Sometimes life is kind to you when you are least expecting it.....
He can say that... As the days spent with her ... The pre confession period.. although brief,but significant were few days where life was good to him.

Someone to cry and laugh with
Someone who can relate with your pain.

Or may be it's about the choices you make.

Now when he thinks he realise
That on every step which he has taken
There were options
To go right ,left, backwards or not to move at all.

Sometimes you choose the difficult way because you feel that that's what a man with uniform should do.
But you do have a second option
Everyone has a second option....

But he has finally figured out what his problem was...
His actions were always influenced by his cognition about himself being unworthy of love...
His predections about his love life that how it doesn't suits him.

His need of punishing himself for pulling that trigger on a friend
Because he know no one else will do

He has in a way given an invitation to Naina's rage and hatred in the academy.
So that it becomes little easy for him to not fall for her more than he already had.

Because how can he not love her when she use to smile at him with respect
How can he not think about her after everytime she use to come and leave the room.. like a bunny rabbit
Full of pent up enthusiasm

All this because he was an offender in the court of his own consciousness.

He even tried to set her up with huda.
Even promised huda his help
But everytime when huda came for advice... He use to turn him down very smoothly....
The mere thought of naina in someone's else embrace use to make him shiver.

Damm his stupid heart
Out of billions of women in the planet he fell for this girl....
Who's brother was killed by him
Who happens to be his student....

"Sir coffee"

He heard the voice and came out of his lala land....
Where he often picture him and her together.....

He saw ud limping with a German cup of coffee......

He took a sip and made a disgusting face.

"Officer sahani....
This taste like shit"

And ud chukle

"Sorry sir .
Cheeni khatam.....
And milk to ab luxury item lagta hai"

They are stationed in Salem point.... 2000 kms from Rohtang pass.....
5000 feet above sea level....
And at this month of year where snowfall is heavy and constant
It's difficult to keep up with the supplies....

Their duty is to give cover to nubra valley.... Which falls under district leh

Nubra is a subdivision and a tehsil in the Indian union territory of Ladakh. Its inhabited areas form a tri-armed valley cut by the Nubra and Shyok rivers.

But it's a face mission
The ulterior motive is to monitor the militant activities....
They have got only 15 days as the school they teach in ... Re-open at 1 Jan

And they have to get back
And then they have to wait again for another opportunity like this.

Where they can leave to meet their purpose without raising suspicion.

-------

Rajveer - so
We are done wtih politics, sports, religion, history and sex....
To aj him kya discuss karne wale hai
To kill the time.

He winked at him and ud gave a chuckle

Rajveer sir is more cool than he was in kma...
Maybe because he is not his teacher anymore....

Or may be
Because of this wicked weather with no human species around to interact...

Or maybe because of that old bond of cordialness they share... From old days

Ud - actually I do have something in mind ... that I want to discuss with you...

He said taking a sip from his own cup
Gazing at the gigantic mountains in front of him covered in blanket of snow.

Rajveer - shoot then...
He said taking a sip.... Again twitching his face with unpleasantness.

"Is it possible to unlove someone"
He asked earning rajveer's attention which was wondering over an eagle's nest.... In a distant tree...
He didn't turned his face though.

"I mean
How long does it take to stop longing for someone....
How long does it take for this pain to fade .... Or it never ends really and we just get immune to it.

Like it's not that there are no other gorgeous faces out there...
But you just keep returning to this one face which is stuck in your vision with a glue gun."

He kept expressing and raj kept quite
Silently agreeing with every word.
Finding ud's inner condition so familiar

Ud took a pause and then finally asked

"Do you still love naina"
He asked without any hesitation

He know he has earned a place in his life .... That in past few days ....
Working together
Facing the danger and saving eachothers ass
Things have become less formal between them

"And why are you so sure about it
That I love her "
He asked back.... Being neutral in his reaction.

To which ud gave a mocking giggle..

"Because what you two had
If that is not love then I don't know what is"
He replied....

"What about you and Dr. Shalini"
He asked surprising ud...

And rajveer grinned looking at him

"I think she only had pity on a weak student"
He said with sadness in his tone.

"She really cared for you"
Rajveer said in his old friend's defence."

The moon went down and they prepared themselves for coming days.

------------
It's the last day of there secret camp.
They need to leave the spot next morning.

rajveer takes a spoon full of porridge with a huge grin surprising yudi.

' last time I had this kind of shit when i was with naveen and bhargva had punished both of us for ruining his morning breakfast.'

yudi chuckles too remembering how great of scoundrel bhargava was.

'yes sir. i still remember his sadism. subah uthte hi kacche ande aur doodh. major bhargava enjoyed our plight. jab tak do char cadets gash khakar nahi girte the major bhargava ka khana hazam nahi hota tha. na jaane kaun sa badla lena tha unko humse. i just hate him!' he suddenly stops realizing rajveer is his senior too and somewhere its breach of code of conduct. you should not badmouth one senior in front of other. but truth is truth.

'yes. everyone does. in fact main to aaj bhi is baat par hairan hu ki he is working. matlab naveen ne to bhargva ka jeena haram kar diya tha. he used to mess with him now and then. bhale hi kitni punishment mile but he never ever gave up. '

yudi silently listens rajveer. it is not first time they are sharing this kind of talk. it is more like their daily ritual. when there is nothing to do they both talk about their past lives, experiences and every damn thing they can.

