasa sa kaniya kahit ayaw ko namang umasa!

Ano ba ang ine-expect ko? Ang mabaliw siya ulit sa akin at hindi na tumingin sa iba? That's funny.

Sa elevator pa lang, ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagtibok ng puso ko sa kaba. Gusto kong umatras at tumakbo pero nakadesisyon na ako.

I impatiently waited for the elevator to open. Kaagad akong lumabas nang nasa tamang floor na ako. I marched towards his door at galit kong pinindot ang doorbell niya ng ilang ulit saka nilakasan ang katok. Natagalan pa bago bumukas kaya mas lalo akong nairita.

Magdodorbell sana ako ulit pero bumukas na. Nagulat siya nang makita ako pero sinamaan ko lang siya ng tingin at tinulak sa gilid para makapasok sa condo niya.

Dumiretso ako sa kaniyang kwarto at narinig ko ang yabag ng pagsunod niya. Kahit wala siyang sinasabi, I could feel his confusion.

I found nothing in his bed. Parang tanga pa akong dumapa sa sahig at tiningnan kung meron sa ilalim! Wala naman!

"Anong ginagawa mo dito? Gabi na a," puna niya na hindi ko pinansin. Kunot-noo niya akong tinitingnan, hindi niya maintindihan ang mga pinaggagawa ko.

Tumayo ako saka pinagpag ang aking damit. "Asan babae mo?" inis na tanong ko matapos ko siyang harapin. Wala akong nakita. Tinago niya ba?

An idea popped into my mind. Pumunta akong CR para tingnan kung andon, pero wala din. Don't tell me, tapos na sila?

Natulala ako ng kaunti dahil sa naisip ko. Natauhan lang ako nang marinig ang pagbukas ng CR.

"Anong hinahanap mo?" kunot-noong tanong niya nang makapasok.

"Babae mo nga!" irita kong sigaw, umeecho sa loob ng banyo ang boses ko.

He raised his brows and hid his smile. He laughed, "What are you talking about?"

I crossed my arms at pikong tumingin sa kaniya. "Diba umalis ka ng bar na may kasamang babae? Don't even try to deny it kasi madami ang nakakita!"

He raised his brows too! This guy! Ang sarap sabunutan! "Pumunta ka doon?" hindi niya pinansin ang sinabi ko!

"Asan nga yung babae mo?!" irita kong tanong.

Ngumuso siya saka ngumiti, "Nasa harapan ko."

"Hindi ako nakikipagbiruan sa 'yo ha!" galit kong sabi. Hindi niya ako madadala sa mga gano'n! Lumapit siya sa akin kaya sinamaan ko ng tingin, binabantaan.

Natawa siya. "Eh wala nga akong babae, ewan ko sa 'yo."

I hissed and slapped his hand nang pitikin niya ako sa noo. "Yung kasama mong umalis sa bar!"

"Ah, iyon ba?" natatawang tanong niya kaya mas lalo akong nainis. So meron nga?!

"I told you na huwag kang lumandi sa iba habang ginagawa natin yung closure!"

He scoffed. "I remember someone telling me yesterday na tapusin na lang natin yung closure. I wonder who she is."

"I also remember someone begging me not to end it until he's done with his FEELINGS but then ended up fucking someone!"

Napailing siya. "Iyon ba kinagagalit mo? Wala naman akong finuck. Hindi naman ako lumandi. "

"And you expect me to believe that?!"

"Hindi naman talaga ako lumandi." paliwanag niya. "Yung sinasabi mong kasama kong umalis ng bar ay si Azul. Siya yung pinagseselosan mo."

"Hindi ako nagseselos!" sagot ko agad kasi baka magkaibang isipin.

"Yeah, fine," he shrugged, hindi ako pinapaniwalaan!

"Anong ginawa mo kay Azul?!" akusa ko sa kaniya.

"Wala naman," he shrugged. "Nag-Chinese garter kami habang lasing." Walang kwentang sagot niya!

Irita akong tumingin sa kaniya. "Ewan ko sa 'yo." Lumapit ako sa kaniya saka binunggo siya sa balikat. "Uuwi na ako!"

