"No,"

He laughs immediately after receiving my answer. "Well, I already expected that."

I lifted my brows. "Why ask me still?"

Napakamot siya ng batok at nahihiyang ngumiti, "I hoped a little that you'd agree."

I look at him irritatedly, "Hindi pa ako masisiraan ng ulo para makipagdate sa ex ko."

He clicked his tongue, hiding his amused smile. "Hmm. How about for closure? Date me for closure?" he asked, trying his luck for a second time.

"Don't you think you're already abusing that excuse?"

"Not really. I'm just using it wisely," he countered. "So it's a no?"

"No," I repeat with finality.

He smiled warmly and nodded, assuring me that it was fine. "Ingat ka sa pag-uwi. Text me if you're already home," he smirked, pinapaalaala sa akin ang sinabi ko!

"Bakit naman kita iuupdate?" Pagmamaldita ko.

The side of his lips lifted, "Wew, sungit. Concern lang ako e!"

"Hindi ko kailangan ng concern mo." Irap ko before entering my car with a pissed expression.

I sigh deeply while driving away. I gripped the wheel tightly. Damn. I almost let myself fall for it. I can't believe na parang nabigyan ako ng pag-asa dahil sa sinabi niya. Nakakairita tuloy dahil ang rupok ko.

Iniling ko ang ulo saka hindi hinayaang isipin iyon pero minsan hindi talaga mapigilang sumulpot iyon sa aking utak. Hindi din nakatulong ang lagi niyang pagmessage sa akin. Are we really having our closure? Bakit parang iba ang kinakalabasan?

"Wala kang plano ngayon?"

Napatingin ako kay Vien na nagtanong matapos kong maupo sa harapan niya. Wala na sila Kala at Dolly kasi excited pumunta ng school, parehong may date.

"Dapat ba meron?" I asked and took a bite from my sandwich.

"Boring mo! Wala kang date?" tanong niya pa kahit puno ang bibig.

"Valentine's day lang naman." I shrugged. "I can't understand why you're making it a big deal." I grabbed my coffee and sipped a little.

"Palibhasa bitter ka," she laughed after she swallowed. "Daming gustong makadate ka e! Patulan mo yung mga lumalandi sa 'yo!"

"Not interested. They're boring." Hindi tumitingin sa kaniyang sambit ko saka inubos ang sandwich.

"Eh si Gahala?" biglang tanong niya na nagpatigil sa akin sa aking ginagawa. Doon ako napalingon na siyang nagpangisi sa kaniya ng makahulugan.

"Wala kang date with ex?" she teased.

I frowned at her question and rolled my eyes. "How about you? No date with your FRIEND?" I mocked.

Sinamaan niya ako ng tingin at inirapan. Umiling lang ako saka tinapos ang aking breakfast. Nag-ayos ako at nagpaalam sa kaniyang aalis na.

Sa gate pa lang gusto ko ng umatras. Ang daming nakahawak ng bulaklak at chocolates. Nauurat ako kasi kahit saan ang daming magjowa. Wala namang masama, inggit lang talaga ako.

"Thanks," ngiti ko kay Guerrero nang bigyan niya ako ng bulaklak pagpunta ko sa classroom. Napangisi sa akin ang mga kaklase ko kaya kinunutan ko sila ng noo.

May iba pang nagbigay sa ibang subject at naiilang na ako kasi pinagtitinginan na ako ng iba. Nagmumukha tuloy akong mayabang!

Nilagay ko nga yung kasiya sa bag ko para hindi naman agaw pansin. Si Xenia ang kumain ng ibang chocolates na bigay sa akin. I never thought I have admirers because I'm always uptight and bitchy.

I looked at my phone when it beeped. May nagtext kaya tiningnan ko. I can't help but roll my eyes nang makitang picture 'yon ni Kala, having her date. Iniinggit ata ako. Tapos si Dolly meron din.

This last few years, ako lagi ang may kadate tapos lagi silang inggit sa akin pero ngayon nabaliktad na ang lahat.

"Bakit bad trip ka ata? May hinihintay ka?" Xenia teased when I put my phone down irritatedly.

