I thought it would only be for a day. But it turned into days, and days turned into weeks. I missed my man pero wala naman akong magagawa dahil sabi niya for school purposes naman daw. Reasonable naman, so I get it.

Nakakatampo lang minsan kasi parang wala na talaga kaming oras. He used to pick me up and drop me off at school regularly, pero ngayon naging madalang na lang. Eto yung gusto ko noon pero ngayon, it made me uneasy seeing how things have changed. These changes hurt.

Nagsasama na lang kami tuwing gabi. Minsan hindi pa kami tabi matulog kasi nag-aaral pa siya. Sinasabi ko na lang na para naman 'yon sa future namin. Hindi talaga maiiwasang magkaroon kami ng madaming responsibilities we take a step closer to adult life.

Sinusubukan ko namang intindihin siya pero minsan sobrang nakakasagad na.

"Si Yacey na naman ba?" I asked irritably when he looked at me apologetically after checking his phone.

We were supposed to go to Kala's birthday party at the bar, pero may nagtext na naman sa kaniya kahit weekend naman.

He pursed his lips at hindi na sumagot kasi alam niyang alam ko na yung sagot.

Isa pa 'yong Yacey na 'yon. Si Gahala na mismo ang nagsabi na hindi naman siya importante pero ilang ulit naming pinag-awayan.

Alam ko namang tumutulong lang si Gahala at may tiwala naman ako sa kaniya pero sinasadya ata ng malanding 'yon na magpabagsak lagi sa kaniyang recit at exam para masolo boyfriend ko!

"Wala ba siyang ibang kaibigan? Naiirita na ako Gahala. Parang siya pa ang girlfriend." Sobrang napipikon na kasi ako. Parang nagsama-sama lahat ng frustrations saka sama ng loob ko.

"I just felt bad for her," he licked his lower lip. "Lagi siyang stress and frustrated about her studies. Kasama din naman namin sina Theros and... her friends. Hindi lang kaming dalawa."

"Ayon naman pala. Edi mga kaibigan niya ang magcomfort sa kaniya. Hindi pa ba 'yon sapat? Why are you so worked up? Can't she function without you ha? Can't she read if wala ka don? Bakit? Hindi ba siya marunong magreview ng siya lang? Ano siya bata? Kailangang may kasama?"

"Amara..hindi sa gano'n," nahihirapang explain niya pa!

"Eh iyon naman pala! Kung hindi gano'n, edi ano? Damnit Gahala! She's not your responsibility!  Almost a month ng ganito! Paulit-ulit na lang. Naiintindihan ko pero huwag mo namang sagadin! Hindi sa lahat ng oras makakapagtitiis ako!" Hindi ko mapigilang sumabog. "Mas may oras ka pa sa kaniya kaysa sa akin! Sino pa ba sa amin ang girlfriend mo ha?!" puno ng panunumbat na sambit ko.

His expression softened, "Love, of course ikaw." He walked closer and tried to kiss me on the cheeks but I avoided him.

Ayan na naman siya. Tangina. Alam niyang rurupok ako kaya ginagawa niya palagi.

"And that's the point!" I chuckled sarcastically. "Ako yung girlfriend mo pero hindi ko ramdam." I gulped because my voice started to tremble. I really hate it when my anger towards him suddenly becomes tears.

"Amara," masuyong tawag niya at marahan akong hinawakan sa braso para higitin palalapit. "I'm so sorry. Trust me. I'd rather wanted to be with you."

"Then, why can't you?" I asked him in a bitter tone. "Because you feel bad about her? Because you're a good guy, right? Gano'n din yung ginawa mo sa akin noon diba? Doon nga tayo nag-umpisa e," sarkastiko kong sambit.

He sighed and looked at me. "Sorry na. Hindi na ako pupunta," suyo niya at hinalikan ako sa gilid ng noo.

"Kanina gustong-gusto mong umalis. Why change now?"

"You're not okay with it."

"She needed you," I mocked. Nong nakaraan pa ako hindi okay pero ngayon lang nabothered. "You feel bad about her but you don't even feel bad about your girlfriend. "

"Baby," nanunuyong tawag niya, guilty.

I looked away because it made my eyes water. He held my chin and forced me to gaze at him pero hindi ako nagpatinag.

I wiped my tears when I felt them flowing down my cheeks. Ayoko talaga ng nararamdaman ko kapag magkasama sila ni Yacey. I feel so bothered and I can't calm down. I started thinking things and started being paranoid. I'm hating myself. Bakit hindi niya 'yon maintindihan? Bakit hindi niya kayang iwan ang lahat ng 'yon para sa akin? Mahal niya ako diba?

"See. You're crying," he stated and bit his lips with a guilty face. "I'm sorry. Does that make you feel uneasy? I'm so sorry. I love you. I love you," he kissed my nose and my lips, and he brushed my hair softly to calm my nerves.

I buried my face in his chest. "Sorry. Pakiramdam ko kasi inaagaw ka niya sa akin," I muttered.

"I won't let her, okay?" he assured.

"Uhm," tango ko na parang batang inapi.

"I'm sorry ulit. Tahan na," he apologized.

We stayed in that position for a long time, cuddling each other in silence. It was peaceful. Namiss ko 'to bigla. Namiss ko siya bigla.