Bago pa man ako makalampas, hinigit niya ako palapit ulit saka kinulong sa counter. Inis kong tinulak siya paalis pero napatigil ako nang mapatingin sa katawan niya. Napaawang ang labi ko.

He doesn't have any clothes on at nakaboxers lang siya! Ready nang matulog! Hindi ko man lang napansin kanina kasi kinain ako ng galit at inis sa kaniya!

"I'm sure hindi ka pumunta sa bar ng wala lang," nakataas kilay niyang sambit.

"Ano naman ngayon sa 'yo?" pagmamaldita ko.

"Ako ba pinunta mo?" ngiti niyang tanong! Feelingero!

"May plano sana akong igreet ka kaso h'wag ka lang!" inis kong sambit na nagpatawa sa kaniya. His laugh even echoed in the bathroom.

Fuck. Nasa CR niya pa din pala kami. Napasulyap ako sa shower at sa bathtub! Biglang nag-flashback ang mga ginawa namin doon!

Hindi pa ako makagalaw ng maayos kasi kinukulong ako ng dalawang braso niya dito tapos sa harapan ko nakaharang naman ang hubo niyang katawan! Napalunok ako kasi kung ano-ano na ang pumapasok sa isip ko.

"Hmm? Greet me now then," he told me softly.

I squirmed. Jusko, Lord, tabang. Hindi ko kaya 'to.

"No," masungit na saad ko saka umiwas ng tingin.

"Bakit naman?"

Damn. Bakit kinakausap niya ako sa malambing na boses?! I can feel my insides melting. Nakapadaya!

Hindi ako sumagot at hindi pa rin siya tiningnan kasi ramdam na ramdam kong rumurupok ako! Baka bigla ko siyang mahalikan dito! At alam kong hindi na ako makakaalis pagkatapos dahil paniguradong hindi ko na mapipigilan ang sarili ko.

"That was Azul. She's already drunk kaya hinatid ko siya sa kaniyang condo. You can ask her to confirm it. I'm not lying to you." He explained kahit hindi ko hiningi.

I sighed deeply. "Okay."

"Are you okay now?" He asked me and tried to make eye contact with me pero iniwas ko talaga ang mukha ko sa kaniya.

"Yes," I breathed sharply.

"May sasabihin ka pa?"

I pursed my lips. "Wala na."

He chuckled. "Totoo?"

"Wala na nga!" irita kong sagot saka pikong tumingin sa kaniya. Nakakainis siya kasi pilit nang pilit e wala nga!

"Okay." He answered with a smile. Ewan ko, pero mas nairita ako sa sinagot niya. Gusto ko siyang sabunutan dahil sa nakakairitang ngiting nakapaskil sa labi niya!

"Fine! Happy anniversary sana sa 'yong tangina ka!" urat kong sigaw.

It was March 27 right now and I don't know why I am even here! Dapat wala ako dito! And I hate myself for even remembering this day!

He laughed when I cursed him. He held my chin and lifted it. Bigla ata akong nahilo nang malambot niyang pinagtagpo ang labi namin. He softly moved it too, which stirred my sanity. I could feel his smile along with the kisses.

"I thought I'm the only one who remembered," he whispered after he pulled away, and I was still hypnotized by his kisses. "Happy anniversary," he kissed my ears.

Napaawang ang labi ko ng kaunti at medyo natulala na nakatingin sa kaniya. This motherfucker! Ninakawan niya ako ng halik!

Napasinghap ako ng may maramdaman. Kahit nanginginig ang kamay ko, hindi ko mapigilang hampasin siya. "Tangina mo! Bakit matigas 'yan?!"

Napahalakhak siya sa tinanong ko. "You're asking me that when you're in front of me?"

I looked down and gulped while staring at his body. I raised my head and met his eyes. He was already looking at me darkly. I felt giddy when he dipped his head down again to kiss me on the lips.

It was just a light kiss at first—soft and calm—but everything turned hot when I opened my lips. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders to deepen the kiss. He groaned and held me at the waist.

We kissed passionately that I could not help but pulled at his hair while moaning slightly. Our tongues fought, swirling and tasting one another. His hands began to explore, and it quickly unclasped my bra at the back.

