TW: Mention of School shootings, panic attacks, trauma etc

This Oneshot is a follow on from "Alex has a PTSD attack during the Hospital Scene" however it is not necessary to have read it before reading this one.

It's based around a school shooting during Alex's childhood and how it affects him in the future (mainly during the hospital scene when there's 'gunshots' and how this affects his relationship with Henry after)

It was the day after the hospital visit and Alex had slept just as shit as he had the first night. Kensington palace was full of history, coated in it from the ancient portraits, carved furnishings and fancy bedspreads atop a rock solid bed.

It could hardly have been considered comfortable. Alex had no clue how Henry managed to sleep here.

Only when I can't sleep.... Which is always.

The words come back to him unbidden. It was irritating how easy he found it to relate to the prince. Sleepless nights were something he could relate to, though Alex's were intentional. Working himself to the bone and drinking coffee till the early hours. Sometimes it was for the sense of accomplishment or as June would say 'a fire under your ass for no damn reason' and others it was to keep the nightmares at bay.

But that's not exactly the information an interviewer wants to know. Alex is starting to think he should have taken Henry up on that 'practice interview' last night with the way that Shaan is grilling him in the back of the SUV.

Alex should probably blame some of his queasiness on his nerves or even on yesterday's panic attack, however, he chose to blame it all on this morning's appalling breakfast spread – what kind of garbage country eats bland beans on white toast for breakfast? He can't decide if his Mexican blood or his Texan blood is more offended.

The bacon was crispy at least, though it didn't come in strips with lots of tasty fat. Henry had been quiet though. In truth Alex hadn't expected him to be there, he had assumed breakfast would be a solitary affair but it seemed the prince was taking advantage of having company and met him in a small – yet still fancy – dining room.

They hardly spoke, passing comments about the day and Shaan had joined them halfway through. He had spread out a horrifically large pile of document folders, each one was leather bound, monogrammed and dyed a dark blue.

Shaan had thumbed through the files, listing the events of the day and the security details in a monotone voice but there was enough inflection and pointed eye contact to suggest private jokes and knowing understandings between the Equierry and the Prince.

Now he was sat beside Henry who was swarmed by a cloud of attendants and stylists. One adjusted his hair with a fine-toothed comb. One holds up a notepad of talking points (Alex didn't get prewritten talking points). One tugs his collar straight. From the passenger seat, Shaan takes a yellow pill out of a bottle and passes it back to Henry, who readily pops it into his mouth and swallows it dry. Alex decided he doesn't want or need to know.

Okay, he wants to know. He wants to know that there's someone else in this political minefield struggling like he is. Even if today seems to be a good day.

If Shaan would stop judging his answers to the practice questions that is.

"When did you and Prince Henry first meet?" Shaan queries when they're 15 minutes out.

"Rio Olympics." Alex doesn't hesitate to answer but something does twinge in his chest. "June, Nora and I were representing my mother's campaign at the summer events and we ran into Henry at the–" He turns to Henry in a planned move. "Swimming?"

"Diving." He counters, turning on the princely charm in a second. "Though I think we first spoke in the coffee shop."

"Ah yes, June was so excited to meet an actual prince."

"I think I disappointed her."

"Yeah you weren't a very good flirt back then." Alex shares a look with Henry who seems surprised by their banter. "Thank god, I would have got arrested for killing a prince."

Shaan snorts and even Henry grins. "It's endearing that you think that would have been a possibility."

"You don't think I could take you in a fight?"

"Absolutely not."

Alex opens his mouth to respond but breaks off with a scoff of disbelief. This would get them nowhere and as much as he would love to argue with the prince they have to look like best friends in 5 minutes time.

"Are you going to be okay?" He hedges and Henry shoots him a dark look. "I'm just asking."

"I feel like I should be the one asking that."

Alex shrugs. "Today's starting out to be a good day but from what I understand your days are all the same."

Henry remains quiet for a moment. The stylist settled back into their seats, politely turning to their phones and putting earbuds in. They're well trained at least. He's silent long enough that Alex thinks they're done talking but–

"I'll survive, I always do." Henry states as the car pulls to a stop outside the interviewer's place.

And that was that.