Medyo nakalimutan na nga namin yung party ni Kala. I just remembered it when I grabbed my phone because someone texted me, hinahanap na nila kami doon.

Napatingin din ako sa cellphone niya nang tumunog din. Binasa niya 'yon and nervously looked at me. I already knew what it meant. I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes tightly.

Fuck you, Yacey.

I looked at the void for seconds and sighed deeply. I looked away. "It's fine. You can go."

His lips parted a little. "Are you sure?"

I nodded kahit sobrang labag sa loob ko. "Yeah."

Pakiramdam ko kapag ganito, pinapamigay ko siya kay Yacey. Pero ayaw ko din namang sabihin niya na kinokontrol ko siya at sinasakal. I was uncomfortable pero mananahimik na lang ako.

"Trust me on this, okay?" He kissed me on the cheek and I just nodded. "Babawi ako. After this, I promise, wala na. I'll spend more time with you. Okay?"

"Promise?" I asked him hopefully.

He smiled while looking at my calmer face now. He nodded and kissed me longer on the forehead. "I promise."

"Okay. I love you."

He cupped my face and brushed his nose against mine, "I love you."

Nag-ayos na kami pagkatapos. Hinatid niya lang ako sa bar kung nasaan ang mga kaibigan ko bago umalis din.

Everything is making me feel uncomfortable while watching his car drive away. Parang hindi 'yon tama. Parang dapat ko siyang pigilan kasi parang may mangyayaring masama kung hindi. I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts.

I'm just being paranoid and overthinking. I just needed to trust Gahala. Walang mapapala ang pagseselos ko.

"Si Gahala?" bungad na tanong ni Dolly. Naupo ako sa couch na kaharap niya.

"I'll just go, babe," the guy beside her whispered, but I heard it. Napataas kilay ko saka sinundan ng tingin ang lalaki.

"Who?" I asked her since I always see the guy with her, but she just shrugged, refusing to answer.

I nodded. "Busy," sagot ko sa tanong niya kanina dahil nanghihingi pa rin ng sagot ang mata niya.

"Laging busy a!" puna niya. "Oh! Tagay!" she grinned and gave me a glass of alcohol.

Kinuha ko 'yon sa kaniya saka uminom ng kaunti bago magtanong "Sina Vien?"

"Inayang mag-sayaw sina Gray doon sa dancefloor! Sabi nila pagalingan daw silang magtwerk, e wala namang pwet 'yon."

I laughed a little because of what she said. Uminom ako ng kaunti sa alak na bigay niya saka nilapag sa mesa.

"Kagagaling mo lang do'n?" tanong ko, pertaining the dancefloor kasi puno siya ng pawis.

Ngumisi siya saka kumindat. I rolled my eyes kasi alam ko na ang gusto niyang sabihin. Hindi siya galing do'n at iba ang dahilan ng pawis niya.

I busied myself drinking for the past few minutes. Sinisigurado kong hindi ako malalasing though. I also kept waiting for Gahala to text me. I didn't even realize that it was already more than an hour since he left.

To: Loml
Okay na ba?

Matagal siyang hindi nag-reply which was making me anxious. I was already flooding him with texts.

To: Loml
Love, I'm worried

To: Loml
Is everything fine? Did something happen to you? To her?

To: Loml
Why does it takes so long Gahala? Ilang oras ba niya kailangan ang tulong mo ha?

To: Loml
Gahaldon Jammes Silva

Napipikon na ako. Ano ba ang ginagawa nila at bakit natatagalan siya?

Sa sobrang inis ko dahil hindi pa siya sumasagot ay pinatay ko ang phone ko. I grabbed the bottle of alcohol and drank it irritatedly. Bahala siya diyan.

"Hoy Amara! Okay ka pa?!" Vien loudly exclaimed when she saw me on the couch. "Tara, sayaw!" hinila niya ako at hindi na ako makapagtanggi dahil wala na ata ako sa katinuan. Hindi na nga ako makalakad ng maayos at natatawa lang siya.

I just remembered dancing along to the music and laughing even though wala namang nakakatawa. Some tried to flirt with me pero hinihila ako ni Vien palayo.

"Ang kalat mong babae ka!" she hissed nang mabunggo ako sa isang lalaki. The guy just looked at me though.

"Sobrang nakakairita si Gahala!" labas ko ng sama ng loob. "Tangina niya!"

"Oh? Nag-away kayo?! Dukutin mo titi," she joked and laughed. "Tapos pisilin mo ng magtino!"

"Nadukot ko na 'yon!" I hissed. "Napisil ko na din!" I laughed so hard. Damn, I can't even control my mouth.

Para siyang nabulunan sa narinig which made me giggle. Natawa yung grupo nina Marwan na nasa tabi namin nang marinig ang sinabi ko.

"Size reveal nga Amara!" ngisi ni Vien. "Curious lang!"

My cheeks turned red and walk closer to her kahit nagiging tatlo na siya sa paningin ko. Ibubulong ko na lang sa kaniya kasi ayokong marinig ng iba.

I stumbled in my walk nang bigla akong mahilo. I giggled when someone caught me.