His kisses traveled from my jaws to my neck, leaving soft kisses and bites that made me feel more aroused. I anticipated his next move, especially when I felt his hand moving up the side of my breast, drawing circles.

The voices in the back of my mind kept telling me that this was wrong, but his touch felt so right. It felt like home... and hot.

“Gahala,” I groaned as he cupped my breasts and pinched my nipple. I could feel his arousal pressing against my stomach.

Unconsciously, my hand moved to his chest and then down to his boxers. I rubbed him through the fabric, feeling his size.

He moaned and let me continue. He even stopped stimulating me to focus on what I was doing. I bit my lower lip and looked down at the bulge forming in his boxers.

I slipped my hand inside and grasped his length, guiding it out. It was hot and hard, and I could feel its veins. My mouth watered when I saw it fully exposed that I even gulped. My hands trembled as I slowly pumped it, causing him to bite his lip to stifle a whimper.

I leaned against the counter while his hands were braced on either side of me, caging me in. I worked my magic on his length in that position. He rested his head on my shoulder, whispering his moans into my neck.

My body grow hotter when his hips moved to match my movements. My lips parted slightly when he thrust into my hands!

"Fuck," hindi mapigilang mura niya habang binibilisan ang galaw. The tip of his shaft even bumped against my belly, with pre-cum on top of it.

Unconsciously, I gripped him tighter, causing him to growl and bite my shoulder. I felt liquid dripping onto my fingers and I even heard it splattering on the tiles. "Jesus, Amara," he whispered, panting heavily.

He came? I tried to look down, but he immediately held my chin for a kiss. It was so aggressive that I thought he wanted to destroy my lips.

He undressed my top and stopped kissing me. My eyes widened when he carried me easily and set me on the sink. I gulped as he roughly removed my clothes. He yanked my shorts and panties down as though he was angry with them for covering my body. He even tossed them aside as if they were nothing.

"Gahala!” My lips trembled as he spread my legs apart and looked down. I tried to cover myself, but he caught my hand and placed it above my head.

His eyes darkened and hunger became visible while he was staring at my center. "Fuck. You're dripping, Amara."

I groaned in annoyance and embarrassment. Shit. Why did he have to say it out loud?

I suddenly looked at him when I felt his tongue on my center. A growl escaped my mouth and I can't helped but pulled his hair because of the sudden contact. He even lifted my legs onto his shoulders, and I crossed them to lock his head in place.

I could feel him playing with my folds and teasing my entrance. He kept thrusting his tongue in and out, making me moan his name, especially when he used his teeth to tug on my clit. It made me arch my back in pleasure. He did it again, this time adding his fingers, curling them to find the sensitive spots inside me that only he knew.

"Faster please," I plead and he obeyed.

My toes curled, and I couldn’t help but push his head closer to my center to apply more pressure as I felt myself nearing climax. I bit my lower lip and moved my hips in rhythm with his tongue until I reached it.

“Shit,” I muttered under my breath, feeling satisfied as my breathing slowly calmed. He cleaned me with his mouth afterward.

Tinukod ko ang siko ko and watched him as he cleaned me. I still felt sensitive from the last orgasm, and him licking me clean made me feel good again.

He pulled away once he was done, looking disheveled. He licked his fingers, and a white fluid lingered at the corner of his lips. I bet that's my cum. I looked down at his shaft and it was still standing proudly.

"We’re not done,” he breathed, helping me down from the sink. He then impatiently pushed me, making me bend over the sink. My chest pressed against the surface, and my back is facing him.

I could not help but be excited when I felt his boxers fall onto the tiles. Since I'm already naked, it was easy for him to angle his shaft to my waiting part. I felt his tip brush slightly against my clit, making me even wetter with anticipation.

He entered with the tip, making me growl in sweet pleasure. "I won't last long, but I'll make you come," he breathed as he slowly filled me. His shaft slowly shoved as far as he could reach.

"Hmm," I whispered with a moan, feeling how he stretched me inside. My walls tightened around him, making him moan lowly.

