Aaina x Zaydaan.

Zaydaan always thought that men who waited for women were fools, men who waited for anything in general were absolute fools. You didn't need to wait for people, for things, for success. You needed to snatch it, get it but you didn't need to sit around meaninglessly and wait for it.

Yet, here he was. He had been sitting here for hours, waiting and waiting.

He stared at the blank white wall in front of him, his daughter asleep in his arms. He felt the tension, the anxiety, his mind full of a certain kind of emptiness and his heart in his throat.

The doctors had been in there for hours now. How long was this fucking surgery? Why was it taking so long? Why did he have to wait this way?

He heard the familiar tap of heels as the door opened once again, showing Minal with a cup of tea in her hands.

He felt her eyes, staring at him and Zayla. Maybe, she was thinking how vulnerable he looked, maybe she was imagining how it would have been to marry him and have his kids, maybe she was thinking about how incredibly weird this sight truly was.

She knew he never liked children, she never liked children. Yet, he had a daughter he loved the most and she was trying to have a child of her own.

She took a few more steps, placing the cup of tea on the table in front of him as she sat by his side.

"Do you want me to pick her up?" She questioned, telling him that she could hold his daughter while he had his tea.

He didn't his tea cold after all.

The Prime Minister just shook his head, still staring at that blank white wall.

"You hate kids." He mumbled, remininding her of all the times she had told him how she didn't want kids at all. She didn't think she had a motherly instinct within her, she didn't think it could get developed.

He felt Minal click her tongue, offended in a way. She used to dislike kids but she had never hated them.

"I don't hate kids. I have actually been trying to have a child for a while now." Minal replied, finally making Zaydaan turn his head towards her.

For a moment, this piece of information made him forget where he was, what he was doing or why he was here in the first place.

Minal was ready to have children. She was trying to have a baby?

Minal?

Minal who cringed everytime a kid came near her, Minal, who hated that women were considered child bearing objects, Minal, who was against motherhood just because she didn't want to love something so much that she forgot about her own existence?

"What changed your mind?" He questioned, now staring at her with such an intensity that Minal gulped.

The last time these brown eyes had actually, genuinely stared at her with such a sadness yet a certain amount of love, it was the day he had told her goodbye, before marrying Aaina.

The day he had not even told her that he was leaving her.

She didn't look away, staring at him.

"Time." She whispered, smiling.

Zaydaan nodded, looking down at the little girl sleeping with content in his arms.

"That's good. A child does complete you, you don't know what you're missing unless you have it yourself." He whispered, running his hands through his daughter's hair with a certain tenderness.

"You saying this blows my mind."

She replied, shaking her head. How had his heart changed so much? How had he changed so much yet hadn't changed at all? How did Aaina bring out the best parts of him so easily? How did she get him to do all those things that Minal never expected him to do?

The way he spoke about love and children, Minal understood that Zaydaan was not just hurting because Aaina was in there, fighting for her life. He was also hurting because of the baby that hadn't been able to make it.

"Aaina, I heard she was pregnant. I'm sorry about the baby."

And it was back.

Aaina.

The baby.

The look she gave him before closing her eyes.

The way she pleaded him to help her, save her.

What the fuck was taking so long?

His heart constrained and squeezed in his chest, he let out a sigh.

"After Zayla, all I wanted was another one of her. I knew that things in my world were fucked up but I never expected that life would just get this.."

He hesitated. He didn't know what words he could use to describe his life in the moment.

Life would get this..complicated? Fucked up? Life endangering? Crazy? Pathetic? Devastating?

"Painful." Minal completed for him, seeing the pain that was so evident on his face.

"Yeah, painful." He agreed, looking at the tea turning cold.

It had been around half an hour since Minal arrived inside. The tea wasn't even fresh anymore.

'But it's not fresh.'

'You're not fresh either but you don't see me complaining.'

Her voice rang in his head and he closed his eyes, dreading that he wouldn't be able to hear her voice again. What would happen to him if something happened to her? What would happen to Zayla?

"Your father said that you haven't spoken to anyone since yesterday. Is that because you're scared or is it because you're angry? I understand why you won't speak to your mother but Ahad and your father, they know you're in pain. You shouldn't shut them out. "

Minal did not even know if she was making sense or not but all she truly wanted was to listen to Zaydaan for as long as she possibly could, she wanted to hear him talk, she wanted him to express his grief and she wanted to hear his voice.

