Disclaimer: This piece has been in works for a long time. And it's a topic not everyone will like because it's quite controversial.

*This is a 2-part story, the next half being published as the next chapter.*

But, I feel like Sachin's past and Renu's behavior is connected, and I wanted to write this piece to include a mother's perspective.

This part, of course, is mainly focused on Sachin and his past. The next part would include Renuka's side and a possible redemption (which is in works)

You may choose not to read, but please don't be harsh without reading it because I have taken creative liberty for something I'd like to see in the show especially since the scene between Kanwar and Radhika ji aired months ago!

If you've read this disclaimer so far, thank you! I hope you like this piece, a lot different than what I've been writing in this book so far.

I'd love to read your opinions on this one, so do leave some comments for me :))

TW: Emotional, death

....

The Deshmukh house had been decorated in celebration of Lord Krishna's arrival. The sun had set, the celebrations had died down, and everyone was now retiring to bed.

Sachin sat on the staircase of his house, thinking back to what his mother had done.

An emotional Renuka had expressed the connection between Lord Krishna and Devki Maiyya, saying that she had to push her child away for his own good. Sachin and Sailee stood in the hallway, hearing every word she had said.

It struck a chord in Sachin's heart. Maybe, just maybe his mother still had a soft corner for him. Just maybe, she still loved him like she used to, and she was just behaving this way to mask her pain.

She turned towards him and opened her arms, and Sachin felt himself welling up with tears. His mother was finally accepting him, calling her son back to her.

Sachin took a step forward, only to be slightly shoved by the shoulder, overtaken by his older brother, who went straight into his mother's arms. Renuka hugged Tejas tightly, and explained something further, but Sachin didn't bother, because the sound of his heart shattering was louder than anything else.

He was a fool to think that his mother would change, would accept him for who he is. She never tried in so many years, what made him think she'd change now?

Sachin still carried hope. His stupid, 12 year old self still carried that glimmer of hope, that was always extinguished by his mother.

Aai.

He doesn't remember the last time he called her by that name, because every time he did, she reminded him of how she never thought of him as a part of her.

Sachin loved Aaji. For him, she was like his mother. She raised him, gave him the love he deserved, stayed up all night when he was sick, and never let him feel the absence of his mother.

A single tear streamed down his cheek, which he quickly wiped away. What did he do in his past life, that he was being punished in this way?

What did he do, to be robbed of his mother's love? To an extent that it hurt; it hurt every single day that he lived in this house. Every day, he was reminded that he's not a part of this family, that he isn't meant to be loved.

Sachin craved for Renuka's love. Because he knew how it felt to be the apple of her eye, the favourite child. To be stripped of that love all of a sudden one day, is too much to process for a 12 year old boy.

And what hurt more was this his share of love was given to his older brother, Tejas. The one who was responsible for this lowly life of his-

A warm hand clasped his shoulder, and he quickly wiped his eyes, finding Sailee looking over him.

"Soye nahi tum?" She asked softly, with the gentlest look in her eyes.

"Neend nahi aa rahi." Sachin looked out into the distance, and he felt his wife sit down beside him.

Sailee simply hugged Sachin's arm, and rested her head against his shoulder. She knew he had a very hard day, with everything that had happened. She knew that he was hurting, because he always seeked the silence of the night when he was in pain.

"Mat socho." She whispered, kissing his shoulder lightly, because she knew he was replaying today's events in his head.

Sachin sighed, the burden of his past just building up to the point that it had reached its brink.

He hadn't spoken to anyone about this in 10 years, and it would drive him crazy if he didn't.

"Tujhe pata hai, yeh baba ki baiko hai na? Unke aankhon ka tara tha mai."

Sailee looked up in bewilderment, wondering if she had heard him right. Sachin? And Renuka's favorite?

The silence made her believe that she had just imagined him talking, but his voice cut through the quiet of the night.