Alex isn't sure what he expected from Henry. Perhaps a conversation before this event, especially after last night. They hadn't exactly bonded over shared trauma but they had shared their sob stories.

Well, the bare minimum of the sob stories.

But it had been nice, to think for a moment that he had someone by his side in the shit. He always was getting ahead of himself. All Henry had said was that he had anxiety from the pressures of being a royal, and that his dad's death exacerbated that. Except all those things were pretty much common sense, anyone would look at a royal and think they would struggle with peer pressure and stress.

Alex at least had confessed about an actual fear. He had lost Marcus, his best friend, when he was 14 thanks to a school shooter. Ever since he's had a fear of losing the people he cares about, so what if that makes him struggle to make friends.

The problem was that he– and as much as it pisses him off to say it, it's the truth – he wants Henry to be his... friend isn't the right word. But perhaps someone he could turn to and share miseries with.

Over alcohol and then never talk about it again.

But they're fake friends so when Shaan tells Alex that 'his royal highness' will step out first he turns on the megawatt smile, the all-american charm that helped him gain the highest rating out of the whitehouse trio.

Henry blinks at him, surprised with something flickering in his gaze as he takes in Alex's suddenly lax posture, easy confidence and charm. It was all an act of course but Alex has managed to perfect it over the years.

There's the pre planned photographers lined up to document their interview on a short red carpet. By the excited screams, squeals and flamboyant signs it becomes abundantly clear to Alex that there are also Royal groupies. Though he preens a little at a few 'Alex I love you' signs.

He grins a little at a 'Henry I need you in me' sign that lasts all of five seconds before a security member shoves it in a nearby bin.

Henry doesn't pause for a second but Alex swears he can feel a faint hesitation about him, a clenched jaw or nervous air. So he steps forward, beaming at the crowd, waving at them as he embraces the cheers and praises.

Alex swaggers forward, throwing an arm around Henry's shoulder.

"Act like you like me!" Alex says cheerfully. Henry looks at him like he's trying to choose between a million choice words, before topping his head to the side and offering up a well rehearsed laugh, putting his arm around Alex too. "There we go."

The second they're in pose the cameras flash, loud and bright. So loud that Alex flinches back, bumping into Henry.

"Easy, easy." Henry murmurs, never breaking his smile. "They're just cameras, sweetheart."

Alex's throat bobs, ignoring the way his heart flutters at the pet name. Since it's irrelevant because what the hell gives Henry the right to call him 'sweetheart'. Probably him panicking again but that's not the point.

Henry loops an arm around his waist, mimicking his wave as they grin out at the crowds. Slowly, Alex feels himself calm down, settling into the polished politician role. It was far too easy to pull on that mask, to play America's golden boy.

Or it was easy now, it hadn't been easy seconds ago.

A good day. Today was going to be a good day.

The hosts of This Morning are agonisingly British– a middle aged woman named Dottie in a tea dress and a man called Stu who looks as if he spends weekends yelling at mice in his garden. Alex watches the screentests backstage as a makeup artist conceals a stress pimple on his forehead.

So this is happening.

He tries to ignore Henry a few feet to his left, currently getting a final preening from a royal stylist. It's the last chance he'll get to ignore Henry for the rest of the day. From here on out it's going to be full throttle and Alex is going to have to 'like' him whether he wants to or not.

The fact that he wants to is irrelevant.

God, he still feels like that stupid 18 year old desperate for Henry to be his friend at the Olympics.

Once the makeup artist has covered his face in fixing spray Alex allows himself to carefully take in the studio. Shaan is between him and Henry now, standing a step behind their director's style raised seats. The studio is brightly lit where the cameras are pointed, everywhere else is shrouded in darkness, shadows elongated and faces covered.

He can make out his and Henry's combined security team spread throughout the room, not by their face or clothing but from the familiar stance he has grown accustomed to over the past three years. They don't bring him as much comfort as they should.

Exit wise there are lots of rat runs leading off from behind-the-scenes, some are labelled helpfully with 'security only', dressing rooms, toilets and various other known places. The rest are just dark swaths of thick curtains that lead to god knows where.