She didn't want to believe that she could be selfish enough to use this opportunity to cure the dull ache that she always had in her heart, she was here to help Zaydaan, comfort him, console him,

Even though he had heard her, he did not respond. Truthfully, it was because he did not even know why he had shut everyone out. Maybe, it was because he had never expressed himself in front of anyone but Aaina. She was the one he poured his heart out to, well, she forced him to tell her how he felt.

It was hard for him to just blatantly say what he had hidden deep in his heart. But Aaina had his entire heart, it wasn't tough for her to get him to open up.

When she did not hear Zaydaan respond, she continued talking herself..hoping that she would be able to get his mind off things.

"Do you remember when you got married and I barged into your office one day, unannounced?"

She questioned him, reminding him of the past. Zaydaan nodded.

"I said so many things to you, tried to remind you of who we were but you were ever the charming man, not even frowning as I said the most bitter things to you."

"I knew that no one could take my place in your life but then I called Aaina a spoiled girl sold to you and the look on your face made me shiver. The way you looked at me, the way you defended her, that was the day I realised that I was never going to get you back again. "

She still continued.

"I was angry but I was also shocked. This girl, who hadn't even been married to your for a month became to important to you. You didn't love her at that time, I could see that in your eyes but the fierce protectiveness, it was daunting for me."

That was true. Even when Zaydaan did not love her, he could not hear one bad word about her.

"And when you got your friend to threaten her at the summit? I had never felt so much anger for you as I did on that day." Zaydaan started off, reminding her of the days where she had turned into a desperate evil bitch.

Minal hated that phase of her life.

"You called me up and you said that if I ever did something like that again, I would be dead to you." She continued.

"I asked if your love for me was really that little and you said that it wasn't. You said that you loved me but she was your wife."

Zaydaan remembered how casual he had acted in front of Aaina, showing that he didn't care much when he was burning on the inside. He had fired the ambassador on the same day and called up Minal an hour after that.

" 'I care about her, Minal. And if you care about me just the same way you used to, you would stop hurting the person that I truly care about.'"

She repeated the words he had said to her over the phone, continuing as she felt Zaydaan's stare.

"That's what you said to me. That was the moment I knew that I had to stop. I felt like that was the most cruel thing you had ever said to me, my heart hurt more on that day than it did when you got married to her."

Guilt washed all over him but Minal shook her head, putting a hand on his arm.

"No. I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. I am just saying that God always has a better plan." She said out loud, speaking more.

"We were so similar in many ways and yet, there was much effort involved in the relationship that we had. Effort by me, not you."

She continued.

"You just knew that I was the person for you, you knew that I would understand you but you never put in any effort in that relationship. It was tough to be by your side, it was what I wanted but you were dark, Zaydaan. You needed a light in your life."

That is what he always felt. She was the white that blended so perfectly with his black. She was the light that he needed to put away his darkness. She was the person who brightened up his way.

"Our fathers were so close, they basically raised us like themselves. We always got what we wanted, we always had the upper hand, we were considered and arrogant and we needed people who would show us that there is much more to life."

Once again, Minal spoke the truth. Zaydaan had changed but so had Minal. She was the kind of person who thought that no one was better than her. Her perspective had changed since then, she was still confident, still secure within herself but she understood that she was a human being with flaws.

"Aaina became the light that you needed. That's what still makes me very happy."

For the first time, Zaydaan Ziagil gave her an actual smile. And it was just because of Aaina. Even when she wasn't there with them, she was the one who brightened the look on his face and turned it into a hopeful one.

"And you? Does he love you the way you deserve to be loved?" He had questioned her in such a soft manner that Minal couldn't help but stare at him.

"I only wanted to be loved by you. But yes, he loves me the way I deserve to be loved." Once again, she said what she felt.

Always brutally honest.

"With him, it's too easy. I don't feel any pressure, I don't feel complicated, you know?" She tried to explain him, Zaydaan knew that feeling all too well.

"Yes. That is how I feel with Aaina. She doesn't give me tough time over anything, she understands when I need my space and when I need her, even when I say that I don't."

"She doesn't act irrational with me. Well, she does but only when you're concerned."

He cracked another smile, Minal could watch him like that all day.

--

It felt like an eternity had passed, both of them was sitting in silence now, the previous conversation long faded away, his daughter had woken up a few minutes ago and Noora had taken her away, telling them that lunch was ready for Zayla.

The sat there and waited for the doctor, pin drop silence in the waiting room, so much that they could even hear each other breathe.

Minal gulped, seeing the anguish and the worry return to his face once again. She was just about to tell him to remain calm and hope for the best but before she could do that, the door opened and a few doctors arrived

The Prime Minister stood up, their faces did not show any signs of of guilt, worry or even sympathy.