"Ampucha. Anong ginagawa niyo dito?" I heard someone asking. Hindi ko na alam kung sino sa kanila yung nagsasalita.

"Oh! Pumunta ka bro?" May nagsalita na naman.

I tiptoed so I could have the same level with Vien's ear. Bakit bigla siyang tumangkad? "Can't remember the exact size but it's long and thick," I giggled after I whispered it. "I'll measure it tapos sasabihin ko na lang sa 'yo ulit."

Vien turned to me with brows furrowed, "Long and thick what?" Even her voice became masculine.

""His dick," I told her and laughed. "Don't tell Gahala I told you about this ha, shh lang." I even put my fingers to my lips to execute a shh gesture.

"Gahala, wala akong kinalaman diyan," sambit ng kaboses ni Vien kaya napalingon ako sa kaniya at siningkit ang mata ko, trying to figure out who she is.

I hissed when Vien, who was holding me, suddenly flicked my forehead. I pouted and touched the part where it stung. "That hurts."

""Ikaw na babae ka, why are you talking about my dick?"

I gasped and covered my mouth using my hand. "Did I? I'm sorry! I swear I didn't say it's--!" Hindi ko na matapos ang sasabihin ko when someone covered my mouth!

"Tangina lasing," tawa ng iba. "Hindi niya na alam kung sino ang kausap niya."

I couldn't listen to them anymore because my eyes started to feel heavy. I chuckled because Vien's body felt so warm and like home. I couldn't help but feel at peace. I encircled my arms around her shoulder and rested my face on her neck.

She smells Gahala though. That's the last thing I remembered before I fell asleep because of alcohol.

Nagising na lang ako kinabukasan na sumasakit ang ulo. Napaikot ako sa isang side at napahinto nang salubungin ako nang mga itim na mata ni Gahala. He's already staring at me.

He raised his brows when I met his eyes and scoffed, "Ano? Inom pa."

Hindi ko pinansin ang sinabi niya. I glared at him when I remembered something. "I was waiting for your text last night."

"I was busy," he told me.

"Yeah," I chuckled. "With Yacey."

He sighed, "Babe. You know how much I hated fighting with you. "

"Edi huwag mo akong bigyan ng rason para awayin ka. Simple." I told him irritatedly.

He pouted and pounced on me. Binuka niya ang hita ko saka pumwesto sa gitna. I was wearing his shirt now and black dolphin shorts. For sure, he's the one who dressed me.

"Sabi ko sa 'yo last na 'yon. I'll take care of you now. Sa 'yo na ulit ako magre-review tapos hindi na ako pupunta kay Yacey," he told me.

"Do you mean it?"

He nodded quickly saka nanumpa. "Of course." He promised.

Ginawa niya nga ang mga sinabi niya. Akala ko okay na kami pero sa una lang pala 'yon.

He became busy again teaching Yacey so she could cope up with their lesson. Nagkaroon kasi siya ng prohibition. Bawal daw siyang magkatatlong tres, o alis na siya sa course nila.

Gusto kong isumbat kay Gahala ang pinangako niya pero ayokong dumagdag. He looked so stressed. Kahit gustong-gusto ko siyang awayin minsan, naaawa na lang ako. Wala na akong magagawa kundi ang intindihin kahit paulit-ulit na lang.

From: Loml
I'll call you later. Promise.

I sighed after seeing his late reply. Kanina pa 'yon pero di pa rin nagrereply.

To: Loml
Are you free now?

To: Loml
Done with my studies. Date later?

Nabuhayan ako ng dugo nang magreply siya kaagad. But it was replace by disappointment after I read his text.

From: Loml
Sorry. I'm still busy reviewing right now. I think I'll be home late.

I smiled a little and sighed. I waited for him to come home that night. 9 na siya ng gabi nakauwi, and he looked so tired.

I let out the deep breath that I had been holding since earlier when he entered the comfort room. I looked at his phone on the side table when it beeped. I got irritated because I knew kung kanino na naman galing.

I reached for it and take a look.

From: Yacey
Thank you for teaching me! I enjoyed the time we spent together! See you sa group study tomorrow! Can't wait to see you :)
I should sleep so I won't miss you that much.
Good night! Dream of me!

I could feel my blood boiling. I turned off Gahala's phone and placed it back on the table when I heard his footsteps.

Bakit biglang nag-iba ang pangalan ng babaeng 'yon do'n sa contact name niya? Ano? Close na sila? Wow, level up. Edi congratulations sa kanila.

I just stared at him as he walked closer. Ngumiti niya nang maliit sa akin at tumigil para kunin ang phone niya. I'm sure nakita niya 'yong text ni Yacey.

After clicking and typing, he put it down and lay down beside me. He even encircled his arms around my waist.

"I'm sorry. I'm too tired today," he whispered and planted a quick kiss on my head.

I waited for him to bring up the group study they're planning for tomorrow, as he usually does. It took a while, but he still hadn't mentioned it.

"Magrereview kayo ulit bukas?" panimula ko, praying that he would tell me the truth. I thought he was already asleep because it took him minutes to respond.

"Yeah, magrereview ulit kami. May recit kami sa Crim law," he informed me wearily.

"With whom?" I asked, testing him. "Kasama na naman si Yacey?"

