"The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff." –Carl Sagan

***

Term starts again September first, like always. Lily and Cassie arrive together, then they find Remus, who still hasn't seen anyone else.

"How was your summer?" Cassie asks him.

"Pretty wild," he says with a wink. She just giggles.

"There they are!" Lily points them out as they come through the barrier. Both of them are laughing (nothing out of the ordinary). They approach the girls and Remus, then they wait for Peter. Once he arrives, they put their belongings on the train and find a compartment.

They're all anticipating their last year at Hogwarts. They want it to be over, but they also never want to leave. Most of them plan to be Aurors, only Peter says he'd rather do something else he hasn't decided on yet.

The ride and the Sorting go by quickly. Once you're a seventh year, things like that aren't that exciting anymore; besides Sirius attempting to jump out the train window and ride on the roof, nothing out of the ordinary took place.

"Are you playing Quidditch again this year?" James asks Cassie as they eat. "Please say yes."

"I have to think about it," she tells him. "I want to take more classes. I gotta make sure it fits into my schedule."

"I want you on the team," James says seriously. "You're one of the best Chasers we've had in a while."

Cassie just shrugs. She catches a Ravenclaw girl wink at Sirius. She turns to him and asks, "Which girlfriend is that?"

Sirius casts his eyes down and doesn't answer, his lips twitching into a frown. Cassie shakes it off, going back to Lily's enticing conversation about the new classes she's taking for her last year.

Once out of the Great Hall and into the Gryffindor Common Room, Cassie notices that Sirius still hasn't said a word to her since the train ride. Concerned that she did something wrong, she waits until they're the only two left in the Common Room before asking.

"Did I say something?"

Sirius huffs but still remains silent.

"Sirius, really, was it something I did?"

"Yeah," he says quickly, standing to pace. "Yeah, it was."

Cassie remains seated. "What was it?"

"I didn't appreciate it when you asked me 'which girlfriend is that'," Sirius snaps. "I mean, is that what you think of me? Some player who only likes girls because they can be used as a distraction?"

"Well—"

"That's not what I'm about, Cassie," he continues. "If you must know, I wasn't even planning on flirting with anyone this year."

Cassie frowns. He called her Cassie, not Cas. "Why not?"

"Because I have my sights set on someone who's been my friend for a while, and I don't want anyone getting in the way."

"Who is it? Can I help?" Cassie asks, suddenly interested. "I'm sorry I said that; I didn't know. It was rude of me. I'm really sorry. But really, can I help with this girl?"

Sirius shakes his head, his small grin showing his sharp teeth. "No."

Cassie stands now, getting angry at his defiance. "Why the hell not?"

"Leave it alone," Sirius says, starting towards his dormitory.

"No, Sirius, come back, we're not finished talking about this—"

"Yes, we are."

"Sirius, why can't you just tell me? You can't just say that and walk away! Is it someone I know? Someone I'm close to? It's not Lily is it? You know James has her around his finger—"

"It's you!" Sirius shouts, twisting around to face her. "It's you, Cassiopeia." Cassie hears her heart stutter. "You. Ever since the end of last year, I've been certain you were the only one for me. You couldn't see it, but I hope you can now." Cassie still can't move. She's shocked to say the least. Sirius Black loves her, Cassie, a murderer and former prisoner of Azkaban. After she fails to respond, Sirius runs up to his dormitory.

Cassie falls back into her chair. Sirius loves her? She isn't sure why she's so surprised. He always seemed quite keen with her. Being in Azkaban makes you feel hopeless though, like no one will ever love you, and you'll never be happy again. Maybe that's why she was blind.

***

The next day is Saturday. Sirius avoids Cassie all day, leaving a room when she enters and not even glancing in her direction. Cassie gets why; it's because she hadn't answered when he confessed that he loves her.

Cassie tries to talk to him when they encounter each other.

"When are you going to tell me the rest of that story about Remus?"

He doesn't answer, only pushes past her.

She tells Lily about the whole endeavor after lunch.

"I knew it!" she says with a joyful smile. "I knew he liked you! What did you say?"

"That's the thing," Cassie replies. "I couldn't say anything; I was too shocked."

"That's why he's avoiding you," Lily realizes, green eyes wide.

"I have to make this right."

"Well, do you love him?"

Cassie hesitates. Then, she nods. "Yeah. I do."
***

Cassie sees Sirius in the common room. She asks for a word, to which he simply huffs and starts towards the boys' dormitory.