Hindi naman sa gano'n. Naiirita ako kasi ayokong mairita pero hindi ko talaga mapigilang mairita dahil wala man lang greeting galing sa kaniya. Alam mo 'yon?! Inaya ako pero hindi ako grineet?! Hindi naman sa hinihintay ko 'no!

Inis kong tinago ang cellphone ko at nagfocus na lang sa pakikinig kahit hindi naman talaga ako makafocus . Kung saan saan pa umabot ang utak ko.

I sighed deeply and fixed my things when lunch came.

"Uuwi ka?" Xenia asked.

Wala kaming schedule ngayong hapon kaya siguro pupunta na lang ako sa library. I'll read some books there, and maybe I'll treat myself after sa isang restaurant. Siguro bibili na din ng coffee sa Starbucks after that.

"No. I'll have a date with myself today." I told her.

She laughed a little, "Ang lonely pakinggan! Idate mo yung isa sa nagbigay sa 'yo ng flowers!"

"I'm not in the mood to entertain someone. Enjoy your date though," I smiled at her before bidding my goodbye.

Gaya ng plano, pumunta ako sa malaking library sa city namin. It was a nice decision kasi kaunti lang ang pumunta doon. Wala ding mga couples na nakakabitter. As expected, the library was considered a boring place.

I skimmed through the books, looking for something interesting to read. Natigil lang ang pag-iisip ko nang may mabasang pamilyar na title. Napabusangot ako. Hanggang dito ba naman?

'I like you by Sandol Stoddard Warburg'

Time suddenly brings me to that moment. Without much thinking, I grabbed the book and tried reading. It consists of reasons why 'I like you'. It's not my cup of tea but the illustrations on every page are entertaining. I put my bag down before sitting on the floor. I leaned at the bookshelf before continuing reading it.

Naaliw naman ako kakabasa. I found myself smiling sometimes 'cause I can relate. Malapit ko na nga ding matapos since hindi naman gano'n karami yung number of pages niya at kaunti lang yung sulat bawat pahina.

Naramdaman kong may tumigil sa harapan ko pero hindi ko pinansin kasi baka nagtitingin lang sa mga libro. I put my attention away from the book at tiningala siya nang hindi ito umalis sa harapan ko.

I tried so hard not to show na nagulat ako nang magtama ang mata namin ni Gahala. He's staring down at me.

Anong ginagawa niya dito?

"Uh, hi," he smiled awkwardly and scratched his nape. I squinted my eyes at him, examining and eyeing him suspiciously.

Ngumuso siya at tinago ang ngisi dahil sa ginawa ko. I look down at his outfit. He's still wearing his uniform as if he came straight here after his class.

"Natulala ka sa mukha ko? Gwapo ba?" he teasingly asked.

Inirapan ko siya saka hindi sinagot, making the side of his lips lift up. I cleared my throat saka tumayo.

"No classes?" tanong ko while pinapagpagan ang palda ko para makuha ang mga alikabok.

"Yeah," he answered, watching my moves intently. His persistent gaze are making me move uneasily.

I just nodded at him and walked away, naghahanap ng free na table. Umupo ako sa isang bakanteng upuan. I pretended that his presence didn't affect me at all but I'm actually bothered by it. Hindi na ako nagulat nang sumunod siya sa akin saka tumayo sa gilid ko.

He licked his lower lip, "Can I sit?"

Napatingin ako sa paligid at nakitang madami pang bakante. Napakunot ang noo ko nang mapansin ang ibang babaeng napatingin sa kaniya.

I bit my lower lip before nodding. Ayoko nang isipin kung bakit pumayag ako. Whatever it is, I know talo ako do'n. Hindi ko na siya tiningnan kahit rinig na rinig ko ang paghila niya ng upuan. I even hate myself for noticing his every move.

Tahimik lang kaming nagbabasa. No, ako lang pala ang nagbabasa! Nakabukas lang kasi ang libro niya pero nakatitig sa akin. Naiirita na nga akong tumitingin sa kaniya minsan at laging nagtatagpo ang mga mata namin pero ngingiti lang siya! Ugh.

Natigil lang kami sa titigan nang magring ang cellphone ko. Napangiwi ako kasi napatingin sa mesa namin yung iba, nakakabulabog kasi.

lifted my bag and placed it on the table. I opened the main compartment to find my phone. Sumilip yung mga flowers na natanggap ko na siyang nagpataas ng kilay niya.

Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko sa bulsa at pinatay ang alarm. It's a reminder na need kong magadvance reading pero wala namang klase ngayon kaya binalik ko na lang ang phone ko sa bag.

"What?" I asked him when I noticed that his stare didn't leave my face.

"Bigay sa 'yo?" tanong niya. He's pertaining to the flowers.

"Obvious ba?"

His brows are slightly furrowed, "Binigyan ka no'ng Guerrero?"

"Does it matter?"

Hindi niya pinansin ang sinabi ko at nagtanong ulit, "Alin diyan ang binigay niya?" Saka nginuso ang laman ng bag ko na ngayon ay hindi na kita dahil sinara ko na ang zipper.

Kung siya lang si superman, nalaser niya na ang mga 'yon gamit ang mata niya. Ang talim ng pagkakatitig e.

I raised my brows at him, "Acting jealous huh? Boyfriend ka?"

He snorted, "Hindi 'no. Ang papangit naman niyan."

I rolled my eyes, "Buti pa nga sila may binigay."

The side of his lips lifted and he chuckled a little after hearing what I'd said. Tinukod niya ang kaniyang siko sa mesa at nangalumbaba sa harapan ko. Now great, he'll think I'm expecting something from him.

"Meron din kaya ako," yabang niya that made my heart skip a bit. Damn. I'm really expecting that?

"Sa 'yo na, hindi ko tatanggapin," sungit ko na bago pa ako malamon ng totoong nararamdaman ko.

He laughed a little. "Ang pakipot mo, Tiexiera," aliw na sabi niya while playing his lips using his fingers.

Hindi ko mapigilang mapairap at binalik ang atensiyon sa libro. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang binabasa ko kasi masyado akong overwhelmed sa presensiya niya.

"Why are you pestering me? Wala ka bang madate?" curious na tanong ko. I'm sure maraming nagkakagusto sa kaniya sa school nila. Lalo na yung ex niya.

"I'm having my date right now," he teasingly replied, which irritates me.

"Sino?" tanong ko.

"Ika--"

"May pake?" dugtong ko sa sinabi ko para barahin siya. I let out a victory grin nang matahimik siya doon.

Umiling siya. "Tuwang-tuwa ka sa ginawa mo a."

I struck my tongue at him. "Bakit hindi kaya ang ex mo ang kulitin mo?" Bring up ko ulit, pertaining to Yacey. "Ayain mong makipagdate."

"Kaya nga nandito ako," he answered smoothly.

I frowned. Yeah right. I forgot, ex din pala ako.

"So, you're dating your ex ha? Ilang ex na nakadate mo?"

"Si Amara lang," tawa niya, not giving in to my accusations. "Grabe ka naman sa akin! Hindi naman madami ex ko a!"

I rolled my eyes at him and got back to reading again. "Hindi mo ako mabobola."

"Alright, Tiexiera," he chuckled after saying it. Parang aliw na aliw siyang panuorin akong mainis!

Nagbasa pa kami hanggang sa magutom ako. Napatingin ako sa oras at malapit na palang mag-3 p.m.

"You're going now?" he asked softly when I stood up.

My brows furrowed. "Not your business."

Lumabas ako ng library at napabuntong hininga na lang nang marinig ang yabag niyang sumusunod sa akin.

I stopped after I saw the pedestrian. I looked at the stoplight at hinintay na mag-iba ang kulay para makatawid na ako.

I glared at him nang tumabi siya sa gilid ko, inaantay ding mag-iba ang kulay. "Sinusundan mo ba ako?"

"I'm not. It's just a coincidence." Ako pa talaga uutuin niya! "Sabi ko kasi sa 'yo e, date tayo," ngusong dugtong niya nang makita ang reaksiyon ko.

"Sorry, hindi ako nakikipagdate sa ex ko," I smugged.

"Edi let's be friends," he smiled. "Have a friendly date with me?"

"Friends," ulit ko, mocking him. "Ulol!" I raised my middle finger at his face. Iyon ang huling sabi ko at iniwan ko siya. Tumawid ako ng kalsada kasi naggo sign na!

I walked faster since I wanted to escape from him but damn his legs! I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.