"Pata hai, yakeen nahi ho raha, na?" He chuckled, tapping her hands gently. "Par yeh sacch hai."

"Baba ki baiko ka sabse laadla tha mai. Koi merese zara si awaaz unchi karke baat kare, usse bardaasht nahi hota tha."

"Usse toh kabhi bhi mereko apne aap se door karna hi nahi tha. Woh toh uss jyotish-" Sachin paused, taking a deep breath, and Sailee placed her hand on his knees to calm down his shaking legs.

"Aaji ke jyotish ne kuch toh kaha Baba ki baiko se, jab 1 saal ka hua, toh Aaji mereko le gayi. Ek dudh-peete bacche ko apne seene se alag kar diya usne."

Sailee grasped his hands, every word he uttered a new revelation to their family dynamics that was hidden away from the world.

"Par woh tab bhi mere se pyaar karti thi. Har hafte aati thi gaaon, usko meri itni yaad aati thi. Mere fev-ret shakkarpaali, chivda apne haatho se banake laati thi."

A small smile creeped up on Sachin's face, which was immediately masked by pain. "Alag se dabba hota tha mere liye, Nitin Dada ko bhi haath nahi lagane deti thi."

Sailee looked at Sachin questioningly, wondering who was this family member she hadn't met in these many months of marriage.

Sachin look at her blank expression, and realised what he had said. "Tujhe nahi pata na?"

"Mera ek aur Dada hai, Tejas bhau se bada. Mera Nitin Dada."

Sailee was slightly taken aback at this information. So that means they were 4 brothers: Nitin, Tejas, Sachin and Akash. A whole member of the family she hadn't seen or even heard of until today? Where was he? And why did he not live in this house with them? How had he never called home even once? What had happened between them?

"Tha. Ab nahi hai woh."

Sachin corrected himself, the pang in his heart only growing stronger. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to get this off his chest, because this was physically causing him pain that he couldn't wash away.

Sailee let out the breath she had been holding. This was so much information to process. His brother had passed away? How come Sailee had never seen pictures in the house? There should have at least been a hint of another human being part of this family.

"Nitin Dada sabke favourite the. Khajoor ki Aai ko bohot ummedein thi unse. IIT mein admission ho gaya tha Dada ka. Mereko cricket khelna sikhaya unhone, pata hai? Aur maths bhi padhate the."

Sachin fondly remembered his older brother, and the childhood memories that never seemed to go away. He never wanted them to go away, but the fondest memories were followed by the darkest nights.

"Phir ek din sab badal gaya." Sachin's eyes darkened, as the past clouded his mind, his voice shaking in tremor. He remembered that dreadful day as clear as a crystal.

Sachin hadn't looked at Sailee this entire time, and she just knew that he was holding back, until he couldn't anymore.

"Garmi ki chuttiyan thi. Sab aaye the merese milne. Mai, Nitin Dada aur Tejas Bhau nadi mein tairne gaye the. Dada ko tairne nahi aata tha, toh hum zyaada andar nahi gaye."

"Baba ki baiko Dada aur mereko itna pyaar karti thi, yeh baat Tejas ko pasand nahi thi. Humesha se nalla tha woh. 2 saal ka hi farak tha usme aur Dada mein. Jalta tha woh mere Dada se."

Sachin wiped his eyes, his nervousness increasing every minute as he fidgeted with his hands and legs.

"Merese bola ball leke aa, aur mai daudke humara ball laaya. Jab aaya toh-"

Sachin's voice shook, as tears streamed down his face, his body shaking with sobs.

"Tejas ne Dada ko gehre nadi mein dhakka maar diya."

Sailee's eyes widened in shock. She felt numb, completely numb to this revelation.

"Mai gaya terke, Dada ke paas," Sachin wiped his tears, his sobs getting the better of him, "Par mai kuch nahi kar paaya. Mera Dada meri aankhon ke saamne doob gaya, aur mai unhe nahi bacha paaya."

