Medical Case 1: Vulvodynia

I feel cursed.

I'm pinned down – Pain puts his hand between my legs; 

Now a place I was told to be holy suddenly feels dirty.

I flinch at any brush against my thighs, I squeeze my eyes tight as pain blows across my luscious spot, I cry myself to sleep knowing no matter how hard I scrub in the shower, his filth still rubs up against my folds when I walk.

They teach us consent, but I never asked to be touched by the devil – I never asked to be stretched open by unwanted hands, I never asked for this constant burn in a doorway meant for my daughter; assuming she can get past the fire alive.

I never asked to be touched by pain.

But pain doesn't believe in consent.

It spreads your legs when it pleases. It gropes you, it feels you up, it fingers you open and splits you down the middle.

If my body is my home, then I live in a prison.

If my house is on fire, then let it burn me down before the sadness does.