Either, the surgery had been a success or they were underestimating Zaydaan's warnings and countless threats to them.

Dr Faisal stepped up, telling the others to remain there as he came towards Zaydaan.

"How is she?" Zaydaan gritted out, not being able to mask the anger, the stress, the anguish, the worry, the pain in his voice.

His heart beat so fast and it felt like the next words that came out of the doctor's mouth, they would be the ones telling him about his future.

Future? He did not think he had a future without his wife.

Dr Faisal gave him a small smile and relief entered Zaydaan's heart. It did not look like he was about to give him any bad news.

"We were able to stop the bleeding, her liver is doing good too. The injuries in the abdomen will heal with time. She is in the ICU right now but we were able to pull her out of danger."

He explained, now grinning completely.

"Congratulations, Mr Prime Minister. Your wife is going to be just fine."

Funny, wasn't it?

The way life worked. One moment, you would be thinking that the worst was about to happen or the worst thing had already happened and in the next moment, you would discover that the worse hadn't happened, everything was alright.

One moment you would be grieving over the absence of someone, over the fear of losing someone, of understanding why everything sucked so bad, why it hurt so bad, of knowing that if your fear came true, your life wouldn't be the same, everything would change and so would you.

And in the next moment, you realise that your fear had simply vanished away.

The sigh of relief that he took, the way his heart paced back to normal, the sudden content that he felt in his heart, it was all because a woman was breathing, for him, for their child, for herself. It was all because his wife didn't lose the courage, because God had heard his prayers, his daughter's prayers.

Aaina was okay.

His Aaina had survived.

She was just fine.

Just right.

Just okay.

Zaydaan nodded, still in a daze himself. He had spent countless hours in this very room, waiting for a good news and now he had actually heard it.

"I want to see her." He said with an urgency, ready to barge in there and see his wife.

The doctor shifted uncomfortably. He was hesitant ofcourse and knowing that the Prime Minister was the man demanding to see his wife, he did not really know how to say no.

"You're a Prime Minister. I can't say no to you but as her doctor, I'd like to advise you against it." He continued.

"She is going to be under observation for twelve hours. It is better if you see her after that."

Why? What was he going to do to her? He wouldn't touch her, he would just see her once. What would be so wrong in that?

He stepped forward, ready to tell the doctor that he was going to go and see his wife but he felt a grip on his arm.

Minal.

"Zaydaan, you've waited so much. You can wait some more." She said in a voice that made it hard for him to argue.

She was right.

He had waited without even knowing if she was going to make it. He could wait with a relaxed mind right now. If him waiting helped Aaina recover, he would do it for as long as he could.

"Okay, thank you doctor." He had said some really horrible things to the man who had saved his wife. The least he could do was say a thank you.

"It was my job." The doctor replied, shaking the Prime Minister's hand and walking away.

Zaydaan turned around to look at Minal, grinning at her in a way a that reminded her of the easier times. She grinned back at him, enjoying the happy look on his face.

He suddenly looked so full of life and hopeful, as if his life had returned to him. It probably had.

He looked like a love struck idiot, that was the easiest way to define how he looked right now. Minal wanted to embrace him once again, hug him out of sheer happiness but a part of her thought that it would be inappropriate.

The hug they shared before, it was just something done for the sake of comfort, for the sake of telling the other person that they had a shoulder to rely on, now.. It just felt awkward for her to put her arms around him.

"She's okay. She's fine." Zaydaan whispered to her in awe, looking like he had been crowned the Prime Minister for the first time, like he had achieved some dream.

"Yes. And you're fine too." Minal replied, staring at him with her big brown eyes.

There was so much warmth in her orbs, so much glint and shine...and it was all because she had seen him happy.

Zaydaan realised that, he realised that seeing him so vulnerable had hurt her, it had worried her and now seeing him relax had brought her content.

Both his hands reached out to her hands that were placed on each side of her body. He squeezed her fingers with his, holding onto her hands as he looked at her with a grateful eyes.

"Thank you, Minal. For staying with me, for understanding that-"

For understanding that I needed someone who understood me, for knowing that I could not talk to anyone but you in this situation, for not abandoning me even after losing me, for not wishing ill upon me just because I broke your heart.

"You would have done the same for me." She replied, holding onto him.

"Yes, I would have."

There was no doubt in his mind that he wouldn't have done the same for her. Even if they were not together, even if they were not in love, there would always be love between them, love of a different kind, love that represented care and affection but also protectiveness.

You can never forget your first love, neither do you have to. What is wrong in loving a person who you used to be in love with?

She had opened up his heart with love, the heart in which Aaina stayed and will always stay. But Minal would always be a part of him, because she was his first love.

