CHAPTER NINETEEN
ғᴀᴍɪʟʏ

Her lips were warm against mine, a welcoming feeling- a feeling I never wanted to lose. From the moment when we'd first kissed, Alice and I had barely parted. There was something about the fact that we could finally be together that made being apart that much harder. We hadn't told anyone either- not even Bella.

But as much as I wanted to keep it a secret, and Alice had promised to, as long as I wanted, we couldn't keep it from Edward. My thoughts about Alice's lips on mine alone were far too loud to be concealed. A newly formed respect held between Edward and I had been maintained since returning from Italy and so far our shared company had not only been tolerated but liked.

Alice pulled away, her lips lingering closely still. She was so close that I could feel a cold, satisfied exhale against my nose, brushing against my cheeks. I was about to kiss her again, but a shout broke out from the house, extending through the nearby woods to where we sat upon a branch, too nervous to be so close within the walls of the house. My eyes widened as I heard my name added to the end of Edward's shouts of the names of his family. Alice only grinned.

"Welcome back, Bella," Carlisle said as everyone met at the bottom of the stairs by the front door. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

Bella glanced briefly at Edward. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once if that's okay. About something important."

"Of course. Why don't we talk in the other room?"

He led us to the dining room, a room of which I understood was only used for family discussions, without the need for a traditional mealtime. The Cullens looked strange, gathered around the long, oak table that stood in the middle. Carlisle took one end as Bella took the other, with Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett on one side, with Esme, Edward and Alice on the other. I sat beside Alice and Esme.

"The floor is yours."

Bella nodded, folding her hands in a business-like manner."Well, I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice chimed, a grin on her face again- she already knew what was in procession.

"Good. We're all on the same page," she said. "So, I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check. I'm sure that's a bad thing, something to avoid. And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that. But if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

Esme opened her mouth to speak.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to vote," Bella said. It sounded as if she was pausing for dramatic effect, but a shaky sigh left her lips, revealing her nerves. "I want you to vote yes or no to me becoming a vampire."

"Just a minute. I have something to add," Edward said, avoiding her sharp look. "I don't think we have to be overly anxious about the danger Bella is referring to. You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something I didn't think of."

"Which was?" Bella said, patience thinning.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason too. When they decide to find someone, it's not a problem. You remember Demitri?"

"He finds people. That's his talent."

"Like James?" I asked.

"Worse." Edward shook his head. "I saw how his talent works. He's a tracker. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the tenor of someone's mind and then follows it. It works over immense distances. But after Aro's experiments..."

"You think he won't be able to find me?"

"I'm sure of it."

"And how does that solve anything?" Bella said, voice rising slightly as she folded her arms.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless."

"But they can find you?"

"I can take care of myself," Edward hissed.

"Excellent plan, my brother," Emmett shouted, as he banged his hands excitedly against the table.

"No," Rosalie seethed.

Bella nodded furiously. "Absolutely not," she said cooly. "Alright, with an alternative to consider, lets vote. Do you want me to join your family?"

"Not that way. You're staying human," Edward said, his stare firm and dark.

"Alice?"

"Yes."

"Jasper?"

"Yes," he said, surprising Bella.

"Elide?" The call of my own name surprised me for only a moment. My lips thinned.

When I was human, it had never been death that I was afraid of. But at my end, when I woke to see the brightness of the sky through dark, enhanced eyes, it was life that I feared. I was afraid of the extra decades that would go on forever. I hadn't even wanted it in the first place, and if I'd gotten the choice, I would have voted no for myself.

"You truly want this?" She nodded and I gave my answer. "Yes."

"Rosalie?"

The blonde hesitated. "No." Bella turned her head, disappointed but not surprised. "Let me explain," Rosalie pleaded. "I don't mean that I have an aversion to you as a sister. It's just that... this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there would have been someone there to vote no for me."

"Hell yes!" Emmett shouted, adding another clang to the table.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as one of the family," Esme said when it was her turn.

"Thank you, Esme," she said. Her heartbeat spiked as she turned to look at Carlisle.

"Edward."

"No," he growled.

"It's the only way that makes sense. You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice," Carlisle said. Edward stalked from the room, a low growl leaving his throat. "I guess you know my vote."

"Thanks," Bella hummed. "That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same about all of you."

Esme went toward her, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. "Dearest Bella."