"Bakit ba sunod ka nang sunod sa akin?!"

Bumaling ako kay Gahala saka inis na tinanong 'yon nang pumasok ako sa restaurant at sumunod din siya! Inosente lang siyang tumingin sa akin at ngumiti. "Hindi a?"

"Tigilan mo nga ako damnit! Wala ka bang magawa sa buhay?!" Nakakaasar na talaga siya!

"Obvious ba?" he mocked me.

I was about to shout at him when I bumped into someone. Buti na lang nahawakan ako ni Gahala. Pumiglas ako para bitawan niya ako at natatawa lang siyang pinagbigyan ako.

Napatingin ako sa nakabungguan namin. Kumunot ang noo ko nang makita si Finn. He looked at me too and his eyes widened na parang nahuli ko siyang nagche-cheat. I diverted my attention to the girl beside him. Heck. Kaya pala hindi na nangungulit. It's not that surprising though. Hindi naman ako nage-expect sa kaniya.

"Hi pare," medyo sigang bati din ni Gahala, making Finn's attention turn to him.

"Oh?" He muttered, confused. Pabalik-balik ang tingin niya sa amin ni Gahala, siguro nagtataka kung bakit kami magkasama since he knows, we're not that close.

"We're on a date," dugtong ni Gahala to inform the guy.

Gahala even tried to hold me by the waist to support his statement pero sinampal ko ang kamay niya na siyang nagpatawa lang sa kaniya ng kaunti.

Finn's lips parted a little. "Huh? Bakit naman kayo magka-date?" Litong tanong niya. He was looking at me like I'm a traitor and that I betrayed him kahit siya naman 'tong nakaakbay sa ibang babae. Napairap na lang ako.

"Miss ko na ex ko e," natatawang sambit ni Gahala.

Finn's jaw dropped. "What?"

Gahala shook his head at his reaction saka tinapik-tapik ang kaibigan. "Enjoy your date, pare. I'll enjoy mine." Binigyan niya ng ngisi ang kaibigan saka ako giniya paalis.

Napalingon ako at napatingin kay Finn. Mukha siyang tangang nag-iisip sa gitna ng restaurant, still confused or maybe processing what he discovered.

Wala na akong magawa nang kumain kasama ko si Gahala. Pinilit pa akong magpicture kasama siya.

"Remembrance!" nguso niya.

I chuckled sarcastically, "Sa ano? Date mo sa ex mo?"

"Ow," he wiggled his brows. "Inaamin mong date 'to?"

"Hindi," supladang sagot ko kaagad saka kumain ng steak.

Inaamin kong natutuwa ako...ng sobrang kaunti pero kaunti lang naman! I know I shouldn't! Pero anong magagawa ko? Natural na reaksiyon ko naman 'yon! Ghad, I can't believe ganito ako karupok?!

Gahala laughed and looked at me. Sumingkit ang kaniyang mata sa pagngiti at nakastretch ang kaniyang labi. He looked at me like he was expecting something.

I sighed. "Fine!" sagot ko. Ngayon lang. I wouldn't let things like this happen next time.

"Date 'to?" Ngiti-ngiti pa ding tanong niya.

"Nakakahiya naman kasi kung hindi pa 'to tatawaging date?" inis na tanong ko kasi gusto niya talaga atang manggaling sa bibig ko. " Bakit? Ayaw mo?"

"Syempre, gusto. " Ngumuso siya, tinatago ang ngiti. "Sige nga, holding hands tayo." Lahad niya ng kamay niya sa direksiyon ko.

"Abusado ka na," nangbabantang sambit ko saka tinabig ang kamay niya.

"Nasa date tayo a!" reklamo niya habang nakabusangot.

I grabbed my wine and took a little sip. I swallowed. "May nagde-date na hindi nagho-holding hands," I informed him.

"Fine. Picture na lang tayo!" Request niya na naman ulit!

I frowned and just let him. Wala na akong energy para makipagsagutan ulit sa kaniya sa point niyang pointless pero pinipilit niyang magkapoint.

"Ako na magbabayad," he insisted when we were done eating. Napatingin ako sa kaniya nang binuksan niya ang kaniyang wallet. I saw my picture there pero umiwas kaagad ako ng tingin. Iyon ba ang sinasabi ni Mixco?