Logically he knows the security team has it covered. That everyone in this room is essential personnel only and that they've all been vetted and gone through rigorous background searches.

But he would feel a lot better if he knew what all of this stuff did. If he knew that large duffel bag to his left was meant to be there or that large crate on his right was here for a purpose and not carrying something dangerous.

"Most of the crew will clear out once the interview begins." Alex blinks, half turning to better listen to Shaan. "Reduce the risk of someone interrupting."

Henry frowns slightly at his Equierry, for a moment Alex thinks he's confused but then Shaan glances to his princes and Henry dips his head in the barest of nods, glances at Alex before his attention turns back to the screen tests and introductions as someone comes over with their clip-on mics.

"There are five main exits in the building, an additional six fire exits but we have all of those covered." Shaan begins his little briefing, Alex doesn't remember him doing this yesterday before their hospital visit but he's grateful either way. "We've got complete access to their security, cameras are being monitored and passcards have been temporarily disabled for the duration of our visit."

Alex nods to himself, watching from the corner of his eye as Henry tilts his head back to let the tack guy attach his mic. He shivers uncomfortably. Alex has always hated when people get too touchy feely with him. Which is odd considering his entire family knows that his love language is touch.

But these people were strangers and he hated them being in his personal bubble let alone at his throat.

He drowns out the sound of Shaan's voice, still half listening to him discuss security details and go over emergency escape plans. Some Alex had already been briefed on but Shaan seems to have deemed it necessary for him to be aware of the backups, backup plan.

And then the tech guy is next to him, not even looking at him as he continues with his job. But when he reaches up, asking something about tilting his head back, Alex finds himself gripping the man's wrist, tugging it down sharply enough that Cash is there in seconds.

"Sorry, sir. Hadn't realised we were getting the mics attached." Cash grins at the tech, skillfully taking the clip on mic and removing Alex's hand from the man in one move. "Protocall states that we attach all the tech."

The tech glances at Henry who clears his throat, refusing to meet the man's bewildered gaze. Shaan waves the tech guy off with a swift look that resembles a glare. Cash attaches the mic, careful not to touch and talking casually about how June has been texting for updates. He's always been quite good at keeping Alex calm.

Once Cash is done he doesn't retreat to his earlier post but steps back like Shaan has done to stand behind his charge's chair. Henry is flicking through his phone, politely scrolling to give Alex a moment but then the phone is put away, the suit straightens and without looking at Alex Henry asks if he's alright.

"Alex?" He queries when he doesn't answer and even Shaan gives him a side eye.

"Fine." The words come out a little strangled and he clears his throat. "Mics working."

"Yes, sir." Cash answers. "They'll be turned on when you get to the stage."

Translation: It's safe to talk.

Alex normally takes him up on that offer, filling the time before interviews with jokes and meaningless conversations. He doesn't this time but for once he doesn't think Cash meant to talk to him. He should probably remind the head of his security that Henry is a fake-friend and not a real one.

"I thought today was a good day." Henry muses, watching as the hosts begin to do mock questions.

Alex twists his head to the side, jaw clenching. "It is."

"Hmmm."

"I didn't think you had good and bad days." He counters and feels Shaan bristle beside him. So protective this Equierriery.

"Is this some ridiculous notion that my life is perfect because I am a prince."

"It was actually–" Alex breaks off, clears his throat. "I mean with anxiety... I thought that was a... for life thing. Not something you can have days without."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"You have an odd way of trying to be nice." Henry suddenly comments, turning to Alex with a slight frown as he stares at him and Alex bristles a little. "But yes, my normal peaceful day may be different to yours but it can get better or worse."

Huh, he's not entirely sure what to say to that. Does he push it and try to be more... friendly or leave it at that.

"What happened with the tech guy?" Henry decides for him and Alex briefly closes his eyes, composing himself.

"Just not that fond of strangers getting that close."

"You grabbed him."

"He was at my throat with no warning."

Henry turns to him, something unreadable in his expression.

"He asked permission first, Alex." Henry's voice is so gentle and soft that it makes Alex stiffen, hating the way he wants to curl up and hide away at the sound of it. He'd always been a sucker for those with tender hearts. His parents were always fighting, debating and showing a strong front that Alex tended to cave at the first sign of someone being nice to him. "Are you going to be okay for this–"

"I'll be fine, Henry." Alex keeps his voice firm, straightening up. "This isn't my first rodeo."