His hold tightened. "No. Sina Theros lang."

Natahimik ako kasi nasaktan ako ng kaunti sa sinabi niya. "Sina Theros lang kasama mo?" I asked again.

"Hmm." He sleepily nodded.

"How about Yacey?"

"Hindi daw sasama."

My heart twisted. Hindi daw sasama pero excited ng makita ka.

I gulped and closed my eyes as nervousness and uneasiness consumed me. I couldn't stop overthinking. I didn't know what to think anymore, but one thing was certain.

He lied to me.

I could hardly sleep the entire night. I felt so uncomfortable that I stayed awake until midnight. Gahala was sleeping so soundly beside me, even after lying, and I didn't know how to feel about that.

"Are you going now?" I asked as I watched him stroll around his condo, gathering and packing things he needed into his bag.

"Yeah."

I fell silent for a moment, taking a deep breath, gathering strength before I asked, suspiciously, "Sina Theros lang ba talaga ang kasama mo?"

His brows furrowed slightly. "Oo nga. Bakit?"

Nanliit ang mata ko sa kaniya, "Wala si Yacey?"

"Love," buntong hininga niya na parang napapagod ng makipag away sa akin tungkol kay Yacey.

"No. It's just suspicious," ngiti ko ng kaunti. "Lagi 'yong nakatabi sa 'yo tapos ngayon hindi na."

"Maybe... something came up with her," he explained with a shrug.

"Sama ako sa review," biglang sambit ko. "Sa coffee shop kayo sa labas hindi ba? Pupunta ako."

"No," he sternly answered.

"Why?" I eyed him suspiciously.

"Because I have a lot to do, Amara. We'll be busy studying. I can't entertain you. Mababaliwala kita do'n," paliwanag niya.

"It's fine," I stubbornly insisted. "Gusto lang kitang kasama." Tama naman 'yon it's more like an excuse para mahuli siyang nagsisinungaling sa akin.

His brows furrowed, "You're acting different today."

Siya din kaya or maybe I'm just being paranoid.

"Sina Theros lang naman kasama mo hindi ba? Hindi ako magiging sagabal promise." Panunumpa ko.

Why are you suddenly acting like this? Is there a problem between us, love?"

"Wala naman, pero okay lang talaga ako. Sama ako. Let's review together with your friends. You can study with your cases and I'll study my lessons para hindi ka na din mag-alala," I assured. "Hindi talaga pwede?" I asked him hopefully.

He sighed and kissed my nose. "Sorry."

I pursed my lips and looked away when he said that. Bakit hindi pwede?

"I promise, babawi ako. Date tayo sa Saturday?" he asked, pambubulag sa akin.

I smiled pero mabigat ang loob ko. Ayan na naman siya sa babawi. Sana lang hindi ako madisappoint. "Sige, sa Saturday." Sagot ko na lang kasi parang desidido na talaga siyang huwag ako pasamahin.

Umalis na siya pagkatapos ng usapang 'yon. I puffed an air when I heard the door closing. Napatingin ako doon at napakagat labi sa kaba.

Ito na naman yung feeling na parang hindi mapakali at hindi komportable. I really hate it.

Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko sa bulsa saka may tinaype.

To: Loml
Take care. I love you.

From: Loml
Yeah, I will.

He arrived home late again that day. I just let it pass because he looked tired and drained. He collapsed onto the bed as soon as he got in. Ano bang pinaggagawa nila?

Nagtiis lang ako hanggang magsaturday. Hindi naman ako nabigo kasi nagdate nga talaga kami sa restaurant. We talked about his family and Mixco, his brother. I also shared the things he missed about me since he's been so busy. Namiss ko siya bigla. Parang sobrang tagal kaming hindi nagusap.

"I just need to go to the bathroom, tinatawag ako ng kalikasan," he excused while chuckling a little, and I nodded.

Hinintay ko lang siya habang nasa cr pa. We're done eating kaya baka may puntahan pa kami.

I glanced at his phone when it rang. Irritation consumed me when I saw who the call was from. Without a second thought, I answered it.

"Jammes, where are you? Can you come here?"

Sumagad yung pasensiya ko nang marinig ang pabebe niyang boses na naimo'y nang-aakit. Kumukulo ang dugo ko sa kaniya. "Can you stop calling my boyfriend?" I snapped. I'm already at my limit. Napatahimik ang kabilang linya sa sinabi ko at dahil na rin siguro iba ang sumagot. "What again? To help you with your studies?"

"Where's Jammes?" Mukhang nagulat na tanong niya pero sa naiirita ding boses.

"Oh, look at you, changing your tone as soon as you realized he's not the one who answered."

"And so?" she sarcastically answered. "Pakibigay na lang yung phone sa boyfriend mo. Hindi ako tumawag para sa 'yo."

"You're a fucking bitch," I hissed. "Stop with the bullshit. Stop making excuses to flirt with my boyfriend! I know you're just making reasons for my boyfriend to come see you," I gritted out angrily.

The other line chuckled, "And what if I do? Your boyfriend's falling for it..or should I call him my boyfriend too? I mean, no offense ha? Huwag ka sanang magalit kasi akala ko talaga...break na kayo. Lagi kasi siyang nakadikit sa akin."