Mukhang hindi niya naman napansin na nakita ko dahil nakangiti pa siyang lumingon sa akin pagkatapos magbayad. "Hatid na kita."

I just nodded and followed his hand as he slipped his wallet into his pocket. It had been bothering me the whole time when I was inside his car. He tried talking to me but stopped when he noticed that I was thinking deeply.

"We are here."

Napatingin ako sa labas at tumango sa kaniya. I unfastened my seatbelt and got out. Gano'n din ang ginawa niya.

"Salamat sa date. I enjoyed."

"I didn't," panira ko, pero tinawanan niya lang, hindi convinced.

"Bakit? May gusto kang sabihin?" tanong niya nang makitang binuka ko ang labi ko pero tinikom din.

Umiling ako saka nilahad ko kamay ko sa harapan niya. "Akin na."

He raised his brows, looking confused. "What?"

"You said you have something for me, didn't you? Akin na." Makapal na sambit ko. I cleared my throat and bravely looked at his amused eyes even though I could feel my neck getting red.

"Sabi mo hindi mo tatanggapin, why change now?" Umangat ang gilid ng labi niya, aliw na aliw.

Nairita ako sa pang-aasar niya. I gritted my teeth while looking at him, "Never mind. I shouldn't have asked for that! Hindi ko mapigilang murahin siya sa isipan ko. Bakit mas nagmukhang ako pa ang may mas gusto non?!

Natawa siya sa pikon kong mukha. Sumandal siya sa kotse niya at medyo nagulat ako nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko at bahagyang hinila palapit sa kaniya.

"Happy Valentine's Day, ex." He whispered and chuckled at the last word. Damn. Does he think this is funny?

Naramdaman kong may nilagay siya sa kamay ko bago ako binitiwan. Napatingin ako doon at pinagdikit ang labi nang makitang bookmark iyon. It's a vintage butterfly.

"Saw that while I was strolling in an antique shop and suddenly thought of you."

Natahimik lang ako habang tinitingnan iyon. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako o masasaktan sa katotohanan na he still knows what I wanted.

"Tangina ka, Amara!" Napalingon kami sa gilid nang makarinig ng sigaw. Nanlaki ng kaunti ang mata ko nang makita si Vien kasama si Lamore. Galit siyang nakatingin sa kasama ko. Halos manugod siya habang papalapit sa amin.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?!" duro niya kay Gahala.

"Hi Vien," nakangiting bati ng isa that made me groan, halatang nang-aasar. "Happy Valentine's day."

"Ayusin mo ang mukha mo kung ayaw mong masuntok ulit ha!" labas ang usok sa ilong na sagot ng isa. Nakangiwi namang inaawat siya ni Lamore.

Gahala just chuckles and diverts his attention to Lamore. He nodded at him and the latter did the same.

"Friendly date?" makahulugang tanong ni Gahala na may playful smile.

Lamore laughed, "Oo. Sa inyo?"

"Ex-goals," Gahala joked and they laughed.

Pareho kaming napairap ni Vien sa kanilang dalawa at humalukipkip. Inip na inip kaming nakatingin habang nag-uusap sila na parang okay na sila! Nagtagal pa iyon ng ilang minuto bago ako balingan ni Gahala.

"Alis na ako," paalam niya.

"Okay."

"Aalis ka na lang titingin ka pa ng ganiyan!" badtrip na sambit ni Vien.

Natawa lang si Gahala saka kinindatan ang isa bago siya pumasok ng sasakyan niya. Inambahan tuloy ng sipa ni Vien ang sasakyan niya. Pinanuod lang namin siyang nagdrive paalis. He beeped one last time before turning his car in the other direction.

"Mauna na ako," paalam ko saka pumasok sa building.

"Hoy! Magchismis ka!" maingay na kulit niya na hindi ko pinansin. "Sabi mo wala kang kadate! Scam ka Ayel kahit kailan!"

Hindi ko na siya pinakinggan. Everything went smoothly after that. We are both okay naman. That date with him kept bothering me to the point that it was already irritating. But the most irritating part is that I'm letting it bother me at all!

