CHAPTER SEVEN
ғᴀsᴛ ᴄᴀʀs

Nothing had shocked me more than seeing Bella in school on the first Tuesday back after Christmas break. Though dull faced, she was there, in person, sitting down at the lunch table with an uneasy smile. It had been weeks since she'd participated with us, let alone anyone else in our year. She walked around, lifeless, without sharing a word. It was so similar to a year ago when it had been our first days in Forks high school. A whole year.

Not even Jess could miss the glances she threw toward the empty end of the long table, to where they would have been sitting. Her face paled significantly as if all she could see were the shapes of Alice, Jasper and Edward, like ghosts haunting her memory.

I didn't speak to her until the end of lunch. It was wrong, but something within me made my anger boil. After all, I spent months outside her door, trying to get her to come out, and there she was, walking around as if she hadn't been absent for weeks. There was a part of me too- a part that I was ashamed of- that was jealous of the fact that she got closure, a reason, even if it was fake, as to why they left.

"I'm glad to see you're out again," I said, coming up to her side on the way to fifth lesson.

Bella didn't try to hide the cringe on her face as she quickened her pace to walk by my side. Her hands gripped the strap of her bag as if she was worried. "Elide, hey. Charlie told me about how much you did for him. I wanted to say thanks- you didn't have to,"

"I didn't want to leave you both completely alone," I said, the bitterness seeping out on my tongue without it meaning to.

"Yeah..."

I sighed. "Look, I've got to get to class." Bella nodded, glancing to the end of the hall where her next lesson was. "Have fun with Jessica tonight."

I began to walk away, hating myself for it. I couldn't be angry at Bella. It was unfair, given all she'd been through. And yet I was.

Bella skipped over, catching me by the elbow. "Elide, come on. I'm sorry okay," she said, face distressed. She glanced to the people by the lockers only a few feet away, who had stopped to look. "Why don't we go for a drive at the weekend? I'll pick you up."

I paused, biting my lip. "I'll be at yours for ten."

"Great."

I got to Bella's at ten on the dot. Charlie was out thankfully. I could imagine how ecstatic he would be to see Bella going out, especially with me and especially on a weekend. At least this way, we could leave straight away, piling into Bella's old, trusted truck and driving down a random road to wherever the universe decided to take us.

"Have you seen about the bear sightings?" Bella's strained voice cut through the silence that suffocated the inside of her truck.

I was almost tempted to roll down the rusty window, just to be able to feel the coolness of the wind against my frosty skin, to hear it wail as it whipped in and out. But I didn't. Instead, I shuffled in the seat, pulling a leg beneath me as I turned to talk to her. I couldn't be bitter forever. She was my closest friend after all, and none of this was her fault.

"Yeah, your dad told me about them," I breathed. "How are you?"

She sighed, staring straight ahead at the wet road. "Can we not talk about it?"

I frowned. "I'm sorry, but I think we kind of have to."

"Why? I'm fine, I'm over it," Bella mumbled.

"Well, I'm not!" I shouted, startling her slightly and making her jump. I quietened slightly. "And I don't think you are either."

Bella brushed me off, her hands gripping the steering wheel tightly until her knuckles had turned white. "I am. I'm totally over it."

"Four months Bella. I spent four months coming to your house to see you crying and staying silent in your room with the door locked. I thought you weren't going to talk to me again. Charlie was so close to sending you to your mother's," I said, feeling bad as her face began to crumble. "Talk to me, please, Bella."

"He left. I can't- I can't," she stuttered, her words mumbling into one. "He was supposed to stay. To be my forever." Then she turned to me, no softness on her face, only anger. "How did you do it? How did you stay so calm? You were so close to Alice- I know you were. I saw it all. How could you keep yourself together?"

I had to reach over, taking the steering wheel in my own hand as her fingers began to loosen and shake. She helped to stop the truck at the side of the road.

"Every time I think of them, my heart feels like it stops in my chest. I cant- I cant-"

"I've done this before Bella. I've lost everyone from my time. It gets easier to live, it does. I promise. Just get past this tough bit," I soothed, twirling the edges of her hair between my fingers.

"No. I don't want to," Bella moaned, a tear slipping from her eye. I wiped it away before more could follow its trail. "I don't want to live knowing that he's out there somewhere without me."

"He loves you, Bella-"

"Then why did he leave? Why did they both leave?" she shouted.

I took her cheek in my hand, smoothing my thumb over her damp skin. "Love makes you ready to make sacrifices you shouldn't have to make. He loved you enough to let you go. To keep you safe."

"Then why didn't you go too? Why didn't Alice take you with her?" she pushed, shaking her head violently.

"What reason would she have? I'm not a Cullen."

"Don't say that," Bella whispered, sniffles quieting. "Do you think she'll come back? Do you think that's why she didn't' tell you?"

"I don't know."

"Since when do you like motorbikes?"

The next day as she picked me up, Bella's attempt to hide the big lumps of metal in the back of her truck was little more than hopeless. They stuck out sorely from beneath the old paint sheet. I glanced back at them through the side mirror, raising a brow as I turned to Bella.

She shrugged, increasing the speed of the truck as she hit the open road. "Since I picked them up yesterday."

"Yesterday?"

"Uh-huh. I saw them on the drive back," she said, grinning proudly.

I threw my feet up on the dashboard, swivelling my hips so I could reach the book that fell from the nude of my feet. Animal farm. Inside, almost every page was highlighted and annotated.

"I know you like to read, but isn't this a bit excessive?" I teased, pushing it back into the corner of the dashboard. "We just finished it last week in class."

"I just wanted to make sure I knew it inside and out," she said, cheeks flushing. I was just glad she'd shaken herself from the sad slump I'd managed to push her into the day before. "And you're worse I bet! You probably know The Picture of Dorian Gray from back to front."

"That's different. I'm old. And it's not for school," I said. After a few minutes, I added, "So?"

"So, what?" Bella asked.

"So where are you taking me?" I said. "Where are we going?"

"To see someone who can help fix the bikes up. Someone I would like you to meet."

I soon recognised the roads she was taking us down. But the smell came first. I knew it enough to recognise danger, even if it wasn't imminent. The stench of wolf burned my nose as it did every time I went snooping around this end of the forest. I soon realised exactly who Bella was taking me to meet, and even though I couldn't know if Jacob Black was a wolf, I had to be careful.

"Bella, stop the car," I said quickly, bracing my hand against the door handle.

"What? Why?"

"I need to get out. Now," I shouted. Then as she didn't move to stop, I shouted again. "Just stop the car please."

"Why?"

"I will open this door and jump out!" I threatened.

Bella didn't stop the car. If anything, she sped up, silently challenging me to tell her what the problem was. But that line I'd drawn- the line where it was obvious I was crossing into their territory was growing near. I didn't care if I was being dramatic. In one quick movement, I pushed open the truck door, sliding from my seat and landing smoothly to the ground, rolling my shoulder to a stop. Bella finally swerved to the side, jumping from the truck and running to the edge of the street where I'd stopped easily.

"What the hell? What are you doing?"

"You're going to the reservation?" She nodded, mouth dropping open in confusion. "I think it's best I don't go."

☾

I hate this chapter so much and I really had to push to get it out. The next one is better though, I promise! I can't wait to put it out.