His best friend.

"You know that she's gonna freak out when she sees you both together like this, right?" They heard a voice and Zaydaan pulled his hands away, turning to look at his brother.

"Shut up, Ahad." Minal mumbled, smiling anyway.

Ahad could very well understand the relationship between these two. It was not romantic but it was filled with affection and care. Love was not of just one type.

He could understand because him and Aaina shared a similar bond in a way, it was different..yes but it was kind of the same too.

Ahad looked at his brother, finally seeing the relief on his face that matched his own. Ahad wouldn't tell anyone this but the moment he heard that Aaina was okay, he had cried.

They were tears of relief and happiness but tears nonetheless. He had cried because the thought of losing her was so fucking scary and he didn't have to think like that anymore.

Ahad walked towards Zaydaan, embracing him.

"Bhai." He whispered, tightening his arms around his older brother.

Zaydaan hugged him back the same way, knowing that Ahad had been suffering all this time too.

As the brothers pulled away from the hug, Minal cleared her throat and picked up her phone from the table. She looked at Zaydaan, nodding at him.

"Since Aaina is okay, I think I'll take my leave now." She announced, resulting in a chuckle from Ahad.

"You got scared by one remark only?" He questioned, teasing her that she had suddenly gotten scared of Aaina's reaction, Zaydaan clicked his tongue at him.

"I'm not scared of her. Shahid is with my father and it's not a good idea to leave them both together for a long time." She explained.

Ahad frowned.

"Why not? Two military men should bond well." He commented.

"They do. And they end up planning crazy shit."

Crazy shit like going to hiking trips and hunting and not understanding that General Ashfaq was a sick man now.

Zaydaan nodded at her, motioning her towards the door. Minal walked by his side, reaching the end of the restricted area as they stopped near the door.

"Take care of yourself and call me if you need me." She said to him, assuring him that she would be here if he needed her, if he ever needed her.

"I don't have to call. You're always there when I need you, Mina."

She inhaled a deep breath, a sharp one.

I love you, Mina. One day, we will marry each other and see the world. One day, I will become the Prime Minister and you will be the intelligent wife by my side.

She blocked away the sudden voice that rang in her head. He had stopped calling her Mina a long time ago and today, he had called her that.

Maybe, even though they remained friends..they always had some unshared complicated feelings for each other, some things that were unsaid and not understandable but today, all of that had gone away. After years.

"I haven't heard you call me that for a long time." Minal whispered, not being able to hide the overwhelming feeling that she had.

"You'll always be Mina to me." Zaydaan said back, silently telling her that he will always be there if she needed him, just like she had been there for her.

"Thank you, Zaydaan." She ignored the burning sensation she felt in her eyes.

"No. Thank you." Zaydaan mumbled, opening the door for her.

Minal Ashfaq walked out, without looking back. Zaydaan turned around as well, his wife was alive and that's just how he felt right now.

Aaina did not know how long it had been since she felt conscious, since she felt like she was awake. She didn't know long it had been since she came to know that she was Aaina, she had been shot and she was pregnant at the time when she had been shot.

Awan had used her to protect himself and she had struggled, feeling the bullet pierce through her body, her stomach, her baby.

She remembered the way she had held onto Zaydaan, begging him to save her, afraid that she would die. She didn't want to die.

Was her baby okay?

Was Zaydaan okay?

Was Zayla okay?

She was alive. Wasn't she?

Slowly, she felt the burden on her eyes, as if someone had just put something really heavy on them, she shrugged to open her eyes to see around, she struggled to come out of the darkness that surrounded her.

Zaydaan heard his wife's groan, it sounded like a whine. He looked at her, seeing her hand move as she let out another whine, as if she was afraid or struggling.

He yelled out for the doctor, who rushed inside, standing above Aaina as she slowly opened her eyes.

She didn't look up at the doctor, for some reason..she felt inclined to look somewhere else, she looked to her left, the sight of him sending nothing but satisfaction through her body.

His face was blurry but she knew it was him. She could recognise him without even seeing him.

"Hey," She heard him say, he was near her this time, his hand was holding her hand.

She never wanted to let go of it. She did not want to die.

"Hi." She managed to choke out, hearing her own voice sound so thick, so foreign.

"Zaydaan," She tried again, taking his name like it was the most beautiful name in the world.

She didn't know whether he was smiling or not but she heard him, heard his half broken voice.

"I missed you."

That's what he had said. He missed her. She wanted to tell him that she missed him too, that she loved him, she wanted to hear his voice and speak to him, she wanted to see his face and hold him near her.