I sighed deeply and tried focusing sa mga notes in front of me. I needed to concentrate, but after a few minutes, I gave up in frustration. I couldn’t seem to focus at all. There were these unsettling feelings inside me that just wouldn’t go away.

"Are you okay?"

I diverted my eyes to Guerrero and smiled a little before nodding. "Yeah."

"Seems like you can't concentrate," bulong niya matapos niyang ilapit ang mukha niya sa akin nang kaunti.

Nasa library kasi kami para mag-review. Ilang araw na lang at final examination na namin. Kaunting araw na lang din at tapos na kami dito sa 3rd year, which is something na pinagsasalamat ko dahil pagod na pagod na ako dito.

"I'm just thinking of something." More like someone. "Don't worry," I assured.

He stared at me for seconds before nodding and getting back to his work.

I tried reading my notes again, but I ended up staring into the void. It's just that may kung anong pakiramdam sa kaloob-looban ko na gustong lumabas. Parang may gusto akong gawin, pero hindi ko alam kung ano kaya hindi ako mapakali.

I sighed and fixed my things.

"You're going home? You won't stay up late?" Xenia asked when she noticed me.

"Yeah, I'll call it a day." I bid my goodbye after cheering them up a little. Panigurado kasing magagabihan sila kakareview.

Itutulog ko lang siguro 'to. Magiging okay din ako bukas. Or... that was what I thought. I can't even concentrate at all after that day. Naiinis na ako kasi hindi ko madistinguish ang nararamdaman ko. O dahil pinipigilan ko ang sarili ko...

I wanted to just chill out... I wanted something that will make me calm and feel at peace. I want to rest.

Kahit ayaw ko at kahit labag sa loob ko, naiinis akong pumunta sa lugar na bumabagabag sa akin. I feel familiarity as my feet take a step closer to it.

Pikon akong nag-doorbell ng paulit-ulit sa condo ni Gahala. I crossed my arms impatiently while waiting for him to open the door.

Isang minuto pa akong tumambay doon bago bumukas ang pinto. I was about to lash out on him when he finally opened the door, but napatigil ako when I saw him wearing glasses. I shut my mouth and stared a little. Damn. Mas lalo lang akong nairita kasi...tangina niya. Ang gwapo.

I watched how his brows furrowed and how his lips parted slightly like he didn't even dream about me standing in front of his door. His eyes even widened a little.

"Amara?" he asked full of confusion. "I mean...what are... you?"

Bumusangot at inis akong tumingin sa kaniya. "Ewan ko din kung bakit ako nandito, okay! "

"O..kay?" he replied with a confused tone.. He smiled a little while looking at my face. "Is something bothering you? You look puzzled."

Something tugged inside me when he asked me that using his gentle voice like he was calming a child.

Bumuntong hininga ako at iniwas ang tingin sa kaniya. Nag-aalangan pa ako kung sasabihin ko o hindi. I mean, we're close right? Not close as in friends or what. I mean, he knows me better than anyone else...he can understand me.

"Sorry for disturbing you. It's just that...I can't concentrate... studying." I whispered.

Natahimik siya ng ilang segundo kaya napasulyap ako sa kaniya. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin.

Is it bad timing going here? I mean baka busy din siya kasi papalapit na yung exam. I'm so stupid. Going here without thinking much of the consequences and what I should say.

Babawiin ko na sana ang sinabi ko nang ngumiti siya ng kaunti at nilawakan ang pagbukas ng pintuan. "Pasok ka."

Nag-alangan pa akong pumasok. Umiling siya ng makita ang reaksiyon ko. Hindi na ako nakapagreact ng hawakan niya ako sa braso at hinila ng marahan papasok. Binitawan niya din naman ako kaagad saka isinarado ang pinto.

I looked inside his condo. Ngayon lang ako nakapasok ulit dito. Nothing changed that much. I chose not to really look around para wala akong masyadong maalaala.

"Uhm... you can take a seat," hindi tiyak na sabi niya.

I nodded and sat directly on his sofa. I glanced at him and saw him entering the kitchen.

Napatingin ako sa ibabaw ng mesa niya. Nandoon ang mga libro niya, may mga highlighters na nakakalat, saka mga finger foods. May kape din sa gilid. Mukhang nag-aaral nga siya para sa papalapit na examination week.