I gripped the phone tighter as I felt myself being blinded with anger.

"Don't ever fucking call my boyfriend again you fucking leech. You're so disgusting---"

I looked up when I felt someone beside me. Gahala immediately took his phone from me para tingnan kung sino ang kausap ko.

I gulped as his expression changed.

"Anong sinabi mo sa kaniya?" he asked in an irritated tone.

"Love.." I uttered nervously at hahawakan saka siya pero nilayo niya ang kaniyang braso.

"Ano ang sinabi mo sa kaniya?!"

I was stunned in my place. Sinigawan niya ako sa harap ng maraming tao. Napatingin sila sa amin and I felt so deeply humiliated.

I bit my lower lip and my eyes immediately watered. This was the first time he raised his voice at me, and it frightened me a little.

"I know you don't like her because I've been spending time with her, but you shouldn't have said that! She's already struggling with her studies, and your words only made things worse and hurt her even more!" He looked so pissed, mukhang narinig ang mga sinabi ko kanina.

I felt ashamed and looked away from him, suddenly feeling very small.

"Dude, what the fuck," someone cursed him. "Why are you yelling at your girl?"

Silence filled the air for a moment. He looked at me, his expression softening as if he realized what he had done. "Amara..." he asked nervously.

"I'm hurting her?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko and I laughed a little. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I looked at him. "And you're hurting me, motherfucker!" I burst out saka padabog na tumayo para harapin siya. "Gusto ko lang naman makasama ka! Pero lagi na lang Yacey! Yacey! Si Yacey na lang palagi! You said we'll spend more time together pero palagi ka pa ring busy sa kaniya! Puro na lang Yacey! Yacey! Nakakairita na! Paano naman ako ha?! Girlfriend mo ako! "

Natahimik siya sa biglaang panunumbat ko. He opened his mouth to say something but immediately closed it again.

"Pumunta ka sa kaniya ngayon," galit na sambit ko. "Wala na akong pakialam! Tangina mo!" I gritted and stormed out.

"Amara!" He shouted, but I had already run away while wiping my tears. Pinara ko kaagad ang taxing nakita ko. Nakasakay na ako nang abutan niya ako. He tried to open the door and knock the window pero nalock ko na 'yon. He's begging me to open it pero hindi ko na siya pinakinggan.

"Let's leave, manong." I ordered without glimpsing at him.

Sobrang nakakasama siya ng loob. Napapalunok pa ako buong biyahe dahil pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong huwag umiyak.

Sa condo namin ako bumaba at nagkulong sa kwarto. Mas lalo na lang akong napaiyak nang sobra isang oras na pero hindi pa rin siya sumunod.

I turned my phone off because of annoyance kasi hindi man lang nagtext. It's clear to me now kung sino ang pinuntahan niya ng una.

Pinahiran ko ang luhang tumulo. Sobrang nakakagago sa pakiramdam. He's making me feel that I'm not important. Dammit.

Hindi ko man lang namalayang nakatulog ako sa pag-iyak. Naalimpungatan ako nang may maramdamang gumalaw.

I looked to my side and pursed my lips when I saw Gahala sitting at the edge of my bed, staring at me.

"Hi," mahinang ani niya. Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Naalala ko ang ginawa niyang pagsigaw kanina at ang hindi niya pagsunod.

Alam ko namang mali ako dahil pinagsabihan ko ng gano'n si Yacey pero nagsama-sama lang talaga yung inis ko sa kaniya. Plus the fact that she also triggered me to burst up.

I don't want to blame Gahala for this fight but I'm just reflecting on their actions.

I heard some rustling. My heart fluttered as I felt him lay beside me and hug me tightly, resting his face on my neck.

We were silent for seconds after that until he whispered, "I'm sorry for shouting at you earlier. I didn't mean it. I regret doing it. I'm so sorry."

Pinagdikit ko ang aking labi at hindi nagsalita.

"Are you angry?" he asked and kissed my jaws. "I'm sorry."

Hindi ko siya pinansin at tinalikuran. Parang gusto ko na lang maiyak ulit.

"Babe, Dorry na." Suyo niya at niyakap ako. I felt him kissing me repeatedly on my shoulders.

I closed my eyes tightly before turning to face him. "She likes you Gahala and it's making me paranoid every time you're with her. Hindi ba pwedeng...layuan mo siya?" I plead. "I know this is selfish but can you not care about her? Pwedeng pabayaan mo na lang siya? I'm so...threatened by her. Natatakot ako sa kaniya."

"You don't need to worry about her though," he whispered.

I chuckled sarcastically. "Really? I don't need to worry? Eh kaya niya nga tayong pag-awayin ng ganito. "

“That's...mostly my fault." He took responsibility.

Hindi ko alam kung inaako niya o tinatakpan niya ang babae.

"Wala ka bang tiwala sa akin?" tanong niya na nagpalunok sa akin.

"No, it's not like that," I looked away. What Yacey said earlier flashed back. "May tiwala ako sa 'yo. Pero sa kaniya wala. Alam ko namang hindi ka magpapalandi sa kaniya, hindi ba?"

He was silent for a second. Sobrang nakakabingi ang katahimikang sumunod. Why it's taking him so long to answer?