We both sighed in contentment when he filled me to the brim. I could feel him pulsating inside me. I moved my hips slightly to adjust to his size but that made him curse. "Ah, fuck."

He let his one hand travel up my spine while the other rested on my hips, keeping me steady. I clenched my fists as he slowly pulled out and pushed back in, creating a lewd sound and hitting a spot inside me. The sound echoed throughout the bathroom, making me feel even hotter.

My legs started to tremble as he moved more roughly inside me. With each thrust, he struck my sensitive spot.

"Ah!" I gasped when he pulled my hair and thrust deeply into me. It felt like heaven, and I wanted every moment of it.

Napatingin ako sa salamin sa harapan ko at nakita ko doon ang sarili ko. I looked so drowned and high. Our eyes met in our reflection, and I could see pleasure on his face. He bit his lower lip, and looked up. He closed his eyes in sensation while still moving.

You could hear the slap of his hips against my ass every time he moved. The bathroom was filled with our heavy breaths and moans. I couldn’t even think straight. I felt so full in every thrust and just wanted to reach it. My legs trembled when I felt his other hand applying pressure to my clit.

I groaned in disapproval when he pulled his shaft out. I felt so empty all of a sudden. He made me turn to him and sit on the sink. I spread my legs and encircled my arms around his shoulders immediately. He entered me again deeply and moved once more.

It was fast and hard. I grind my hips to meet his movement, which made him curse. He dipped his head down to kiss me while still moving. He only pulled out when we needed to breathe.

He held my hips and didn’t let our bodies disconnect. I locked my legs around his waist, pulling him closer and enjoying what he was doing.

"This is bad," he whispered, losing control. "I can’t stop my hips, fuck. I need to withdraw," he muttered, moving faster as if chasing something we both wanted.

He moaned and looked down at where we were connecting. My every limb trembled as I reached it, making my insides wetter and his thrusts sloppier.

His fingers dug into my hips as he pulled out. He touched himself and came on my stomach. We breathed as the fire we felt slowly died down.

He walked away to get something to clean both of us. He also filled the tub with water and then placed me in it. Hinayaan ko lang siyang sabunan at lagyan ako ng shampoo. I was just looking at him as he bathed me. He sometimes played with my hair or planted soft kisses on my shoulder.

Tinulungan niya din ako matapos. He dried my hair and helped me dress up again. Pareho lang kaming tahimik na dalawa, savoring the moment.

"Sorry," he gulped while looking at me trying to stand, but I was having a hard time because of too much pleasure in my center. It’s making my legs tremble so badly. He fucked me so well earlier.

"It's fine," I whispered. Ginusto ko naman 'to. "It's already dark," I said after looking at the clock. "Pakihatid na lang ako."

"You...can just sleep here," he suggested.

I felt butterflies in my stomach as I imagined him cuddling me after what happened. I faked a cough and shook my head to erase those thoughts.

"I'm...not comfortable with it," palusot ko.

Baka masundan pa 'yon kung manatili ako dito! Which is making me hesitate too kasi gustong-gusto ko din talagang masundan! Nabitin ako!

He nodded slowly. "That's okay, but did you already have dinner?"

"I'm full."

"All right," he replied. "I'll just wear something and I'll drop you off," he whispered and walked closer.

I blinked when he lowered his head and planted a kiss on my lips. He turned around, leaving me dumbfounded.

We were silent the whole ride. Nakatingin lang ako sa labas pero ramdam na ramdam ko ang panaka-nakang pagtingin niya sa direksiyon ko.

Wala na akong sinayang na oras nang makarating kami sa harapan ng building ko. Lumabas na ako pero napalingon ako sa kaniya nang marinig ang pagbukas at pagsara ng pintuan sa side niya.

He walked closer to me and stared. I couldn't maintain eye contact with him without remembering what we did earlier.

I stepped back when he leaned down and tried kissing me again.

I could see the pain in his face when I rejected him. He's not dumb not to realize what it meant. "Ah," he gulped. "Seems like I misunderstood everything?"

"Yeah, I think you did," sagot ko.

"But...we made love?" puno ng pagtatakang tanong niya.