"Here,"

Napatingala ako sa kaniya nang bigla siyang sumulpot. May nilapag siyang pagkain sa harapan ko. I looked at it and pursed my lips when I saw that he still remembered my favorites.

"Thank you."

He nodded at wala ng sinabi. Bumalik lang siya sa pag-aaral pero ramdam ko ang panaka-naka niyang pagsulyap sa akin na para bang sinisiguradong nandito ba talaga ako.

Hindi ko siya pinansin at kumain lang. Nang tapos na ako ay doon lang ako tinamaan.

O...kay? Ano ng gagawin ko after? Uuwi na ba? Anong pinunta ko dito? Para kumain lang?

"Do you feel okay now?" he asked so I gazed at him.

I.. felt much better than earlier. Parang kumalma na ang kaloob-looban ko. Nothing's bothering me now.

I nodded kahit I don't want to admit it, "....Yeah."

He laughed a little, "So you just need food to calm down?"

I looked away and shrugged, "Maybe." I whispered.

Maybe it wasn't the food. Maybe it was the presence.

"Can I study here?" I asked him without much thinking. Maybe this is what I really wanted, inaayawan ko lang kasi ayokong aminin sa sarili ko.

He looked taken aback. "O...kay," sagot niya kahit parang loading pa rin siya.

Binuksan ko ang bag na dala ko saka kinuha ang laptop ko sa loob. Naglabas din ako ng ilang libro and also notebooks kung saan ako nagtetake down notes. also got some highlighters and rulers. I can feel him looking at what I'm doing.

I sat beside him and began to study. Our knees brushed, which made him flinch. I sighed and lowered my guard. I'm actually comfortable around him despite what he did. I’m just always uptight because I know his impact on me.

I can feel myself and my system calming down after confirming his presence. I think I can study well now.

I looked at him when he chuckled. He smiled like he was telling me to do my best. My heart skipped a beat. I diverted my attention back to my notes instead of thinking about it.

Pareho lang kaming tahimik na nag-aaral. Pages kept flipping. After a long time, I yawned and blinked my eyes. I let my brain rest in the meantime. I played with the ballpen and took a glimpse at him.

He looked serious while reviewing. Nangalumbaba ako habang pinaglalaruan ang aking labi gamit ang aking daliri. I smiled a little. Hmm, I can't deny naman that he's attractive.

I didn't even budge when he met my eyes. He placed his books down and took his glasses off.

"Why?" he asked, confused.

I shook my head, "Nothing."

"Do you want me to review you?" he asked and looked at my notes, which were full of highlights. "Akin na," he mumbled as he took it.

"Pero mukhang mas marami ka pang gagawin," I pointed out, glancing at his thick books. They're even thicker than my thighs.

"Okay lang," he answered without looking at me because he was busy flipping through the pages of my notes. His eyes moved so fast as he read.

He asked me factual and situational questions, then he started probing, asking me to justify my answers.

We were interrupted when his cellphone rang. He answered it and stayed silent as I pretended not to listen.

"Bar? Dude, papalapit na exams pero nakuha mo pang magchill. No. Nagrereview ako ngayon," rinig kong sagot niya. "Mas lalong huwag kayong pumunta dito, gago. Iistorbohin niyo pa ako." Inis niyang dugtong sa kausap. "Ulol, wala akong tinatagong babae. Tanga ka, Theros," lait niya bago ibaba ang cellphone.

"Sorry about that. Nasaan na nga tayo?" he asked, kaya pinaalala ko. "Okay naman na. You already know everything. No need to be nervous. I'm sure you'll ace the test as usual," he commented.

His words stirred something inside me. "Really?" I asked while smiling. Unti-unti lang 'yon nawala nang marealize kong masaya ako dahil doon.

"Yeah," he answered with a little smile, pagkatapos ay bumalik na sa binabasa kanina.

I just looked at him. Hindi nakatakas sa akin ang pagbuntong-hininga niya. He looked exhausted and already stressed.

"Do... do you want me to give you a head massage?" tanong ko. I'm not even sure about what I suggested.

He stopped and looked at me with surprise. That's when I knew I had dug my own grave and buried myself.

"Kung ayaw mo, edi h'wag," bawi ko kaagad.

"It's fine. You can," payag niya kaagad.