I sighed heavily when he nodded. "Yes."

"I trust you, Gahala," pagpapaalala ko sa kaniya. "But even so, can you still distance yourself from her? For my peace of mind."

Natagalan ulit siya hago tumango. "Okay."

"Okay," I whispered back.

"Are we okay now?"

I smiled, "Yeah." I scooted closer to him and buried my face in his shirt but I was stunned.

"Why?" he asked.

"Wala," sambit ko before gripping his clothes tighter.

He smelled different...like...he embraced another woman before embracing me.

"Tulog na tayo," he whispered, and I didn't respond.

He was sleeping soundly the whole night but I couldn't even take a quick nap with the unfamiliar scent coating in the air.

I look at him and sadness eats me up. He feels so far away all of a sudden.

To: Loml
Hey. I have a free time. How about you?

To: Loml
Let's watch a movie later and chill?

From: Loml
Sorry, can't go, Amara. May hinahabol pa kaming deadline.

I sighed after reading it. Hindi ko naman siya masasabihang umalis siya do'n kasi importante 'yon.

To: Loml
Where are you right now?

From: Loml
At my classmate's house.

To: Loml
Who's classmate?

From: Loml
Does it matter who's classmate?

To: Loml
Yeah. It kinda does

From: Loml
Babe, here we go again.

To: Loml
You can just be honest if you're with Yacey.  It's not like hindi pa ako sanay. I'm sure she's there. Lagi namang nakakapit 'yon sa 'yo and you won't act like this right now if she's not.

From: Loml
She's my classmate. Of course, she's here.

To: Loml
Okay.

He didn't texted back after that. Hindi na naman ako mapakali. Hindi na din ako makaconcentrate sa klase.

I can't helped but stalk the girl nang magkafree time ako. Bumuntong hininga ako ng sobrang lalim nang makita ang bagong video na pinost niya.

Video niya kasama si Gahala and his other classmates. Natatawa pa nga sila. 'House tour' yung nakalagay pa sa caption.

"Pasok lang kayo," Yacey urged and smiled. What she said caught my attention.

May hinahabol na deadline huh? Wow.

I scrolled more after watching that video even though I feel so suffocated. My fingers stopped when I saw another picture.

I don't know. It just bothers me. I looked up the date and tried to remember what happened on that day again.

A pain struck me when I realized it was the same day he reviewed with his friends and he said that Yacey was not there!

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko kay Gahala. Something's just wrong about him. Parang hindi na siya ang Gahalang nakilala ko noon.

"Nasa bahay kayo kanina ni Yacey?" bungad ko sa kaniya. Hinintay ko talaga siyang umuwi para itanong lang 'yon.

"Amara," he closed his eyes tightly like he was already tired.

"You lied to me," I told him full of betrayal.

"I didn't. Hindi ko naman sinabi sa 'yo kung kaninong bahay ng classmate ko kami nag-aral."

"It's not about that! Yung review noon, yung hindi ka pumayag na kasama ako." Ungkat ko ng nakaraan. "Sabi mo hindi niyo kasama si Yacey sa review but it turns out na kasama mo pala!"

He sighed deeply. "Because you're always acting like this! Nakakapagod na, Amara. Kaibigan ko nga lang siya. Do you think I'm cheating with her or what?"

"I don't know. Are you?" I asked him with pain in my voice.

"Of course not!" he hissed.

I nodded, not really convinced. "Really?" I chuckled. "I don't even know kung bakit doon kayo naghabol ng ipapasang activities sa bahay niya. Baka kung anong ginawa niyo do'n. I mean Yacey's pretty and sexy. Any man will be tempted."

"Babe," he uttered in a stressed tone. "Pumunta lang kami doon dahil puno ang lib saka yung coffee shop. Sakto namang malapit lang ang subdivision niya sa university namin."

"Ah talaga," sarkastiko kong tawa. "Mabuti pa si Yacey lagi kang kasama. "

He sighed deeply like as if nagtitimpi na lang siya. "Eh anong gusto mo Amara? Magtransfer ako sa university mo, magchange ng course para bawat segundo magkasama tayo? O gusto mong itali ko na lang sarili ko sa 'yo? Gano'n ba?" Sarkastiko niyang tanong.

"Hindi naman sa gano'n!" Nasasaktang ani ko. "Ang akin lang, paano naman ako?" tanong ko sa nanginginig na boses. "Hindi mo na kasi nakikitang kailangan din naman kita." Pinahiran ko ang luhang tumulo.

"Amara, ang dami ko pang gagawin, ang dami ko pang proproblemahin tapos dadagdag ka pa!" Inis niyang sambit. "Pwedeng sa susunod na? Pagod ako, wala akong oras para intindihin ang mga reklamo mo."

Para akong sinaksak sa puso sa bawat salitang binitawan niya. Napalunok ako saka pinahiran ang luha ko.

"Ganiyan ka e! Kung siya yung pinag-uusapan wala kang reklamo! Isang tawag lang, pupunta ka kaagad sa kaniya! Ako na girlfriend mong nanghihingi lang na katiting na atensyon mula sa 'yo, hindi mo pa mabigay! Dahil ba mas kailangan ka niya? Gano'n ba 'yon? Pwedeng ako naman muna? Ako naman girlfriend mo a. Kailangan ko bang magkaawa ng atensiyon mo? Kailangan ko bang mangalimos ng oras mo? O kailangan ko pang bumagsak para ako naman ang piliin mo?"