"You mean sex?" I asked him and shook my head. "Just because we fucked doesn’t mean we're already okay, Gahala."

Natahimik siya. He looked hurt while looking at me, and it made me look away. "So, it was just lust for you?" His tone sounded like, "It wasn’t because of love?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, it's just lust," puno ng diin na sambit niya saka pagak na natawa. "What are we now? Fuck buddy?" maririnig mo ang pagkapikon sa boses niya.

I felt guilty about it, actually, pero totoo naman yung sinabi ko. Nadala talaga ako kanina.

"Did you regret it?" he asked again.

Hindi ko siya sinagot kasi alam kong hindi ko pinagsisihan! Pero ayoko namang aminin 'yon directly. Hindi ba niya napansin kanina na sarap na sarap ako? Mukha ba 'yon ng taong magsisisi pagkatapos?

I know he will take my silence differently, but it's better that way. "Okay lang," bulong niya nang hindi ako sumagot. "Pumasok ka na," malumanay na sambit niya.

I bit my lip and nodded. Pumasok ako sa building namin. Panay ang lingon ko sa kaniya, nag-aalangan kung babalikan ko ba siya at bawiin yung sinabi ko o ano.

Nakatingin lang siya sa akin habang nakasandal sa kotse. Nang makita ang reaksiyon ko, ngumiti lang siya ng kaunti saka tumango na para bang sinisigurado niyang okay lang talaga siya.

I didn't look back after that and just entered our building. Natulala pa ako ng kaunti bago pumasok ng condo. Kaagad akong pumunta sa kusina dahil parang nauhaw ako...na sana pala hindi ko ginawa.

Nanliit kaagad ang mata sa akin ni Vien nang pumasok ako, para bang pinag-aaralan niya ang buong katawan ko. Namumula akong umiiwas ng tingin sa kaniya. I heard her putting the glass on the table in a harsh way that made me jump in my place a little.

"Tingnan mo 'tong gagang 'to," she uttered, her jaws moving in disbelief.

"Ano?" I answered defensively without meeting her eyes. I looked like a scared puppy at the side.

"Sabi mo closure lang?! Bakit ika-ika ka ng maglakad?!"

I flushed and refused to answer her. Kumuha ako ng tubig at problemadong uminom.

"Tangina, bakit ka nakipag...nakipag..." Hindi niya natapos ang gustong sabihin at nag-gesture na lang siya, tinuturo ang nakabilog niyang kamay. "Bakit mo sinuko ulit?!" inis na tanong niya, parang gusto akong sabunutan.

Ngumuso ako saka nanghihinang napaupo sa isang upuan. "Hindi ako nakapagpigil," I whispered, and I wanted to curse myself because it sounded so pathetic.

"Marupok na pokpok ka din eh 'no?! Bakit mo ginawa 'yon?!" Siya na ang nagpapanic sa harapan ko tapos ako chill lang. Dapat bang kabahan ako? "Ang tanga mo, Amara! Sobrang tanga! Ano?! Kayo na ba ulit?!"

Mukhang tanga akong umiling, "Hindi, pero mahal ko pa talaga siya." Napamura siya sa dinugtong ko.

"Alam ko naman 'yon pero hindi ko lang inexpect yung nangyari tangina?! Kita pa chikinini mo sa leeg oh! Pota, ang pula," mura niya na naman. " Binigyan mo ba ng chance?!"

Ang ingay niya. Hindi halos pumasok lahat ng sinasabi niya sa isip ko. "Hindi...pa," alanganing sagot ko. Pakiramdam ko hindi ko dapat iyon sinabi sa kaniya.

"Pa?!" ulit niya at tiningnan ako ng masama. Halos may lumabas ng usok sa ilong niya.

Ngumuso ako, "Nagsorry naman siya sa akin eh."

Nastress siya sa sinabi ko. "Ewan ko sa 'yo Amara ha!" pikong ani niya sa akin.

"Pero babawi naman daw siya e. Hindi naman daw niya uulitin. Deserve niya ng second chance." Pangungumbinsi ko.