Instead, she shrugged to keep herself awake.

"I-" She tried to say all the things she was feeling but Zaydaan quietened her down.

"Close your eyes. I will be right here when you wake up."

So Aaina closed her eyes, letting the medicines take her back to the darkness, back to sleep, back to nothing.

The next time Aaina woke up, it was a day later. It was the early hours of the morning when she woke up, spotting Zaydaan on the very same seat.

She had not seen him look old like that. He was always the fit one, he took care of his diet, went on a jog any chance he got, made sure to eat salads and fruits, had stopped smoking and worked out every now and then. one of the many reasons why he always looked so fresh and radiant, the first one being his genes.

But not today. Today, he looked like a man in his forties, stress made people look old. It was true.

This time, she could see his face much clearly than before. She could see the dark circles, the heavy beard, the wrinkles around his eyes.

Zaydaan just smiled at her, eyes tired, face showing signs of no sleeps for days but he still smiled and his eyes shone.

Aaina looked at the doctor on the side, who was already preparing an injection to put into the drip that was attached to her.

Aaina frowned for a moment, thinking about her daughter.

Was Zayla okay?

"Zayla," She said out loud, asking Zaydaan about her by just taking her name.

The Prime Minister gave a gentle squeeze to her other hand.

"Zayla's okay. She is at home with Noora." He informed, making Aaina nod.

Zayla was okay. But what about the baby that hadn't even been born yet? There was no way she was pregnant right now, she knew that.

She ruined everything.

"Zaydaan, our baby." She whispered to him, holding onto a small Ray of hope that kept poking at her, telling her to have faith and ask about the baby once atleast.

"You need rest, hmm?" He said instead, not even willing to open that topic at all.

His voice was so tender and soft that Aaina wanted to hear him say more. She looked at the doctor, putting another injection into the drip.

She made a sound of protest.

"Please, no more." She pleaded, looking at him and then at her husband.

The doctor stopped, glancing at the both of them.

"It's important, we have to give these to you every four hours to help with the recovery process." He said to the first lady, eyes staring at the Prime Minister for approval.

Zaydaan nodded.

"Go on," He said to him, Aaina shook her head once again, whining out loud.

"Zaydaan.." She took his name, telling him that she wanted to talk.

Zaydaan Ziagil just smiled at her again.

"Sshhh, Go to sleep. I am with you."

She fell into her state of drowsiness once again, feeling the darkness envelop her.

It took another two days for the injections and the drowsiness and the sleep to be over. Two days where her husband had not left her bedside, had not let anyone enter her room to disturb her, not even the family. He had slept by her side, on the sofa that was placed near the bed instead of the large bed on the other side of the room. This luxurious hospital room where he could sleep with comfort did not matter to him, she did.

When Aaina woke up, all she saw was her husband with a cup of tea in her hand and a smile on his lips. He smiled at her everytime she opened her eyes, it was the best sight to ever wake up to.

"You're awake." He said it like she was properly awake for the first time, she looked better for the first time, she didn't look hazy or drug addicted, she looked like his wife, his very swollen faced, bruised up, pale wife but his wife nonetheless.

"How do you feel?"

How did she feel?

She felt guilty. So damn guilty. She felt like a sinner, for being the reason her baby died. She felt broken, she had lost a life that she truly wanted to love, she felt empty because there was no child inside her anymore, she felt stupid for not listening to Zaydaan, she felt like shit.

"Alive." She whispered instead. She was alive, she didn't die.

Zaydaan gave her another smile, pulling the sofa even more near to her, his hand reaching out to touch hers.

"Yeah, you're alive." He affirmed.

You almost died. You could have died but you're alive and I am too.

She looked at him for another moment and he looked at her, she did not know what to say.

"Zaydaan, I-" Before she could even realise what was going on, Zaydaan's face was hovering on top of her.

His lips touched her forehead, his eyes closed and he remained there, breathing, inhaling, taking her all in.

She smelled of medicines and blood, smelled anything but like herself but Zaydaan still inhaled her, as if he was finally breathing some air.

Aaina hissed as she tried to lift her hand up, she tried to touch his thick beard, feeling the pain spasm through her stomach but she didn't let it show.

She put her hand on his beard and let him remain where he was. Seeing him like this, more guilt washed over her and she sniffed, feeling the tears leak out as she cried.

"Sshhh. Chup." He shushed her down, telling her to not cry, not to say a word.

"I-" Aaina heard him hesitate as she felt the tears still slipping out of her eyes.

"I was so scared," She heard him say, her heart squeezed, it hurt hearing him say that.