Bella let out a breath. "Well Alice, where do you want to do it?"

"What? Now?" I exclaimed, turning to see that Alice was just as alarmed as I was.

"No! No! No!" Edward shouted as he paraded back into the room, standing between Bella and the rest of us. "Are you insane?"

"I don't think I'm ready for that," Alice said.

"You promised."

"I know, but seriously, Bella! I don't have an idea of how not to kill you."

"You can do it. I trust you," she insisted, trying to sidestep Edward, who just blocked her again.

"This isn't about trust," I interjected.

"Carlisle?"

"I'm able to do it," he said, but everything about his face said he didn't want to be the one to do it. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."

"Hold on. It doesn't have to be now," Edward snapped back.

"There's no reason for it not to be now."

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can. Let go of me."

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police," Edward said firmly. "In the interest of remaining inconspicuous, I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle said.

"I'll consider it." She paused, then glanced up to Carlisle. "After graduation?"

He nodded kindly. "You have my word."

"This is all really happening," I said, not able to stop myself from staring between Edward and Bella. Esme must have noticed, as she came toward me with a friendly smile and took my arm, circling us around the room, like the old-fashioned ladies in films. It was still odd to think I was older than her.

"What do you think Aro meant about your gifts?" Bella said as she settled into Edward's side.

"Aro said something to you?" Carlisle questioned.

I nodded. "'And I believe there is more to your abilities than you know.'"

"Why do you think you got your gift?" Bella asked, head twisting curiously.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me, his gaze undoubtedly routing through my head impatiently.

I shrugged, smiling easily. "I guess I was just very good at hide and seek."

"Do you know how it works? Since Edward can hear your thoughts now?"

Another shrug. "A mask can be removed," I said. "Since you know who I am, it's easy to see it underneath all of the mist."

"Excuse me."

I left the room quickly, heading to sit at the top of the stairs, feeling the sun hit against my skin through the skylight, leaving a pasty white complexion beneath. Alice shortly followed- I could sense her worry even before she'd sat beside me, chin tucking into my shoulder.

"Why are you sad?" Alice whispered into my ear as she tucked a strand of my hair behind it, fingertip trailing across my skin.

"I'm not?"

She raised a brow, catching me in a lie. "Jasper told me. He could feel it."

I forced out a laugh. "Of course."

"It's about what Bella said," Alice stated.

"It's just... I don't know," I began. "Talking about it makes me think about why I'm like this in the first place."

"William."

I nodded solemnly. "You know, even back then I hid myself. I had my family and my friend Thomas and as long as I denied what I felt inside, it didn't matter that I was shielded away from everything else."

"I understand."

I could see in her gentle gaze that Alice really did understand. She understood that it wasn't just about personality or compatibility or simply a feeling of not belonging. It was about the inability because of others to feel as I did. It was about sexuality, and how back then, as much as my family loved me, they didn't understand.

"I don't want to hide anymore. I can't, Alice," I said, not caring that my voice sounded desperate as my hand wrapped around hers. "You remember last year when you asked what made me stop trusting?"

She nodded softly.

"It was them. It was my family and my friends. Thomas was my best friend. I loved him like a brother, but when I suddenly stopped being what everyone wanted me to be, that went away."

"They knew you became a vampire?"

I shook my head. "That isn't the change I'm talking about."

And again, Alice understood, and that made warmth flood through me in bucket loads. My hand drifted up to her arm, across her shoulder and to her jaw. I held her face tenderly, feeling her chin dip into my touch, a smile gracing her lips.

"You know, you make me want to sparkle. You make me wish my eyes were abnormal. You make me wish, for the first time ever, that I didn't have to hide," I said, watching as her eyes closed in bliss. "Because my gift exposes me for the coward I am."

Her eyes shot open again, eyebrows furrowing. "That's not true. It shows how much you've come through, how much the world has changed since those days," she said. "And I love your eyes. They're like melted chocolate. I think I used to love chocolate when I was human."

"You remember?"

"Something about hearing about James made things come back. Just tiny details. Then once I went to see my grave, found out about my sister... But I don't think I'll ever get the bigger picture," Alice said, shaking her head. "But you're no coward, Elide. A coward doesn't help their friend run away from murderous trackers or go into the heart of the Volturi's territory, just to help get their boyfriend back."

