this is gonna get a little emotional and personal so uh read at ur own risk?

this is about guy number one, the one who did school and that's like it.

it's gonna be written in letter form because this is what i would say to him if i wasn't a fucking spaz.

yes i'm gonna use his name, pls don't expose me that would be super awks 😀

alec,

i have spent the past 3 years wanting to be with you every second. the feeling might've felt on and off but it was there the whole time. you are such an amazing person and an incredible human being to know, to be around and to love. you make loving you so easy for me which is why it hurts so much to have to say goodbye to whatever love i had for you. although we weren't dating, you were my everything. the first person i wanted to tell if anything happened in my life, the last person i would want to see me cry, my friend, my math tutor and one of the reasons i'm still here today. i want you to be happy and i want you to live your life how it's meant to be lived. you're so invested in school and it's one of the things i love about you. focused, smart and determined. i love so many things about you that it's hard to keep track. you make me so incredibly happy and sometimes i can't remember what it was like before i met you. i say all these things but it doesn't distract from the fact that we don't work and we never will. even if you felt this strongly to me as i do to you, i would never put you in that position where you have to choose between me and school. i'm not that important. i understand why you told me that you couldn't be with me, but it still hurts. you made it seem like you were 100% there but you weren't. i'm not mad at you in the least but i wish you would've told me that you weren't ready for this before you let me believe that we had a chance. i let myself fall for you more than anyone else. i usually keep a guard up and never let myself get this invested in a person but i didn't do that with you. you made it so easy to fall for you. your personality is so charming and the way you talk to me is like listening to my favourite song. hearing you laugh is my favourite thing because i know you're happy. your smile lights up my world and makes the worst of days seem so much brighter. alec, i know we would never work but i was willing to try. i wanted to fight for you but in the end i just couldn't. you make it so easy to love you but so hard to hold on to you. i want you to fly but you just can't do that with me. i love you, alec, but not in that way. not anymore.

yours truly,

sage

anyways that was sappy and stupid and i hated it. i've never cried over a boy that i actually liked before. i've never had my heart broken until now. it's sucky lol

i'll get over it, give me a week tops.

anyways, thank u next bitch 😘