"Aaina, I was so scared." He repeated himself again, taking deep breaths, still hovering over her.

"I couldn't breathe. I was so scared." He repeated yet again.

He was scared to lose me. He was scared for me. Zaydaan wasn't scared of anything and yet he was scared because of me.

"You're alive. You're okay." He kissed her head again and again, keeping his lips on the top of her her head, inhaling and exhaling.

"Zaydaan," Aaina whispered his name, trying to say something to him.

She felt Zaydaan open his eyes, his eyes were red. Actually red, like he was trying so hard not to let any tears fall. He looked at her, moving just a little back as he sat on the side of the bed, holding onto her hand.

"When I say that you are my jaan, I mean it. I was lost without you, I couldn't..I couldn't." Aaina used her hand to pull him over her yet again, careful as she tried not to make a sound. It hurt, her stomach area hurt alot but she wanted Zaydaan, close to her.

He was still careful, his head placed near her breast, her hand over his hair.

"Am I hurting you?" He questioned.

"No." She lied, her sides hurt but she didn't want him to pull away.

"I lost our baby. I lost it." Aaina finally said out, voice cracking as she tried to stop herself from crying but she couldn't even help herself.

Her father had died, her mother didn't even care about her, she cared more about her revenge, her husband had been accused of shit from everywhere, her daughter had got kidnapped and now, she was in a hospital..wounded while she mourned the loss of her unborn child.

"Sshhh, it's okay." He hushed her, tried to comfort her but they both knew it wasn't okay, it really wasn't.

He lifted his head up, seeing how guilty she looked, how fucking broken she looked right now. She sniffed, looking at the other side as the tears kept leaking out.

Zaydaan used his thumb to make her look at him, he held her chin.

"Look at me. I am very mad at you, mad at you for hurting yourself, for being stupid." She bit her lip. He was mad at her, ofcourse he was. She deserved it.

Aaina opened her mouth, trying to tell him sorry she was, how she ruined everything but he shook his head stopping her.

"No, no Aaina." He put a finger on her lips.

"I had no strength without you." He gritted out, making her understand what almost losing her meant to him.

"I am angry at you, I am so mad. But I love you with all of my heart, my soul and if I had lost you, I wouldn't have been myself." He told her, seeing the widened eyes, the love on her face, the pain.

"I don't call you meri jaan because you like it. I call you that because that is who you are."

What did she think? It was an endearment? It wasn't. It was the utter truth.

"So baby or no baby, what really matters is you. You're okay and you're with me." He completed, pulling his finger away from her lips.

Zaydaan leaned down, pressing his lips against hers. He didn't move them, did not kiss her but he stayed there, feeling her.

"Okay?" He whispered over her lips, wiping the tear that had fallen away.

"You won't cry anymore, understand?" He finally pressed a kiss against her lips and felt her nod, he got up and stood by her side.

"I'll call the doctor." He murmured, telling her that he'll be back.

Aaina pulled on his hand before he could even move.

"I'm okay." She told him.

"Please, just stay with me."

Zaydaan nodded, sitting by her side once again. They didn't say a word after that, it was more than enough that they were together, alive.

-----

When Ahad Ziagil actually entered her room, he knew that either she would be asleep or sitting idle by herself. Zaydaan had been outside, him and Sami were having a talk.

Ahad did not know what talk they were exactly having but he did not care about it either.

He just had to see his best friend and maybe yell at her for being so fucking stupid. As he entered the room, he found her.. not asleep, not resting but crying in such a way that it made it very hard for her to breathe.

One moment he was at the door and the next he was by her side. She was laying down straight on the bed, struggling to breathe because of her constant crying. He quickly put his hand underneath her and carefully pulled her a little up, making her realise that there was someone by her side.

Her eyes widened for a moment before she saw who it was.

"Ahad," She cried, putting her head near his chest and bawling her eyes out

"Aaina, stop." He whispered, rubbing her back in soft circles to calm her down.

"I did it. I am responsible for all of this. I lost our baby." She continued, the guilt pouring over her, over and over again.

"Zaydaan made me promise him that I won't leave the room and I still did it. I broke it and my baby died." She cried, looking at him through her wet lashes.

"I promised I wouldn't cry but I feel so guilty, Ahad. I did the one thing he asked me not to.".

I promised I wouldn't come downstairs and yet, I had. If I wasn't in that hall, Awan would have been dead and I wouldn't have been shot, I wouldn't have lost my baby.

"What is with you two constantly blaming yourselves for what happened?" Ahad softly questioned her, knowing that she needed all the comfort she could get.