"Ayusin mo! Nanggigigil ako sa 'yo! Sasabunutan talaga kitang gaga ka! "

"Pero kasi...nagsorry na siya. Nakikita mo namang nagsisi na siya hindi ba?"

Napaigik ako nang hindi niya mapigilang batukan ako ng pagkalakas-lakas. Pakiramdam ko nayanig ang buong sistema ng utak ko.

"Kaya ka naloko eh! Tanga-tanga ka talaga!"

Ilang ulit pa akong sermunan ni Vien pagkatapos non. Hindi rin nagpahuli sa misa sina Kala nang malaman nila.

"Umabot ba sa utak mo titi niya ha?! Ano, masarap ba? Masarap?!" banat sa akin ni Dolly.

Hindi ko naman sila pinansin because I'm worried about something else. Gahala didn't chat or text me the whole night. Siguro sobrang nasaktan ko siya sa sinabi ko kanina? I know I still have feelings for him, but when it comes to getting close to him, I'm always in between. I wanted to run away but I also wanted to stay near him.

I tried composing a message to ask him about it but I ended up deleting it anyway. Bahala na nga! I typed a message again at sinend ko na kaagad bago ko pa pagsisihan.

Keleya:
Sorry.

He seen it immediately pero inabot pa ng ilang minuto bago mag-reply! I was already planning to unsend it pero biglang sumulpot ang chat head niya sa screen ko!

Gahaldon:
Sorry for what you said, or sorry for what happened between us?

Keleya:
For hurting your feelings.

Gahaldon:
Okay, my fuck buddy.

I bit my lower lip. I could hear mockery while reading it, and I could even imagine him sulking at me. Nagsorry na nga eh!

Keleya:
I already apologized!

Gahaldon:
I already said okay

Keleya:
But why do I feel like you're still angry?

Gahaldon:
Feeling mo lang 'yon

Keleya:
You're angry.

Gahaldon:
Anak ng. Paulit-ulit. Hindi nga

Keleya:
What do you want me to do huh?

Gahaldon:
Pakibalik na lang ng semilya ko kanina

Gahaldon:
Sayang pa 'yon

My lips parted a little. Is he serious?

Keleya:
Are you joking or what? Because that's impossible. It's not like I can do something to give it back!

I mean, napunas ko na 'yon sa tissue! 

Gahaldon:
Meron

Keleya:
What? How? Is that even possible?

Bakit parang duda ako sa susunod niyang sasabihin?

Gahaldon:
Edi gawin natin ulit. G ka ba

I puffed in annoyance and rolled my eyes. What did I even expect from this bastard?

Gahaldon:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA joke lang. Huwag mo akong murahin, please. I know you're about to.

Keleya:
Glad to know you're aware

I sighed and felt relieved. Parang nabunutan ako ng tinik dahil okay lang naman pala kami. I was about to go to bed when he sent another message.

Gahaladon:
Pupunta ka ba sa bday ni Mixco? Kung hindi, magtatampo ako

Keleya:
Kala mo ikaw may birthday

Halatang gusto niya lang akong makita.

Gahaladon:
HAHAHAHAHAHA Pero pupunta ka?

Keleya:
Yeah. I already made a promise with your brother.

Gahaldon:
Okay. Bring your friends as well

Keleya:
Mababadtrip lang yung mga 'yon sa yo but fine.
I'll try convincing them.

Gahaldon:
Thank you

Gahaldon:
What are u doing anyway?

Keleya:
Bakit ko sasabihin sa 'yo?

Gahaldon:
Suplada mo a

Gahaldon:
Skl, ang dami kong cases na babasahin

Keleya:
Kakagraduate mo lang

Ako pa lolokohin niya.

Gahaldon:
Pero mas gusto ko cases mo, lalo na sa lips

Gahaldon:
Banat kasi 'yon, Tiexiera

Seen

Ugh! Tama nga si Vien. Tanga nga ako!

Halos murahin ko ang sarili ko kasi napangiti ako doon. Napakarupok ko naman!

Mali talaga ata ang desisyon kong magclosure kami. Parang bumaliktad ang lahat!

Instead of forgetting him, mas nahuhulog lang ata ako sa kaniya!