"You look like a skittish filly." Shaan comments and it's Cash's turn to bristle but Shaan stares him down. For once Alex wishes Zahra was here with him, she'd know how to handle Shaan and all his little secrets, Alex hated being around people who know so much more than him. "The crown cannot be embarrassed–"

"Oh wonderful," He snarls. "Now I'm an embarrassment."

"No one is saying that." Henry interrupts, glaring at Shaan.

"He just did." Alex points out bitterly before shaking his head in disbelief. "Right, well you're not the only one with an imperfect life, your majesty, and you're also not the only one in this world who still has to get on with living despite said issues."

With that Alex rises to his feet, Henry mimicking his movements as a crew member comes over to do a final check. Soon Henry is leading the way out with Alex close behind. Alex shakes Dottie's hand first, smiling his Politics Smile at her, the one that makes a lot of congresswomen and more than a few congressmen want to tell him things they shouldn't. She giggles and kisses him on the cheek. The audience claps and claps and claps.

Henry sits on the prop couch next to him, perfect posture, and Alex smiles at him, making a show of looking comfortable in Henry's company. Which is harder than it should be, because the stage lights suddenly make him uncomfortably aware of how fresh and handsome Henry looks for the cameras. He's wearing a blue sweater over a button-down, and his hair looks soft.

Whatever, fine. Henry is annoyingly attractive. That's always been a thing, objectively. It's fine.

He realises, almost a second too late, that Dottie is asking him a question.

"What do you think of jolly old England, then, Alex?" Dottie says, clearly ribbing him. Alex forces a smile.

"You know, Dottie, it's gorgeous." Alex says. "I've been here a few times since my mom got elected, and it's always been incredible to see the history here, and the beer selection." The audience laughs right on cue, and Alex shakes out his shoulders a little.

"But seriously, the heritage here is incredible and though I find it brilliant to catch up with this guy," Alex nudges Henry who seems to tense up despite his forced chuckle. "I've probably driven him up the wall with my requests for tours of the sights."

"Alex," Henry begins a little too forcefully for Alex to be comfortable. "Has a shocking sense of direction." The crowd chuckles and Alex rolls his eyes. "When he says tours he means 'Henry, where is the kitchen again'."

"Kensington is a large place." Alex defends himself and it's Henry's turn to sigh.

"Henry, where's the refrigerator." He adds on, doing an impressively accurate imitation of his accent. "And why do y'all only have Cornettos, where's the Helados."

"Still never had one of those," Henry says with a conspiratorial tone to Stu. "I think it's his white-whale, a pipe-dream that will never come true."

"Oh dear lord." Alex ruefully shakes his head. "Could you get any more white?"

Henry turns to him, bewildered, a pause in their banter that has the hosts quickly stepping in with their next question.

"So the real topic that has been on everyone's mind is... well..." Dottie shrugs and Alex takes that as the cue to laugh guilty and share a glance with the prince. "The wedding cake."

"The £75,000 wedding cake." Stu adds their interviewers laugh while Henry's head dips down with what Alex suspects is shame.

"Every time I hear someone say pounds I always thinks lbs and not the currency." Alex's joke elicits a few chuckles from the crowd but nothing more.

"Well...." He trails off, looking to Henry for help. He can't really remember what they planned to say, the interviewers were supposed to gloss over that topic. "I can certainly say that was not how any of us expected the wedding to go."

The interviewers aren't swayed by his non-answer.

"I'm going to argue that Alex pushed me into the cake." Henry grins ruefully, glance at Alex with arched brows. "And therefore I was not complicit in any way."

Alex gapes at him, this was not the type of blunt playful answers they had planned. This would look bad out of context but what the hell, he's already said it, might as well continue on down the path.

"Well, I'm going to argue that Henry... tripped me." Alex smirks back at the prince. "Although in reality the both of us got a little carried away."

The planned response was coming back to him now.