"Maine bohot koshish ki, Sailee," Sachin finally looked at her, and his pain broke something within Sailee, as she held him and wiped his tears, her own streaming down her face, "par Dada ko mai paani se upar nahi laa paaya."

"Tejas bas khada hoke dekhta raha, aur jab woh Aai-Baba ko laaya, toh unhe laga ki Dada galti se doob gaya par-" He pinched himself in the hopes that it would distract him from the lain he was feeling,

"Usne yeh kaha ki maine Dada ko doobaya. Sailee, Usne mereko Dada ke maut ka gunehgaar THERA DIYA!"

His screams of pain pierced Sailee's heart, and with every sentence he spoke, it broke her to know how much pain he was going through. Yet he masked it with a smile and moved on every day.

"Hum hospital leke gaye the Dada ko, par woh nahi raha. Mere Dada ko tairne nahi aata tha, Sailee! Aur yeh baat mera khajoor bhai JAANTA THA! Phir bhi usne-"

Sachin choked up, his cries louder than ever.

"Meri Aai toot gayi uss din. Apne sabse honhaar bacche ko marte dekha usne. Aur maine maara hai Dada ko, yeh baat sunke sadme mein chali gayi. Cheekh cheekh ke rone lagi."

"Log ikhatta hue, toh police case ban gayi. Maara-peeti toh pehle se karta aaya hu. Aur mai jail chala gaya. Juvenile custody."

"4 din." He raised up four fingers, "4 din tak koi milne nahi aaya. Akela dam ghut raha tha mera, mar jaane ka mann kar raha tha-"

Sailee audibly gasped, not knowing that he had been to jail before. She had heard Renuka accuse him of being a criminal, but she didn't know that she actually meant it. She just thought her mother-in-law was being extra.

"Paachve din pe Baba aaya merese milne. Bas ek baat bola woh."

'Sachin, beta. Mai jaanta hu Tejas mujhse kuch chupa raha hai. Aur woh kya chupa raha hai, yeh tu jaanta hai. Mujhe sach sach bata.'

"Mai nahi bataya paaya." Sachin turned to face her now, holding her hands in hopes of gaining some strength. "Nahi bata paaya apne Baba se kuch."

"Phir bhi woh har hafte milne aaya, Sailee. Uske liye, maine uske sabse bade bete ki jaan li. Woh phir bhi aaya mereko dekhne. Baba ko yakeen tha ki mai aisa nahi kar sakta, par aankhon dekha jhooth kaise ho sakta hai na?" His voice wobbled, and she grasped his hands tighter.

"Aur har hafte, mai ek hi sawaal puchta tha unse."

'Aai kidhar hai Baba?'

'Mujhe Aai se milna hai. Bula na Aai ko! Please, Baba. Mujhe Aai ke paas jaana hai.'

"Mai intezaar karta reh gaya, par woh nahi aayi. Kabhi nahi aayi. Meri Aai merese milne kabhi nahi aayi."

A heavy silence hung between them, as tears pooled up in Sailee's eyes.

He had been through so much, at such a young age. He watched his oldest brother die in front of his eyes, he watched his older brother commit the crime, he took the blame for a crime he never committed, and he bore the brunt of it for every single day after that.

His Baba was like God to him. And she knew why today. Because somewhere he still believes in his son, despite of what the record says. Sometimes, that's all someone needs.

Hope.

And his Baba gave him hope. That at least one person on this planet still believes in him, trusts him.

"5 saal. Waha 5 saal nikaale maine. Narak bhi uss jagah se accha hoga, Sailee. Udhar ke bacche bohot bure the, bohot tang karte the."

Sachin's eyes were now bloodshot red, and he couldn't stop crying. Years and years of locking away his emotions in his heart had finally caught up to him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He lost a part of childhood because of this incident. He never got the chance to grow up, have a normal life like his brothers. Who knows, maybe he would have got into IIT like his Dada and made his parents proud. Or he would have done something better with his life.