'you know officer, main nahi kahta ki discipline nahi hona chahiye. infact its what makes us what we are. discipline makes us a real person.but what major bhargva did was sheer torture. discipline ke naam pr he just let his anger out on us. this is unexpectable.'

'yes sir.'

'but those days were best, werent they! academy me itna rok tok hone ke bawjood bhi we used to enjoy. that place was our heaven. in fact mere liye to wo poora time is bahut special he. i have so many precious memories which make my day special.'

this ignites something in yudi. academy....that is KMA, his heaven? could it be? he chuckles. how can KMA be his heaven?

'but sometimes those memories do haunt you. sometimes you want to go back and erase that particular part from your life. for once and all. done away for good.'

rajveer sits straight hearing this. yudi' reference to KMA brings him back some memories too. some very bad ones. KMA indeed is special. it has been able to leave its imprint deep and dark. he is silent. trying to acknowledge if he wants to erase some moments or not.

'you know sir, if it were possible I'd have undone too many things.'

'hmm. sometimes i want to do that too. and sometimes i think may be i'd not.'

'i mean if not for KMA i'd have been in so much relief. there is this constant pain in my heart that never fades.' he has sit up straight too facing rajveer.

'har din lagta he ki i'll move on. i'll be better but that day never comes. i am always back to square one. slowly slowly i have grown tired of this state. i want a way out now. forever. i want to put an end to things. and when i think how there is nothing i can do.'

'thats true. yudi. kuch chijo ka kabhi ant hi nahi hota. they keep on going. everyday like a perennial river. you wake up, you sleep but this thing never sleeps. it is wide awake. everyday.' rajveer wonders for how long he has been with naina' memories, imagining her. trying to adjust with the fact that he stands no chance.

'sir. you wont believe how many times i tried. i did whatever i could. but......

now i am tired. i want to end things but nahi hoti mujhse. shayad se ek hi solution he ab.' he looks hopefully in rajveer' eyes the way he did in kma. a lost cadet seeking answer from his teacher who himself is lost somewhere..

'how can I unlove someone? matlab ek dum se sab kuch khatam kar du. koi feeling nahi bache. everything gone in a blink. logo ki feeling khatm ho jati he. they stop loving altogether all of sudden. i want to do that. i just want to not love dr. shalini anymore.'

rajveer is taken aback. unloving someone? is there even a word like unlove in dictionary? how can he unlove someone? how can he end all his feelings in a blink?

if he has a solution he could have helped himself first. he sighs..

'yudi. this is something i have no solution for.'

'but sir, you must have done something. jis tarah se aap academy me naina se pyaar karte the and now the way you are away from her, trying to move on. you must have done something. you must be having a solution. main bhi move on karna chahta hu. i want to be able to let other person in. main bhi aapki tarah jeena chahta hu.'

rajveer gets a shock of thousand volts.

_trying to move on. he is trying to move on....

yes, that what he is doing, isnt he!_

rajveer shuts his eyes. move on! can he move on from being a human? naina has become the reason of his existence. no matter what he does or not does naina is somewhere in his mind, in his soul. how can he move on from her!

but the truth is that he is trying. he knows he stands no chance and he has made peace with this fact. but the way yudi said move on it hurt him. his feelings. somewhere he felt like being mocked on. damn!

'i myself dont know what i am doing. no matter how much i try i go back to where i have been. every person i have tried to date, i was seeking some of naina in them. do you think, officer, i can move on like this?'

''but sir..'

'officer sahni. love is complex. i have learnt it hard way.'

'me too sir. sometimes i feel so helpless knowing that the person i love doesn't love me back.'

rajveer is silent. knowing what yudi said is true.

'i asked dr. shalini zillion times. i told her many times how much i love her. guess what she does not find that old weak student of hers worth a chance. when she helped me it was out of pity only. and i like a pitiful creature led myself on. sir, you love naina. you can understand it is not something i could control. ishq par jor nahi hota. aap khud se decide nahi kar sakte ki aapko kis ko pyaar karna he aur kisko nahi....'

'yes, officer sahni. you cant make yourself loving someone...and unloving someone. its spontaneous.'

'but the pain....the misery...ye sab khatm bhi to nahi hota.'

rajveer looks at yudi. a man he has become. daring to love someone with whom he stands no chance but he never stopped trying. and then there is he, captain rajveer his teacher who never tried because he was afraid...

he pats yudi' back proudly.

'you are a brave man, officer.' yudi is surprised. he wants to tell rajveer that thats not the solution. bravery is not his medicine.

for sometime none of them speaks...

'yudi. unloving someone is not what you can do. the way we cant force ourselves to love someone the same way you cant just kill your feelings. there is no on or off switch. you can do only one thing...either live with pain or stop living. log bolte he jindagi aage badna sikha deti he. no. it just makes you accustomed to pain. us dard ke sath jeene ki adat ho jati he.

the person who falls in love signs up for pain and misery as well. lekin iska matlab ye nahi hota ki stop loving. stop being human. there is a panacea called hope. it keeps us alive. dont you know about pandora' box? all the miseries and one solution- hope.'

he stands up throwing rest of coffee and staring into snow clad mountains..

_rajveer! you never tried_ . his conscience chides him for first time instead of trying to seek excuses why he cant be with the person he loves the most.

meanwhile yudi is sitting where he was..wondering how hopeful he can get after this mission if dr. shalini rejects him one more time.

Second part written by mona
A big thanks
She is such an angel

I need comments for further updates
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