"Amara," he stressed out while looking at me crying. "I wanted to be with you too and spend time with you but-"

"Then be with me with no buts!" I raised my voice. "You're making me feel tired of you! You're making me lose you! I understand that you're busy and you wanted to help and fucking everything! Mabait ka diba?! Pero tangina. Huwag naman sobra sobra! Nasasagad din ako! Napapagod din akong intindihin ka! Can't you do something? Can't you risk something for me?!" I bursted out. "Sabi mo noong nakaraan iiwasan mo na siya!" panunumbat ko. "Nalalayuan mo na siya! That I don't need to worry about this fucking girl named Yacey! Nasaan na 'yon?" paniningil ko.

He sighed, "Okay. I'm sorry. Kasalanan ko." He apologized, dismissing my rants na para bang tamad na siyang makipag-away.

I closed my eyes tightly, stoping my self from shouting out of rage. "Ewan ko sa 'yo." Pikong sambit ko saka siya tinalikuran.

Natulog lang siya kinagabihan na parang walang nangyari. Ang himbing pa ng tulog niya samantalang ako, hindi ako dinalaw ng antok dahil sa away namin.

Ang sakit isipin kasi parang wala na siyang pakialam kahit nag-aaway kami. Hinahayaan niya na lang ako.

Nasa bingit na ako ng kaantukan nang makarinig ako ng ring ng cellphone. I opened my eyes slightly but closed them tightly when I heard some rustles, senyales na nagising si Gahala at gumalaw.

I heard him grabbing his phone and answering it.

"Yeah. What is it?" he whispered using his bed voice.

"Can you come? I...I just need you right now."

Dahil tahimik ang gabi, narinig ko ang sinabi ng babae. She's even sobbing.

Gahala sighed heavily. I felt him looking at me and after a minute ay tumayo siya.

"Yeah, wait for me there. Mabilis lang ako."

Para akong sinuntok sa puso sa sinabi niya. I was having a hard time pretending I'm not awake habang nagbibihis siya because I'm already in the verge of crying.

I curled up in bed and let out a silent sob when the door closed.

He told me not to worry about that girl, but here he is, leaving me in the middle of the night just to go to her. How could I trust you, Gahala?

I closed my eyes tightly and hugged myself as I drowned in my tears. Thoughts that I don't want to entertain kept haunting my mind. Halos mabaliw na ako.

Para akong multo nang magising kinaumagahan. Nakatulugan ko na ang pag-iyak at paghihintay sa kaniya. Hindi ko alam kung anong oras siya bumalik pero paggising ko, nandito na siya.

I was just staring at him while he was eating his breakfast.

I sighed deeply because I couldn't just stay silent. "Umalis ka ba kagabi?" I asked him.

Napatigil siya sa pagkain at napatingin sa akin. I looked at his expression closely.

"Hindi, bakit?" he answered while looking at my eyes, na kung hindi ko pa alam kagabi, talagang maniniwala ako.

"Really?" Nangdududang tanong ko as I felt my heart being twisted painfully.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Wala," iwas ko ng tingin. "Naalimpungatan lang ako kagabi tapos wala ka sa tabi ko."

He stared at me and nodded. "Maybe that was the time na pumunta akong cr?" Palusot niya before looking away at bumalik sa pagkain.

Napatawa ako ng pagak sa kaloob-looban ko saka napailing sa pagkadismaya. Pakiramdam ko hindi siya ang Gahalang nakilala ko.

"Being a Lawyer suits you," I told him.

A manipulator. A liar.

"What does that mean?" He asked.

Umiling lang ako saka hindi siya sinagot.

The same thing keeps happening. Gano'n na lang lagi and it's draining me out. He started to become cold and I started feeling alone in our relationship. Nakikita ko yung sarili kong umiiyak gabi-gabi because I don't know what's happening anymore. I can feel our relationship's on the verge of collapsing.

Mas madalas pa siyang wala kaysa nandito. He no longer joins me in reviewing. Kapag tinatanong ko kung bakit, iba-iba ang mga dahilan at palusot niya. That he's tired. That he's busy. And any other bullshits.

Okay lang ako ng okay. Inintindi ko lang lahat. I said I can manage. Na kaya ko pa. Na I understand. Pero tangina, hindi ko na talaga alam.

[The number you have dialed is out of reach. Please try to call again later. ]

I sighed and ended the call before turning my phone off. Pang ilang tawag ko na 'yon kay Gahala pero hindi pa rin sumasagot.

What happened to us?

Did Gahala changed? Or did I change as well?

Siguro napagod siya dahil selos ako nang selos. Nasakal ko siya. Napagod siya sa pagdududa ko at nawalan siya ng gana dahil parang wala na akong tiwala. Siguro nga nagbago din ako. Nagbago din siya. Kaya siguro hindi kami nagkaintindihan na nauwi sa away, sagutan, sigawan, at pagdududa.

Ano ba kami dati?