"You know, Aaina. When you and bhai first got married, your couple made no sense to me. You were too emotional and he wasn't emotional at all. I thought this would all end up in flames and yet, here you both are." He started off, hating himself for sounding so cliche but she needed this, she needed this cliche in her life right now.

"The love that you two have, it transcends every difficulty, every complication." He told her, smiling as he felt her sobs turn to sniffs.

"Sometimes, things happen because they have to happen. It's not your fault, it's not bhai's fault. It's what life is. We can't be happy all the time."

She understood that. She understood that life was this way but if she had been more careful, if she had listened..if...

"You can not blame yourself. You can grieve the life that you lost, the child that was supposed to come into this world but you can not blame yourself like that. Okay?"

The Ziagil men were good at comforting her but how would she dull the ache and remove the guilt that constrained her heart?

"Now smile." She just gave him a fake smile but he still chuckled, seeing how hard she had tried and yet her smile was fake.

She would heal, ofcourse. It would take time but she would definitely heal.

"Good. I'll call Noora, she wanted to meet you." He pulled his hand away from her shoulder, but she stopped him.

"Ahad, wait." She gulped, swallowing the bile down her throat. What a fucking horrible timing she had.

"I know this isn't how you wanted me to react but Noora told me and I," She hesitated.

How do you congratulate your bestfriend on his wife's pregnancy when you've just lost a child yourself?

She took a deep breath and actually gave him a smile this time, putting away all the pain, all the hurt for a moment.

"I am happy for you. You're going to be a wonderful father, the very best."

She didn't know how to congratulate him, how to tell him that he a baby was going to be wonderful for them, she wanted to tell him but she just didn't have the heart to do so, not right now, not when she was mourning her own.

"I wanted to tell you myself. You were the first person I wanted to tell." He said, letting out a sigh.

Ahad gave her a sympathetic look, he understood how tough it was for her.

"I know. You're my best friend." She whispered to him, seeing the sudden glum look on his face.

What?

"When you were on that bed na, Aaina. When you weren't even awake, I was the most selfish I've ever been."

Ahad started off, Aaina frowned. What did he do?

"I didn't think about bhai, I didn't think about Zayla. I just kept thinking that what would happen to me if something happened to you. What will I do? Where will I go?"

Human beings were selfish that way. We always thought about how some loss would affect us, how a loss would change our lives, how much we would suffer. It was natural.

"I can't go on a day without you and the thought of never hearing your voice again, it was so fucking painful."

His voice cracked, Aaina squeezed his hand.

"Ahad," She whispered in awe.

"I'm happy you're okay." He mumbled instead, pulling his hand away as he stood up and let her lay back straight again.

"Just don't be a dumbfuck and get used as a human shield again."

He grumbled playfully, lightening up the mood as he walked outside the room to call his wife.

The next day, pain returned. Not the one inside of her, not the one that she held onto every single day but the physical pain, the one where she felt her stomach burn, her backside felt like there were spikes attached to it and the sides of her stomach were making her hiss everytime she moved.

Her body hurt, she felt so drained and instead of telling her taht that the pain will be okay, she felt Zaydaan's anger. He had been this way since the morning, had been angry, hadn't said anything but he looked so angry, so pissed.

It was directed at her, she knew. But he was biting his tongue, trying not to hurt her, not to tell at her.

Did he blame her? For the baby?

"Say it, Zaydaan. I can practically see your jaw clenched." Aaina said out loud, looking at him.

Her words were enough to make Zaydaan let go of his patience. Bloody moron.

"What do you think of yourself?" He questioned, standing up as he neared her.

"What?" Aaina gulped, not understanding the question.

"I'm serious. It's just a question. I just want to know, what do you think of yourself? Who are you?"

Who was she?

"I'm your wife." She said without hesitation. He shook his head, no..that was not it.

"Other than that."

"I'm a mother, a first lady, a working woman." Aaina answered next, her husband nodded and sat by her side.

"Okay. And you know everything, correct?" She gulped.

Okay, she knew where this was going.

"No. I don't know everything." She replied, looking at her hands as she fidgeted through them. Zaydaan made her look up, putting his hand on her chin.

"You promised that you would stay up in that room and you left. For me, for Ahad, For Sami. For three grown men who know how to fight their own battles. Are you stronger than us? Are you stronger than my men who have trained for years before being appointed for my protection?"

He was right. She knew he was. What was she even thinking? Why did her heart always win against her mind? Why did that always happen?

"If only you had listened to me-" Aaina didn't let him complete, looking at him through her tear stained eyes.

"Our baby would have been okay." She completed, taking the blame, accepting that she was the reason.