He turned towards me kaya magkaharap kaming dalawa. I awkwardly placed my hands gently on his head as I started doing my work. Naiilang ako kasi ramdam ko siyang nakatingin sa akin habang ginagawa ko 'yon.

Napatingin ako sa cellphone niya ng tumunog ulit. He reached for it and ended the call. Kay Theros na naman galing.

I pursed my lips and didn't say anything. He looked up at me, at napatingin ako sa mata niya. Umiwas din ako kaagad ng tingin at pinagpatuloy ang ginagawa ko.

I glanced at him again when he held me at my waist to pull me closer. It made my heart skip a beat. Napatigil ako sa ginagawa ko at medyo nanlalaki ang matang tumingin sa kaniya. He looked like he was having a hard time while looking at me kaya kinabahan ako.

Sobrang lapit ng posisyon namin. My heart started pounding abnormally when he gulped and looked down at my lips, trying to communicate. I couldn't help but lick and bite my lower lip out of sensation. Fuck. I need to pull away. This is dangerous—

"Pre! Ano bang ginagawa mo---"

Gulat kaming napatingin sa pintuan ng condo niya nang biglang bumukas. Bigla kong natulak paalis si Gahala. Napatingin sa amin ang dalawang kaibigan niyang pumasok and their mouth slowly parted.

"Ay shit," mura ni Yule. He gapsed exaggeratedly at tinuro kami, "Isang malaking bold!"

"Kaya pala hindi sumasagot ampota." Rinig kong mura ni Theros.

"Tangina niyo, anong ginagawa niyo dito?" pikong tanong ni Gahala saka tumayo.

"Sorry bro! Wrong room! Pagpatuloy niyo lang ginagawa niyo! Oks lang kami dito!" halakhak ni Theros saka pumasok. Ngumiti siya sa akin, "Hi Amara!"

Alanganin lang akong ngumiti sa kanilang dalawa. Fuck. Kung hindi kami naabutan for sure we are going to kiss each other at hindi ko alam kung ano ang kahahantungan no'n!

"Akala ko ba bro wala kang tinatagong babae?" asar ni Yule. "Taray, pareview review lang with ex."

"Lumayas nga kayo," iritang sambit ni Gahala matapos buksan ang pintuan para sa kanila.

Nakaupo pa ako sa sahig ng medyo matagal, processing everything. When I finally picked up where I left off, I fixed my things.

"Uhh, Amara, kami yung pinapaalis. Hindi ikaw," pigil sa akin ni Theros.

I smiled warily, "It's fine. Gabi na. Kailangan ko na ding umuwi."

"Pwede namang sila ang umalis," sabi ni Gahala habang lumalapit sa akin.

Yule whistled. "Gusto ka pa daw niyang makasama ng mas matagal."

"Para matuloy din ang maudlot na halit," tuksong dugtong ni Theros kaya sinamaan siya ng tingin ni Gahala.

"Okay lang. Tapos naman akong magreview."

"Hatid na kita," Gahala suggested.

"May sasakyan akong dala," pigil ko sa kaniya. Saka nakakabastos naman kung iiwanan niya mga kaibigan niya dito.

"O...kay." He whispered in a defeated voice.

Nagpaalam lang ako sa kaniya saka umalis na. I don't know what happened. Nakita ko na lang ang sarili kong nakatayo sa likod ng nakasaradong pintuan ng kwarto ko. Napahilamos ako ng mukha pagkatapos saka natulala.

We nearly kissed! I lowered my guard! What the hell was I thinking?

I shook my head in disbelief. Pinaalala ko sa sarili ko ang mga ginawa niya. Yung paggago niya sa akin. Yung panloloko niya. Yung pagsisinungaling. Yung gabi-gabi kong pag-iyak dahil sa kaniya. At lahat ng sakit na naranasan ko.

Tangina, Amara! Halos mamatay ka dahil sa kaniya! Uulit ka pa ba?

Gusto kong matauhan ako sa mga pinaggagawa ko. Na hindi dapat ako lumambot sa kaniya kung ayaw kong masaktan ulit. 

But I know. I'm aware. I can't fool myself when the truth is laid bare.

As long as I have feelings for him, I won't be able to stop myself from coming back to him.