But, he was stuck with a tag that would never fade away: Criminal. Murderer.

His police records would always show his jail time, and if he wanted to, he'd never get a job good enough to support his family. So he had to resort to being a taxi driver.

That's what his life had been reduced to.

Taunts from society. His mother's harshness. And never an opportunity to make his life worth living.

"5 saal baad, jab mai jail se choota aur ghar aaya, toh sab badal chuka tha. Meri Aai badal chuki thi. Woh Aai nahi rahi, jo mujhse itna pyaar karti thi, mujhe apne palkon pe bithati thi."

Sachin composed himself, and Sailee wiped his tears, cupping his face between her palms, desperately wanting to take away his pain.

"Jinn aankhon mein mere liye pyaar tha unn aankhon mein nafrat bas gayi thi. Apni saari umeed Tejas se laga li thi. Uss Tejas se, jo iss sab ke laayak kabhi nahi tha."

"Nitin Dada ko khone ka sadma laga tha usse. Par usne kaise maan liya ki mai Dada ke saath aisa kar sakta hu?" Sachin asked, his voice more broken than ever. "Aai ko apne bacche pe bharosa nahi tha? Merepe zara sa bhi bharosa nahi tha?"

"Aai mere liye ladne bhi nahi aayi. Ek baar bhi dekhne ka mann nahi kiya, ki unka Sacchu kaisa hai, zinda hai ki marr gaya, theek hai, khaana khaaya ki nahi?"

Sailee pulled Sachin into her arms, and he wept. The 12-year old child that still lived inside his heart wept for the lost innocence, the broken trust, and most importantly, his mother's love.

If she could take away all his pain, she would. In this very instant, if Lord Indra came onto earth and granted her one wish, it would be to take away his pain. It broke something inside of her to know how broken Sachin was.

No one behaves the way they are. There are always circumstances behind it, and she knew why he was the way he was today.

He had to teach himself to toughen up against this brutal world, especially when betrayal stemmed from his own brother.

"Sacch kyu nahi bataya unko?" Sailee uttered, the only words she had during this entire ordeal.

"Toot jaati woh, Sailee. MERI AAI TOOT JAATI!" He cried, the pain resurfacing.

"Ek beta nahi raha, dusra beta pedaishi manhoos tha. Usko mai agar bata deta ki teesra beta khooni hai, toh woh yeh bardasht nahi kar paati, woh mar jaati,  Sailee."

"Meri Aai MAR JAATI!"

Sailee cried along with Sachin, as he rested his head on her lap and cried. "Maine apne Dada ko nahi maara, par mai apne Aai ke maut ka zimmedaar nahi banna chahta tha. Bohot pyaar karta tha mai apni Aai se. Bohot zyaada."

"Ek baar, bas ek baar mujhe pyaar se 'Sacchu' bulaye, toh daudke ke uske god mein sarr rakh dunga, Sailee. Sacch bata raha hu."

"Meri Aai mujhe waapas chahiye, Sailee." Sachin wept, and Sailee clutched him closer," Mujhe bas meri Aai chahiye!"

Her dress was now damp with tears, whether it was hers or his, she did not know. All she knew was that he needed her, and she wasn't going anywhere.

He looked up at her suddenly, wiping his tears in fear, clutching her hands,

"Tujhe Bappa ki kasam hai, Sailee. Yeh baat tu kisiko nahi bataayegi. Yeh sab Baba ko bhi nahi pata. Itne saal maine yeh baat apne dil mein rakhi, aur yeh aise hi rehna chahiye."

Sailee made a silent promise to her husband, swearing to never do anything to break his heart again.

His trust, his love, his happiness is as fragile as glass, and today she understood why. And she promised to keep it that way, if not, only stronger.

The night watched two souls sharing years of pain, in hopes that it would ease eventually.

But what the night didn't see was another broken heart, a mother's heart, behind the walls of the doorway, that was now shattered to pieces.

.....