A grin brushed at my lips. "I never did those things for Bella," I breathed. "Not really."

Edward's voice purposefully drifted in from the sitting room. "I should probably take you home."

Then came Bella's reply. "Okay. You can take me home."

Alice's delicate gaze drifted back to me again as we heard the door shut after a goodbye was shouted our way.

"Carlisle is coming," she whispered. "I think he wants to talk to you."

She paused a moment, waiting for me to nod before she turned to leave, holding my hand until she could no longer.

"Carlisle," I greeted, watching Alice's retreating figure.

"Elide." He said my name softly, calmly enough to make me wonder if it was Jasper who was sending the feeling of ease and comfort down my spine, or simply Carlisle's presence. "May I have a word?"

"Of course."

"I think it is best I show you something," he said. "In my study, please."

I'd seen Carlisle's study before when they'd all left. The paintings were back on the walls, covering the squares of darker paint where the sun hadn't yet damaged. They were the first things I looked at as we entered the room. I worked out quickly that they were all about Carlisle in some way- the largest one, closest to the wall, showed him and two others, the Volturi I recognised.

"I was born in England too. London, in the sixteen-forties," Carlisle said, his eyes meeting the same painting I moved to look at. It was a toppled, dark skyline of the Capital, coloured like coffee stains, and even in the old portrayal, smoke swirls pummeled the clouds, tainting it a murky grey, just as it looked like those tens of years ago when I'd hidden amongst the business of London before I'd left to Canada.

"I could never have told," I said glancing up at him.

Carlisle's expression was a picture of resolution and reverence, having made his peace with his past years ago. As I looked up at the painting, though the vast city had never been home to me as it had been to him, I could not shake the thoughts that clung to the name like the sky to the earth; they were one and the same, blended as one, coming hand in hand as a pair. The city as I knew it thrived in my memories only, bubbling with the good and bad, overflowing like a cauldron.

Carlisle appeared to see my turmoil. He smiled that calming smile and said, "After so many years, my accent has adapted."

I returned the gesture. "I've tried, but it doesn't seem to want to go," I said softly. "It's my last bit of home, I think."

"Where exactly were you from?"

"Northumberland. My father was from London though," I answered, looking back up to the painting again. "Very different from living in the big city, I imagine."

He chuckled, nodding at my statement. "I would like to tell you my story, Elide."

"And I would very much like to hear it."

He nodded, moving his head to face the wall adjacent to his office, which could be seen through the open door. On it was a large, wooden cross, old and splintering, hanging in the middle of the space. "I was the only son of an Anglican pastor. He was enthusiastic about the persecution of other religions and believed strongly in the reality of evil. Witches, werewolves..."

"Vampires."

He nodded, and despite the topic, he was neither grim nor grave. "They burned a lot of innocent people," he continued. "When my father grew old, I was placed in charge of the raids. But where he was quick to accuse demons where they did not exist, I was lenient. I found a coven of true vampires, hidden in the sewers of the city, only coming out at night to hunt."

As he spoke those words, I was immediately reminded of William, of the perfect stealth of his walk as he prowled toward me, crazed from the insatiable hunger that had been his curse, his incorrigible arrogance and entitlement only heightened with his change.

"When the mob arrived at where I'd first seen the vampire exit onto the street, he was too hungry, too weak. The creature spoke in Latin, and while he should have been able to outrun us, I caught up to him and was turned on. He killed two men, made away with another, and left me bleeding in the street," Carlisle explained. "Knowing what my father would do, I crawled away and hid in a cellar, somehow managing to stay silent during the change."

"How did you survive for so long?"

"The same way you did." He smiled and I did not feel as if I could return it. "With a great contempt for what I'd turned into, and a lasting sense of humanity."

"I tried to destroy myself, but as you know, that isn't so easily done," Carlisle said, and I did know. "I only mean to tell you this, so that you know that what you went through, it's similar to what I did, and in that, you are not alone."

I truly wasn't alone. So I told him exactly what had happened to me too. I told him about William, the attack and how I'd hidden away in London, unsure of how to hide the fact that my face remained eternally the same, as I had told Alice and Bella before him.

"You are always welcome in this family Elide," Carlisle said as I finished, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "I want you to know that you never have to feel as if you need to hide anything. Know how much you mean to Alice, to all of us."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said. "That means a lot."

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