Zaydaan wanted to smack her, literally. He put his hand on the nape of her neck, shaking his head at her.

"No, you idiot. You wouldn't have been in so much pain, you would be fine. You."

He insisted, gesturing at the condition she was in. She was in pain, struggling to even sit up properly without help and yet, she was just blaming herself, not understanding his point.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, not even knowing how she could make up for anything, for all the anguish she had caused him.

"It's not about sorry, Aaina. You are not miss know it all. I am proud of you, you know. I've always been. You helped me when I was at my weakest. You're incredible but you're not a hero. Neither am I." He told her the truth, continuing.

"Life is not a movie. You can not put yourself at risk without thinking shit through." He instructed, looking at with anger and love and pity and pain, and so much more.

"I could have lost you. Zayla could have lost you. How could you?" He accused, making her feel even more guilty.

How could she not blame herself then? How could she not?

"I'm sorry. I was just, I didn't even think-" She didn't know how to complete that sentence.

"I feel terrible, Zaydaan. You have no idea how guilty I feel."

Zaydaan knew she felt guilty, just the way he did. One moment, his mind would tell him that everything was God's will and in the next, his conscience would call him out for not being able to protect her, protect the baby.

"You don't need to. Losing that baby was God's will. We couldn't do anything." He tried to comfort her, letting out a bitter sound as he continued.

"And I am to be blamed for it too. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't even be in this position."

She heard him grumble. Aaina did not want him to think like that. She could take him blaming her, she could not take him blaming his own self.

"I made a choice, Zaydaan. Just like you said, It was God's will." She whispered, hearing a knock on the door as a woman walked inside, dragging a trolley of food with her. She put the table on the bed, placing the bowl and glass carefully on it.

She poured the soup into the bowl, then filled the glass with water and took her leave.

Aaina looked at Zaydaan, knowing that if she told him she did not want to eat, he would probably stab her himself.

She picked up the spoon, hissing as she moved it a little forward and felt her side burn. Zaydaan rolled his eyes at her, taking the spoon from her hand.

She looked at him with a questioning gaze.

"You don't expect me to sit there and watch you hiss everytime you lift your arm. Right?" She nodded, watching him as he picked up the spoon and put it in the bowl.

"Open." Aaina opened her mouth, feeling the salty taste of the soup in her mouth.

He made her eat more than half the bowl and he was still not done. Everytime she would make a face, he would frown and she would just open her mouth once again, letting him make her eat the tasteless bland soup.

For a moment, Zaydaan thought that she had forgot about the conversation but when she spoke up, he realised that she hadn't.

"I wanted a boy, with the same features as yours. I wanted a tiny Zaydaan Ziagil. I wanted it so bad, I wanted a family picture, of you and me and Zayla and our baby. To know that it can not happen anymore, my heart hurts so much."

She confessed, trying not to break down again.

Zaydaan wanted a little Zayla, a baby girl just like his first born. And Aaina wanted a boy. They didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. They would never find out.

"I didn't mean to come down. I just couldn't control myself. I made a mistake and now we're both paying for it." Once again, she was going on the same guilt trip. Zaydaan wiped away her tears.

"Stop blaming yourself." He firmly said, putting the spoon near her mouth.

"Open up." She opened, finally finishing the God awful meal.

As the tray was put away, Zaydaan had his hand around his wife's shoulders, her head was placed on his shoulder as she felt half awake, half asleep.

"Do you believe in Allah's punishment, Aaina? For the words that we say?" He asked the one thing that had been eating away at him for a long while.

"As in?" She whispered, asking him to elaborate.

"I told you I wanted you to abort the baby. I was being ungrateful so Allah took the baby away from us."

Aaina lifted her head up and placed a small kiss on his cheek, feeling the thick beard that welcomed her instead of his skin.

"I think Allah knows that you didn't really mean to say that. You were the one who wanted another child in the first place. You asked me repeatedly to take care of myself but I was so busy in thinking about what would happen if I lost you or Ahad that I didn't think about my baby. I only thought about myself."

If they were playing this game, they would spend the entire day doing this. Zaydaan let out a chuckle at her.

"You only want to blame yourself for what happened?" He questioned.

"You only want to blame yourself for what happened?" She shot back, repeating his own words.

Zaydaan remembered what Idrees Ziagil had told him.

"My father said that things happen because they have to happen. They happen one way or the other. I guess we both need to believe in that and stop blaming ourselves." He suggested, Aaina put her head back on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Zaydaan." She whispered.

"I'm sorry too, Aaina." He whispered in the same tone.

Aaina slowly drifted off to sleep and Zaydaan couldn't help but do the same.

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