"Alex and I rarely get to see each other," Henry fills in. "Between royal duties, Alex's studies and his mother's campaign...." Henry trails off with a soft smile that has Dottie and Stu smiling. "It must have been coming on 5 months since we had last seen each other, 7 since we had an actual conversation and catch-up."

"Oh yeah..." Alex nods, vaguely remembering seeing Henry at some point. "That was the charity dinner wasn't it?"

"Pez's latest charity," Henry smiles, a real one this time. "In honour of his father who was homeless for a few years as a teen."

Henry rambles on a bit about the charity, charming the interviewers into posting the details of the charity, its next upcoming event and how to donate. It was a nice filler, a good way to take up time.

"So, a few best friend challenge questions have been requested by many of our views." Alex leans back in his chair, relaxing with a competitive grin. Oh he was going to have fun with these questions. "Is that something you two would be up for?"

"Oh I think we're up for it." Alex grins, forcing the playful attitude instead of the fear he was feeling, this would be the best way to catch them both out.

"It's not a competition Alex."

"Sounds like someone who is worried he won't win."

"First question," Henry states and Stu goes to speak but Henry continues on. "How would you describe Alex in one word...." He turns to Alex. "competitive."

"Uptight."

Henry's eyes narrow and Stu interrupts this time.

"The first question was actually 'how would you describe the other person in three words?'" Stu arches a brow at them, clearly amused but Dottie looks a tad unsure.

"How would I describe Henry?" Alex makes a dramatic thinking face, tapping his fingers together. "White.... Blonde... and British."

Henry huffs, rolling his eyes. "I think they wanted insightful personality comments."

"I could give them a few examples that describe you." The prince's eyes narrow but something races in Alex's chest. "Three examples of Henry's personality 1. He likes to eat Cornettos at midnight 2. Freestyle rapping is a skill of his 3. He watches 'the crown' like he's their finest critic."

Henry nods with the air of a lock being clicked into place. Someone's fate was just sealed.

"How would I describe Alex in three statements?" He muses and Alex suspects it was his fate that was sealed. "1. He is terrified of his older sister, June 2. He does an incredible Barbra Streisand impression 3. He watches police dramas and tries to solve the case first."

They were fairly decent guesses.

"Why don't you show the interviewers your Streisand impression?" Henry prompts.

"I'm sure they would much rather see your rapping skills."

Henry sighs, straightening himself back up. "Shall we continue on with the questions instead?"

"Funniest misconception about the other's country?" Stu asks

"When I was younger every time y'all said Yorkshire Puddings I thought it was a fancy way of saying dog-poop."

"When I was younger I thought a corn-dog was an actual dog that worked on farms."

Dottie flips over the question page, "Do you believe in love at first sight."

"Yes."

"No,"

"If someone wrote a book about you what would it be called?"

"The Actor's Prince."

"Why my sister murdered me."

"What is the nicest thing the other person has done for you?"

"Gifted me a first edition of The Great Gatsby."

"Let me take a selfie with the crown jewels."

"No I didn't."

"I'm still holding out hope."

"Favourite memory with the other person?"

"Ice cream at midnight."

"Watching him lose a bet."

"Who do you feel safest around– who would you go to when upset?"

"My sister, Bea."

"My sister, June."

"Now there are some more serious questions that we were curious about," Dottie hedges, she's clearly the good-cop in this whole interview based on the way she smiles sweetly at them. She looks nefarious. Alex does not like the way this was going. "You have both been quite vocal about your grief."

Oh for fucks sake. They had not, Henry was appropriately royal trained and gave his standard statement, and Alex rarely mentions the shooting despite interviewers' curiosity.

"Was that something the two of you were able to bond over and support each other."

Alex freezes up, he wasn't prepared for this line of questioning. He really hopes that Henry was having an actual good day despite the bullshitting.

But Henry seems to have frozen up more than Alex has. And it hits him, the impact of the crown. Alex had wondered last night, suspected that Henry never did anything on impulse, never said anything without spending 20 minutes planning beforehand.

"Our grief is a private matter," Alex's voice comes out cold and he glares down at the interviewers. "It is something we have bonded over and as such we keep it to ourselves."

Dottie's throat bobs and it takes a conscious effort for Alex to pull back, to come away from the edge that therapy managed to soften. He'd gone a little... wild after everything that happened. Got a little too angry at the world.