I tried to think about it at oo nga, ang layo namin sa noon. I wiped my tears and gather myself. Kaya pa namin 'tong maayos. Kailangan lang namin balikan ang mga rason kung bakit ba namin minahal ang isa't isa.

Nagtry akong ipagluto siya ng hapunan pero pangit yung kinalabasan. Napalingon saka napapunta ako sa pintuan nang tumunog. I smiled, and my face lit up when he entered.

"Hi! Welcome home!" I greeted him with a smile. Ganito palagi ang ginagawa ko kapag dumadating siya noon. Parang nakalimutan ko ng gawin ngayon.

He stopped in his track and gazed at me. Ilang segundo pa siyang napatingin sa akin before looking away, and nodding.

"You forgot to kiss me," I told him when he just walked past by.

Napatigil siya saka napalingon sa akin. Bumuntong hininga siya saka lumapit.

I smiled when he kissed me on the forehead. "I'm home."

I nodded at tiningnan ko lang siyang naghuhubad ng sapatos.

"Kumain ka na ng dinner?" I asked.

He glimpse at me and nodded. "Yeah." He answered shortly, parang wala ng ganang makipag-usap.

I sighed. Madadala naman siguro namin ito sa magandang usapan, hindi ba?

"Gahala, may problema ba tayo?" tanong ko matapos kong maupo sa tabi niya.

Napasulyap siya ulit sa akin, "Wala naman."

Namimigat ang pakiramdam ko sa inaasta niya. I was already exerting an effort to fix what we have but he's acting like this.

"Love," nanglalambing na tawag ko.

He turned to me like he's asking what I want. Medyo may bahid ng pagkainis ang kaniyang mukha dahil siguro nakukulitan na sa akin.

"Date?" nag-aalinlangang tanong ko. "Kahit dito lang."

He sighed and shook his head, "I'm tired. I wanted to rest." Sagot niya saka tumayo papuntang kwarto dala-dala ang kaniyang mga gamit saka sapatos.

Rest. Wala naman akong magagawa doon lalo na kung pagod siya. I just ordered food to eat and washed the dishes bago pumasok sa kwarto.

I looked at him sleeping peacefully on the side of his bed. I sat beside him and softly brushed his curly hair.

"I love you," I whispered in his ear before gently kissing his cheek, making sure not to wake him up.

Napaayos ako ng upo at tatabi na sana sa kaniya nang hindi sinasadyang napatingin ako sa cellphone niya.

Napalunok ako at pinigilan ang sarili kong huwag kunin iyon kahit nangangati ako.

Tumayo ako pero napatigil din. I bite my lower lip and grabbed it before my mind changes. Napatingin ako doon nang matagal. Kinakabahan ako sa maaari kong makita dito.

Pigil ang hininga kong binuksan at pinagdikit ko ang aking labi nang makita ang bumungad. May password na yung cellphone niya.

I gulped and disappointment took over me. He never put a password on his phone before. I tried guessing pero walang tama.

Napatingin ako sa boyfriend kong mahimbing na natutulog. I put his phone down and sat beside him.

My eyes watered just by looking at him. Ang bigat bigat sa pakiramdam kasi alam kong may mali sa amin pero hindi ko alam kung ano. I silently cried beside him as overthinking took over me again.

I wished that he'll take this pain I'm feeling away. That he'll calm this raging doubts and nervousness I have inside my head. Gusto ko lang naman maibalik yung kung ano kami noon.

"Ang layo layo mo na sa akin, anong problema mahal? Hmm? " I whispered while softly brushing his hair.

Ang okay niyang tingnan habang hindi niya alam na umiiyak at nasisira na ako. It makes me cry more kasi parang wala na siyang pakialam kahit sobrang nasasaktan na ako.

Napaayos lang ako saka napaiwas ng tingin para patagong punasan ang luha ko nang gumalaw siya.

"What are you doing?" he asked, confusion laced  his voice.

I turned to him and forced him to smile. I wished my eyes doesn't look red though. I shook my head at him. "Wala," I uttered lowly and smile a little.

He stared at me for seconds with brows furrowed. Naging malikot ang kaniyang mata na para bang pinag-aaralan ang mukha ko. Pinagdikit niya ang kaniyang labi bago umiwas ng tingin. He nodded and gulped before he turned his back on me to continue sleeping.

His actions painfully tugged at my heart. It made me cry once more. I shook my head at binulag ulit ang sarili ko. Na siguro pagod lang talaga siya ngayon. Siguro kapag hindi ko siya inistorbo, magiging okay ang lahat.

"Pahinga ka," I whispered in his ear with shaky voice and I kissed his head. He didn't move, so maybe he was already asleep again.

That cycle continued. Sabi ko sa sarili ko okay lang. Siguro sobrang busy lang siya. Sabi ko naiintindihan ko pero minsan hindi ko talaga mapigilang maiyak. I feel so alone in our relationship. Parang biglang lumaki ang mundo kasi hindi ko siya mahagilap tuwing gusto ko siyang makita.

I feel so homesick and I keep seeking the warmth he used to give me every time he embraced me in his arms. I wanted to feel alive again every time I saw his smile.

As time passed by, I witnessed how he changed and it hurts so bad.

He turned into someone he promised he'd never be.