"Sirius, how do you ever expect this to be fixed if you keep running away? You don't even know what I have to say."

Sirius only falters, but he continues on, climbing the stairs wearily. Cassie sighs in frustration. She needs to calm down in order to not snap his neck the next time she sees him. Snap his...calm down, Cas...you would never. Cassie feels herself physically stagger back at the sudden intrusive thought. She needs to get out of there; suddenly, she can't breathe.

I need to be safe.

Everyone has intrusive thoughts, right?

I'm not a killer.

Cassie hears James call her name, but she's running out of the common room and down the stairs as fast as she can, trying to outrun the fear that's hiding around every corner. It's growing, suffocating her. She needs to be somewhere safe, and she knows exactly where to go. The grand doors leading outside shut gracefully behind her as she sprints down the hill towards the forest, trying not to fall lest it slow her down.

Need to be safe

She runs into the forest, and it's not until she's in deep that she realizes she doesn't remember where the meadow is. She runs around for what seems like hours, but she can't find it anywhere. She even tries to retrace her steps from what she remembers from that night, but no matter what she does, she can't find it—not even the point me spell works. Her wand simply goes erratic.

I need safety, I need something to calm me down, I need someone. I need Sirius I didn't kill that man it was an accident I don't kill people I am not my parents--

"Cas!"

She perks up immediately, all the bad thoughts halting for a moment as that familiar voice calls to her. She starts to walk towards the sound but stops. Can she trust herself around him after that invasive thought ripped through her brain?

"Cas! There you are!" I guess it's time to find out. Sirius still has flickers of hurt and sadness on his face, but the worry outshines them all. "What's wrong? You're shaking..."

Cassie clenches her fists and digs her nails into her palms as tears well up in her eyes. "I can't find the meadow. And I need it. And I also need to talk to you. If you'll let me."

Sirius takes her hand and guides her in, what she assumes is, the direction of the meadow. How he knows exactly where it is no matter where they are in the forest is but a mystery, but soon enough, they're stepping through the veil of gold into the sunny, fresh-aired meadow of safety. Cassie immediately feels her worries dissipate, and all her attention is able to focus on one thing: Sirius.

"Sirius, I—"

"Let me explain my outburst," he says first, not continuing until she nods. "You know that my parents always disapproved of me. They have an ancestry of Slytherins, and I'm the Gryffindor disappointment. Yeah, I ran away to live with James because I couldn't take it anymore, but it still hurts. It hurts to know that my parents hated me so much that I was reduced to nothing but a speck of dust in their eyes, that after fifteen years of it, I had to get out. So when I met you and I started to fall in love with you, I was afraid. I didn't want you to hate me like my parents do, and I didn't want to be a disappointment. I was afraid to admit it because what if I just had to end up adding you to the list of people who don't love me? And I did add you, but I'm just trying to cope with—"

"You added me to a list you have of people who hate you?"

"It's a mental list," he says quietly.

"Sirius, I don't hate you. Not one bit."

"But you don't love me. And I'm not trying to guilt trip you or anything, I just want the truth about—"

"How do you know I don't love you? Just because I didn't say it back in that span of ten seconds between when you said you loved me and ran upstairs and wouldn't talk to me after that? Sirius, you can be so naïve and impulsive sometimes. Not to mention dramatic."

Sirius looks genuinely confused. "Well, then, what were you going to say in that ten seconds of time?"

"If I hadn't've been so surprised at the sudden outburst, I would've said that I love you, too." The way Sirius visibly falters makes Cassie's heart restrict. "I know what hate feels like. Azkaban is painted with it, and my parents were never too fond of me either. I don't think they told me they loved me once. So all my life, I've felt like love wasn't something aimed at me, and it never would be. I'm a murderer for Merlin's sake; do you really think love would be an emotion I would expect from someone? Can you blame me for being shocked?"

"Cas..." Sirius moves to rest his hands on her cheeks softly. "Cas, you deserve to be loved. Everyone does."

"Then how come you feel the same as I do?"

He smiles sadly at her. "It's situational, I guess."

Cassie takes his hands in hers. "My point in all of this is that I don't want you to keep running away from me because I love you, too. Ever since that night you told me about Remus."

His sad smile turns to one of relief, one that matches hers, and his stormy eyes are glassy. "I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything." Cassie lifts herself up to his height; he closes the gap between them, and when their lips touch, the meadow finally experiences night, if only to let the brightest star in the Milky Way shine to its potential and to allow the vain queen to cherish its light.