"That being said," He changes tone, careful to make a gradual shift so that its more believable. "Henry and I have found someone who understands in each other and that has been a great comfort to both of us."

Dottie nods believingly but Stu narrows his eyes. It's always those nosy, entitled, white men that ask too many questions.

"Alex, you've spoken a bit about what your experience was like in High School but as Brits it's hard to imagine what an actual threat must have been like." Is there judgement in his tone? He feels like Stu is being condescending. "What was your reaction when you found out there was a shooter at your school?"

"I'm not sure that's an appropriate topic for so early in the morning." Henry intercedes with a forced smile. "Perhaps, there are more questions for us on a lighter topic."

They ignore him. Alex's little spiteful dream of getting to ignore or deny a prince has finally been fulfilled and it's actually turned against him in this situation. Which is just his luck.

"Britain is certainly another world to America." Alex muses, nodding to himself as he tries to keep his politics head on. "You were lucky in a topography sense, there were no large animals to act as an inciting threat to demand the introduction of guns. No large bears, lions, coyotes or other creatures beyond foxes and badgers that threaten your livestock."

The interviewers frown and Alex swallows down his nerves.

"Our constitution was built around our right to defend and protect our families, property and rights... In doing so we were given tools to defend ourselves, and those who are mentally ill, broken or desperate have used those tools against us."

He remembers those lessons well. Alex hadn't enjoyed them, he certainly hadn't remembered them well enough to score beyond a B in his exams but once everything went down... they came back to him in startling clarity.

It was their right to bear arms, to defend what is theirs. He remembered the days spent discussing and debating the various differences between heroes and villains, law abiding citizens and criminals.

Someone had said guns were un-necessary in cities, what animals did we have to defend from. Another had said that was utter bullshit, crime was everywhere, robberies, rape and murders all using guns to keep people in line.

If someone is shooting at me, 14-year old Lila had said, I should be able to shoot back.

Alex had agreed with her, and that had haunted him. Because even though he knew there were bad people in the world he had always viewed them as a different breed to him, something other and distant, in no way human or like him. Turns out that they can be everyday Joes as well.

He had thought about those discussions lots after the shooting. For a time he wanted a gun as well so he could shoot back like Lila said. Then he wanted rid of all guns and weapons but that was naive. He's not sure what his stance on the subject is anymore.

"He should have never had access to a gun," Alex states, voice firm even though he can hear Zahra screeching in his ear at speaking out on a controversial topic. "And before that he should never have been allowed to get so mentally low.... He should have received help long before it became such a severe issue."

Stu frowns, "You don't blame him for what happened."

"I do," Alex nods, eyes glistening as he begins to shake a little. "They were his own actions, he was responsible for what he did. No one forced him to pick up a gun and- and-"

He clears his throat, breaking off, "But teachers, parents and friends of his had a responsibility before that, to help him and see the signs of his suffering. The system failed him and it's worthwhile to remember that in hopes that we can change and hopefully prevent future situations."

"Do you have anything you would like to say to the victims and their families?"

"As the First Son of America," He pauses, wondering why the hell he had to say anything, why this suddenly became his responsibility. "I'm so sorry for your loss but I will not make promises that I cannot keep, I can not predict the future or change the past but I can tell you that I think about what happened often. That it has shaped my goals and driven me to do better by my people."

Alex shifts, straightening a little as he stares down the camera. His hands are shaking and he knows the whole world can probably see it but then a hand is covering his, squeezing it once and he turns to the Prince.

Not the Prince.... Henry, who is giving an uncomfortable but reassuring smile, the barest dips of a nod as he squeezes his hand again before letting go. Something settles in Alex. he's not alone here and he draws strength from that.

"As Alex the fourteen year old whose friend died in his arms," He swallows, a single tear slides down his face. "God that was an awful day, I don't think I'll stop seeing it in my nightmares, and if anyone works out how to not have their heart break at the mention of those we lost... please tell me, because I certainly still feel that agony."

A/N: I'm splitting this into two because it was a getting a little long. The next chapter will be Alex panicking and Henry comforting him - so suggestions / requests are welcome