Every time I dress feminine, I get the feeling 'ur not a real girl' even tho I'm cis. Every time I dress masculine to correct that feeling, I get the urge to be more feminine. AND I CANT GET OUT THAT LOOP.

And my sexuality is a mess now, now that I have discovered my grandpa's homophobia (my aunt invited a gay couple to her wedding, and they were cool too. Then my grandpa decided to follow them into the garage while they got a cigarette to lecture them about the Bible. My grandpa was the priest too. He then added a whole bunch of passages like 'woman and man as one'..). Plus my family's transphobic too. So now every time I hear someone talking about lgbt, I immediately stiffen up and change the topic bc I don't want to get disowned or treated differently. Now I feel that others see me as a homophobe.